Title: Just like superman
Fandom: Suits
Pairing: None (Gen) Father/son-ish towards end.
Summary: It consumes you, the big black darkness threatens to swallow you whole and never let you go. For a moment you can't catch your breath, and it hurts.
Word Count: 2209
Warnings: Depression. Attempted Suicide.
Firing up the lighter, Mike held it up in front of his face as he watched the small light dance, creating shadows that danced around in his dark room. Bringing the joint up to his lips, he inhaled deeply, before blowing the smoke up into the air. Cracking a smile as he started to feel the affects, he let his shoulders drop and leaned back fully relaxed against his headboard.
Stupid Louis Litt. It was all his fault.
Glancing at the clock, he cursed as he noticed the time. Gently putting out the joint, Mike sneaked a hand under his curtain and opened the window to let the room breath while he was gone. Making sure the joint was out he stashed it in his regular box, grabbed his messenger bag and hurried down and out.
In the taxi ride over to Pearson Hardman, Mike smiled and closed his eyes as he hummed along to the songs playing on the radio. After paying for the taxi, and giving the driver a huge tip, Mike made his way into the building and greeted the security with a dopy smile.
Pressing the elevator button, his smile widened at the sound it made and reached out to push the button again. Letting out a small giggle he proceeded to push the button several times after each other and looked around to see if there was anyone around he could share his new found discovery with. Seeing that the elevator was there and waiting for him, he nodded at the people inside and waited for the doors to close.
When Jessica managed to stop the doors from closing, and step inside, Mike swallowed and straightened up and tried not to think about how funny the lady at his right looked. Someone should really tell her that she has something white behind her ear.
"How's it going with Harvey" Jessica asked and Mike rocked back on his heels and after a few seconds when no one had replied, he glanced up at her.
"Me? Uhh, it's, you know it's good. I'm learning. A lot of learning" he replied and cleared his throat as he watched Jessica get out, he held his own until he couldn't see her anymore and quickly smelled his suit to figure out if he reeked of pot.
Seating himself by his desk, Mike tried to focus on the work he had to do but his mind just wouldn't concentrate and he constantly could swear he heard things and saw things. It was a welcomed distraction when Kyle showed up.
Bursting into Harvey's office, Mike smiled and handed the paper over.
"Boom! Look at that" he said pleased and picked up one of the signed baseballs from Harvey's desk and walked over to the window. ¨
"Wyatt, let me call you back" Harvey said and stared at Mike, before picking up the paper and looking it over.
"What's this?" Harvey said while keeping and eye out on Mike.
"What is this? That's confirmation of the interference claim, which I proofed. Up top" Mike said and raised his hand for a high five. Harvey looked at him, not so pleased.
"What, you think you're working in a fraternity, you don't barge in here when I'm on the phone" Harvey explained and eyed the document. Groaning, and rolling his eyes Mike threw the baseballs from hand to hand.
"And why are you so flush?" Harvey asked suspicious and Mike felt a lump of dread spread in his stomach.
"Why am I so what?" Mike scoffed and turned his back to walk to the window.
"You're face is red, you look like you've been in the sun" Harvey clarified and watched Mike.
"Uhh yeah I, I, this morning Louis, uhh, took me to the tennis club" Mike explained and gave Harvey an amused look.
"He didn't give you the speech about the ponies did he? About how he likes to cut one from the heard?"
"Oh the ponies" Mike chuckled and shook his head.
"Was he wearing the headband?" Harvey asked with a fake look of amusement on his face.
"You know about the headband? And the?" Mike asked as he gestured to his wrist. Harvey nodded, making Mike chuckle some more.
"Hey, if you guys were playing tennis all morning, how did you have time to file this?" Harvey asked with a look of disapproval on his face. Halting, Mike looked at Harvey and the feeling of dread came quickly back as he realised he wasn't getting away this as easy as he thought.
"I uhh, he, it was this morning and I was actually on the phone with them and" Harvey got up from his seat as Mike rambled on.
"Look at me" Harvey said sternly and stood in front of Mike. Gulping, Mike clutched the baseball and avoided looking at Harvey.
"Louis, he did this snapping thing and"
"Look at me" Harvey interrupted. Taking a deep breath, Mike looked up at Harvey and tried not to fidget.
"You're high. Get out" Harvey said slowly before walking back to his desk, the disappointment clear on his face.
"Harvey, you don't understand. Louis"
"Out" Harvey said simply and ignored Mike.
"Donna, get Wyatt back on the phone" he said.
Mike gulped and eased up his grip on the baseball. Putting it down gently he ignored Donna's questioning eyes and headed towards the elevator. Feeling his heart pumping in his chest, he tried to ignore the feeling of guilt and betrayal. The taxi ride back home to his apartment seemed to be thrice as long as normal.
Locking up his door, he ignored turning on the lights. Heading straight to bed, he kicked off his shoes and crawled under the duvet. Blinking, he stared at the box where his remaining pot was hidden. Filled with a sudden rage, he jumped up and grabbed the offending box. Opening it, he threw out the content that was on top until he found what he was looking for.
Grabbing the little glass with pot in it, he quickly walked over to the toilet and emptied the content into it. Wiping away his tears in anger, he flushed the toilet and ran a shaky hand through his hair.
Throwing the little glass bottle into the wall with a yell, he panted as stared at the broken glass on the floor. Cocking his head to the side, he stared at it in wonder for several seconds.
Slowly walking over, he bent down and picked up a shard of glass and turned it over in his hand as he stared at it with wide eyes. As his knees started to ache, Mike realised he'd been staring at the glass for several minutes and dropped the shard with disgust and shook his head as he sat down properly and rested back against the wall.
Breathing almost painfully slow, Mike gazed around while trying to ignore the feeling of his chest wanting to break open as the dark cloud grew and grew inside of him. He could hear his pulse beating loudly and he raised a hand and pressed it hard against his chest as he tried to reason that the pain was not real and wouldn't hurt him.
He was so tired. Tired of everything.
Letting tears run down his face he sniffled and closed his eyes. He'd just rest for a little while.
Jerking awake, Mike forced his eyes open as the alarm clock went off. Staring at the time, he sighed deeply as he reached out and turned it off. Ignoring the fact that he should be at the firm in an hour and a half, he pulled up his duvet and closed his eyes.
It was two hours until he woke again. This time it was his cell phone. Turning off the sound, he waited until the phone stopped ringing, before opening his messages and quickly texting Harvey that he was home sick with food poisoning. Then he simply turned over and snuggled into his pillow and decided not to focus on the chance Harvey would fire him. Falling asleep, he didn't dream. Didn't have a nightmare. Didn't even fully rest. He just laid still and disconnected from the world.
When Mike once again woke up, it was 5pm. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he got up and walked to his fridge. Finding some left over pizza, he grabbed his laptop and headed back to bed. Once seated against the headboard, he fired up the laptop, checking his phone he saw he had several missed calls plus a few texts. Most where from Harvey and Jenny, but there also one from Trevor.
Sighing deeply he put it down and decided to deal with it later.
The following morning he stayed in bed listening as his alarm clock rang away. It wasn't until ten minutes later he took a big blink and sat up in bed. Rubbing his eyes, he followed his routine to the dot. Another big blink later, Mike was flashing his badge to the security guard at PH. Another big blink; people are coming back from lunch he forgot about, the stack of files people want him to do is getting bigger and bigger.
There is somebody yelling at him. He can the eyes of the other associates on him as well as the person who's yelling at him. Louis. Then later Harvey comes as well and yells at him. Apparently he needed a file 10 minutes ago.
Rubbing his eyes, he watched the clock turn 3.54pm and he wondered what he'd actually been doing since he had arrived to work that day.
Getting up, Mike blindly walked to the lift where he went as high as he could before walking up the stairs the rest of the way. Opening the door to the roof, he closed his eyes as he felt the wind on his face. It was cold.
It felt good.
Mike knew it was a cliché. But he'd always wanted to be a superhero. Every kid did didn't they?
As a kid and teenager, he'd read every comic about superman. And he'd fallen in love with the idea of being something different. Something so strong and almost immortal. He'd travel around the world, go around the solar system. Just like superman. Well like the movie version and newer comics anyway.
Stepping up on the ledge, he felt the wind pick up. His suit jacket flapping back and forth.
Smiling, Mike spread his arms. He'd just fly around for a bit. Too clear his head. Just like superman. Stepping forward, he was ready to let go.
"Nooooo!" Someone had shouted. It wasn't him was it?
Falling back on his back, Mike found himself staring at the sky. Hands were shaking him, someone was asking him questions and yelling at him.
Something wet landed on his face and he took a big blink. When had it started raining? He asked himself as he touched the wet spot on his cheek and held up his hand to look at the substance glistening on his finger.
"Damn it Mike! You stupid…! What's wrong? Why would you?" Harvey rambled on.
"It's okay Mike, we'll get you some help. It's okay"
The next time Mike woke up, the sky was gone and replaced with a white roof. As he tried to curl up, he found that he was restrained. A door opened. A lady doctor and Harvey came walking in. Turning his head away he cursed Harvey.
Why did he have to stop him? He had just wanted to clear his head.
Days, weeks and months passed. Many moments were gone, some were too strong and too clear, while others just floated around.
Harvey's hand was around his shoulders as they walked around the park. It has been a year. Shivering in the cold wind, Mike brought his coat tighter around himself.
"You want a hot dog?" Harvey asked as they walked over some stands. Nodding, Mike gave him a small smile. Ordering their usual, Harvey paid the guy before handing Mike his hot dog before starting on his own. Slowly walking towards PH Mike took in the people and atmosphere around him.
He had walked through fire, fought off the bad guys and nightmares, and sailed the seven seas. Just like superman.
And his head was pretty clear. Maybe flying was overrated. Like coca cola.
Following Harvey in to his office he sat down on the sofa to finish up his hot dog. Glancing up, he spotted Louis storming over, looking non too happy. And as if in slow motion, he was apparently too caught up in whatever what had him so wound up to remember that Harvey and renovated his office and stormed right into the glass wall.
It started with a low snickering and before Mike knew it, he was laughing hysterically as tears streamed down his face.
Louis got up from the floor and briskly walked back to his own office.
Harvey leaned back in his chair and smiled fondly at young man he'd started to consider as his own son and wondered if this was how Jonathan Kent looked at his son, as superman once again struggled and won against the kryptonite.