Title: We Come In Peace.. Well, Out Of Love
Actually. Category: Humor/Drama
Author: Alien925
Disclaimer: I honestly don't own any of the characters' from Sabrina The Teenage Witch however much I would like to. They belong to the creators [ Heartbreak Films and Viacom]. Oh, I don't own Star Trek either and I'm sure the people who do own it are very nice people even though I don't know who they are.
Summary: They are out there... believe me.. or Zelda, whichever.
Classification: PG-13
My Comment: I don't have anything much to say, except if you find anything in here offensive then don't read anymore. Its PG-13.. Oh and, no alligators or Aunt Hilda's were harmed in the making of this fanfic, no Zelda's for that matter either. please read and review this fanfic. Oh and sorry Salem's always hungry in my fanfics. I'm sure Sabrina, Hilda and Zelda feed him really! Lol. =)
WE COME IN PEACE..WELL, OUT OF LOVE ACTUALLY.
PART TWO
Sabrina woke up early the next moring, surprised that Hilda's screams she had heard repeatively during the night had stopped but also hoping that her younger aunt was still alive.
Walking downstairs she saw Hilda sitting at the table drinking coffee and having a conversation with the cat about salmon and french cheese.
" What happened to the alligators?" Sabrina asked, checking the back garden just in case.
" Oh, I gave up on them. Alligators can be soo uncoperative.. and most of them have bad manners anyway." she took a sip of coffee. "I am now trying to teach goldfish to sing opera, well, blow bubbles in time to opera music anyway."
"Good for you Aunt Hilda. It'd be easier to just get a job at K-mart if you're that broke.. but good for you." Sabrina asked.
Hilda shrugged and said to Salem, " Go wake Zelda up, she's got to take Sabrina to school today as I am busy with my goldfish." she walked out of the kitchen into the dining room. Sabrina could just see the end of a huge fish tank through the door.
Salem came down the stairs.
" She is not in her bedroom." he reported. " Or the bathroom, linin closet or any of the other rooms in the house."
" You've only been gone a minute." said sabrina, " You haven't even have time to check all those places. You're just too lazy."
"Sure I have, my jobs done. Salem sat next to his food bowl and fell asleep.
Sabrina went upstairs to find Zelda.
XxX
Zelda opened her eyes and felt refreshed as if she had just awakened from a long sleep. She opened her eyes and shut them again as flouresant pink tubing had thoughtfully been placed above her. The last thing she remembered was walking into her bedroom and then her mind drew a blank.
One other thing she did remeber was that her bedroom had never had flouresant pink lights on the ceiling, she had better taste than that.
Opening her eyes after she had rolled on her side this time, Zelda saw she was lying on heart shaped bed. The coveres were red and had white frilly lace around the outside. Te pillows were in heart shapes and tiny heart shaped candies had been sprinked around the covers and about six were now digging painfully into her spine. She looked at the bed, observed it must be big enough for about six of her and the stood up wondering where she was.
The carpet she noticed was sugary pink. Never before had she seen so much pink in one place, except when she and Hilda had owned that pig farm.. but that was a lonnng time ago when they could actually make a living out of it.
*Maybe I'm somewhere in the other realm she thought, or Vegas.* But she didn't remember going to either. Seeing a door on the far side of the room she tried the handle. It was locked. She pointed at herself, and tried to zapp herself back home, but nothing happened. She tried again and again, and still she remained in the pink room. Sitting back on the bed she looked at her watch and noticed that the face had been smashed and the hands were now moving very quickly in opposite directions.
*Good job I didn't buy the rolex* she thought to herself whilst wondering how to get oout. sudenly, as if by magic,
[ which was still possible because hadn't totally ruled out the possiblility that she might be in the other realm] a hole appeared in the pink carpet and a figure floated through it.
XxX
Sabrina ran down the stairs.
" Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda's gone! Shes not anywhere in the house."
"Great, " Hilda muttered to herself, " I bet she eloped with Willard Kraft or something." then to Sabrina she said, " Is her car still in the garage?"
Sabrina nodded.
" But the're a few holes which look like they've been burned into her carpet in front of the window." Sabrina said. "Maybe a candle turned over or something."
Hilda turned back to her goldfish and turned the Pavarotti CD on the sterio down a little. " Burn marks... where have I heard that before.." she appeared deeping in though so Sabrina patiently waited. " Ahh yes.. I remember." Hilda zapped Sabrina and herself up to Zelda's room where she knealt down by the burn marks on the carpet and picked up a few grains of what looked like powery white sand which was scattered around the carpet next to them. " Hmm.." she said again running the sand through her fingers.
She went over to Zelda's bed and lifted up the matress, and picked out five dollars from what was obviously Zelda's hidden stash.
"Don't worry," she told Sabrina, "I'll give it back as soon as I win that pet shop contest." Picking up Zelda's lap top from the bedside table she switched it on and connected to the internet.
" Are you going to tell me whats going on?" Sabrina asked sitting beside her on Zelda's bed, " or are you just going to remain all mysterious.. which I might add, is really annoying."
"Well, I'm really not sure whats going on yet, but if it the thing that I think that it is, it cannot be good." she answered.
" Did I not give you a big enough hint when I said the mysterious thing was annoying?"
Hilda smiled and logged onto the internet.
" Wow, I didn't even know you knew how to use the internet." Sabrina said.
"Anyone who lives with Zelda knows how to use the internet." Hilda answered.
She logged onto a site headed *What Everyone Should Know About Alien Abductions*.
" We don't have time for all this sci-fi stuff now, we have to find Aunt Zelda." Sabrina said to her Aunt.
Hilda obvioulsy didn't hear her and seemed to absorbed in reading the page.
" Sabrina, go smell those burn marks on the carpet, if they smell like sour cream then I think we've found where Zelda's at."
XxX
Zelda watched as the figure emerged from the large black hole in the floor, she started to scream and then looked closer and tried not to laugh.
Against the light rising from the floor with the figure, at first glance it looked human, but then, as Zelda looked closer and saw that it was defitely anything * but* human.
The alien stood about three feet from the floor and Zelda towered over him. He had a bald shiny head and half of a furry tongue poked out of his mouth as he stood in front of her. The creature had six arms all complete with hands which looked human apart from the three inch claws that grew out of the tips where the nails should have been. Apart from those features, the creature was no different than a mortal. It stood on two legs and had two feet, although they were roughly size fourty nine [ wayy too big for its height] and were webbed between the toes.
"Who are you?" she asked the creature.
She was answered by a series of noises which sounded like water being drained out of a bath. "Excuse me?"
The creature pressed what looked to be a button on the right heel of his webbed foot and said, "Sorry, wrong lanuage. I'm always making that mistake. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ichnokatuskabar."He bowed before Zelda, as if worshipping her in some way.
" Well, Ich.." Zelda tried to remember what he had said. "Uhh, well, I'd like to go home. Why am I here, is it the other realm or are you really Hilda playing a trick on me? I bet Salem put you up to it didn't he? I knew he was mad at me for not getting salmon at the store. You both watch too much Star Trek."
" I am not the Hilda or the Saelm you speak of. I am Ichnokatuskabar, your humble servant and this, " the alien guestured around the pink room, " is my spacecraft." He looked at Zelda's broken watch,
"Oh, and I took the liberty to change the time on your watch to the time zone of my home planet." Zelda rolled her eyes, and stood up from the bed.
"Stop it Hilda, its not funny and I have work to do today." she demanded looking at Ichnokatuskabar. He tapped the floor and three more holes appeared and identical creatures to him rose from them and surrounded the bed. All four of the bowed down before Zelda and then stood up again when she tried to jump over them to get to the door.
" We chose you oh great Zelda," Ichnokatuskabar said and handed Zelda a rose which was obviously long dead and started to smell as bad as the aliens themselves. " because we have a speacial task here for you. We have watched you for a long time and seen that your great powers are unlike any other earthlings. Your knowledge and magical ability excells even our genius. And then there is the most importent reason why we chose you over all the other earthlings,"
"Why's that?" Zelda said, deciding this was a little too wierd even for Hilda and Salem.
" Because you are beautiful. With all the afore mentioned qualities as well, you are the perfect match."
"For what?"
Ichnokatuskabar held up one claw.
"Please," he pressed the button on his heel aagin and a glass of wine magically appeared in Zelda's hand. " drink." he said.
" No, I want to go home." Zelda commanded.
The alien did not seem to be doing anything about her last demand so she grudgingly took the wine and swore that Hilda and Salem would die very slow and painful deaths if they were behind this.
XxX
Sabrina hung out of Zelda window, trying to get the smell of charred carpet and sour cream from her lungs. "So what," she said, in between between big gulps of the air, " you're saying the Zelda's been abducted by little green men?"
Hilda nodded. " Yes, although, they more often than not tend to be little gray men Sabrina. Get your facts right." Shaking her head Sabrina took in more air.
Salem came running into the room. "There's someone at the door," he said, " have you two gone deaf?"
He then sniffed. " Oooh, do I smell sour cream?" He started to lick the carpet in hope that the smell might be transferred into taste.
Sabrina walked downstairs to the door and saw through the glass that no-one was outside. Opening the door she saw the back of her aunt Zelda's boyfriend and her vice principle walking down the drive. She tried to shut the door Quickly but Mr Kraft had heard her open it and spun round.
" Miss Spellman, why are you not at school?" she asked pulling a book of detention slips from his jacket pocket and pushing past her into the living room.
" I err.." Sabrina tried to think of an excuse she hadn't used already . Just as she was about to say, 'the cat has killer fleas.. again!' Hilda walked down the stair saying, " What are you doing Sabrina, Zelda could be suffering up there.. I hope you're not making toast.... Did you get rid of the person at the door."
She walked into the living room and saw Mr Kraft sitting on the sofa.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, not bothing to hide the fact that she didn't like her the love of her sister's life that much.
" Sabrina wasn't in school. Did I hear you saying Zuzu was suffering?" he asked in what Sabrina saw as a pathertic whiny voice.
"Uhh, no, she right as rain, better than rain in fact, more like sunshine. Bye." Sabrina started to push him towards the door. He didn't move.
"Zelda?"he called up the stairs.
" Oh brother," Hilda massaged her temples. "Come on Sabrina." Dragging her niece upstairs Hilda went into Zelda's bedroom and stood in front of the window looking up into the sky. Mr Karft entered the room after them.
"We just have to wait until night or until the nine planets of the mortal solar system line up and then we might be able to see the ship and zap ourself onto it." Hilda said.
"Ship, what ship.. and what do you mean, 'zap' yourselves onto it?" Willard Kraft asked, getting quite worked up.
" Never mind, go home." Hilda waved him away with one hand and then turning to Sabrina she said, " There's nothing we can do until its dark, then we might have a chance of getting Zelda back."
XxX
Zelda was really starting to feel very uncomfortable on the spaceship. The four aliens were offering her food and drink, some of the food she recognised from earth, but the rest... well, lets just say that she didn't dare touch it - especially the stuff that moved.
" Hows it going Zelda?" an alien asked and winked at her.
" How you doin'?" an alien faked a New York accent and nudged her.
"Whats going on?" Zelda demanded. "Why am I here?" she looked around at the four aliens, all holding at least three glasses of wine and two bottles , " And how did you pay for all this alcohol?"
" Ahh, that is a very good question..not the one about the alocohol, because thats our business, the other one, " the alien she recognised as being Ichnoka.... whats-his-name sat down next to her on the pink bed.
"As I said we have studied you for a long time Zelda Spellman and we could not have found a better person to become the mother of our children."
XxX
**End Of Part Three**, hope you like it, please, do a review!
Alien925
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Author: Alien925
Disclaimer: I honestly don't own any of the characters' from Sabrina The Teenage Witch however much I would like to. They belong to the creators [ Heartbreak Films and Viacom]. Oh, I don't own Star Trek either and I'm sure the people who do own it are very nice people even though I don't know who they are.
Summary: They are out there... believe me.. or Zelda, whichever.
Classification: PG-13
My Comment: I don't have anything much to say, except if you find anything in here offensive then don't read anymore. Its PG-13.. Oh and, no alligators or Aunt Hilda's were harmed in the making of this fanfic, no Zelda's for that matter either. please read and review this fanfic. Oh and sorry Salem's always hungry in my fanfics. I'm sure Sabrina, Hilda and Zelda feed him really! Lol. =)
WE COME IN PEACE..WELL, OUT OF LOVE ACTUALLY.
PART TWO
Sabrina woke up early the next moring, surprised that Hilda's screams she had heard repeatively during the night had stopped but also hoping that her younger aunt was still alive.
Walking downstairs she saw Hilda sitting at the table drinking coffee and having a conversation with the cat about salmon and french cheese.
" What happened to the alligators?" Sabrina asked, checking the back garden just in case.
" Oh, I gave up on them. Alligators can be soo uncoperative.. and most of them have bad manners anyway." she took a sip of coffee. "I am now trying to teach goldfish to sing opera, well, blow bubbles in time to opera music anyway."
"Good for you Aunt Hilda. It'd be easier to just get a job at K-mart if you're that broke.. but good for you." Sabrina asked.
Hilda shrugged and said to Salem, " Go wake Zelda up, she's got to take Sabrina to school today as I am busy with my goldfish." she walked out of the kitchen into the dining room. Sabrina could just see the end of a huge fish tank through the door.
Salem came down the stairs.
" She is not in her bedroom." he reported. " Or the bathroom, linin closet or any of the other rooms in the house."
" You've only been gone a minute." said sabrina, " You haven't even have time to check all those places. You're just too lazy."
"Sure I have, my jobs done. Salem sat next to his food bowl and fell asleep.
Sabrina went upstairs to find Zelda.
XxX
Zelda opened her eyes and felt refreshed as if she had just awakened from a long sleep. She opened her eyes and shut them again as flouresant pink tubing had thoughtfully been placed above her. The last thing she remembered was walking into her bedroom and then her mind drew a blank.
One other thing she did remeber was that her bedroom had never had flouresant pink lights on the ceiling, she had better taste than that.
Opening her eyes after she had rolled on her side this time, Zelda saw she was lying on heart shaped bed. The coveres were red and had white frilly lace around the outside. Te pillows were in heart shapes and tiny heart shaped candies had been sprinked around the covers and about six were now digging painfully into her spine. She looked at the bed, observed it must be big enough for about six of her and the stood up wondering where she was.
The carpet she noticed was sugary pink. Never before had she seen so much pink in one place, except when she and Hilda had owned that pig farm.. but that was a lonnng time ago when they could actually make a living out of it.
*Maybe I'm somewhere in the other realm she thought, or Vegas.* But she didn't remember going to either. Seeing a door on the far side of the room she tried the handle. It was locked. She pointed at herself, and tried to zapp herself back home, but nothing happened. She tried again and again, and still she remained in the pink room. Sitting back on the bed she looked at her watch and noticed that the face had been smashed and the hands were now moving very quickly in opposite directions.
*Good job I didn't buy the rolex* she thought to herself whilst wondering how to get oout. sudenly, as if by magic,
[ which was still possible because hadn't totally ruled out the possiblility that she might be in the other realm] a hole appeared in the pink carpet and a figure floated through it.
XxX
Sabrina ran down the stairs.
" Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda's gone! Shes not anywhere in the house."
"Great, " Hilda muttered to herself, " I bet she eloped with Willard Kraft or something." then to Sabrina she said, " Is her car still in the garage?"
Sabrina nodded.
" But the're a few holes which look like they've been burned into her carpet in front of the window." Sabrina said. "Maybe a candle turned over or something."
Hilda turned back to her goldfish and turned the Pavarotti CD on the sterio down a little. " Burn marks... where have I heard that before.." she appeared deeping in though so Sabrina patiently waited. " Ahh yes.. I remember." Hilda zapped Sabrina and herself up to Zelda's room where she knealt down by the burn marks on the carpet and picked up a few grains of what looked like powery white sand which was scattered around the carpet next to them. " Hmm.." she said again running the sand through her fingers.
She went over to Zelda's bed and lifted up the matress, and picked out five dollars from what was obviously Zelda's hidden stash.
"Don't worry," she told Sabrina, "I'll give it back as soon as I win that pet shop contest." Picking up Zelda's lap top from the bedside table she switched it on and connected to the internet.
" Are you going to tell me whats going on?" Sabrina asked sitting beside her on Zelda's bed, " or are you just going to remain all mysterious.. which I might add, is really annoying."
"Well, I'm really not sure whats going on yet, but if it the thing that I think that it is, it cannot be good." she answered.
" Did I not give you a big enough hint when I said the mysterious thing was annoying?"
Hilda smiled and logged onto the internet.
" Wow, I didn't even know you knew how to use the internet." Sabrina said.
"Anyone who lives with Zelda knows how to use the internet." Hilda answered.
She logged onto a site headed *What Everyone Should Know About Alien Abductions*.
" We don't have time for all this sci-fi stuff now, we have to find Aunt Zelda." Sabrina said to her Aunt.
Hilda obvioulsy didn't hear her and seemed to absorbed in reading the page.
" Sabrina, go smell those burn marks on the carpet, if they smell like sour cream then I think we've found where Zelda's at."
XxX
Zelda watched as the figure emerged from the large black hole in the floor, she started to scream and then looked closer and tried not to laugh.
Against the light rising from the floor with the figure, at first glance it looked human, but then, as Zelda looked closer and saw that it was defitely anything * but* human.
The alien stood about three feet from the floor and Zelda towered over him. He had a bald shiny head and half of a furry tongue poked out of his mouth as he stood in front of her. The creature had six arms all complete with hands which looked human apart from the three inch claws that grew out of the tips where the nails should have been. Apart from those features, the creature was no different than a mortal. It stood on two legs and had two feet, although they were roughly size fourty nine [ wayy too big for its height] and were webbed between the toes.
"Who are you?" she asked the creature.
She was answered by a series of noises which sounded like water being drained out of a bath. "Excuse me?"
The creature pressed what looked to be a button on the right heel of his webbed foot and said, "Sorry, wrong lanuage. I'm always making that mistake. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ichnokatuskabar."He bowed before Zelda, as if worshipping her in some way.
" Well, Ich.." Zelda tried to remember what he had said. "Uhh, well, I'd like to go home. Why am I here, is it the other realm or are you really Hilda playing a trick on me? I bet Salem put you up to it didn't he? I knew he was mad at me for not getting salmon at the store. You both watch too much Star Trek."
" I am not the Hilda or the Saelm you speak of. I am Ichnokatuskabar, your humble servant and this, " the alien guestured around the pink room, " is my spacecraft." He looked at Zelda's broken watch,
"Oh, and I took the liberty to change the time on your watch to the time zone of my home planet." Zelda rolled her eyes, and stood up from the bed.
"Stop it Hilda, its not funny and I have work to do today." she demanded looking at Ichnokatuskabar. He tapped the floor and three more holes appeared and identical creatures to him rose from them and surrounded the bed. All four of the bowed down before Zelda and then stood up again when she tried to jump over them to get to the door.
" We chose you oh great Zelda," Ichnokatuskabar said and handed Zelda a rose which was obviously long dead and started to smell as bad as the aliens themselves. " because we have a speacial task here for you. We have watched you for a long time and seen that your great powers are unlike any other earthlings. Your knowledge and magical ability excells even our genius. And then there is the most importent reason why we chose you over all the other earthlings,"
"Why's that?" Zelda said, deciding this was a little too wierd even for Hilda and Salem.
" Because you are beautiful. With all the afore mentioned qualities as well, you are the perfect match."
"For what?"
Ichnokatuskabar held up one claw.
"Please," he pressed the button on his heel aagin and a glass of wine magically appeared in Zelda's hand. " drink." he said.
" No, I want to go home." Zelda commanded.
The alien did not seem to be doing anything about her last demand so she grudgingly took the wine and swore that Hilda and Salem would die very slow and painful deaths if they were behind this.
XxX
Sabrina hung out of Zelda window, trying to get the smell of charred carpet and sour cream from her lungs. "So what," she said, in between between big gulps of the air, " you're saying the Zelda's been abducted by little green men?"
Hilda nodded. " Yes, although, they more often than not tend to be little gray men Sabrina. Get your facts right." Shaking her head Sabrina took in more air.
Salem came running into the room. "There's someone at the door," he said, " have you two gone deaf?"
He then sniffed. " Oooh, do I smell sour cream?" He started to lick the carpet in hope that the smell might be transferred into taste.
Sabrina walked downstairs to the door and saw through the glass that no-one was outside. Opening the door she saw the back of her aunt Zelda's boyfriend and her vice principle walking down the drive. She tried to shut the door Quickly but Mr Kraft had heard her open it and spun round.
" Miss Spellman, why are you not at school?" she asked pulling a book of detention slips from his jacket pocket and pushing past her into the living room.
" I err.." Sabrina tried to think of an excuse she hadn't used already . Just as she was about to say, 'the cat has killer fleas.. again!' Hilda walked down the stair saying, " What are you doing Sabrina, Zelda could be suffering up there.. I hope you're not making toast.... Did you get rid of the person at the door."
She walked into the living room and saw Mr Kraft sitting on the sofa.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, not bothing to hide the fact that she didn't like her the love of her sister's life that much.
" Sabrina wasn't in school. Did I hear you saying Zuzu was suffering?" he asked in what Sabrina saw as a pathertic whiny voice.
"Uhh, no, she right as rain, better than rain in fact, more like sunshine. Bye." Sabrina started to push him towards the door. He didn't move.
"Zelda?"he called up the stairs.
" Oh brother," Hilda massaged her temples. "Come on Sabrina." Dragging her niece upstairs Hilda went into Zelda's bedroom and stood in front of the window looking up into the sky. Mr Karft entered the room after them.
"We just have to wait until night or until the nine planets of the mortal solar system line up and then we might be able to see the ship and zap ourself onto it." Hilda said.
"Ship, what ship.. and what do you mean, 'zap' yourselves onto it?" Willard Kraft asked, getting quite worked up.
" Never mind, go home." Hilda waved him away with one hand and then turning to Sabrina she said, " There's nothing we can do until its dark, then we might have a chance of getting Zelda back."
XxX
Zelda was really starting to feel very uncomfortable on the spaceship. The four aliens were offering her food and drink, some of the food she recognised from earth, but the rest... well, lets just say that she didn't dare touch it - especially the stuff that moved.
" Hows it going Zelda?" an alien asked and winked at her.
" How you doin'?" an alien faked a New York accent and nudged her.
"Whats going on?" Zelda demanded. "Why am I here?" she looked around at the four aliens, all holding at least three glasses of wine and two bottles , " And how did you pay for all this alcohol?"
" Ahh, that is a very good question..not the one about the alocohol, because thats our business, the other one, " the alien she recognised as being Ichnoka.... whats-his-name sat down next to her on the pink bed.
"As I said we have studied you for a long time Zelda Spellman and we could not have found a better person to become the mother of our children."
XxX
**End Of Part Three**, hope you like it, please, do a review!
Alien925
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