A/N: This little idea came to me when I read one of these on another fandom. If I use your story, I am not trying to plagiarize or steal your story. I just want to let you know that I may use the title and summary of one of your stories throughout this so please be prepared if I do. I also do not own Bones.
"Hey guys! Come check this out!" Angela shouted while pointing at the computer screen, "You have got to see this!"
"What is it?" Bones asked, her voice impatient, "You know I have to finish piecing together the skeleton and Hodgins has to finish identifying that…"
"Sweetie, trust me on this one," Angela commanded, "This is worth it."
"What is all the shouting about?" Dr. Saroyan asked, her voice almost as impatient as Bones'.
"There is this website called fanfiction where people can enter stories about their favorite TV shows."
"Sounds like these people need to get lives," Hodgins scoffed smugly while making his way over to the computer.
"Are we in there?" Agent Booth asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly.
"Yup, and guess what?"
"What?" Dr. Sweets asked, making sure he wasn't missing out on any part of the action.
"There are precisely 6,359 stories dedicated to us!" Angela squealed excitedly.
"Yup," Hodgins nodded, "These people are in desperate need of lives."
"Just listen to some of these story ideas!" Angela scrolled down a list, "Check this out, it's called 'Merry Christmas.'"
"What's that one about?" Dr. Saroyan asked.
"The summary says that it takes place right after our episode 'Santa in the Slush,'" Angela began reading.
"That was the most awkward thing ever!" Booth announced, "It just seemed too posed."
"I know what you mean," Bones nodded, "And for a man as sexually aware as you are, you desperately need some practice in the frenching department."
"Hey! Do not insult my kissing ability! You were the one that gave me your gum!"
"And such is the mark of a great kisser," Bones announced proudly.
"Alright," Angela held up a hand, "Can I just finish please?"
"Fine," Booth and Bones mumbled in unison.
"Thank you! Now, as I was saying "…takes place right after Santa in the Slush. What happens when Parker tells Bones a certain secret his father has been keeping from her for the past three years.'"
"That sounds interesting," Dr. Sweets commented.
"Read it," Dr. Saroyan ordered with a wave of her hand towards the computer.
Angela cleared her throat and read the story.
"Wow," Bones' eyes were wide.
"That was…" Booth tried hard to find the right words.
"I knew you loved her!" Dr. Sweets shouted excitedly.
"No body likes anyone, Sweetie Pie," Booth shot Dr. Sweets a glance, "Besides, a fan-story means absolutely nothing…"
"It does in my book," Angela smirked, "Let's see what else we have…"
"'The Object of my Affection,'" Dr. Sweets read aloud, "That sounds good."
"Let's see what is says. It says here, 'Booth and Brennan must struggle with not only the grad students trying to take Zack's old position, but also help get through a tragic end. Post Season Three – 'Pain in the Heart'. Would take place during Season Four, probably mid to late.'" Angela read.
"Now I would say 'read it!' but the whole Zack's replacement thing is making me depressed," Hodgins mused.
"Alright, I won't read it," Angela began to scroll down the list some more.
"You won't?"
"No, of course not. It's a painful subject for you, Hodgins as it is for all of us…"
"Thank you," Hodgins smiled awkwardly.
"You're welcome. But don't think because of this little shared moment of closeness is going to get us back together. That's all up to Hart Hanson."
"Curses be upon him!" Hodgins muttered.
"What's that one?" Booth asked, pointing to the screen.
"This one is called 'Another Son,'" Angela announced, "And it says, 'What if Temperance Brennan had a son? What if his father was Seeley Booth…'"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Booth held his hands up in surrender, "Hold the phone!"
"Problem, Agent Booth?" Dr. Sweets asked, "Perhaps the thought of a second child is startling to you or maybe it is the thought that the child's mother would be Dr. Brennan…"
"Don't go get all therapist on me!" Booth snapped, "This is just ridiculous! There is no way in HELL we'd ever have a child together."
"Booth…" Bones stared up at her partner, "How do you know?"
"WHAT? What do you mean how do I KNOW? Of course I know! It's just impossible."
"Why is it impossible?" Dr. Sweets asked intently.
"THIS should be good," Dr. Saroyan whispered to Angela who merely nodded.
"Because," Booth answered, "It just would be."
"But why?" Bones asked.
"Because! Bones, in order for us to have a kid we'd have to sleep together and…"
"And?" Bones raised an eyebrow.
"Are you not seeing how big of a deal this is?" Booth snapped, "This could totally kill the show!"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean our show is based upon the sexual…tension," Booth nearly choked on the words, "Between us. It's based upon our little fights, our little arguments. If we were to release that…tension…our show could go down the drain."
"Oh that is the dumbest…"
"Is it?" Booth asked, "Is it? I mean, just think about it. We can not sleep together."
"Darn!" Angela looked disappointed, "And I kind of wanted to see that. Well not SEE per-say but…oh you know what I mean!"
"Sure, Angela. We all know you like your little fantasies," Hodgins smirked.
"Oh shut it, Bug Boy!" Angela snapped.
"Alright, people!" Dr. Saroyan clapped her hands together, "Let's just keep reading the stories. Try not to get so worked up. These are just figments of these peoples' imaginations. It doesn't mean just because a story suggests you two sleep together or you two get back together that it will actually…"
"Wait!" Angela held up a hand, "There are stories of us getting back together?" She quickly began to scan the screen.
"Yup," Dr. Saroyan nodded, "There are."
"Wait, how do you know?" Hodgins demanded.
"Because…I might have read one or two…or three or four."
"You little fanfiction addict!" Angela couldn't help but laugh.
"Wait, how do we get together?" Hodgins asked desperately, "I mean…do I give her flowers? Take her out to dinner? How do I fix this?"
"You don't," Angela smiled at him, "If anyone fixes anything it'll be me and that's only if Hart Hanson decides…"
"Screw him! He wouldn't know when two people are madly in love and are supposed to be together if they came up and kicked him in the ass! I mean just look at THEM!" Hodgins jerked his head towards Booth and Bones.
"Hey! Don't drag US into this!" Booth glared at the burly little man before him.
"Well it is kind of true," Dr. Sweets began.
"Oh shut it, Sweets. Go play with your Barbies."
"They are action figures! It isn't MY fault that the Spider Man play set came with a Mary-Jane doll!"
"Yup," Booth scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, "That just proves you're a freak."
"Alright you two! Let's just keep reading." Dr. Saroyan broke in.
"What is that one?" Bones pointed to the screen, "That 'Ballad' one."
"It says it's about Zack's thoughts about the squints and leaving," Angela read.
"Yup. I'm going to go commit suicide," Hodgins nodded solemnly.
"No one is committing suicide!" Dr. Sweets exclaimed.
"But we're Hodgepodge and Zackeroni!" Hodgins cried.
"Shh…it's okay. If you want to cry…" Sweets was interrupted by Hodgins hugging him and resting his head in the crook of his shoulder.
"I…I just miss him!" Hodgins blubbered.
"It's okay. I know Hanson wants you to keep your emotions all pent up and make you appear like this heartless stoic but it's okay. You can cry now."
"And Angela and Zack all in a matter of a week!"
"Hey, that wasn't my fault!" Angela defended, "I mean, I can't help what they write in the scripts!"
"True," Booth nodded, "I don't always like what they make me do."
"Me either," Bones nodded, "I mean, be with two guys at once? What are they thinking?"
"I know," Dr. Saroyan broke in, "Me sleep with Grayson? Ewwwww!"
"And we all know Zack is innocent anyways," Dr. Sweets broke in.
"We do?" Everyone asked in utter shock.
"Well of course. You didn't honestly think a sweet little guy like Zack Addy could commit a cold blooded murder, did you?"
"…No…" Everyone stared down at their shoes.
"Sheesh! Have you guys no faith in your own coworkers!"
"But how will they prove he's innocent?" Bones asked.
"They won't. The writers think it was fun to basically kill off our favorite character. They tend to like having that ability to kill off people and take out their anger on the characters…"
"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Booth once again held up his hands, "Let me get this straight: Zack is your favorite character?"
"Well yeah," Bones laughed at his ignorance, "Duh!"
"Wait, she just said duh! She isn't allowed to say duh!"
"It's a free country when the cameras are off of us," Dr. Sweets shrugged, "We can say whatever we want."
"So you mean we don't have to be in character?" Hodgins asked.
"Nope, not when we aren't filming."
"And that is what the fanfictioners call OOC!" Angela exclaimed, proud of her finding.
"So…I can do this?" Hodgins yanked off his shirt and began to run around topless screaming, "KING OF THE LAB!" About twenty times.
"Uh…technically…yes."
"I thought the whole 'King of the Lab' thing made you depressed?" Bones raised an eyebrow.
"It did before I found that Zack was innocent and this whole mess is a conspiracy the writers have created in order to control every aspect of our lives. Lookie there, Sweets! A conspiracy theory! The Hodgepodge is BACK!"
"Okay, just don't expect anyone to call you 'the Hodgepodge,'" Dr. Saroyan laughed.
"Can we get back to the stories please?" Angela asked.
"Sorry," Hodgins hung his head and began to pull his shirt back on.
"You can keep that off if you want," Angela smirked, "It feels good to finally see SOMETHING since our ridiculous breakup."
"I can take off more…"
"Oh God don't!" Booth raised a hand.
"Dr. Hodgins, please," Dr. Saroyan copied Booth's action.
"Fine. Just read us another story summary."
"Wait, click that one," Bones pointed to a story further down the list, "It looks good."
"Okay," Angela opened up the story link and began to read aloud. After about twenty minutes of reading, Bones was not impressed.
"Wait…they…killed me off!"
"Ha-ha!"
"Not helping, Booth. Why would they kill me off? The show is named after ME!"
"Actually I think it is named 'Bones' entirely on the concept that we all work with bones," Dr. Saroyan began only to be cut off by a very upset Dr. Temperance Brennan.
"But…they killed me."
"Bones, no one wants to kill you," Booth tried to sound comforting.
"But they do! Whoever wrote this…"
"Is stupid. No one wants you dead."
"Even you?" She asked, her eyes wide.
"Even me – especially me."
"Look what these stories are doing to you!" Dr. Sweets exclaimed, "They are turning everyone into overly dramatic pawns in a virtual…"
"Sweets, this one might be of interest to you," Angela smirked.
"Wait…they made me GAY?!"
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Booth could hardly control himself, "THAT just made my day. I always knew it, Sweetie Pie."
"But…I can't be gay. Heck, I don't even like Cold Play!"
"Surrrrrrrreeeee you don't."
"I don't! That CD is my brother's. He totally left it at my house…"
"Excuses, excuses," Booth shook his head, "Hey, maybe we can set you up with Chaning Tantum!"
"He is not gay!" Angela snapped, "I refuse to believe it!"
"He isn't THAT good looking," Hodgins pouted.
"Are you kidding? Have you seen his abs?" Angela shrieked.
"What about me?" Hodgins asked, "I'm burley! Okay…now I'm depressed again."
"But remember, he is innocent. The writers just like to mess with the viewers' emotions," Sweets reminded Hodgins.
"I just want him back."
"We all do," Bones patted Hodgins' shoulder.
"Hahaha, Sweets is gay!" Booth giggled.
"I am NOT!"
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too infinity!"
"Are not infinity plus one!"
"Damn it!"
"Okay, that's enough of the stories for today!" Angela announced, clicking out of fanficiton.
"Awwww!" Everyone murmured disappointedly.
"Can't you see?" Angela asked, "Sweets was right. These stories are turning us against each other. Let's not read them."
"But I wanted to read the one where…"
"NO!" Angela held up a hand, "No more stories."
"But…"
"No! Now then, I guess we should all just go back to whatever we were doing before this."
"Alright," Bones sighed, "I did have to put that skeleton together."
"And I had to identify that specimen," Hodgins sighed.
"Good," Dr. Saroyan smiled at her coworkers, "Get busy, people! We only have one week until the next episode airs."
"So, what did you think of those stories, Bones?" Booth asked, nudging her gently.
"I think they were ridiculous. I mean us sleeping together was not so bad but killing me off?! That definitely made me mad."
"Wait…you just said sleeping together wouldn't be so bad."
"That's not what I said," Bones shook her head, "I SAID that sleeping together in the story was not so bad."
"Uh-huh, you know you want me."
"Booth, even you said it would kill the show."
"Face it, making Zack Gormagon's apprentice, doing away with the Grave-Digger storyline, making Sweets a regular…it's all killing the show!"
"Hey, I like Sweets!"
"Bones, face it. The show isn't what it was last year or the years before that."
"True," Bones nodded, "But this season has potential! They might bring Grave Digger back…"
"You know, we only have to stay in character when the cameras are rolling. There are no cameras and Hart Hanson is no where in sight to get mad…"
"Are you suggesting that we…"
"That is definitely what I am suggesting!"
"Alright. I suppose I can," Bones sighed, "I mean, what else do I have to do for a whole week?"
--
"So…do you really want to get back together?" Hodgins asked.
"Of course I do but you know we aren't allowed," Angela hissed, "If the writers knew!"
"They aren't here. We have a whole week until the next episode."
"True," Angela nodded.
"And what better way to go against the system then to go against the writers?" Hodgins urged.
"I suppose…"
"So you want to get back together? Off-camera I mean?"
"Yeah," Angela smiled, "I do."
"Good, then it's settled."
"Good," Angela nodded.
"We have a whole week before Pieces in the Purple Pond airs," Hodgins raised an eyebrow suggestively, "If you want to…"
"Hodgins I've been dying to for two weeks!" Angela buckled, "The usual place?"
"Supply closet?"
"Yup. Make sure to cover up the surveillance cameras though."
"Will do," Hodgins grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the closet before opening the door.
"OH GOD! HODGINS!"
"Oh my…Booth…Dr. Brennan…"
"Sweetie!" Angela exclaimed gleefully!
"Uh…hi!" Bones gave a little wave, "Can you guys…"
"Get your own supply closet!" Booth snapped as Hodgins shut the door.
"Well," Angela smiled, "Glad that finally happened."
"Yup. So…Dr. Brennan's office?" Hodgins asked.
"Why not!"
--
"Well, that was…odd," Dr. Saroyan enhaled sharply as she watched Hodgins drag Angela into Bones' office.
"Tell me about it," Sweets rolled his eyes.
"Dr. Sweets…tell me one thing…are you…"
"NO!" Sweets shouted, "How many times do I have to tell you people. I do not like Cold Play!"
"I'm just saying…I mean, if you are, I'm fine…"
"I'm not gay! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! Now I'm off to play with my action figures."
"Have fun with that. See you next week."
"SPIDY SENSES ACTIVATED!" Sweets shouted as he yanked a Spider Man action figure from his pocket and began running around the lab.
"Oh dear Lord!" Dr. Saroyan buried her head in her hands. This would be a long week.
A/N: Probably total crap but it was fun to write. No flames please! If you didn't like it, just don't bother reviewing.