Disclaimer: Susan Pevensie went to Aslan's Country after she died. C.S. Lewis made her forget for a reason. Not me.
Realizations
I'm not quite sure how it happened. Slowly, I guess. Narnia, though, faded away as we grew older, and while the others were desperate to hang onto any scrap of those memories, I thought it well past time to move on. I would do her no good from England and there was no going home.
At first, it was just irritating that the other still clung to Aslan and Narnia so. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because I was busy trying to live my life and they were so keen on living as Kings and Queens. Or one queen, singular.
So I suppose that's how it happened. The more I wanted to move on, the aggravating it became to be around my siblings, the more I distanced myself. Maybe I felt guilty because I couldn't go on living as Queen Susan the Gentle and had to go back to being Susan Pevensie of Finchley, and the others had something that allowed them to do both.
The guiltier I felt the more I distanced myself. The more I distanced myself, the less sure I was that it was all real. And really, how could it be much more than a game, anyway?
As time went on, I convinced myself that Narnia and Queen Susan were all a game. And Aslan was just pretend. All my experiences, all of my friends were just make believe. None of it was real. And while the others continued to pretend, I simply seemed to have outgrown such games.
I realize now that even if it wasn't all real, I mean physically, Narnia is where I grew up. I got married there. So did Peter. Narnia is my home, whether we really did get to spend twenty-years there or not. Everything was real.
So, I spent eight years trying to grow up, and I've suddenly realized I've outgrown the notion of make-believe, because that's just a game, and games are for children. And we weren't children in Narnia, and "Narnia" wasn't a game.
I can't believe it's too late, for that though.