A/N Welcome to my first fanfic! Obviously I do not own any of these characters or anything of that sort. This is just a silly little story that will be in two or three parts, I don't know. Review even if you didn't like it. Constructive criticism is welcome, just don't be an asshole about it. Alright! On with the story!
p.s The character Thom was just made up randomly because I was too lazy to think of anyone who already existed.
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Saturday morning, Harry Potter awoke to an empty dormitory. Sunlight flooded in through a slightly cracked window. Judging by the warm brightness that greeted him, Harry guessed that it was nearly noon, or perhaps a bit after. He would have preferred to wake up earlier, so he could take an early morning walk, but there was something refreshing about sleeping later than everyone else. This way, he awoke to blissful silence, instead of the usual chatter of the other Gryffindor boys.
Rubbing his eyes, Harry sat up and grabbed his glasses. He wasted no time throwing on a sweater and pants so that he could wonder down to the common room. He suspected the common room to be empty also, and so he was surprised to find Hermione sitting by the unlit fireplace. The girl was hunched over in the chair, her head in her hands and her long, bushy hair covering her face. However, rather than sad, it was clear that Hermione was angry over something and was currently engrossed in deep contemplative thought.
Harry strutted across the room and sat down in the chair beside Hermione. Turning to his friend, he put his hand on her back and asked, "What's wrong?"
Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "Ron."
"How? I always see you too being all cuddly and happy and what not."
"As a boyfriend, Ron is perfectly lovely. As a lover, Ron is less than adequate. No, that is an understatement. Ron is absolute failure in bed."
"How so?"
"Well, sex is supposed to be like 'Oh! Oh yes! Don't stop! Don't stop!' but with Ron it's more like, 'Oh… oh… we're done? I didn't even know we began.'"
"Is he… you know…" Harry made a gesture with his fingers, demonstrating a small length.
"Well, I would say he is massive, but he isn't unfortunate. I don't know what to do. I love Ron, but if he can't satisfy me, then it's hopeless."
"Alright, honey, listen up." Harry's voice suddenly turned not dissimilar to a drag queen. "You need to buy Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Erotic Pleasure. Have Ron read it, learn it, love it. Until he learns, imagine someone else while he is fucking you. Doesn't matter who, just someone gorgeous, and imagine this man is really fantastic at fucking. If that doesn't work, then, darling, you're screwed."
Hermione nodded.
"And another thing," Harry added. "I'm sure you're no sexual dynamo, so don't be such a bitch about it. Don't just expect him to be all 'I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you'll scream,' while you lie there like a dead goat. There's this thing; it's called foreplay. Okay?"
"Well, I never!" Hermione looked quite taken aback with Harry's sudden outburst.
"I'm just being honest. You can be quite frigid sometimes."
"Thank you Harry, you're such a great friend." Hermione said, her words dripping with distain.
"Anytime!" Harry chirped back with a smile on his face. "Well, I'm off!" Harry stood up from his chair.
"Where to?"
"Now that would be none of your business," Harry called back as he skipped out of the Gryffindor common room.
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On any other day, Harry would have been content to wonder around the castle or take a stroll across the grounds. This Saturday, however, was particularly special. It wasn't a birthday or a holiday or anything like that. No, this day was significant only to Harry and one other. Today was Harry's sixth month anniversary with his darling boyfriend Thom. Yes, Harry Potter, champion of the wizarding world, was gay. He wasn't afraid to come out of the close, quite the contrary in fact. Harry simply believed that being gay wasn't something of great importance and he didn't feel the need to tell people who didn't need to know.
Harry puttered over toward the west side of the castle where Ravenclaw tower was located. He assumed Thom would be somewhere around there, but wasn't quite sure. He wasn't even sure Thom would remember that today was their sixth month anniversary. Generally, most people don't remember things like that, but Harry had a knack for remembering dates.
Up ahead, Harry saw the back of a rather tall chestnut haired boy, lounging against a wall, engaged in conversation with two other boys whom Harry was not familiar with. "Thom!" Harry called, running up to his boyfriend.
"Hello Harry," Thom responded. "Hey guys," he said, turning to his friends, "can you give us a minute?" They nodded walked away.
Harry gave Thom a light peck on the lips. "Do you know what today is?" he asked coyly.
"No, I don't." Thom responded flatly.
"You don't?"
"No, Harry, I don't. We need to talk."
"It's our sixth month anniversary!"
"Harry."
"We should have a picnic or something. Maybe not a picnic, I don't know. I want to do something though."
"Harry!"
"What?"
"I want to break up."
Harry was silent for a moment, taking in what he had just heard. "What?"
"I want to break up."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I'm just not feeling this anymore. It's just not working, I guess."
"But… but… we can fix it! We can!"
"Sorry Harry, we're done." And with that, Thom walked away, leaving Harry alone in the corridor. Harry collapsed to the floor in tears. He was fully prepared to launch himself in a weeks-long period of angst and moodiness. "Where are Umbridge's bloody pens when you need them for god's sake!" Harry thought to himself. He banged his head repeatedly against the wall in a misguided attempt to knock the pain out of his mind. Currently, he was wonderfully succeeding at filling every teenage emo-kid stereotype found on Urban Dictionary.
"Harry Potter," Draco Malfoy snarled from a far, "what the fuck are you doing?" Harry looked up and watched as the pale-skinned blonde boy approached him. "Well?"
Harry was very conflicted. On one hand, he thoroughly detested the boy standing before him, and would prefer not to have a personal conversation with him. On the other hand, he was the only soul present at the moment, and Harry was in a weakened emotional state. Without thought, unintelligible words began spilling out of Harry's mouth. He recounted the events that had just transpired, but the words came out so fast and were so muffled by his tears that Draco had no idea what he was saying.
After a minute or so of Harry's rambling, Draco cut him off. "Save it Patti LuPone. This isn't Argentina and no one is crying for you, okay? I don't know who dumped you, and frankly, I don't really care, but you're Harry fucking Potter. You're the golden boy or the chosen one or whatever crap everyone comes up with, aren't you? I'm sure you will have no problem finding a date." Draco looked down at the wide-eyed boy staring back up at him. His face was spotted with salty tears and it was almost as endearing as it was pathetic. Getting down on his knees, Draco wiped a tear from Harry's face. "Alright are you done?"
Harry nodded.
"Alright then grow up, shut up, and move on. No more crying, okay?" Draco got up and walked away.
Dumbfounded, Harry watched as the Slytherin walked away. He couldn't help but ask himself, "What the hell just happened?"
While Harry began to contemplate Draco's short speech, Draco shouted back, "And Potter, one more thing. This conversation, it never happened."
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A/N Part two coming soon! Review!