In Love With A Bad Idea
There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses
- George Bernard Shaw
"Hello clarice"
"go away Morgan" said Elle looking thoroughly peeved.
"woa, Whats eating you?" he asked as he came out from behind her.
"nothing" Elle said more quietly, looking away hoping he would drop it. But dropping it was not one of Morgan's things and so after a few minutes of him looking at her expectantly she sighed and said" hotch"
"what about him?" asked Morgan in fake confusion" I thought we were talking about Whats bothering you?"
"stop it Morgan, I don't have the time or the patience." she turned, her hair whipping around and narrowly missing his face.
"okay, okay, what did hotch do that's got you so mad?"
"he just keeps staring at me weird and whenever Gideon suggest that we work together on anything, he backs out of it faster than jackrabbit on crack."
"I'm sure its nothing, it probably just seems that way."
"no, its not just in my head, a few days ago on the plane to Memphis, you saw him, that wasn't in my head and whenever I talk to him or go into his office to ask him something, he bolts, like he suddenly has something to do, he won't even sit by me."
It was strange, the more Morgan thought about it, the more it did seem like hotch was avoiding Elle. Everyone had noticed the way he had immediately switched seats when Elle had sat near him on the plane ride to Memphis, he had moved to the other side of the plane, putting the max distance between them as he could on a plane like that. Also Morgan, being very aware of the people in ways they didn't notice, had if he thought about it seen that hotch was acting weird.
Everyone on the team had someone that they talked to if they had a problem, him and Reid, Jj and Garcia, and for the longest time it was always hotch and Elle. She looked up to him, as much as she tried to hide it sometimes, he knew she did. It didn't escape his attention that he would always see them up on the plane, late at night talking. Then it suddenly dawned on him. He started to shake his head and unsuccessfully hold in a laugh.
"what" demanded Elle as she watched him laugh so hard he was practically crying." what is it?"
"nothing, hey chika its probably nothing, just forget about it, Kay?"
Elle watched him for a second, wary of his new lightness, but in the end she sighed and conceded. "Kay", I'll see ya later"
She walked off and Morgan rubbed his palms together and started to walk out of the break room " now to see hotch"
A few minutes later…….
" hey hotch, we need to talk." Morgan walked into hotches office, shutting the door behind him.
Hotch looked up with a surprised "okay, come in" ,looking thoroughly confused.
"what do you need to talk to me about?" hotch watched as Morgan forsook his chair to lean on the cabinets lining the walls, getting more and more suspicious as the smile on Morgan's face grew wider and wider.
"so, you have a thing for Elle, huh?"
"what" hotches brain had a freeze worthy of the artic as he tried frantically to compute Morgan's latest uncovery.
"you have a thing for Elle" Morgan repeated, slower this time, worried that he'd just sent his boss into a early vegetative state. " are you okay? I mean there's nothing wrong with it, Haley and you have been over for almost two years now right? If you want to go for Elle you should."
"wait a minute, why do you think I have a thing for Elle?" hotches brain was finally catching up and it was currently in the stage of screaming panic.
"because you do." now that Morgan had figured it out, he was sure. Seeing the look of total, undeniable surety, hotch gave up on trying to fake it
"is it that obvious?"
"no, actually it only hit me a minute ago when I when I was talking to Elle."
"Elle? What was Elle talking to you about?" hotch couldn't help the look of sheer panic that crossed his normally blank featured.
" besides stuff that friends talk about" Morgan quipped, emphasizing the word friends. "she knows you've been avoiding her. Why, does anyone else know?"
"well, Gideon knows, he confronted me about it awhile ago" hotch put his hand over his face, the way he did when he was frustrated by a big case.
" Gideon confronted you?" Morgan let out a low whistle "whoa… well, why are you avoiding her?"
"isn't it obvious. She drives me crazy, always wearing tight clothes, bending down in front of me, I can't be in a room with her without my mind going AWOL on me."
Morgan had to laugh at the look on his very, very troubled bosses face." you have to tell her"
"no, I can't do it. I'm her boss for Christ sake!"
"so, were profilers, nobody cares if you and Elle have a thing."
"we do not have a thing, and we will never have a thing because I'm never going to tell her… and neither are you" hotch put his voice as professional and authoritive as he could, given the present situation.
" you can't just not tell her, hotch."
"yes, I can, she'll never notice, as long as you don't tell her and it'll go away eventually." Morgan had to laugh again, he had never seen his boss this… irrational before.
"what?" demanded hotch glaring at his baby faced colleague.
"nothing, its just…. Hotch, you can barely be in a room with her on the side of it. How are you gonna deal with sharing a hotel room with her for a week?"
"I don't know" sighed hotch rubbing his eyes and looking like he was talking about his impending death. Not that was too far off the truth….. "I've been thinking about it a lot but what can I do? We picked months ago….." he trailed off for a moment but then he shot his head up to look at Morgan. "hey who are you sharing with-"
"no!" said Morgan immediately "I am not switching rooms. For three reasons, 1st Your gonna have to tell her eventually. 2nd. If you suddenly switch rooms, she's gonna figure it out and, 3rd . I've gotten quite comfortable with the idea of sharing with Garcia for a week." he smiled a devilish smile at the idea. Meanwhile, hotch was looking like he'd just seen a ghost .
"I guess I'm just going to have to live with it, I can handle it… right?"
3 days later on the plane to the criminal profiling seminar……
" so where is this place anyways?" Jj asked looking up from her book. Next to her Reid was mumbling softly in his sleep, their heads resting against each others.
"its in the back mountains of Massachusetts." said Gideon looking up from his chess game against himself." very pretty place, been there once before."
"mountains?" asked Garcia, still typing on her laptop. " does that mean I'm-"
"no Penelope" interrupted Gideon, making a move on his chess board. "it doesn't mean you won't have a connection, it is in the outskirts of a small city" Morgan laughed at his friends instantly relieved expression.
"worried you'll get bored baby girl?"
"not while your there, sweet cheeks" she smiled back, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Across the plane hotch was sitting alone, trying very hard, very much in vain to focus on his book. After the past 20 minute's he'd been on this plane, he still had basically no clue what he was reading. He did however know that Elle was reading the silence of the lambs and listening to a song he didn't recognize. He couldn't help himself as he mentally followed the words of the song.
" In the race to get out of this place, I am checking my face in the back of a spoon, You're accusing, you say I'm not here,
but I'm here, yes I'm here, I'm not on the moon, I'm leaving so soon, So don't presume to know shit about me, 'Cause I don't know myself from one day to the next, And I don't pose perplexities purposely, This isn't a game, this isn't a test.
And now, hey, you, could you give it a rest? Just take me home and get me undressed, Put on a fire and make it enough, Oh, we're geeks, but we know this is love-"
"hotch…..hotch…..hotch!" snapping out of his momentary mental slumber, he started to see Jj standing right in front of him, holding a deck of cards. "hey there, you with us?" seeing the obvious confusion on his face she clarified with a "were playing poker, do you want to play?"
"no , not right now" he said shaking his head, and trying to ignore the strange look from Jj and the distant smirking from Morgan. He noticed much to his mortification Elle was looking at him with question and some other faint emotion he didn't recognize, in her eyes. He quickly turned away and looked at his book again, determined to actually read it this time. He soon gave up and contented himself with thinking and distantly blocking his companions chatter. After a few minutes he looked up and was startled to see Elle's face close up to his.
"hey, you want some company?" she sat down when he nodded. "you're being really quiet, something bothering you, hotch?" normally she wouldn't bother asking, since he shared so little of himself, becoming less and less since his divorce, but he was acting really odd today.
"yah, I'm fine" he smiled at her and she could feel her heart do a funny skip. It was truly unfair how attractive he looked when he smiled, his normally stiff persona relaxed and you could see a personality in him. She loved his smile.
"nah, I'm fine, just thinking about things" he felt his body heat up when she sat down close next to him. He could see her tight blue shirt rising to reveal the slightest bit of her flat, perfect stomach. He gulped unconsciously, trying hard not to stare. She meanwhile, didn't notice instead she was staring at his book, and before he knew what was happening she had grabbed the book from his hands. They both shivered when they touched, both trying not to make it obvious how hard their hearts where beating.
"Dante's inferno? Interesting choice.. Kinda morbid though" he was distracted by her laugh, it was a pretty sound, like bells ringing.
"it's a classic, besides, its not that morbid." he defended, his own low laugh sending chills down her spine.
"classic or not its about the seven circles of hell. Yeah, that's not morbid at all" she put out another soft laugh but it sounded odd because her heart was beating too fast to really push out any energy. Hotches hands were on hers over the book and she was enjoying the feel of his semi rough but warm hands over her own.
"good point" he smiled another breathtaker and she settled almost comfortably into their entanglement. She was sitting practically over him, her elbows resting on his tight abs, covered only by a lightly wrinkled light blue button down shirt.
His arms were over hers and it occurred to both of them simultaneously that if he lowered his head a little and she shifted ever so slightly to her left, his head would be resting on top of hers. After that if was only a matter of her rising her head a little bit and leaning in to bring about a kiss. They both blushed a little, happy that neither could see the others face very clearly. Eventually they settled out of their entanglement and though she remained close next to him, almost touching, they continued to talk until eventually they both dropped off with the passing sun.
Elle woke up in the darkness. She immediately felt the firm presence next to her, and she realized rather quickly that she was draped across hotch. She had her head practically in his lap and he was leaning in to her as well.
With this discovery two things ran through Elle's mind all at once, one was 'oh my god, I'm sleeping in my bosses lap.' And the other was more of a 'oh my god, I'm sleeping in this gorgeous mans lap.' they both produced a slight tingly sensation in the pit of her stomach.
As her eyes adjusted to the dark she saw that Morgan and Garcia were
both sleeping vertically, there heads resting together. She looked to see Gideon sprawled on the couch, hands knotted on his stomach. She twisted a little more to see Jj and Reid laying vertically, Reid's arm holding onto Jj from behind, jj's hands holding onto it as though she was going to fall. Elle smiled at the habits of her teammates.
She rested her head back down against hotch, liking the feel of his warm body under her. She instantly regretted thinking that as she tried to ignore all the images that particular thought brought to her mind. She couldn't help turning her head slightly to look at his perfect face. He was so handsome, and when he was sleeping was one of the only times she ever saw him relax. It was amazing how much more desirable he looked when he was comfortable and at ease. Turning her head back with a sigh, she began to drift off.
She didn't know it but hotch woke up only a moment later. His breathe hitched slightly when he saw her laying there against him. She looked so stunning, it was easy to see why he was so head over heals for her. He sat there watching her for a while, loving the feel of her head and body touching him. It was a feeling he knew he would probably feel guilty for later, so he took full advantage of it while the guilt was still catching up.
It was then that he started to stroke her hair, unable to resist in the quiet moments that laid between them. After a few minutes of simply stroking her hair and listening to her breathing, he heard it for the first time, she said his name.
"hotch" she was whispering his name and for a moment he was afraid he had woke her up, but when she no move to look at him and her breathing returned to normal, he knew she was dreaming. "hotch" she said again just as faintly as before. She was dreaming about him, hotch wasn't sure that he should be feeling the happiness, he was at that particular discovery.
But he honestly couldn't help it, she was smart and strong and damnit she was beautiful, as much as it scared him to admit it, he was in love with her. It was an impossible kind of love, she was his colleague and worse he was her boss, her superior, it couldn't work…. But still he loved her, and Morgan's words bit at him like a sugar coated rat trap. "no one cares if you and Elle have a thing", was it true, did anyone even care? Sighing he
decided he couldn't think about it anymore and he soon closed his eyes, his hand still stroking her hair.
The next day after landing…………
"where's our hotel?" was Reid's first question as the vans that were to take
them to said hotel came into view.
" just a few miles in from a very charming town called Northampton."
"sounds good" said Morgan, still yawning as he climbed into the black SUV. "hey you guys, were two seats short, two people are gonna have to ride in the other truck."
"I will" volunteered hotch with his signature blank expression. Seizing the opportunity Morgan volunteered Elle. Seeing no choice, she quickly agreed, instantly regretting it as soon as she was alone in a car with hotch.
The mornings events came into memory as she remembered the thankfully quick but painfully awkward wake up process. She and hotch had barely been able to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds since they had both woken up to be reminded of their rather compromising position.
"so do you even know where were going or are you just following Gideon?" asked Elle in an attempt to cut through the awkwardness, they were going to have to be sharing a room with each other for the next week, they might as well be able to look at each other at least. Hotch was immediately grateful of the attempt and answered quickly, as he watched the truck in front of him.
"I've been to Northampton once before, but I don't have any idea where were going so yes, I'm gonna follow Gideon." he started to turn to look at her but after a moment of thought, stopped. He would probably get in an accident if he did. He was brought back to attention when he heard Elle laughing.
"what is it?" he asked slowly, as if unsure of himself.
"you" she said, her eyes sparkling in a way that made hotch sure he'd crash before getting to the hotel.
"what did I do?"
"nothing, that's the things, I've never seen you talk this much, when not talking about a case before, its nice." his eyes began to do that unfair smoldering thingy again and Elle had to work very hard to keep her breathing normal.
"were here, I think." he pulled up into a parking lot with the sign, "Hotel
Northampton" hung on a black post. It was a pretty place, with leaves falling around it and people in light jackets and small scarves walking and laughing.
"wow, its nice." she was of course used to nice hotels, but none of the hotels that they had stayed in were quite this nice, and plus they didn't get much free time to enjoy there surroundings when looking for sadistic serial killers. This time at least they only had to lecture on them, instead of you know,
actually hunt one.
"lets go" said hotch, rousing her from her distant thoughts. They exited the vehicle and were happy to see that someone was there to grab there bags from the back.
"hey, guys, you comin'?" Morgan's voice broke through there survey of surrounding as he called them to meet up with the rest of the group.
It was cute really how Jj and Reid were already holding hands, obviously feeling no need to hide their relationship on this "vacation".
"lets check in" said Gideon, looking surprisingly giddy, before long they saw why. There to meet them at the desk was a very pretty 40 year old, with bright eyes and dark brown hair. She and Gideon both quickly embraced, holding it for only a second.
"how was it you got us this great deal on the rooms, again?" teased Morgan, smiling as they all giggled a little. Surprisingly he didn't look the least bit embarrassed and instead just turned to lady saying.
" Debra, this is my team, Aaron hotchner, Elle Greenaway, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer jeroe and Penelope Garcia." he gestured to each of them as he said off their names and they shook hands with the newly dubbed "Debra".
"you must be tired from the long drive, let me show you to your rooms." with the murmur of agreement from her guest, Debra led them to the 2nd floor, handing them each keys.
"Jennifer, Spencer, your in room 202. Elle, Aaron you have 204 and Derek and Penelope, you have room 207." after pausing a second, and waiting for them to take their keys she turned to Gideon. " I'll show you to your room Gideon" ignoring the laughs that produced form his team, Gideon and his new lady made their way to his room. "have fun and don't bother me" was the last thing they heard before they all started to their rooms.
"were 204, its right up here I think." she said, spotting the number, engraved in the small silver plate. Opening the door, she saw immediately how pretty it was, it was big but not so huge that she would feel uncomfortable sleeping in it.
Walking in, she dumped her stuff on the bed farthest from the window, the one against a wall and turning to him she said. "is it okay if I have this one? I like sleeping against walls." she explained and she was relieved when he nodded. After a few minutes of silence on both there parts, while they got their stuff settled, Elle curled up on one side of the small loveseat while hotch took the other side.
"so, when's our first lecture?" she asked as she quietly sipped her soda.
"um, I think its at 8:30 tomorrow actually."
"great" she smiled at him " Derek's gonna drag us out for drinks then, it should be fun. You haven't been out with us since Haley-… for awhile. It'll be fun to have you back." He was torn between the pang he had when he heard his ex wife's name and the spark he felt when she talked about missing him.
" well he'll be here any minu-" at that moment they both heard knocking at the room's door, followed by Morgan's rowdy laugh and a" guys, were going for drinks at 8, tell Jj and Reid and don't be late."
They both glanced at the clock, it was 7:15, so sighing they both got up and Elle headed to Jj and Reid's room, while hotch headed to the bathroom for a shower.
"Jj, open up" Elle said and she wasn't shocked a minute later when Reid came to answer the door.
"she's in the bathroom waiting for you." he said standing there, somewhat less awkward without his normal geek attire. Looking him over, she'd almost say he was a normal guy. Wearing jeans (which she'd never seen him in and she suspected Jj had bought for him), a regular old black long sleeved Houston T-Shirt and with his hair shagged in a style Elle knew Jj must have picked out, he looked completely different.
"you look good, Reid" she grinned, making him blush and point to the bathroom.
"thanks" she walked to the room he as pointing to and she wasn't surprised to see Jj standing there with 3 different outfits laid out before her. She smiled briefly to see the good size of the bathroom.
"help me pick" she demanded, gesturing to the outfits. Elle looked at them all, one was a short short black skirt, a pair of combat boots and a red halter top. She immediately pointed to it shaking her head and saying "you'll give Reid a heart attack"
The other two were more feasible, a pair of light skinny legged jeans, with a dark blue tank top, that showed a tiny bit of belly, she suspected. And a cute pair of short shorts and a short sleeved black shirt that said, "Brooklyn" on it. She took a minute and then pointed to the first outfit, the one with the light jeans and blue tank top. With that picked out, Elle quickly rummaged through jj's clothes to pick out an outfit, but sighed when she couldn't find anything.
"there's nothing" she complained, looking at Jj for help.
"there's plenty of thing's you're just picky, let me see" after a few minutes Jj threw together a cute outfit of the short short black skirt and a white halter top that said "Brooklyn" on it.
"All this with a pair of strappy heels and you'll look amazing, now go, I have to get ready and so do you." Elle looked at the clock again, it was already 7:40!
"see ya later, were meeting at Morgan and Garcia's room at 8."
"Kay" was the last thing she heard as she rushed past Reid and out the door back to her own room. she didn't see hotch but the bathroom was free, so she quickly gathered up her things and ran into it, shutting the door quietly behind her.
She emerged, at 7:57, needing to put on her heels but other than that, ready to go. She looked around and finally noticed hotches note
"I'll meet you at Morgan's
-hotch"
"suit yourself" she mumbled, running out the door as fast as her heels would permit. She soon saw the group gathered at Morgan's room.
"you look great, Elle." was Morgan's first comment to her as she approached the circle.
" thanks" she replied, She saw that he was looking his normal charming self, Garcia was over the top with a black wig and a cool red dress. She had already seen Jj and of course, Reid. But what she wasn't expecting was hotch.
He was standing there, more relaxed than she had ever seen him, almost even more so than when he was sleeping. He was wearing a simple white oxford shirt ands she decided right then that as good as he looked in a suit, he looked even better in his regular clothes. He looked almost normal, his blank face full of normal emotions, she could only wonder what he thought of her.
Hotch was hyperventilating… mentally of course, normal emotion or not, he was still hotch. So outside he looked relaxed, calm. But inside he was screaming, the mental images bombarding him before he had the chance
to react. It was her fault, for dressing that way. He could see her long, long legs and her delicate shoulders, it was driving him crazy!
"you ready to go?" Morgan's voice came through mental stupor, bringing him swiftly out of it. After a general murmur of yeses, they headed off into a cab and to a bar that Morgan, course had heard about called apocalyptico
They entered together, Elle and hotch reflexively hanging back .They were both, believe it or not shyer than the others, Reid would have been back there too probably had it not been for Jj, holding tightly onto him, wrecking any plots of escaping to the back.
"I'll get us drinks" Jj volunteered, getting up and walking off to the bar.
It wasn't long before, with all of them sitting there, Reid started to name off facts. Suddenly, with an almost evil glint in his eye, Morgan proposed a little game.
"okay, every time Reid spouts off a fact, he has to take a shot." Reid tried to beg off, but Morgan with an idea was unstoppable and so poor Reid agreed, earning him a round of laughs and applauds from the group.
"what did I miss?" asked Jj, more than a little suspicious of her teams action's while she was gone.
"oh, nothing, we just roped you boyfriend into playing a little game with us." said Garcia, taking on a very Morgan like attitude.
"oh no" groaned Jj sitting in the booth next to her boyfriend " what did they get you into now?" it as comical to see jj's eyes grow normal again after the game was explained to her, she obviously knew about Reid's surprisingly high tolerance for alcohol.
But by an hour or two in, even Reid was buzzed and the only one who seemed to be sober, really sober was Jj, and only because she would only drink beer and was refusing to participate in any and all drinking games. Everyone had drifted somewhat out, by that time, Morgan was dancing, Garcia was watching him dance and Elle and hotch were sitting behind her, trying not to watch him dance. If you looked a little bit in the back you would see Jj playing darts with Reid, and beating the genius soundly. Elle could hear Reid's indignant defenses of "I let you win", she could also hear jj's many "sure you did" which was always followed with a rematch.
"they're a great pair aren't they?" hotch said when he noticed her watching the two blondes game.
" yeah, they are, Jj really brings out the normal in him"
"I don't know if there's really anything normal about him" he mused at her, taking a sip of his drink. " but, what ever it is she does bring out, is certainly the best of him." he smiled another stunning smile and took her breath away
once again.
"its weird to think about how two people who are so different can bring out such awesome qualities." she countered once she regained her normal heart speed, or as close to it as she was gonna get with him around.
"it is isn't it, sometimes I wonder if I really bring out the best in you though?"
" excuse me?" Elle looked up in surprise, she must have drank too much, or someone must have spiked it or something, because there was no way hotch had just said that, no way he had meant that. She could see the laugh in his eyes, maybe he had meant that after all.
She hoped he couldn't see the way her breath hitched at his muted laugh, it was wrong, so wrong and she knew it, he even in his possibly drunk state probably knew it. But it was so tempting, so absolutely appealing. He was drunk probably and she really had no mind to take advantage, she knew all about the guilt that would come, but still with the way he was looking at her….. She seriously wondered if it might be worth it.
He could tell that she thought he was drunk, honestly he was too intoxicated to care. Not on beer, or any kind of alcohol, no in that department he was totally sober, but on her proximity, her laugh, he was smashed.
"maybe we should head back to the hotel, its getting late" his voice, it was hinting at all the darker pleasure she was sure he could give her. It was too alluring, way too good an offer to pass up. So yeah, she would hate herself in the morning, and so would he probably, but for now, it looked pretty good.
They weren't drunk, not really. An assumption which could be made by their calm and rather cool (well as cool as they could be together) beg off of their teammates and cab ride to their hotel, it was however totally at odds with their behavior when inside their room.
Because as soon as the door was shut, they were suddenly free of all restrain and lord damn her for sinning, it felt good. She had never imagined that kissing someone could be like that, but it was hotch after all, he was anything but expected. They weren't thinking, just feeling, feeling his skin on hers, his fingers taking a torturous stance, moving painfully slow to undress her. It wasn't all that romance demanded but it was so much better because it was more than what they wanted, it was what they needed.
They weren't responsible either, no more than if there alcohol level was 1.3 and with the way they were feeling, climbing. What they were on seemed a lot stronger than any alcohol they'd ever had, and they had only so much tolerance for it. The moment their lips first touched, the limit was broken, left behind in the dust. So they weren't responsible, not until morning at least.
The next morning Elle woke up to a pleasant warmth behind her. It of course being 7 A.M., took her a minute or two to figure out it was a body, and then another minute to figure out if he was supposed to be there. It was the fact that the man she had oh so diligently figure out was supposed to be there was her boss, that kept alluding her, it didn't hit her until she turned in his arms and took a long look at that very strong, quite attractive face that she realized who it was.
It had to be at that moment that her before mentioned bed companion woke up.
"Elle?" he clung to her hard in his transition stage from being dead asleep to wide awake. Somehow she thought her presence next to him helped with the wide awake thing, although, he being him, probably had no problem waking up in the mornings.
"um, I have to uh, get ready for the seminar, its in an hour" she said eyes darting downwards, only to shoot back up, focusing on his chest, glad for once that he was taller than her. She had loved last night and she had no doubt that he had too, but it was morning now and that meant things were different. Laying in their warmth, feeling his surprisingly soft skin next to her, she knew what she wanted, but she knew that he might not. And even if he did know what he wanted, there was no guarantee that it was the same thing.
"Elle" he said again, as she reluctantly forced herself to attempt a move away from him. He wasn't so easy to appease and he clung to her, crushing her chest to his chest. She gave his collarbone a blank stare when she felt him move slightly against him, she produced an unwilling whimper when she felt his hands begin to rub over her back, rough fingers traveling farther and farther….
"we can't do this" she reminded him, hoping to convince herself as well that his kissing her, whispering in her ear, was not a good thing. But still, it felt so good……
"I know" he conceded sighing as he let her out of his grip. She quickly grabbed her stuff to get in the shower and she could feel his eyes following her around until finally she shut the door.
"this is gonna be awkward."
Outside, he was getting his stuff together, thinking about how the hell he was gonna deal with this. It wasn't in his nature to get emotional or to get involved with someone at work, especially when she worked for him, but Elle was so, so different that he felt drawn back to her again and again.
Later that day, after the seminar…………
After the seminar, which thank god went perfectly, the team, except Gideon of course, decided to go out to lunch together. They somehow ended up at Friendly's and oddly enough, they started to enjoy themselves.
"its not that I don't like her, I just don't think that she's a good candidate." hotch was explaining the brush off of the newest hopeful to join the BAU.
"oh come on hotch" said Morgan laughing as he helped himself to Garcia's fries" you don't like any of the new candidates, your gonna have to except it, the higher people want us to get another member. I think Emily's a good contestant."
"you make it sound like some sort of game show" put in Jj, beginning to shower her ice cream in hot fudge.
"two things" Garcia butted in "first off, she seems better than the past almosts and second, how the hell do you eat like that and look like that still?" This caused everyone to laugh.
"I'm meeting with her when we get back to go through some things, maybe I'll look a little harder at her recommendations." hotch conceded, raising an eyebrow when everybody started to make "poor girl" comments and put on the expression to match them. Looking around for an easy target, he soon fell upon his victim. "Reid, what are they all talking about?"
"umm," started Reid, with the look like he'd been sent to his the death sentence "the thing is, you tend to be a little… mean to the hopefuls."
"A little mean? He made one cry!" put in Elle as she took a bit of her own hot fudge sundae.
"I did not" he said indignantly, though he had in fact made one cry, more than once.
"yes, you did. I remember because I had just gotten called out of my date with-… never mind" she cut off, her eyes darting down, having a good idea of what was coming next. And sure enough, Morgan's voice was heard saying:
" who? Do we finally get to hear about Elle's mystery man?" Morgan knew how she felt about hotch and hotch felt about her, and he also knew that they didn't go home early to sleep last night, but he couldn't resist teasing them.
"no, no, no! I am not discussing this with you" she was almost afraid to meet hotches eyes, scratch that, she was freakin terrified to. But when she finally did lift her eyes ever so slightly, he wasn't looking at her and at this point she didn't know if that was good or bad.
"Hey, can't a friend be curious? Morgan put on puppy dog eyes, puppy dog that just chewed your brand new jimmy choo's that is.
"no, not when its you!' she laughed back, putting in a small ounce of malice, to let him know he better back off.
"okay, okay, new subject……… so Whats Gideon's new friends story?"
That earned him a round of "oh my gods" and lots of "you just can't help it can you?" from the group, looking around, it seemed nice to Elle.
Later as they walked back to the hotel, Elle found herself saying this to Reid, who for the first time in months it seemed to Elle, wasn't glued to Jj.
"I don't know how to describe it, Reid but it was kinda like I could finally see that we could be friends without… all of it, you know" she turned her head to look at him, he who was practically her best friend in the team, he was nodding.
"I know what you mean, its nice to know that we can be friends without the string of gruesome crime and serial killers connecting us." he smiled at her and she had to grin back. He was such a good guy, it amazed her how much more bold he'd become over the time she'd known him. It amazed her how much everyone had changed since she'd first met them.
Reid was more confident and he was getting so much better from his kidnapping/druggie fiasco. Morgan was finally talking about his demons, and even volunteered to talk to a group of very damaged kids about how molestation really could happen to anyone, even a future FBI agent. Gideon was… in any case still healing from the frank debacle but she had no doubt he would get over it in time. Jj, well Jj was the same and Elle was glad, she had never really been as screwed up as the rest of them to begin with.
And finally Hotch, it all really did come back to him, he was her confidant, the one she could always ask about things that she didn't understand. And he was …okay she guessed, although she really might not be the best person to measure that. Ever since he and Haley had split, ending in a nasty custody battle that reduced hotch to monthly visits because hotch wasn't fit to raise a child with his schedule, he had been a little distant.
It didn't surprise her or anyone really, they all knew about the toll his job took on the marriage, the truth was Haley just couldn't understand what drove him to do his job the way he did and he really couldn't expect her too. It was sad, but not shocking.
"Earth to Elle, are you still with us?" she looked up and saw that she had stopped a few steps behind her friends, who were now entering the hotel.
"Sorry" she said quickly joining them "I was just thinking."
She flashed hotch a nervous smile when she saw him looking at her. Maybe he was regretting what had happened? Maybe he hadn't meant for it to happen, she really didn't know if she wanted to find out. So she clung to the moments that her teammates were with her in hopes of delaying being alone with hotch, sadly too soon they were tired and wanted to relax before giving a group lecture at 6 that night. So she was stuck.
He knew they would have to talk it over soon enough, but he was really afraid she would brush it off as nothing, even though her looks at him showed something more. Still, he wasn't sure enough in her looks to want to dive headlong into the fray.
"so, I think we need to talk" Was the first statement Elle had dared to address to him in almost 4 hours. His only response was a nod and it was once again silent on the elevator ride up to their room.
'this is so awkward, if I'd known it would be like this I would have asked Jj to go shopping with me, at least then I wouldn't be in this silence' she couldn't help but steal a little glance at her very silent companion, and was a little put off to find him looking back at her. But as soon as there eyes met however, they both looked away. So yeah okay it was wrong but as awkward as it was, she really really wanted to kiss him, she had been fighting the urge since she'd got up that morning and it was only getting harder. Being alone with him right now was some gods idea of a sick joke or a really wrong test that at the moment she was barely passing.
When the elevator bell finally dinged, he was practically doing back flips, being on an elevator with her was a situation just asking him to break his perfect streak of self preservation. He could practically feel the tension rolling off her by the gallons! Still, if the elevator ride was awkward the he really didn't have a word for the walk to their room. It didn't make any sense, being in the open with her should have mad it better, easier to be in her proximity but it didn't. knowing that he would be in a private, enclosed space complete with a bed in less than 2 minutes really made it impossible to relax.
Once they were in the room , it became a test of wills for both of them, not against each other, but rather their attraction to teach other. It was fight they both really wished they could just not fight, a sensation they both wanted to succumb to extremely severely and also one they knew would be very bad if they did.
"so…. Lets talk" hotch tried not to look her in the eyes but ended up looking at her body, sitting in the position she was, with her elbows propped on the armrest of the couch and her feet Indian style under her, she showed him a perfect shot of her chest through her stomach. It was so hard to resist touching her, but hotch had nothing if not near impeccable self control so he managed to keep from doing something stupid.
"about last night" Elle started, having a considerable amount of trouble not touching him as well. " it was… amazing hotch, but" she had to stop, to track the words getting stuck in her throat "can we really do this?"
"I don't know, can we?" he finally worked up the courage to look her in the eyes, he was startled to find the same uncertainty in his eyes in hers, shocked because it wasn't the uncertainty of themselves but the uncertainty of what each other wanted. "Elle, I think… I think I love you. And I think maybe you love me too? If you do… then maybe this can work." the words sounded so foreign to his own ears, so unlike what he would say to someone, but she really was anyone but someone, she was special.
"maybe…. I don't know if I'm ready for this." oh the irony, she the one who thought she'd known all along what she wanted, the one to have to think about it. She expected him to get mad, to back down, but to her immense surprise, he didn't.
"we could, try it and if it doesn't work, at least we tried right." he half smiled and it seemed to reach his eyes as well. He drew himself closer to her and tentatively he reached out to touch the bottom of her shirt, trembling fingers lifting it slightly. He could feel the lightest brush of her skin against his, it was breathless, soft and he was determined that it be his. She shivered when he dragged his fingers up with her shirt to reveal all off her stomach, stopping right under her chest line. He held her down as she squirmed slightly when he started laying soft butterfly kisses there. Finally moving up to kiss her lips.
"this is a bad idea, you know that right?" she was clinging to him now, body against body, his legs on either side of her now outstretched ones, holding her by her wrists.
"yep and I think I just might be in love with it."
Fin
By:
R.S. Adams
7625 words
19 pages
Song: "Geek Love" by Nerina Pallot