Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: We all remember Rachel, the doctor that came in to evaluate the team. This is how I would have liked things to go with Tony and Ziva.
A Man Walks Into an Elevator
It is nothing more than what it is; it is nothing more than fact. My life has been, I suppose you could say; challenging. Though the problems in my life were always something I could fix. Weather it be killing the problem, or coming up with a simple solution, I could always fix it. Now though, it is not that simple, now it is not something I can fix all by myself.
"I want something… Permanent. Something that can't be taken away. Is that too much to ask?" I breathed out to the doctor, almost in desperation.
I want something permanent, but this problem, I can not fix myself. If I could fix it, I would. I already have a solution, I'll be it unrealistic, but it is a solution all the same; Tony. He is my partner; he is my backbone he is what keeps me going a lot of days. Sometimes I think it would be a lot less painful to trust him and to fall for him, I suppose I can not help how I feel, though.
I left the 'friendly' talk with the doctor all disorientated and ready to go home and watch some chick kicks… chick kicks, no I think the expression if chick flicks, anyway… The night has now fallen, and only Gibbs was left in the bull pen. "Good night." I said, gathering my things, not making eye contact, as I could feel tears swarm at the bottom of my eyes.
"Night, Ziva." He said to me, and I walked to the elevator, letting a tear fall. I tried to hold them back, because I do not cry, not me, not Ziva David. Just as the door was about to close a hand came sliding through, and Tony stepped in. Great, just what I need right now; to be alone with Tony, after that emotional talk with the doctor, that got me realizing my true feeling for him and I was crying. Great, just great.
"Ziva?" He said, I could sense the concern in his voice. His bright eyes found mine, and he flicked the elevator off. He did not say anything; he simply stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I embraced him; letting myself feel comforted I rested my chin on his chest and closed my eyes. No, I can not let myself do this; I can not let myself love him. Pulling away from his hug, I turned my back.
"Ziva, what's wrong?" He said softly. I stayed silent. "Zivaahh?" Tony said, drawing out my name. I love it when he does that, but still, I stayed silent. "You can't keep shutting me out like this. Let me help." If he could help, he would be kissing me by now.
I shook my head, "No."
"Why?"
"You do not understand."
"Well, help me to understand."
I can not tell him, can I? Rule 12. "It is complicated." It is complicated, I mean I love him, but I should not and I can not. I can not afford to trust him, I can not afford to get too close to him, and then for it to kill me when he is gone. I just can not do it, not again. I have trusted to many people, and it has ended badly too many times.
"Complicated my ass. Ziva let me help you, let me make you happy again."
"I only wish you could."
"I can, I promise."
"Never promise something you can not keep."
My love for Tony is a paradox: It hurts, but yet feels so good.
Tony stepped closer to me, now our faces were only inches apart. "You can trust me, you can love me." He said, as if he could read my mind. How did he know? Am I really that obvious? Either that or Tony is a really good investigator. Perhaps it is a bit of both. I bit down on my lip, a little too hard, as I looked into his eyes. No, I can not do this. Too late. His lips crushed mine, and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his just below my waist. My tongue some how found its way into Tony's mouth. He pushed me gently up against the elevator wall. I slipped my hands up his top and he began kissing my neck. A small moan escaped my lips, and then the reality of what was happening came crashing down in me. I was hooking up with Tony in the elevator. I was doing everything I said I would not. But right now, I really could not care less.