Title: 'Porcupine Love'
Pairing: Kanda/Lavi, in no particular order.
Warnings: Deathfic.
Also slash but little more than shounen-ai. Don't like same sex relationship? Don't read. Two guys flirting, in a very non romantic way give you the shivers? Don't read. Drabble and, even worse, no beta!
Disclaimer: D.Grayman not mine.
Lavi was seventeen when he first had sex. It had started out as a bit of en experiment to see which he actually liked better: women or men. Lavi had wined and dined one of the few female Finders around and then finally managed to score. It had been... awkward. Lavi had an amazing amount of theoretical knowledge as to what should go where and what should feel good. Unfortunately, sex like martial arts was more of a question of practice making perfect.
Maria the finder had quietly but not so subtly let Lavi know that he might want to practice a bit and that he should not be looking to do so with her.
The redhead hardly cared. He had accomplished a part of his self-imposed quest. He now had to net himself a guy. Lavi was maybe a bit of a slut... But hey it was all for the good of scientific research right? Bookman may go for the Bookmen must be as pure as driven snow approach but Lavi had read older records where more enterprising chroniclers had gone as far as to sleep with peculiarly intriguing characters in order to get a better understanding of what made them tick.
This actually gave Lavi an idea. For only Yuu remained a closed book in spite of most of the young Bookman's efforts. The Panda may have quite enough information on all Exorcists but Lavi who was still learning, had to sweat it and gain information the old fashioned way (through observation) as he didn't have access to any personal files.
So it was that operation seduce the Kanda was launched. It didn't get off to an auspicious start. Kanda was oblivious to any subtle flirting and responded to groping and physical contact with the point of his katana. After a week of continuously failed attempts at obtaining Kanda's attention in a non lethal capacity Lavi was about ready to give up. Luckily or unluckily as the future was hardly going to be friendly to the poor redhead Lavi ended up listening to some comments and jokes on porcupine having careful sex and this gave him an idea of slowly curing Kanda of his touch-phobia.
Initially it was an abysmal failure, but after only eight months of being explicitly propositioned Kanda either bought a clue or he decided to give up in order to spare himself further hassle. (The second hypothesis was actually the correct one.)
And so it was that they had phenomenally bad sex. Lavi got kneed in the groin accidentally while they tried to divest one another of their trousers. Then he got his tongue bit on purpose because it was obviously unhygienic to slip it in his partner's mouth. Then they ended up headbutting. But Kanda's head was somehow made of sheer metal because he barely winced at the collision while Lavi's teeth and brain rattled for a good half an hour afterwards. (Lavi later checked and ascertained that Yuu didn't have a metal skull. His skull was just solid bone with no air separation. Talk about being hard-headed...) Then Lavi may have come sort of quickly. But hey when you are 17 that should be excusable. And anyway that should hardly be an offence punishable by skewering!
After such an experience it stood to reason that Lavi should have gone back to contemplating a calm quiet relationship with someone of the fairer sex. But well Lavi needed to show that he was GOOD at sex and Yuu seemed to be putting him down with each glare.
Their second go ended in a more satisfactory fashion but for the tiny little fact that Kanda had grabbed Lavi's head and very nearly ended up breaking his neck in the convulsive moment of their experience. Lavi spent a week in traction. Yuu refused to say he was sorry. well actually Kanda didn't see Lavi for the whole week and was on a mission when Lavi got out of the hospital and by the time he was back it was all water under the bridge. But Lavi was so tying him up next time they fooled around! (Kanda was actually not sorry at all. The idiot had weak neck muscles or his tiny little squeeze wouldn't have hurt him!)
Their third time was not much of an improvement. Lavi wondered if it was physically impossible to have good sex with Kanda or whether he was just horribly bad at sex altogether. Or more likely both. But he still soldiered on. By the tenth try they had gotten the mechanics down pat. The twentieth saw them coming together and Lavi avoiding the preying mantis strike (as Lavi had nicknamed Kanda's cervical-vertebrae-aimed, supposedly involuntary attack).
Their forty-eighth time was a quickie in a bathroom during a mission. The boys hadn't had any in the last few months and just decided to go at it. It was actually pretty good, for once.
It was their last. After the whole Ark debacle Kanda had gone back to being an artistically pleasing wall you could admire from a distance. Close up the spikes would skewer you. Lavi shrugged and thought he might work around whatever the bug up Yuu's ass was at a later time; they had a war to fight.
Two weeks afterwards during a minor mission Kanda took what should have been a mortal wound. Much to his companions surprise he didn't start to heal, in fact he turned to dust so quickly his friends barely had the time to take it in. Lavi cynically thought that Kanda had been so efficient so as to take care of this body's disposal the Order didn't even have to go to the trouble of organising the cremation.
Bookman let Lavi read Kanda's profile. He seemed half amused, half disappointed that Lavi hadn't realised the price of Kanda's accelerated healing. He took care to comment that after giving himself the pain of getting in a position where he would be seeing the tattoo evolve Lavi should really have figured it all out.
Lavi thought that maybe Bookman had the right of things when he said that even purely carnal relationships should be avoided. He hadn't cared about Y... Kanda. Even so he felt a bit angry at the other boy, for shutting him out. He should have had something out of those last few days of Kanda's.
When the Earl offered Lavi Kanda's life, the apprentice Bookman laughed in its face and destroyed the two level Akumas the nasty little goblin had brought along. Then he cried like a baby without really knowing why. He thought maybe he was missing Yuu a tiny little bit.