Authors Note: So… today 4 years back I lost a person very dearly to me, so feeling a little down this month I decided to write what happened back then. Massive thanks to Rasha with that help this work was beautifully edited… hugs and kisses for you baby. Warning this is the first time for me writing a Naruto story, it will be a YAOI - AU - OCC - Character Death. if you don't like that dont read it.
Disclaimer… Me?! Own Naruto?! Yeah right…
So… on the story…hope you guys enjoy this…
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昭和十三年七月十二日.
平成十七年八月三十日.
父はいつも私の心の中に.
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SAYOUNARA
さようなら
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Bla bla bla -- Sasuke
Bla bla bla -- Naruto
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Today is one year more ... four years in total have passed since that fateful day and even so with time, my memory holds those images and experiences alive and fresh as if they have happened only yesterday ... my heart aches and my eyes water only from the memories of that lost look of pain ... looking without seeing ...
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I wake up feeling a gentle breeze ... it's a cool August morning. With my eyes closed I search for the body of my lover with my hand only to discover that his place is empty and cold ... I open my eyes slowly and allow a sigh escape my mouth. I get up and walk calmly to the bathroom, a taste of iron in my mouth ... it is uncomfortable to look and I wash the sleep out of my eyes. After washing up I will go search for Sasuke ... After all, I know where he is ...
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Unable to avoid it ... my sad mood brought back memories of that day ... so far back ...
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-Flashback-
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"Sasuke, you have a call ... " I heard her call from the office.
"Got it." I replied. Placing the receiver next to my ear, I said; "Alo?"
"Sasuke?"
"Neji." I responded, pleasant to hear the voice of my love.
"Sasuke, listen to me ... I just left the doctor's office and he requested me to stay in the hospital this weekend ... "
"What? Like ... is everything all right ... ?"
... I could feel my heartbeat accelerate. The pressure and my concern clouded my thoughts. My hands started trembling slightly when the realisation hit me.
"Calm down love, everything is fine." He said, "I would like if you could come here when we speak of procedures ... "
"Okay ... I'll leave immediately ... See you soon ... "
I hung up. Taking the hospital data and my things, I left. I vaguely noticed Sakura form my department looking at me when I passed her in a hallway ... I cursed, already standing at the half of the parking lot, remembering that I left my car at the workshop today ... Sighing, I walked to the nearest taxi stop.
While sitting in a cab, I tried to relax and convince myself that it was nothing serious ... that everything would work out, but I couldn't help not to feel something strange in the depths of my being ... sighing again, I let my mind wander over the past few months ... Neji was someone that had always been healthy. I noticed that began to change recently. First there were stomach pain and dizziness, occasionally slight fatigue and constant cold sweating. Although the symptoms were not severe, his condition did not improve so we decided to visit the doctor. Perhaps Neji caught a virus during his last trip? We did not know and certainly, I did not expect his call, telling me that he'd spent the weekend in the hospital, doctor's orders ... It just couldn't be something serious ... right?
Snapping myself out of those depressive thoughts, I sighed again as I saw the hospital building approaching. I paid the cab driver and went to the reception. I came to the nurses' station and asked in which room the love of my life was.
"Sasuke!"
I smiled when I saw Neji ... Without any doubt, the whiteness of the room made me more nervous than ever, but calmness in his voice comforted me and I quickly made my way to his arms, which were already waiting to take me.
"What happened? What did the doctor say?" I asked in his embrace. I felt his hands rub circles on my back. Sighing I removed myself from the embrace to get a better view of his face.
"It is my heart ... "
"Eh ... ?"
"Before you interrupt me, let me explain ... " He took a deep breath before continuing, his face was serious. "Apparently some sections of the arteries of my heart, have a hereditary thinning ... Dr. Umino said it was the only logical explanation since I do not smoke and I'm in a good physical condition. Tomorrow, they still need to make a catheterisation to determine how to ... mhmm ... proceed with the situation, and then perform the surgery the day after tomorrow."
" ... "
Eh ... my mind was numb at that time, Cathe ... what? Surgery?! My eyes were wide open from the shock the information caused ... and Neji was speaking of it as quietly as if it were just a splinter in the finger ...
"But ... how ... "
"It could have come from my mother, I do not know since both of my parents died when I was still a child and my uncle has never made more contact with my mother's side of family ... " I nodded since I knew that much. " ... And the Hyuuga family has no medical history about his type of disease."
I was still in shock. I did not know what to make of this. It was definitely serious, but how serious I did not know. All that I asked at that time, was whether everything was just a bad dream. Soon, the silence began to weigh into the room, and I knew my answer. I had to give Neji my support, had to show him I was there for him, but I did not know how ... Seeing my uncertain expression, Neji smiled graciously. With his hands, he invited me to return to his embrace. I rested by his side carefully without disturbing the intravenous wire in his right hand. I felt his other hand on my back again and his voice whispering sweet things to me ...
"I'll spend the night here and tomorrow we will notify your family, okay?" I said and Neji nodded ... We stayed in that position until we fell sleep.
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It was Saturday morning and Neji was in one of the many rooms of the hospital, where they were doing the catheterisation. Hinata and Hanabi were in the waiting room. To my regret I had to stay at work. Many things were still left unfinished and I had to go to collect the car later. I would return shortly after Neji's operation was done if I calculated the time correctly.
Hinata had already informed our friends and through the day, they appeared to say their best wishes to Neji. When I came to the hospital that afternoon, his room was full of flowers and cards of support ... Neji was still asleep from the effect of anaesthesia. Sighing, I made my way to the armchair that was near the bed. Hinata and Hanabi said their goodbyes and promised to return tomorrow. Thanking them, I closed the door and returned all my attention to my beloved. After a while, I could see those eyes open slowly. They had that cloudy dreamy look ... I came to the bed, carrying an ice cube in my hand to moist Neji's dry lips. He smiled in gratitude. Almost a second later, Dr. Umino entered the room. He checked his condition and explained everything to us. In the end, the procedure was successful and now they knew where they stood. They scheduled the next operation at 1:00 PM, the next day. He left a moment later, and I prepared myself to spend my second night at the hospital. Neji was asleep again, the morning's intervention tired him. I simply stroked his long hair and gazed at his pale face. I kissed his lips softly. It was as if I subconsciously tried to record those moments ...
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When I woke up the next Sunday morning, I was greeted by a smiling Neji ...
"Good morning ... "
"Good morning ... " I yawned, "How do you feel?"
"Much better than yesterday ... "
"That can be seen as even better than when you entered the hospital."
Neji laughed merrily at my comment and maybe at my wrinkled face from the sleeping position I was in last night.
"Hinata was here, she went to the café in front the hospital and my uncle will come in the afternoon after the surgery. I think his plane will arrive around that time ... "
"You want me to meet him?"
"No, Hanabi will do it."
"Oh! Better for me, that way I can be with you all the time." I smiled.
"Ne, Sasuke ... can you please go and collect my clothes at the drycleaner's? My favourite pair of pyjama is there and I want to wear it next week. The recovery will be much more comfortable if I wear something I'm comfortable in and not the hospital gown that I have now."
"Neji, can I leave that for tomorrow? I don't want leave you alone ... "
"Oh! Come on ... I'll be fine, besides the drycleaner's closes at noon, if you go early you can return before surgery ... Hinata will be here too, I wont' be alone ... please, I want to feel as comfortable as I can ... "
"Okay ... you win. I will be back soon with you pyjama."
Mentally thinking Neji for making me leave the hospital, I got up to leave but Neji stopped me,
"Have breakfast on the way too." I really don't like the hospitals and Neji knew that very well.
"Yes, yes."
I got back at the hospital before noon. I looked into the room ... and discovered that the bed was empty and Neji was slowly walking ...
"What are you doing up?" I asked worriedly.
" I have to go to the bathroom, so I was allowed to get up and do this on my own." He said with a happy smile on his face.
"Oh ... okay ... need any help?"
" ... No thanks ... "
I let him to continue his path and sat down on the couch heavily. Waiting for Neji to come out of the bathroom, I could hear his voice ... saying that Hinata and Hanabi were gone for a moment and that they would return later. Hanabi would bring his uncle. So at the time being, it was just the two of us ... Only last a few seconds after he finished speaking, I heard a dull noise from the bathroom. I felt fear spread through my body ...
"Neji ... ?"
There was no response. Taking a deep breath, I opened the bathroom door with trembling hands ... I could feel my blood run cold at the sight. Without thinking, I left the room to search for a doctor or s nurse. As soon as someone paid attention to me, I ran back to the room to help Neji who continued to lie motionlessly on the floor. I tried to move him from the odd position he had been in. In that moment, a male nurse came to the room, together we managed to raise Neji and put him back in his bed. His pale eyes began opening ... A new doctor and more nurses entered the room to see what was wrong. Apparently, the fainting was caused by a slight downward pressure ... Sighing, I noted that even thou I was more relaxed, my hands were still nervously shaking ... Everything was happening so fast ... Neji looked exhausted and fell asleep quickly. Without much thinking I sat on the couch watching my beloved sleep ... and trying to calm my nerves ...
... Just a few minutes had passed, the room was quiet when I saw Neji's discomfort in his dream ... as if it were a nightmare. I stood up worriedly and took his hand in mine gently, trying to calm him ... Right in that moment, Neji opened his eyes, the expression of utter terror and pain pasted on his face. I had never seen an expression like that on his face. He looked as if he was trying to escape his nightmare but couldn't. His mouth was opened in a silent scream. Something was definitely wrong. I hurriedly pressed the emergency button on the side of the bed as many times as I could. I watched as Neji's eyes began watering, I called him, begged him to look at me ... I never reached him ...
... Suddenly, Neji's body was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I couldn't react to anything. I was just standing there in the room, watching as doctor and nurses moved through the room, trying to help. I felt someone took me by the arm while talking. When I looked at the person, I saw it was the same male nurse who had helped me raise Neji. His blue eyes were looking at me while his lips moved but my ears wouldn't hear ... couldn't hear anything that he told me. All my senses were numb, everything was in slow motion ... I was in shock. The nurse pulled me out of the room and soon, I was sitting on one of the chairs that were directly in front of Neji's room ...
... More nurses arrived with a stretcher and equipment. Dr. Umino, along with two other doctors, came too ... but nobody came out ... I didn't know how much time went by. I was just waiting for something ... I never felt the tears run down my face until someone gently wiped them away while I was hugged ... I was surprised to discover an equally red-eyed Hinata. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she didn't say a word, we only wait there with hope.
40 minutes later, the door opened, and the nurses left the room with a stretcher, carrying Neji. Where were they taking him? I didn't know. Dr. Umino saw us and started walking directly toward us. His eyes rested on us, and his expression was solemn.
"Uchiha-san, Hyuuga-san ... "
He bowed lightly and we sat down around the table that was in front of us ... I was speechless. My mind was still replaying that terrified look of pain in the eyes of my beloved ...
"What happened?" Hinata asked. There was so much fear in her words.
Soon, Dr. Umino explained everything that happened in the simplest way. Neji had suffered 4 heart attacks all together, three of them followed the first one that happened it the bathroom when he fainted. They didn't think it was anything that serious, because Neji woke up afterwards feeling a bit tired but conscious ... The second attack was the one I had witnessed and left me in shock. The other two happened when I was already outside. Thinking about it, I concluded he never regained 100% of his consciousness after the first attack ... And the second being so strong, his body reacted as if he simply woke up after a nightmare ... .That was that pined look in his beautiful eyes, I realised.
It had been 5 hours, and Neji was in the intensive care. The further operation couldn't be performed because of the weak state Neji's body was in. They had to wait for his body to stabilise. Hiashi-san decided to wait and see it the operating would be even possible. Hinata was beside me, I would like to say I could have sympathised with her, but that wasn't true. I was unable to feel anything at that moment ...
Later that day, out friends and the rest of Neji's family came to visit. Hanabi and Hinata were asleep in one of the armchairs. Kiba, Shino and Shikamaru, our mutual friends, were quietly talking in one end of the waiting room. Hiashi-san was sitting by my side. We were both silent, waiting for any signal ... It was dawn on Monday, and I couldn't help but think bitterly how our world was turned upside-down in only one weekend. Dr. Umino approached us and requested our presence in another room. We got up and followed him to that room. It appeared to be Dr. Umino's office. There were two other people there, Dr. Hatake and Dr. Sannin. Together with Dr. Umino, they were three best local cardiologists.
"We can't do the surgery." Dr. Sannin stated.
"Neji-san's heart is deteriorated due to the heart attacks, it's like this ... " Dr. Umino tried to explain, "The functionality of a normal heart is 100%, and his heart is only working at 30%." He finished.
"Besides, his body functions such as kidney function, have malfunction. He's on a dialysis. His respiratory system is in bad shape too, he has water in his lungs and with that, the prognosis isn't encouraging. In the last few hours, he hadn't shown any signs of improvement." Dr. Hatake concluded.
"But ... It's possible to perform the surgery? He could recover ... ?" Hiashi-san asked in a desperate voice.
"It's very unlikely he won't survive the operation." Dr. Sannin said, looking seriously, "At the moment, his body is alive thanks to the machines he's connected to. The decision is yours, we can either proceed with the operation knowing that his body is no longer functional and therefore making it impossible for him to survive ... or leave it here, until the end ... in the current condition, he doesn't have much longer ... "
Silence filled the room, each person locked in their own thoughts ... Hiashi-san couldn't talk anymore. The options confused him, he couldn't believe there was nothing else to do.
"I think it is better if we let him ... if we let him go ... "
I was the one who said it ... I couldn't believe myself, but that was my voice ... Their eyes widened at my statement, Hiashi-san and the doctors turned their heads towards me.
"Uchiha-san ... are you sure? We could still ... "
"I think it is the best Umino-san ... " then I looked at Neji's uncle, "I think it's time to let him rest ... Neji ... he had not wanted this ... "
Hiashi nodded, it was decided then, but that didn't mean it would be less painful.
Leaving the room, we went back to the others, to tell them the sad news ... Hinata and Hanabi began to cry again, Hiashi-san was left signing all the necessary forms. Moments after, Dr. Umino informed us that we could go to Neji's room, and tell him what we need to, before the ... before the end. Hiashi-san and his daughters went in first. One by one the other's said their goodbyes to him. I could not ... I was waiting, trying to extend the time left. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to see him like that. If I did, everything that had happened would become real and definite. I didn't want that ... I was brought out of my stupor the moment Shino's voice reached my ears ...
"Sasuke-kun ... it's time ... "
" ... "
Quietly, I stood up and made my way to Neji's room ... In there, I saw him, he was as white as the paper. He was connected to the endless number of machines, but his face was so relaxed as if he were just sleeping. I felt Hiashi grip my shoulder with his hand, and then exit the room leaving me alone with Neji ... Slowly, I made my way to the bed where my love lay. I gently caressed his hair, and leaned towards his face to kiss him lightly on the forehead. I murmured sweet things in his ear while I gently held his hand in mine. Just then, Hiashi-san came back, together with Dr. Umino and
Dr. Hatake… Dr. Umino walked to the machines and looked up at me. After searching my eyes for approval one more time, he began slowly shutting down the machines, leaving only the heart monitor ... I could hear it so clearly ... every time it pounded slower and slower ... Hiashi-san left the room, he was unable to look at his nephew as he died. He loved him as his own son ... I never let go of his hand. I continued to caress it. Every moment that passed was painful, and when his heart finally stopped ... I simply didn't feel anything else ... I died together with him ...
... Several minutes after, Dr. Umino gently asked me if it was okay for them to start all the required procedures. I feared I would collapse if I was separated form the body that was once my whole world. Sighing sadly, I carefully let go of Neji's hand and left the room ...
... Never in my life, even after the death of my parents, I felt so empty ...
Standing in the hallway, a nurse approached me, extending his hand to greet me ...
"Uzumaki Naruto." He greeted me.
Ah! Yeah ... I realised ... he was the nurse who helped me raise Neji, he was holding a bag ... I didn't respond to his greeting, I just stared at him, he lowered his hand after that ...
"Er ... I'm sorry for your loss. I was wondering if you wanted to collect the personal belongings left in the room ... ?"
Without saying anything, I headed to the room that was once Neji's ... Naruto followed me ... When I entered the room, I stopped to contemplate about the state of the room ... Everything was as it had been after the first collapse. There was small bloodstain on the bed where Neji's head was. It indicated that there was bleeding form his mouth ... On the couch, there was the bag with his pyjama, the one he requested ... Like a robot, I took everything and put it in the bag the blonde man had left me. Shikamaru arrived and offered to get me out of the hospital.
I don't remember anything after that ... everything is a big blur in my mind ... The days passed, for me it was as if the world continued with its normal pace and I was standing there ... still ... My older brother travelled from across the world to be at my side, concern evident in his eyes, but still ... He decided to stay with me in the apartment Neji and I shared. He was worried that I might do something. And indeed, I think I would have done something. What stopped me? I don't know. All our friends were worried because I wasn't talking, I wasn't crying, I was barely eating and I totally let myself waste ...
... 3 months later, a letter arrived in the mail. The letter was addressed to Neji. Curiosity prompted me to open it just to find two tickets for a cruise ... my eyes open widely in realisation that the cruise was the one I wanted to go on, and Neji ... he had bought the tickets as a surprise for our anniversary ... or so it said in the letter that was inside the envelopment ... I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh at the irony of life or cry with the realisation that I would never see Neji again. I fell on my knees and cried. I could feel Itachi's arms around me, he was hugging me ... and for the first time since that day I let myself cry ...
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-End of Flashback-
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I can see him perfectly well from where I stand. He's sitting at the lakeside ... like that time 3 years ago ... Back then, his arms were hugging his knees, his body was slightly trembling. I thought at first it might be because of the cold weather in the morning, but soon I realised that he was crying ... At the beginning I didn't recognise him but when I approached him more, I saw that he was the same person who lost his boyfriend a year ago in the hospital. I could never forget him, his face was engraved in my mind. Besides, all of them, Iruka, Kakashi and Ba-chan had been particularly affected by the death of that patient ... I wanted to keep in touch with him but it didn't seem like a good idea at the time so I let it slip ... Still, one year after his death, I was able to see the pain like it happened only yesterday ... But this time ... 4 years later, it's different, his body looks relaxed ...
"Teme ... !"
Sasuke turns towards me. The memory of our first meeting entered my mind, his pale face, red puffy eyes, but now his face has a beautiful smile ...
"Naruto ... "
He touches the ground next to him, inviting me to sit beside him ... which I do with pleasure ... But the situation is serious and sensitive, since he rarely calls me by my name ... He hugs me and rests his head just below my chin ... I return the embrace happily and keep him in my arms.
" ... Thanks for being by my side ... after all ..."
"You don't hav ... "
"Naruto, we have know each other from 3 years now ... "
"And of those three, eight months as a couple." I smile at him happily.
"Eight months as a couple, yes ... " I see him smile, "You know why do I come to this lake on this date?"
I shake my head saying no.
"Here is the first time I met him, here is the place where he first kissed me and here is where we decided to live together for the rest of our lives ... "
I felt my heart contract slightly in pain ... I feel that I was not enough to make Sasuke completely happy ...
" ... That's why I come here, to remember those moments, to feel that he is always by my side ... but ... this morning ... I realised I did not want to come ... "
" ... ugh?"
"I did not want to leave you ... " Shifting to a better position in my embrace, he looked deeply in my eyes. "I ... I realised something this morning, I realised what my heart has been feeling for you for a long time ... I ... I love you ... "
The words that I wished to hear from him 3 years back, I hear them now ... I can feel my smile grow and my eyes fill with tears. Hugging him again, I caress his black mane while whispering the same words he said to me a moment ago to his ear.
... After a while of this comfortable silence, I wonder ... why we were here, when we could be embraced in the warmth of our bed?
"So ... you came here why?"
"To say goodbye ... it is time to continue with my life ... our lives ... "
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Owari