Hello people, this fic is a birthday present, if we can call it a present. But feel free to read it, hate it, love it or anything between the two.
Summary: "Why the fuck is there a panda in my room? And who the hell made cookies?" Mello wants the cookies, and no plushy thing, no matter how fast or cute it is, will prevent him from tasting the chocolaty biscuit. A pointless oneshot for a birthday girl, because cookies are what makes the world not go round. And it's so much better this way!
Disclaimer: If I could come up with something as great as Death Note, I think I'd be too ashamed to actually publish this thing (not sure I can call it a story) So yep, thanks god I don't own death note.
Rating: T for violence and Mello (redundant?)
Warning: This story may contain crack, nonsense, grammar mistakes (I hope not to many but if you come upon some, feel free to tell me, I need to improve my English anyway), violence, drama, what-the-fuckness and any other thing my awful brain can come up with.
610 words according to Word.
AN: To describe this story, I'd only say this: as I was writing my answer to Imoto-kun (yep, crack fic = Imoto kun, remember this equation please). In this answer, I was explaining why I would just be unable to create a story with a request. More precisely, her request. I would only be able to write this... and that's how I wrote about a half of the story!
Anyway, I hope that despite everything, you're going to enjoy it.
And Imoto, Happy birthday, Feliz aniversário, יום הולדת שמח, Joyeux anniversaire. And I hope you can forgive me for what I did...
Cuddly Cocky Cookie Fantasy
When Mello came upon the first empty bottle of rum, he paid it no heed. The evening would have been lonely without Daniel and Malibu to keep him company. He looked at the three following bottles with some kind of recognition. After all, it certainly explained why his head was throbbing. And why he didn't remember the moment he had opened them, let alone finished them. However, things started to get alarming as he discovered the hundred corpses of beer cans lying everywhere in the room. Everywhere but in one place. And how Mello would have loved if they had been there instead of what his eyes wanted him to believe was.
Mello was sure of it now, he had drunk himself to craziness last night. There was just no other way of explaining what he was seeing. A big animal, black, white and plushy, sat in the middle of the room, a plate full of cookies between its legs. Chocolate cookies, his nose supplied.
"Why the fuck is there a panda in my room? and who the hell made cookies?" he thought.
He was midway through the room when the panda turned his face up slightly. Just enough so the blond could see a pale and freckled and very non panda-like face, with deep blue eyes, and a tuft of bright red hair on the forehead where the animal skin met the human skin. And he was nearly sure it had goggles around its neck. Something was definitely amiss. The pandaman took one cookie and put it in its mouth, slowly, crunching just around a chocolate crisp. Its eyes closed for a moment, as if the thing was in pure bliss. It probably was. It crunched again, and nearly moaned around the cookie. Damn, it looked good! If this was a new ad for a new brand of cookies, it was sure working on Mello. He had to taste one of these biscuits. Mello took a step, hitting a beer can on the way. The sound made the panda notice him. Now, it was staring at him, munching the last part of the cookie. Mello took a tentative step. The panda gulped, and stuffed another cookie into his mouth, always holding Mello's gaze. The look in its eyes held a clear message: "Mine."
The hell. Mello wouldn't be intimidated by this!
As the blond made his way to where the animal was, the panda ate faster and faster, its black paws putting blindly the cookies in its mouth, his cheeks looking more and more like the ones of a hamster just before winter. How much could this thing put in its mouth before choking to death? Had he not been so ticked off, Mello would have been impressed.
Noticing the four remaining cookies in the plate, Mello began to run toward the animal. Fatal error. That was forgetting the state the room was in. He tripped upon a bottle and lamely fell on the floor. He saw the paw touch the last cookie. As if in slow motion, his eyes followed it as it travelled to reach the animal's human mouth. Mouth that was smirking as deep blue eyes watched him teasingly.
Enough was enough. Fun over. It all happened in a second. One moment, the panda was gloating, the next one, it was lying on the floor, a red flower slowly blossoming on its chest.
Mello stood up, put his beretta back inside his trousers, whipped some imaginary dust off his leathered legs, picked up the last cookie that had fallen on the floor and took a bite.
"You should have stuck to bamboo."
AN: So I guess this is the end… I wanted to make it more mattxmelloish because right now, this panda could not be Matt and I think it's not good. But suddenly, Mello's pride took over my fingers and when I finally came back to my senses, the deed was done. Pandamatt was dead, Mello was glowing with victory and even though I found 4 or 5 symbolisms I could put in the story to give it more consistency, the story didn't want any more word in it. So I hope you can forgive this totally pointless oneshot. Maybe you can find the symbols I could have developed more. Maybe I'll try and make a different ending if I find how to go around it.
Anyway, if you have anything to say, whether it's good or bad, don't be afraid and write it down on the review platform (after all, that's why it's here guys, girls, animals, whatever you think you are). And if you're very shy, a PM.
For example, could you tell me if you think I should put Matt in the present characters? Because he's here, he's important and all, but he's not exactly Matt. Maybe he just looks like Matt but is someone else? So, what do you think?
Anyway, Have a nice day every one, and an especially good one for Imoto-kun!