A/N: A very big welcome to any new readers and to all my old friends. So this fanfiction is a side-fic which was requested by She-WolfMoon who'd like to see a story involving Mary and Bucky, then my winter holidays came about and I went travelling a fair bit, and it came to me; why the hell not. So behold, road-tripping hilarity and just a dose of feels. Take your feelings and run. Do it. I'll promise it'll be worth it. Also, might help a little if you have read my previous fanfiction: In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's, just so you get the context of this plot and these characters.
Disclaimer: I'm usually not so formal with these, but seeing as it is the first chapter... I don't own nor profit from this fanfiction, everything belongs to Stan Lee, Marvel and their respective distributors.
An Agent and an Assassin
Part 1: Mr and Mrs Barnes* (*terms and conditions apply)
"You got any idea on why we're getting called in?" Bucky asked her, holding the lift open politely, as he spotted her trying to catch the lift he was currently occupying on his own, Mary acknowledged it with a smile and a nod.
"Not at all, probably more work. They seem to like putting us on the same mission; makes things more effective from their perspective… did that rhyme?"
"I think it did."
"It wasn't mean to. Now it sounds tacky." Mary shrugged that sensation off, gesturing for Bucky to exit the lift first.
"Ladies first." Bucky held his arm out.
"Pensioners first." Mary bantered back, making him sigh with exasperation. Laughing, she agreed to go first, waiting for him to mope his way out of the lift, eyeing his rather fetching blue shirt.
"I'm an assassin!" Bucky moaned, causing her to laugh further. "I've killed people."
"Sure you did, Buck." Mary playfully punched his metal arm, causing him to continue rolling his eyes. "Seriously though, why the hell am I being dragged out of my Doctor Who marathon?"
"OH FUCK NO!" Mary screamed at Emma from the opposite side of the table, Emma was reminded once again that Bucky was a trained assassin and he was seriously holding back the temptation of killing her. Emma eyed Natasha, who nodded, pacifying everyone with her patented 'Soviet-death-glare-of-doom'. Coulson and Clint both shrugged.
"You are being serious… right?" Bucky asked quietly, his knuckles growing whiter by the moment as he gripped the table tightly.
"Let me repeat this, again, before Natasha and I both remind you that between us we have killed 60 people-"Emma started.
"And this was before both of us were 24." Natasha raised a brow, daring them to challenge her. Both Bucky and Mary calmed down considerably. Natasha nodded for Emma to begin.
"As you know, with the infinity gauntlet, shit went down, correct?" Emma asked "Now, we're all going to be gone for a bit, so it's imperative we get this going. Your mission, should you chose to accept it, not that you have much choice, is to go undercover in Australia to help that branch of SHIELD intelligence."
"Yeah, alright, we understand that." Mary snapped, Emma rolled her eyes.
"Yes, and we want you two to do it pretending to be married." Emma ended. "Logically speaking, it's the only option you two have without drawing any suspicion, two young adults, road-tripping, in a camper-van, not staying anywhere, you need this."
"Question, why us?"
"Because fuck you, that's why." Clint retorted. "Seriously, you two are two, young people, undeniably attractive- don't scoff at me Reyes, your selfies are amazing- ,road-tripping and everyone's going to be talking about you seeing as you're chilling in a lot of small towns. Yes , you guys are wearing rings. The sharing the bed thing is totally up to you two, though, you know, sleepover style."
"Seriously, I am going to stab you in the face, Agent Barton." Mary muttered under her breath. Emma had to hold back a laugh at how adorable her agent looked whenever she was pissed, but while it was adorable, she didn't want to be on the receiving end of her right-hook.
"Nah?" Bucky asked her. That 'nah', Emma guessed meant 'sharing a bed and looking cute together'.
"Nah." Mary agreed, hi-fiving him. "Ow, you really need to work on calming down that hi-five with your left arm. "Just why are we the ones being sent? I mean, there are plenty of SHIELD operatives with loads more training then I have, and Bucky's still probably adjusting to the invention of wi-fi or whatever. Are we really the best choice?"
"Okay, I'm stepping in for this one." Coulson cleared his throat, the authoritative aura he was currently emitting was enough to make even Emma swivel slightly in her chair and look at him. "We've analysed your work, and given the fact that Barnes is an assassin and Reyes is developing her empath skills, we thought it be logical that you two be placed this mission. We can trust you two while we're gone."
"But he was Hydra." Mary pointed at Bucky inconveniently.
"Dozens of people, dead." Bucky supplied, nodding enthusiastically at Mary's argument. "Not the best people to put on a mission. She's going through an existential crisis." Mary also nodded fervently. Emma quietly pulled an envelope out of her purse, emptying the contents of two heavy golden rings, and sliding it to the two of them. Mary reluctantly picked up the ring, probably mouthing something about being 500% done with SHIELD's shit to Bucky.
"We've read enough fanfiction to know how this goes, right?" Clint whispered to her.
"It's not going to happen. Seriously, these two would probably just laugh their way through it." Emma nodded at Mary and Bucky, who were now being overly-dramatic and sarcastic.
"Holy shit, how much did you pack?" Mary asked Bucky, as they stood awkwardly at the airport, waiting in queue to pass through the metal-detector-things, Mary with one large suitcase and a smaller one housing things that couldn't be tetris-ed into her other one, and Bucky with two ridiculously large suitcases.
"Not everyone has your packing skill, Reyes." Bucky retorted. "Am I going to have to remove my arm?"
"I dare you." Mary smirked, as Bucky started to walk through, true to everyone's guess, the alarm was set off and Bucky happily detached his arm.
"I don't have any prosthetic limbs in case you're wondering." Mary promptly informed the bemused airport official, walking through without hitch. "Have we got our backstory planned?"
"We need a backstory?" Bucky politely lifted her luggage onto the carousel for her, as they moved, trying to navigate their way through Terminal 7 of JFK airport. "Where did we meet?"
"I don't lie, I withhold the entire truth and maybe add a couple of things. So, maybe at a charity ball?"
"We're meant to be young and hip, what do you people even do these days?"
"What? You want me to say we met because we were grinding against each other at some grimy nightclub, intoxicated on a couple of cocktails or some shit?"
"Okay, so maybe not that, at work?"
"No, a coffee shop, if this is going to be like a fanfiction, then we met at a coffee shop where you were working as a barista, for fun, to escape all the pressures of being rich and all that –hey, if you're not picking up the sarcasm, I don't know what you're doing. I ordered a caramel latte and a slice of chocolate mud-cake; you slid me your number." Bucky shrugged, Mary could sense he didn't mind it.
"Okay, at the wedding, which was at a church… somewhere… why are you even in America?"
"Well… -hang on, let's queue here- I was sent to study at Harvard. Yeah totally, go big or go home, for Medical Science, and I took a teaching unit. You bought me a bouquet of red roses to our first date, which was at a science expo, and you've written a poem for every date we've gone on, you met my parents when they visited and you accidentally spilled coffee on dad. You totes proposed to me in front of my entire… ooh what do I want to teach? You proposed to me while I was teaching somewhere, yeah, because I'm that fabulous." Bucky snorted, as the line slowly inched forwards "At the wedding our theme was red, you wore a red tie and I had bouquet of roses, Captain Rogers was your best man, but for fuck's sake, let's just call him Steve and he made you crying during his speech-"
"Wait, why am I crying?"
"Shush, our fake wedding was perfect and Dr Banner so caught the bouquet. Anyway, seeing as you're set to inherit daddy's anti-virus software company; SHIELD, you've decided to entreat me, your beautiful, genius wife to a lovely honeymoon, thank you for that, daaaahhhling."
"You are probably the weirdest person I have ever met." Bucky pointed a metal finger at her amusingly, she smiled and continued to pull her suitcases behind her. Mary ordered on his behalf, then after patiently waiting, taking their food and finding seats. "This is a great burger."
"Had better." Mary shrugged, counting off places mentally where she could take Bucky once they got to Sydney. "You good with gourmet hotdogs? I know a place that does great gourmet hotdogs."
"I don't know, I'm still getting my head around gourmet pizzas and Thai Food. Thai food's great."
"Been to a sushi bar yet? I know several good sushi bars." Mary started rattling off about all her previous foodie experiences, describing them at great lengths to ensure nothing was left out.
"I hate this." Bucky remarked, Mary smiled as politely as she could, trying to show him some other shows programmed to the TV, while a baby cried loudly behind them, while holding back the urge to break the plane's window and through herself out to escape the crying, she wouldn't mind it if the mother at least tried to calm the child. "I thought I escaped this every time I leave Avengers Towers."
"Yeah, it takes getting used to- What about Sherlock?" Mary suggested, as Bucky continued to flick through films and TV shows. "C'mon, one episode of Sherlock."
"No, wait, are they coming with food?" Bucky craned his neck over the seats before him, trying to get a glimpse of an air-stewardess wearing a QANTAS uniform. "Damn, what do I order?"
"Flipping a coin usually works. Still, can't believe they got us decent seats in Business Class, usually SHIELD just puts us all in economy, or we get a private jet, which is so cool-"
"Do you ever stop talking?" Bucky asked with a bit of a laugh, his finger resting on his choice, probably choice, she could sense it, along with his desperate need to go to the bathroom, yet conflicted due to the fact he wanted to get his food and it would be impolite to leave her. How sweet. "No, but have you finished with that?" Bucky pointed to her Bloody Mary, seriously, she loved flying Business Class, probably never would again though. "Also, what is with your Instagram username, or whatever it's called."
"You're picking up much quicker that I thought. It was a Eurovision entry, I thought it'd be a great pun. Ooh, what are you thinking of having.."
"Probably the Lamb fillet, what about you?" Bucky answered.
"I think I might go for the Blue Eye fillet, then the ice cream of desert." Mary decided, it really sucked, being an empath on public transport; feelings were always rampant and were easily felt, she could sense the nervousness coming from the wealthy businessman behind her, most likely because he was cheating on his wife, given the strain of nervousness he had. The lady in front of them was incredibly excited because her grandfather had just died, and she was set to inherit his money. Humans were even odder than before, the moment she got a sense into what they were feeling.
"Yeah, she'll be having that-"Mary was shocked to see Bucky ordering her food for her, she had been way too busy with her internal monologue. "Sorry, she's a little excited and occupied. Sweetheart, I was just ordering your food; you wanted that Blue Eye fillet, right?" Mary made a mental note to slap herself later.
"Yeah… thanks darling. That's my husband for you." She added to the trolley-dolly. She couldn't do this, she couldn't even pretend to be dating her gay friend so his parents wouldn't find out about him, let alone pretend to be married to James motherfucking Buchanan Barnes.
"Isn't she great?" Bucky smiled his dazzling smile through all his lies, the trolley-dolly smiling happily, but it was working, as she could feel her excitement at having such a cute- Cute? Was cute really the word? -couple in front of her. Mary was served her tray, they continued to smile, Mary leaning a little on Bucky's arm, before they both sighed in relief as the attendant continued her way up (or was it down?) the aisle. "I am so sorry."
"Oh god." Mary pulled one of her infamous exaggerated face of disgust, causing Bucky to snort a little into his glass of red wine. "You don't mind 'darling', do you?"
"Likewise with 'sweetheart'? I think doll is a bit too much of my time."
"Yeah, just a bit… honestly I don't know what I expected." As she had come to expect, the food was relatively dry, chilli was a bit much.
"Hey, don't complain, back in my day everything was pretty bland." He pointed out, taking her cocktail from her.
"Hey!" Mary protested, Bucky shrugged and reminded her that she hadn't touched it since the start of the flight, except for the odd sip.
"What is it you say? You snooze, you lose?"
"Rude, wow, rude. Very rude, I thought you were meant to be all gentleman-like and polite, where is my bouquet of roses?"
"I think I've fulfilled my quota of flowers for the next 10 years, after your stunt." Bucky bantered back, handing her his ice-cream without a second glance, Mary didn't question it and gladly lifted the lid off the mini-tub of ice-cream to consume it. "You grew up in Australia, right?"
"If the accent's anything to go by." Mary shrugged, really enjoying the velvety smoothness of the caramel ice-cream in her mouth. "I don't know where we'll be going, so sorry, but I'll try to help you out as much as I can."
"You travelled a lot as a kid?"
"Yeah, we did. It was fun, I guess. Commercial airlines are new for you, huh?"
"Yeah, they are, much better than having Howard Stark fly you around, that bastard was a pain in the ass, great pilot, pain in the ass."
"I guess it must be a default Stark Gene." Mary laughed, remembering her torturous weeks as intern. "But I've been digging into SHIELD files whenever I can, so I guess what SHIELD doesn't know won't hurt them."
"You're a bit of a liar, aren't you. You even lied earlier when you said you couldn't."
"It's not really lying, thing I've learnt with lying is that if you add a truth and keep it simple, you'll get away with it, product of being raised by over-protective parents." Mary shrugged, continuing to play with the spoon and flicking through possible films to watch. "You think I'd blow cover if I watched that episode of Ellen when Rogers was on?"
"Okay, this is getting ridiculous, who even deals with their publicity?"
"I think Emma does, Stark basically just tells her things that need to be done-"
"And she just agrees!?"
"No, she argues unreasonably for half an hour, and then does things her way to benefit everyone and point out to Stark that she's the superior being. Also does everything 10 times quicker than the way Tony would've wanted."
"Mr and Mrs Barnes?" Mary smiled as much as she could, honestly not sure for how much longer she could keep this up for, but it was working, the Customs official was feeling incredibly happy at seeing the two of them look adorable. The flight to Sydney International Airport from JFK was pretty smooth, not as much turbulence as she'd expected and the stop-over in Singapore proved to be fun. Things that Mary had learned over the duration of the trip was to never sit on Bucky Barnes' left side, as that most likely meant if she got hit by that arm by accident, it was going to leave a really bad bruise.
"Yeah, just married." Bucky beamed back to the Customs official, pulling her into his chest and squeezing her in a half-hug, she was honestly going to cry. "Isn't she just wonderful." To her relief, the officer was agreeing with him, and they were let through without any further suspicion, or even asking Bucky to remove his arm. If anything, she was incredibly proud of her dressing skills, admiring Bucky in his checked-blazer and sunglasses perched jauntily on his hair. Yeah, ultimate dressing skills. They continued through final checks and a couple of gates before they were free in the perfumed-scented, consumerist heaven that was Duty Free. "What are those?"
"Oh my god, you've never had a TimTam?" Mary exclaimed in surprise, promptly taking a basket and filling it with ever flavour that was on sale. "Okay, where are the minties? My old school uniform looked like these, it sucked." Mary continued her way around the shelves, Bucky trying to keep up with her as he dragged the suitcases behind him. "Yes, yeah we need this too. Have you ever had these?"
"What?" Bucky asked, blinking at her slowly. Mary shrugged, tossing the bag of Fantales into the basket; she was probably going to win all the trivia questions against him, then. "Oh, you should probably keep the receipt; they said they'd pay everything back." Bucky tried adding as she precariously balanced a box of perfume on top, before he practically ushered her to the check out.
What he would give to feel the joy of being home again. Honestly, it was a feeling he wished the Soviets hadn't wiped out. Mary seemed content with force-feeding him with junk-food and rattling on about her life in this infernal country, he had also noted with some disappointment that the size of food in Australia was so much more than it was back home.
"-And this one time, I went to Ireland and Italy as part of a school trip, and we started singing the school song in the airport, and people were all like 'woah, what the shit is wrong with these girls', so yeah, I guess my time at airports isn't all that bad, they're chill. Oh! And when I was on the flight from Sydney to New York-" Bucky literally pressed a metal finger to her lips, raising a brow.
"Do you ever shut up?"
"When I feel like it." She shrugged, giving him a mischievous wink and continuing to quietly steal fries from him. "Oh, and I know I'm stealing chips off you, but you don't mind." He hated her ability to sense feelings. "Do you?"
"What are your senses telling you?"
"Yeah, I should now…" she guiltily placed the fry down with a mouthed 'sorry', he shrugged, he didn't mind, really. "So, look, I know I sound really pedantic, but I just want to confirm our back-story."
"Well…" Bucky looked at the girl staring at him, dressed in a white sundress, leather jacket hanging on the chair, her straight hair falling about her shoulders, black contrasting with the white. His own brown eyes met her chocolate doe-eyes, noting with slight amusement the glimmer of anticipation they gave. The best thing about her was that no matter what Hydra did to him, she acted as if she'd known him all her life, and he'd known her all his. As horrible as it sounded. "I guess I did buy you that bouquet of roses on our first date, and your dad never really did get over the whole coffee incident. I proposed to you as you tried to make your way to teach your Kindergarten class, you were a bit flustered and we argued before I screamed a proposal in the heat of the moment, and you quite literally shouted your reply. You teach them because you're still looking for a job at a high-school, preferably teaching young women."
"I guess I could buy that." Mary smiled, leaning back in her chair.
"Oh, before I forget anything. I fell in love with the way you fell asleep, slowly, then all at once." Bucky smirked as the agent's head fell into her hands in her fit of silent laughter, hair flopping around her before flipping it back up, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. No, the best thing about her was that she was a friend. "Okay, so jokes aside, I thought we were going to go to Canberra?"
"Later this week, ASIO has a division that's like SHIELD, so they sent me instructions to chill in Sydney for a bit. Would you like me to tour you around all my old spaces? Fair warning, it's all pretty hipster and underground so I'm not sure how you'd like it, but-"
"Again, the talking thing. It's like you never run out of fuel." Bucky contemplated possible aliases for the two of them. "Can you think of any decent names?"
"What? I hope these aren't baby names… oh-" She finally caught his drift "I guess we can keep Mary and James Barnes, I suppose they aren't too bad or too unique, and we'll blend in. You can drive, right? Because I passed with my license, but with the places they're thinking of sending us, that's like hours' worth of driving."
"I'm looking forward to it, so, when are we checking in?"
"Holy shit…" Bucky quietly whispered to himself, Mary smirked with delight as she faced the grand façade of The Langham Hotel, only a short walk away from the waterfront of Circular Quay, and another short walk from Darling Harbour, and literally only a couple of minutes from the Sydney Conservatory. "I didn't know we were staying here…"
"I had a hunch." Mary shrugged. Living in Sydney all her life meant that she knew which hotels were 5-star and which hotels were likely to host her favourite celebrities. She was still slightly disappointed they weren't staying at Pier One, which was down the street from Sydney Theatre Company. Walking from street-level into the opulent interior was an experience within itself, she'd only ever been here once for a High-Tea. Checking in required more cutesy-adorable smiling and dropping bits of the incredibly fanfiction-like romance, she had honestly no idea on how Emma managed to pull this off with Loki… wait, she didn't, they ended up falling for each other anyway. So, mental note to herself, don't do that. Once again, she suffered some slight shock as Bucky pulled out the fake-ass wedding photos, courtesy Tony Stark's holodeck and a Vera Wang gown Emma had tossed her (that chick had couture shoved in every nook and cranny in the building, honestly).
They had been shown to one of the observatory suites, once again smirking with satisfaction as Bucky complained about the price of the suite, no doubt and the fact there was only 1 king-sized four-poster bed, before politely offering to take the sofa. She agreed and said they could roster it or something.
"Have you seen the bathroom?" Bucky exclaimed, having thrown the heavy wooden door open, leaving her to explore the ornate design of the room, a window facing the Sydney Observatory caught her fancy though. The original wallpaper gleamed as good- as- new, at least tax-payer money went somewhere decent during the 2014 restoration. "Okay, this is probably the best hotel I have ever been to. I take that back the only hotel I've been to."
"You mean you've never ordered room service before? Not even a really stupid 3-am order of ice-cream?" Mary sped around the corner, nearly running into the heavy door of the bedroom, admiring the subtle cream shades draping the windows. Bucky shrugged, sensing that it was a sad no, Mary smiled sympathetically, folding her arms as she walked towards him, observing more expensive paintings hung on the walls. "Anyway, having fun yet?"
"I guess." Bucky said indifferently, sensing his resentment towards her at the moment she backed off wishing she couldn't feel a damn thing, it would've made her life so much easier, she didn't like her life being dictated by how other people felt. It was like being an object being tossed by the turbulent sea, never really resting but in a constant state of movement so as not to disrupt or upset others. Life was easier when she was the normal one, not the mutant. "You okay there?"
"Yeah, I was just wondering what stupid restaurant to take you to dinner." She lied through her teeth.
A/N: I hope that wasn't too long, the tourist fun will definitely start next chapter. Also, I'd absolutely love it if you guys suggested things and constructive criticism is always appreciated. Reviews would be lovely as well :) hopefully I'll get the next chapter up very soon, my holiday starts next week, so you'll probably see some activity both here and on my main fic.
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