A/N - Takes place a month after the events of iOMG. Please R&R. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

"Where's Sam?" Carly asked, not looking up from the box of yellow feathers. "We need to rehearse the chicken bit." I shrugged from where I was fixing something on my laptop. The site banner kept disappearing whenever someone used the navigation bar. "Well, she does always take long to clear out my fridge."

We laughed and shook our heads at their carnivorous friend. I was even thinking of the blond-haired demon before that. I had been thinking about her lately. At least ever since she had kissed me a month ago at the school lock-in. Nothing ever happened after that though. I kept trying to talk to her about it but she refused. She didnt even want to hear what i had to say. Eventually I dropped it and everything went back to normal... for the most part.

"Hey, Freddie. Hey Carls." Sam said, walking into the studio carrying a plate of cookies. She looked normal but something was off about the way she smiled so sweetly as she held out the plate to me.

I took a cookie, a suspicious look on his face. "What did you do to them?"

"Nothing." She smiled, picking one up and munching it. I almost wanted the cookie to have a laxative in it or taste terrible but they were really good. And they had nuts!

"Is this what you were up to?" Carly smirked, taking a bite of the cookie. When Sam turned away for a moment Carly gave me a thumbs-up. She was convinced that Sam was being so nice because she was in love with me.

I knew that wasn't completely true. Sure, that had been the reason leading up to the lock-in but afterwards she started treated me like Fredbag Benson again. Then about a week ago she became nice again without reason or explanation.

"So what are we going to do for the next iCarly sketch?" She smiled, plucking the list from Carly's hand and scanning it. She never took charge at meetings. I glanced at Carly for some kind of reassurance but she was just grinning. She probably had it in her head that Sam was doing this to impress me or something. I inwardly groaned. "You know, I always wanted to sing a song on the show."

"How come you never said anything before?" Carly looked at Sam surprised. I did too. I never thought about Puckett singing...I wondered if she was any good.

"Because I was always to scared to before."

I laughed and both girls turned to look at me. "Sam Puckett? Scared?"

"You know what? Sam snapped, sounding so much her old self I could have cried. But then her expression reluctantly softened and she said, "I was always a little self conscious about it." Her voice was low and sounded a like a small, shy child. The change was son evident, it scared me.

"Well, I think it is a great idea." Carly said, smiling. I swear sometimes that girl smiles too much.

"Yeah but we'll have to do a sound check." I replied, remembering the boy who we had on the show who couldn't sing. I didn't want Sam to be humiliated. "We'll have to do it later, though, I left my mic next door and my mom won't let me back in until her book club is over."

"Yeah, well, I have a doctor's appointment but you guys can use the studio." Sam was staring out the window and so her back was to us. I wish she had been facing us so Carly didn't wink dramatically causing my stomach to lurch. I did not plan to discussed anything with Sam. I wished Carly would stop try to encourage me.

"Well, Benson, that sounds like a date." Sam said, her tone monotonous as if her mind was everywhere but. I still couldn't help but start when she said "date".

"Okay, Spencer and I are leaving in five minutes and Sam should be here in ten." Carly gave me a nudge and I took a step away from her. She didn't notice as she was talking animatedly about ways how I could profess my "deep, true love" for Sam. This was just getting ridiculous.

"Alright, Kiddo, let's go." Spencer walked in, clapping his hands together. "Later, Freddio!" e called, escorting Carly out of the apartment. He always seemed to know how I was dealing and must have realized his kid sister was starting to make my hair turn gray and fall out.

Finally I was alone. I moved to the couch and dropped down, burying my face in my hands with a deep intake of breath. I had felt so trapped these pat few weeks. It was like I was drowning in sand and the more I tried to claw my way to freedom, the deeper I was buried. Between Sam's odd behavior and Carly's "helping" the girls in my life were attempting to drive me utterly and absolutely crazy.

Sometime amidst my revelry, I heard the lock click and the door swing open. I knew who it was, I could the sounds of them eating ham...or some kind of meat. I was expecting...hoping for a snide remark about how I was crying about having no friends or if I had finally realized that my face was too ugly for society to handle. Neither of that wa true but Sam usually wouldn't have passed up that chance. Now I was deeply worried.

"Are you coming?" I sat up to find Sam near I nodded, and followed her up to the studio. She beat me by a few seconds and was sitting on the stool, holding the mic, waiting. A huge smile was on her face and she was swinging her legs playfully. It was just all too odd.

"Are you okay?" I ventured as I was setting up the program to record her.

"Yep!" I glanced up at her and caught a glimpse of a pained smile before it faded from her lips.

"Okay. Ready." I said with a tone of defeat. Obviously she wouldn't want to talk to a nub about her feelings and I was silly to think she would.

She sat up on the stool, looking confident but she didn't start singing. Suddenly her face fell and she started biting her lip which turned to chewing. She started playing with her hair, the hem of her shirt. I looked done to pause the program and when I glanced up, Sam was crying.

Yeah, Sam Puckett was crying.

It was full out crying either. If it weren't for the few tears that ran down her face I would have just assumed that she was in pain. It was so strange how beautiful such an ugly thing could look on some people. When Carly cried she looked hideous but Sam cried, it was so heartrendingly sad and somehow attractive
"Sam?" I asked, closing the distance between us and placing a hand on her shoulder. She grabbed a handful of my shirt and cried pitifully into it. "Sam?" I asked again and this time she responded with a small nod. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Benson." The tone in her voice was so familiar. She leaned away from me. Her eyes were still red and her face was still streaked with tears but all the vulnerability went out of her face. "Well, correction, you're face is what is wrong." Then she waged her hand, shooing me away and I obliged returning to my computer.

Silence ensued. I glanced up a few times at Sam to find her just staring at her hands. I wanted to ask her questions but I decided that she would tell me when she was ready...if she was ready. It killed me though to see her cry then try to put her emotions away so quickly.
"Sorry, Freddie." Sam murmured, her apology genuine. I glanced up.

"For what?"

"For being mean just now...being mean ever."

"Don't apologize." God, I was such a masochist. But she smile faintly. "Why are you apologizing? You've never apologized before."

"Yea, I have. When we were on the fire escape...and we had our first kiss." She said softly. I had to strain to hear practically.

"Last time you felt guilty about something too." I replied, raising an eyebrow. "Do you feel guilty abbot something? Because if you feel guilty about the kiss at the lock-in, don't."

"No, I don't feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about everything." Everything? What was this everything. I loomed at her face for answers but all I found was pain. "I want to be remembered fondly,not as some meat-craving bully."

"Remembered?" What was she talking about? Now, she was scaring me. "Where are you going?"

"Freddie, can I tell you a secret?" She asked.

"You can tell me anything, Sam." She gave me a faint grin then and reached up to grab a handful of her hair. Strangely the first thought that crossed my mind was 'oh my gosh, she is about to pull off her wig and reveal that she is Miley Stewart!'. Not that I ever watched that stupid show. But then I got the greatest shock...she did pull off her wig.

Sam was bald!

This had to be a joke...something but Sam wasn't laughing. Instead she looked ready to cry. "What-." I began, the words dying on my tongue.
I walked over to the stool where she seemed to be very intently staring at her fingernails. I took her hands out of her lap and pressed them to my lips. It wasn't a kiss but just something I could remember my father doing before...well, before he left. I could see the sparkle in her eye.
Then her lips were on mine. It was more passionate than any other kiss before but it was also the shortest and the saddest because as she pulled away I noticed she was crying again.

I let her bury her face in my chest as I rubbed her back comfortingly. Huge sobs racked her small but tiny frame and they felt almost painful. I hated seeing her this way...so hurt.

"What wrong?" I asked, rubbing a curious hand over her bare scalp. It didn't feel shaved.

"I have leukemia, Freddie!" She wailed. Then her voice feel to a whisper. "And I'm scared."

I held her even more tightly, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. I wondered if she heard the cracking. Sam, the girl I loved was sick and broken, seemingly beyond repair and there was nothing I could do except keep loving her and holding her until there was no more pain.