Weather man said it's gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me
Puck rubbed his hands together uselessly as he stowed the shovel next to the front door and kicked the stray snow free from his boots. It was coming down in buckets out there, a nice blizzard just in time for Valentine's Day. It somehow felt appropriate that he was trapped home alone on the most romantic holiday of the year considering that was how he had spent most of the past four weeks. Only a month had passed, but to him, it felt like an entire lifetime.
He was happy to escape to the warmth of the living room, leaving the bitter cold behind outside. He headed straight into the kitchen to pour himself another cup of coffee, his fourth since he had started shoveling just after sunrise three hours ago. After he finished his, he made sure to do a quick run of the neighbor's since Mrs. Harper was too old to manage it herself. She always thanked him later with a generous batch of sugar cookies. He'd always had a thing for sugar cookies.
Just as he thought about the promise of dessert later, tears sprung to his hazel eyes. Sugar cookies had always been Rachel's favorite form of gratitude, and he had spent many years doing the smallest things to earn a batch of the coveted treats decorated specially for him. Now that she was gone, he would never get the chance to bribe cookies out of her. There were a lot of things he wouldn't get to do again.
Puck tried uselessly to wipe them away as his eyes scanned the room. There in the window seat, he could still see the one decoration that he hadn't had the heart to put away yet. It was the silver menorah she had bought specially for their first Hanukah in the new house, their first home together since moving from Manhattan to Brooklyn. Rachel had fallen in love with upon first sight, and with a nice nest egg from the sale of his apartment and her bonus for the Tony nomination, they had made a winning bid on the three-bedroom brownstone.
"Noah, we have to find exactly the right one. This is the Hanukah we're always going to remember," Rachel insisted after dragging him into the third department store for the afternoon. He had been perfectly happy to buy the first one he saw at CVS, but she had insisted on something 'special.' "It's going to be the one that is in all the pictures. We can't just get any piece of junk."
"Whatever you say, babe," he grimaced before following her past the rows of fake Christmas trees toward the bright blue and silver displays of Hanukah decorations.
While he hadn't been too worried about the decorations, he had been particularly focused on the gifts. He wanted to make each of the eight nights special for his girlfriend since it was the first major holiday they would be spending without their families. Her fathers weren't going to be able to fly in because Hiram had an important conference in London, and Puck's mom was stuck in Lima because his sister had finals. And even though it had been just the two of them, it had been one of the most memorable Hanukkahs he could ever remember. Rachel had slaved over a stove all day to make the perfect meal, and he had rewarded her with his idea of a perfect gift.
"Oh, Noah," she gasped as she stared down at the blue velvet box. He had spent hours in countless jewelry stores looking for exactly the right one. Rachel had always had a thing for gold stars, and he had always had a thing for making Rachel smile the way that she was right now. "It's beautiful – absolutely perfect. I love it. I love you."
He smiled proudly at her as he lifted the gold and diamond Star of David necklace from the box. It was kind of like the one he had dreamt about back in high school but better. "I saw it and knew that it was perfect for my girl," he said as he clasped it around her neck. Laying a gentle kiss on her nape, he relished the delicious little shiver that went down her spine. "And I love you too, Berry."
Rachel had been buried with that necklace. Puck couldn't have imagined separating his two gold stars. Sometimes he wished he had it because then he would feel like he still had a piece of her. The sadness was still so much, and even if everyone tried to tell him that time would pass and he would eventually be okay, he still couldn't imagine what that would even look like.
But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I'll be okay
But I'm not going to ever get over you
"If it hadn't been for that damn cab..."
He allowed his voice to trail off in the empty kitchen, his attention temporarily distracted by the snow blanketing their small backyard. Rachel had plans for a garden in the back corner come spring, just a few vegetables and some strawberry bushes, maybe even some fresh herbs if they could pull it off. She had also wanted to replace the ceramic tile floor in the guest bathroom and finish soundproofing the larger room downstairs so they could convert it into a home studio. There were still blueprints spread out over the desk in the office. He couldn't bear to put them away without her there to tell him what to do.
Rachel had been killed three days after Christmas and three days before New Year's Eve while crossing a street across from the theater where she had worked eight shows and six days a week for the past three years as Elphaba in the newest rendition of Wicked. The cabbie hadn't even seen her when he had slid through an intersection due to a hidden patch of black ice, killing her instantly. That had been his only solace in everything, that she hadn't suffered. It was the only piece of comfort could offer her fathers as they sat Shiva.
She had died not knowing about the two-carat diamond ring hidden in his sock drawer and the reservation he had tonight at her favorite restaurant in New York. She hadn't known that their families were going to fly in to surprise her afterward so that they could celebrate together. They had cashed their tickets to fly both the body and Noah back to Ohio instead. If Santana and Brittany hadn't come down from Boston to accompany him, he probably wouldn't have made it to Lima at all.
That was the part he hated the most, going back to their hometown to see all those people feeling sorry for him. Most of them had been out of Puck's life for quite sometime, disappearing after graduation only to reappear with seemingly false sympathetic regrets. They still saw Kurt regularly since he was in New York and kept in contact with Brittany and Santana. Puck still talked to Artie and Blaine pretty regularly, and Rachel and Tina exchanged the occasional email. The rest had just turned into people that he used to know in high school the way that old friends are destined to do.
Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I'm not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn't mean to give them to me
He had been okay with leaving that old life behind because he had Rachel, and she was the best part of Lima to him. They had found their way back together somewhere around her sophomore year of college when he had showed up in the city to do some studio work. Six years later, he had moved Rachel and her impressive music collection into this house. He still considered it the best thing he had ever done. Even if they had only had two blissful months in this house, they were still the best of his life.
The only he really did regret now was how empty it felt without her, but he knew the loneliness would overwhelm him wherever he had ended up. At least here, he could still hear the way her voice echoed when she would sing along to the record player in the dining room, her beautiful vocals filling the house to the rafters as she harmonized with Barbra on the Funny Girl soundtrack. He could still see them dancing around the living room as Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" blasted through the speakers. He could still feel the way he had guided her fingers over the strings when trying to teach her how to play his guitar to that Lady Antebellum song they had done a duet to junior year. That was the soundtrack to their life, the music that turned their house into a home.
Puck knew that she hadn't mean to leave that legacy behind but he was glad that she had. Having her favorite records here gave him a tangible piece of her, something he could turn to when he needed to get lost in the memories. He hears her in the lyrics and the melodies. She was always at home in a song, and he would always have a home in her.
"Enough moping," he grumbles to himself as he peaks back through the curtain. Another half inch has already fallen since he stopped shoveling, and he knows that he owes Santana a call back from the message she left two days ago. Blaine is coming in next week to help Puck start laying down the vocals on his next record, and Artie is going to be in a few days after to do some of the music and production. Life moves on, slowly but surely, and he knows that this is what Rachel would have wanted. Even if it still doesn't feel real sometimes, Rachel really is gone. He will always miss her, will always love her, but he needs to see this album through. There is a whole notebook full of love songs underneath his side of the bed that she never got to hear, and he is determined to make sure that she gets to hear every single one.
It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone.
FIN.
Author's note: Lyrics are attributed to "Over You" by Miranda Lambert.