Missing You
"I know you're worried about me, and I appreciate it."
Liz's words come back like a wave and echo to his ears and mind. Donald Ressler is sitting alone in his office, staring at particularly nothing. He just caught Margot Rochet and went straight back to the Post Office. Actually, he had this little hope... to see her, safe and sound. A little hope which then turned into a small disappointment when he heard from Samar that Liz went straight home after recovering the witness list from Reddington. Ok, a small disappointment would be an understatement. He felt his heart dropped at the pit of his stomach and realized that he had missed her so much.
He can't stop his mind to fly freely to the recent events that happens in her life. She gets everything back. Her life, her family – Agnes and his husband (she always refers Tom as her husband, which he refuses to acknowledge because it isn't true) – her job and a real place to live at. They start to work together again like one year ago, before she shot Tom Connoly. He's glad she's back. He thought everything will be normal again like before. But, he can't pretend that it is not. Before, he knew she had a suspicion with her mysterious husband. Before, he knew she wanted to have a perfect family with an adopted child. They finally had the same conclusion about how to handle this fake husband of hers after she stood at his doorstep saying she didn't know where else to go.
But now... it's like the story unfolds itself in front of his eyes: Liz came back to his ex-husband, decided to marry him again, then left them – him – behind by falsifying her death and continued to live with him after all the lies and danger his ex-husband put her into. Ressler rubs his face tiredly and realizes they will never be on the same page again regarding Tom. Maybe that's why he feels their relationship is different now. They talk but never deeper than job. Never gets into personal things.
'Well, what do you expect, Don? She has a family now, her own family, her own life.'
'Right.'
Before, she always told him about her problems, her feelings, her curiosity, her concerns... But now... She comes, relays information from Reddington, does the job, then goes home. He has tried to bring the old her out by catching her eyes, making small jokes, sometimes a little sarcasm, but he gets no meaningful reaction.
'How are you, Liz? Are you happy? Are you satisfy?' He asked himself in frustration.
'Of course she is! She gets everything back. It's her dream to have a family. Why wouldn't she be happy?"
He sighs. Deep inside he's not so sure.
'I know you're worried about me...' Liz's voice is coming back.
'Of course I'm worried about you, Keen. You just came back from death, then kidnapped by Kirk, involved in airplane crash, just got your job back for a few weeks, then going undercover without I didn't even have eyes on you... and got noticed by someone I didn't trust...'
'... and I appreciate it...'
He snorts to that second sentence from her.
'Really, Keen? But you kept going anyway. You're so determined to get that damn WITSEC list, that damn job from Reddington...' He stops himself because he slowly realized.
'Since when you don't care about getting the jobs done, Donald?'
He stuns for a while, then picks up his phone and starts to dial a number he memorizes very well.
"Yes?"
He closes his eyes when he heard his voice.
"Put Liz on." He says through a gritted teeth.
"She's busy with Agnes, Man. Is there something urgent? I'll make sure to let her know."
Ressler almost answers no and is ready to slam the phone off when he hears Liz's voice. "Tom, who is that?"
He doesn't hear anything after that, but he keeps his phone on hold.
"Ressler? You're still there?"
He releases his breath he doesn't realize he's holding when he hears her voice answering.
"Yeah, it's me."
"What's wrong? Another case?"
"No! No, Keen," he laughs nervously, then continues "You're really so excited to work, aren't you?"
"Well, I've been on the different side of the law before, so must use every chance I get."
He doesn't know how to respond to that. The moment passes.
"So, what's up?"
He sobers again. "Nothing's up. Just want to say you've done a very good job these days, Keen."
Silence.
"Keen?"
"Uh.. thank you. You don't know how much it means to me – coming from Donald Ressler, the best field agent in the Department."
Ressler laughs.
"Oh, come on, Keen. I do regular. You're the badass."
"No, Ressler. Thank you. For trusting me."
She sounded serious. Ressler's laugh dissapears slowly.
"Keen..."
"It's true. You could have argued more and pulled me out, but you didn't. I would understand if you did though, because I made some wrong decisions in the past... also in life... so thank you to give me a chance to prove that I –"
"You don't have to prove anything to me, Liz." He cut her boldly.
Silence.
Ressler feels his heart almost breaks. He helds his phone tighter.
"I know you and what you're capable of. And I trust you. Always. Just remember that."
Silence still.
"Liz?" He can't hide his worried.
"Yes, I'm here. Don't worry, I'm still breathing."
He can feel her smile, then smiling back.
"That's great! Means we can talk longer."
'Wait, What? What did you just do, Donald?'
But that inner voice has completely gone when he hears her laugh.
He's just about saying more when he hears a crying noise.
"Uh... wait... Agnes wakes up again."
"It's ok. I understand. We can talk later."
"No, wait, I'll –" Ressler's waiting, listening, "Tom, could you please –" Ressler hears Tom says something in the background, but he can't specify what it is, then Liz's voice is heard again, "Alright, alright, I'm coming," then to him "Ressler, I'm sorry, I need to go, but –"
"Don't worry," He interrupts her. "I'll see you tomorrow, send my kisses to Agnes." He says with a small grin.
"Ok.. See you tomorrow."
Ressler closes his eyes, hand is still holding the phone close to his ear, his heart hurts.
'Oh, God, I missed her so much.'
"Keen, you don't know how much I've missed you..."
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
At the Keen's place, approximately some minutes after Ressler saying goodbye...
Elizabeth Keen just ended a phone conversation with her partner, but her eyes are wet, her hand is still holding the phone close to her ear, and his words keep echoing,
'You don't have to prove anything..., I know you..., I trust you..., always...' then "Keen, you don't know how much I've missed you.."
Her head snaps and her eyes are starring at her phone. That wasn't an echo. It's a familiar deep-heavy voice she's grown to love, which also sounded heartbreaking...
"Liz," Tom enters the room surprises her, makes her directly touch the screen of her phone, cut the line dead.
They stare each other.
"Why're taking you so long?" He asked.
In the dim light, he can't see her little tears.
"It's about work." She says. "I'll go to get her." She gets up and walks pass him.
Tom frowns. Something in her voice makes him doubted it's only about work. More over, it was Ressler who phoned her, not Reddington.
That night, after putting Agnes to sleep, Liz is walking downstairs while carrying a pillow and a blanket. She arranges her couch into an aim-for-sleeping mode and lay her head on the pillow with her body turns to the right side, facing a television. Her hand clutchs her phone. She dials a number she remembers very well besides Nick's Pizza and waits. There's no anwer. She disconnects the line, closes her eyes and whispers,
"I've missed you, too..."
-end-