Into Dust
by SlwMtionDaylite
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. Paramount, et al. own all. I really wish they would let me borrow Spock for a while though.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Spock/Uhura
Word Count: ~1,756
Warning: character death
Summary: "We both knew this time would come. It only came a lot sooner than we thought it would," she whispered, tears flowing.
Author's Notes: I don't know if a mind meld can achieve this effect, but I'd like to think it can. Also, remember, emotional boundaries are nonexistent in a mind-meld, before yelling 'OMG! OOC!' at me. :-)
Written for the Spock/Uhura Prompt: Mind Meld over at the Spock_Uhura LJ community.
A silence had descended upon the sickbay as McCoy delivered the news to the captain and his first officer.
"You are certain?" Kirk asked quietly, looking at the still figure lying on the bed.
McCoy sighed wearily, "As certain as I can be. She has suffered severe trauma to her brain. It is unlikely she will ever regain consciousness. Right now, she's on life support."
The doctor and Kirk ventured a look at the quiet half-Vulcan. By all outward appearances, he appeared to be very calm, the ideal Vulcan. Except for the dangerous storm of emotions dancing in his eyes.
Spock's eyes darted from the body lying on the bed to Kirk's.
The captain dropped his eyes quickly, feeling a tidal wave of guilt. It was his fault. Kirk tried desperately to maintain control, but it was difficult. She was his friend as well. And he was the one who insisted she accompany them on the away mission. He waited for Spock to release his anger on him.
"Have you alerted her family, Doctor?" Spock asked instead. He spoke calmly. Too calmly.
"I was about to," McCoy spoke.
"Do not bother. I shall do it."
"Are you sure?" Kirk asked before he could stop himself.
"She is my wife, Captain. I should be the one."
Silence once again fell upon the sickbay. The Vulcan's eyes once again gazed at Nyota's form before he spun around on his heel and left the room.
Spock stared at the blank comm screen. As predicted, the news of their daughter had not been taken well.
He tried to not let their words hurt him. He understood grief had made them irrational.
It was difficult.
Cold-hearted. Unfeeling. Bastard. Monster.
Nyota's parents, he knew, had never truly accepted him as a good choice for their daughter. They had difficulty understanding his Vulcan heritage.
They had difficulty understanding that he was breaking apart inside.
They didn't understand.
She would have.
She would have known.
Three weeks later, there was no change. She remained in a coma. And on life support.
And Spock remained at her side whenever possible, thankful that Kirk had allowed him all the time he needed to be with his wife.
McCoy and Kirk were worried for their friend. Despite his stoicism, the Vulcan's appearance had changed drastically. His usually well-manicured appearance had slipped. While his emotions always seemed to be in check, bags appeared under his eyes, hinting at the many sleepless nights when he chose to remain at her side instead of resting. He seemed gaunter than he ever did.
Spock sat wordlessly by Nyota's bedside as McCoy approached and studied the readouts from the various machines she was attached to. He frowned.
"Still no change," he offered helplessly to the Vulcan.
"Thank you, Doctor," Spock said quietly.
McCoy hesitated. Then he said, "Spock, we need to discuss the conditions of her living will."
Spock did not look at him, "Perhaps we can discuss this at another time."
McCoy found his anger getting the better of him. Every day he would tell him that they needed to talk and every day the insufferable Vulcan would state that perhaps another time would be better. "Dammit, Spock! We need to talk about this. You know she wouldn't want to live –"
Spock glanced up at him, "I believe I asked to discuss it at a later date."
McCoy was silenced as he gazed at Spock's eyes. Uhura had always gone on about the depth of Spock's emotions, always stating that they were free flowing just under the surface, occasionally breaking through.
He had never believed her.
Until now.
The pain and grief were flowing from the Vulcan's human eyes. There were no tears.
McCoy couldn't help but think they weren't far behind.
"Please, leave me alone with my wife," Spock stated.
McCoy detected a small waver in his voice.
He sighed and nodded, leaving for his office.
Alone, Spock allowed himself think about McCoy's words. He had been avoiding doing so, because he knew the contents of her living will. She had stated that if there comes a time where she could not survive without the aid of life support, she did not want to.
He knew he must honor her request. Her wish.
But he was having difficulty.
He could still feel her through the bond.
Which could only mean that she was still in there. Holding on.
He glanced at McCoy's office, where the doctor was too busy to notice his actions. Too busy to stop him.
Reaching across, Spock placed the tips of his fingers upon her still face.
He closed his eyes.
And found himself back in his office at the Academy.
He could not prevent an eyebrow from rising in question.
Why here?
He heard a knock and turned around.
Deep within the meld with the walls down, he could not suppress the gasp that escaped his lips, "Nyota."
She smiled widely, quickly approaching him, "There you are. I've been searching forever for you."
They embraced. Spock felt his resolve slipping even further. It had been so long since he held her in his arms.
Leaning up, Nyota kissed him. Before he could deepen the kiss, she pulled away and he was troubled by her sudden absence from his arms.
She reached for his hands, still smiling, "Now that you're here, we can go."
"Go where?" he asked, tightening his fingers around hers, afraid to let her go.
She laughed, "You'll see. It's a surprise. I've always wanted to go. And now that you're here, I can." She kissed him again.
"Nyota?" he asked as she led him out of the office.
And suddenly he was in Shi'Kahr.
He gasped as he looked around the city in which he was born. He never thought he'd see his home planet again.
"Why are we here?" he asked Nyota, who was looking around, eyes filled with awe and wonder.
"I've always wanted to visit your home planet. Wow. It's so beautiful."
"You are truly unique, Nyota. Most humans would disagree. It appears much too desolate and dry for most humans to tolerate."
"They don't know what they're missing," she said as she released his hand and walked around, spinning around as she took in all the sights. She watched as Vulcans passed them on the street, not paying them any mind. Small shuttles flew overhead. Tall buildings graced the streets, and even some came down from the rock above. Shi'Kahr seemed to be carved into the entrance of a cave. It was beautiful.
Spock could not contain a smile as he watched her.
Her eyes landed on his face, "You're smiling."
He looked down quickly, "Yes. As you well know, emotions run freely within a mind meld."
The smile slowly faded from her face, "So that's where we are? A mind meld?"
"Yes," he whispered.
"And we're not really on Vulcan."
"No. Vulcan was destroyed approximately seven years, five months, and seventeen days ago."
"I've been waiting for you for how long?" she asked slowly.
"Three weeks, one day, five hours, three minutes, and twenty-six seconds," he whispered, remembering every painful second.
"What happened?"
He halted, "There was an accident on the away mission. You were gravely injured. The doctor is unable to help you. You-" He stumbled over his words. This was unusual for him, "You have been in a coma."
"Will-will I wake up?" she whispered quietly.
He was silent for a moment. Could she wake up? If there was a miracle, yes. Logically, realistically – "No," he whispered, looking down.
He was startled when he felt her hands on his face, raising his eyes to meet her tear-filled ones. Her thumbs grazed across his cheeks lovingly.
She was brushing away his tears.
He had been unaware that he was crying.
He pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.
"We both knew this time would come. We knew the day would come when I would have to leave you. It only came a lot sooner than we thought it would," she whispered in his ear, tears flowing.
"I'm so sorry. I'm not ready," he cried in her arms, breaking down. The carefully erected walls had shattered.
Spock was vaguely aware as their surroundings shifted from the Vulcan capital to their quarters upon the Enterprise as he clung to her. His legs gave out under the release of his emotions and they fell to their knees, Nyota never loosening her hold on him.
"Doctor McCoy has asked me to respect the wishes of your living will, but-" He stopped, and pulled away to look her in the eye. He was moved by her tears. He took a deep breath, "But I needed to see you. For the first time in my life, I feel at a lost, Nyota."
She kissed him sweetly and looked at him sadly, "You know what you need to do."
His eyes slid close. Yes, he did know. It was the logical thing to do.
"Yes," he said simply. He could not say more. He knew he was at the end of his emotional tether. He was unsure if he'd be able to regain control once it was required of him.
They made love once last time within the depths of their joined minds.
"I shall be with you until the end," Spock whispered shakily. Idly, he was aware of his movements outside the meld as he reached over to the machinery and disengaged the life support.
Together, they lay in the bed in their minds, intertwined with one another as their tears flowed freely.
Spock's lips grazed across hers, "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. Dungi-ashau kwon-sum du, k'diwa. T'khio'ri."
"I love you," she released a sob. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head, pressing his forehead to hers, "You have nothing to be sorry for, my love."
He watched as her eyes slid close. She seemed to be merely falling asleep.
He felt her mind slip from his.
And then he was alone.
He opened his eyes. He found his vision was blurred from tears. Emotional transference is an effect of a mind meld.
The steady unending noise of the heart monitor rang out, deafening in the otherwise utter silence.
"What happened? What did you do?" the frantic voice of the doctor interrupted Spock's sorrow.
His eyes darted from Nyota's still form to McCoy's startled eyes.
It was apparent the doctor was shocked by tears coursing down Spock's face.
"I did as she wished."
THE END :(
*translation: "I cherish thee. I will love you always, my beloved. My star."