Title: Silent Pain
Summary: She didn't get to see how much he cried on her funeral a few days later. One-shot, AU. R and R.
The authoress forgot to put a disclaimer before. Gakuen Alice is disclaimed. There.
-ooo-
The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
-Mark Twain
-ooo-
She clutched her chest, as the pain struck her once again. She couldn't breathe, her vision was all blurry.
For the first time in her life, Mikan thought... am I going to die already?
With a sweat trickling down her face, she closed her eyes and let the pain on her chest numb all her senses.
-ooo-
She woke up a day later inside a hospital room.
She looked around, hoping to see someone inside the room with her when she felt something warm on her hand.
He was there. Natsume stayed with her.
She motioned to touch his cheeks when she noticed... they were wet. He must've had cried the whole night.
Mikan knew him since they were kids. They were childhood friends, and their mothers were the best of friends. And she knew that he wasn't the kind of person to cry over something so... irrelevant.
She looked at him and smiled when he suddenly opened his eyes. He blinked once, thrice even, and gently rubbed the sleepiness off his eyes with his free hand. (The other one was still holding her hand.)
He smiled at her, one of the things he rarely did every time other people were around him.
His eyes were almost shining like glass the moment he opened his mouth to tell her, "I almost lost you."
-ooo-
After three days of being confined in the hospital, Mikan's doctor said that she could finally go.
The brunette couldn't be more happier when she heard about this saying that hospital foods were making her feel more... sick. They didn't taste as good because they were literally tasteless.
But before she could even took a step outside the private room she was staying at, the doctors told her to come back two days later for the results of her laboratory exams or something.
She didn't have a choice, right? Which was why she agreed. Natsume told her that he would go back to that hospital with her.
-ooo-
"You only have..."
Six years.
Did she actually hear that right? Six years?
"...more to live. It will be a miracle if you get pass the age of twenty-five, Miss Sakura."
The brunette softly laughed. Seriously?
"Doc, stop with the jokes. It's not funny, you know?"
Dr. Imai took off his eyeglass and stared at Mikan. "I really hope that these results say otherwise, Miss Sakura," he said. He wiped some dirt off his glasses before wearing them again. "You should take care of yourself even more now."
She couldn't believe even a single word that came from the doctor. But then, beside her, Natsume was staring off into space, his mind was wandering somewhere...
...and tears were flowing endlessly from his eyes.
Mikan couldn't help but cry with him. After all, it was the first time she saw him cry like that.
-ooo-
They went home silently.
Mikan didn't know what to do.
Natsume told her everything's going to be alright, that she would be okay. That she would be fine. That they would grow old and live a happy life together, just like what they always wanted and planned.
Mikan gently smiled at him and hugged him tight.
She was afraid, and she was not ashamed to admit that.
-ooo-
Everything went as normal as it could for Mikan. She would go to school with her best friend, but she often found it tiring. Her heart was already failing, and she knew that.
All of her close friends knew about her condition. They even cried for her when they found out that she was rushed to the hospital days ago.
Her friends knew, that despite the smiles she was showing them, Mikan was really afraid of what's going to happen to her.
One time, they were in their classroom, the brunette suddenly asked them while smiling, "What are you going to do if I suddenly disappeared? If I suddenly... die?"
Her friends looked at each other first before answering her with another question.
"What kind of question is that, idiot?" Hotaru asked. Her other friends nodded as an agreement.
She sighed before smiling. "Nothing, just asking."
Mikan then stood up and told Hotaru, "Let's eat. I'm kinda hungry."
For once, her best friend didn't say something and went to the canteen with her.
-ooo-
She kept thinking about the question she asked her friends that morning. She was alone inside her room, and she was lying on her bed.
Natsume, she thought about him.
Mikan sighed and made up her mind.
Tomorrow she would tell him about her decision.
-ooo-
"You're what...?" the raven-head asked her, his voice shaking.
The brunette winced. This was the the first time her boyfriend raised his voice on her.
She bowed her before saying, "I'm breaking up with you, Natsume," as she looked into his eyes.
Mikan saw him shake his head. "Why?" he asked later, his crimson eyes searching her face.
She felt her breath increased she thought, Oh no. Please don't do look at me like that, Natsume. I might not let you go.
She closed her eyes and tore her gaze away from his handsome face. She then smiled bitterly. "Six years, Natsume. I only have six years left. You know that."
"But I don't understand this, Mikan. You have six years more. The doctors might be wrong..."
She held his hand as she bit on her lower lip. The brunette sighed before looking at his face.
"I," she started, biting her lower lip even harder in order to stop her tears from falling. "I don't want to make this harder for you, Natsume. I- you know that I love you, right? And because of that, I want you to be happy."
The brunette dropped his hands, as she felt that pain on her chest once again. She smiled painfully at him before she turned her back away from the raven-head, leaving him behind.
"How could I be happy without you?" he asked, his voice was soft.
She pretended not to hear him as she continued to walk away.
-ooo-
Five and a half years later...
Her friends were waiting for their graduation. A little more time and they would finally reach all their dreams.
Mikan sat there, beside her window pane. She was pale, and she was skinny. Her cheekbones were now more prominent as the fats on her face disappeared. Bruise-like circles could be seen under her eyes, and one could see how tired she was.
A smile was written on her face as she looked outside the window. There, she saw her family, happily enjoying the lunch they had prepared.
She didn't want to join them, or she couldn't, rather. She would easily get tired nowadays.
Mikan smiled yet again as she touched a little white envelope with her pale hands. It was just delivered this morning and her mother couldn't even look straight at her face when she asked the old woman about it during breakfast.
She felt her heart break as she read the contents of that envelope.
He was going to get married.
The brunette touched the photo in front of the invitation lovingly. His raven hair, his peircing eyes... she missed them.
A painful smile appeared on her face as she saw a smile on his handsome face. She then felt that pain again.
Well, at least he is happy, she thought, as the envelope fell on the floor. Her hand went limp on her side a few moments later, hanging lifelessly on the side of her chair.
.
.
.
.
.
She didn't get to see how much he cried on her funeral a few days later.
-ooo-
A/N: *speechless*
Review? :)