Chapter 1 Scenes at the train station
All summer I had been nervous before the start of college. I had before summer's end sung in boys toilet as Mr. Schue found me singing Being Alive on the top of my lungs at 6 o'clock in the evening. I did not direct anyone to be in the building. Mr. schue wondered why I had not joined the glee club from the beginning. The truth was that I was extremely shy. I had not even come out of the closet yet. I was not sure if Dad would accept me for who I am. But then the day came when it was time to go to college. I had received a scholarship to Juilliard. I had received the letter three weeks after the incident on the toilet. My mother Katherine had become excited. She herself had applied to the school. My mom played at the city theater in a set of Wicked. She played Elphaba and was painted green for each performance. Ever since I was little I had seen Mom playing outstanding in Wicked. When I was 9 my mom took me to Broadway. And we saw Wicked on Broadway. It was amazing. Mom is the only one who has heard me sing, and the only one who knows I'm gay. You could say that I have come out with a foot through the closet door. My father Burt has a garage. He was always sympathetic and kind. He has always said that if someone is mean to me he would take care of it. I had always felt closer to my mother than I did with my dad. Mom understood me. She and I liked the same things. The day I was going to college was my life's most nervous days. I sat with butterflies in my stomach all the way to the train station. I struggled to hold in her tears. Kurt you are not 6 years I thought. You are actually 19 years old.
- Is it going to be fun kid said Dad. I wanted to say no but I wanted to make Mom and Dad proud.
- Yes, it will be fun, I said quietly
- Good That You think its going to be fun honey and you'll have to do something now that everybody is in college said Mom
Yes i needed to do something was well true. But I preferred to sit in the shade of a tree and read in my book of Shakespeare's collected works. I had it with me everywhere. I live in a world of shadows. A World of Darkness. My psychologist told me that I was suffering from Depression and Anxiety. I had had a breakdown before. And it could happen again. Whenever. Dad knew nothing about that I was sick. When I was hospitalized mother lied to my father that we were traveling in Florida. The entire Hummel family was built on a big lie. I was never comfortable with lying to Dad. I had been close several times to speak the truth. I picked up my book and started to read Romeo and Juliet. It was my favorite. I was hoping that some day I would meet my Romeo.
- Honey, we're here now said Mom. She jerked me cautious. I must think I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes I saw an exact copy of my Glazs eyes. I stood up slowly and stretched me. Directly I saw that I had been crying on my arm. For my shirt had a large soaking wet spot. I went out of the car and assured myself that I had with me my Ipod and my book and my notebook. I suddenly felt how a big lump sat in my throat. I shook with fear and there was even more difficult to hold the tears. I just wanted to burst into tears and cry in mother's arms. I felt there was more difficult to move because my muscles froze. Kurt you made it through hell in high school, so it can well do this. This would only be a stone's throw away. And it was then that there was too much and I burst into tears. And my mother was the first one who took me in her arms.
- But honey she said. I sobbed and cried in her arms. I did not say why I was crying. She Understood anyway.
- Burt she said seriously. Dad looked up from the Rolling Stones he bought yesterday and saw first mom then me.
- What happened to Kurt? he asked
- He is nervous Burt I accompany him to New York, she said. My mom was so calm. I saw immediately that Dad did not understand why I could not take care of myself. And it was then that I knew how anti - depression pills hit its effect.
- Dad, I'm gay, I said. And that was when there was absolutely quiet. None of the three of us could say anything. Dad just looked at me. Mom looked at me.
- Dad, I suffer from depression and anxiety I have had the collapse several times and we've been lying to you all the time I said. I did not recognize myself. This did not sound like me. was had this confident version of myself come from? Dad just glared at me. I prepared myself for him to start screaming and yelling at me and my mom. I regretted very much that I had said everything. I told the truth.
- Katherine join with Kurt ... Take your time, I need to think things through, he said. Me and Mom just stood there in the middle of the train station and watched as Dad lumbered away.
- Sorry mom because I told the truth I said. Mom looked at me.
- You do not need to say sorry he had yet found out the truth once and Kurt she said
- Yes what is it mom I said. She looked me in the eyes
- I am proud of you that you have come out now, she said. She smiled at me. And I could not help but smile.
"Train 206 from Westerville to New York departs in 15 minutes"
- But mom you do not have a ticket, I said. She took a chestnut cap behind the ear
- I have already bought a ticket, I knew this would happen because I know my son, 'she said. I hugged my mom and was glad that I had her. I for than once, had someone who really loved me for who I am. And for a moment I felt six years old. At that time I was always comforted each when you had fallen and scraped up knees. Me and mom went on the train and I could finally sit back put on my ipod and enjoy the sweet tones of Barbara Streisand.
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