Disclaimer: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and its characters are the property of James Cameron and Fox. No infringement intended.
Spoilers: Mostly AU but has some references to events in Season 1.
Authors Note: I'm heavily into angst, the more there is, the better the story. I've never found a pairing that's inspired me to write a story until these two ladies came along, one machine, one human but both having an indomitable spirit.
I also wanted to basically deconstruct Sarah and everything that she knows to only be able to put her back together in a different way. I hope I've been successful and that you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Oh, I also use British English for my spelling as well, except for the word 'mom', I like the American spelling of that word, it looks cooler. This is my first story as well, so please be gentle with any and all feedback.
Special Thanks: I would love to thank my awesome beta reader Dru. She is fantastic in giving me feedback and correcting my grammar/spelling. Anything that is still incorrect is all due to me I'm afraid. Also a BIG thank you to my very good friend Lorna, who I basically bullied into reading my story and had never really thought this pairing was possible. I think I've managed to convince her that they are possible.
Part One
It wasn't that Cameron was averse to entering Sarah's bedroom in the dead of night. She was a terminator and as such, she was programmed to protect John Connor. Therefore by association it also extended to protecting John Connor's mother as well. So if the need arose and it was required for Cameron to enter Sarah's bedroom in defence of the woman, then yes, Cameron would do so in a heartbeat.
What she was averse to however was entering Sarah Connor's bedroom when no such occasion existed to 'defend' Sarah. That kind of fool-hardy action could only end with Cameron requiring at least a few stitches to her body and that was only if Sarah didn't have her gun on her, which was highly unlikely.
Hearing Sarah's whimpering through the closed door however seemed to be having the strangest effect on Cameron's 'feelings'. Terminators weren't supposed to feel, weren't supposed to have any conscious thought actually in regards to want, need or desire but as far as Cameron could ascertain from her behaviour at the moment, standing hesitantly outside Sarah's bedroom door, was that she did want to enter Sarah's bedroom. It was a need so strong, a desire so overwhelming, that the realisation of it was urging Cameron to deny her logic and enter the room regardless of the consequences.
It was not only illogical, it was also highly unproductive.
Sarah was not in any danger; therefore the logical part of her programming concluded that Cameron should not be standing here in a darkened hallway feeling all sorts of emotions that terminators had no business feeling or even understanding. But Cameron had come to realise lately that logic and Sarah Connor did not always go hand in hand.
"Cameron! What the hell are you doing?"
The harsh voice broke Cameron out of her musings as she involuntarily took a step back from the door that was suddenly wrenched open to show Sarah's sleep rumpled appearance standing on the threshold, door knob grasped firmly in a white knuckle grip at Cameron's surprising form in front of her.
"I don't sleep," Cameron replied in a monotone voice as she turned around and made her way down the hallway without any further explanation.
"What the f...?"
Cameron's highly tuned cybernetic senses had heard the confused mumbling behind her as she opened the front door and stepped out into the night but chose to ignore it. She had no answer for Sarah or even herself that would make any sense. Disregarding the muted sounds of Sarah moving about in the house, Cameron made her way further down the back path to stand beside the swing. Taking in the silence of the night and making sure everything was as it should be; Cameron allowed herself a momentary respite from being alert and succumbed to the swirling feelings of confusion that was surrounding her.
Sarah Connor. An enigma and a conundrum all wrapped up in one fragile human package of skin and bones. The mother of all destiny; who had not asked for her lot in life but nevertheless embraced it with an all consuming passion to keeping her son alive; who also bore the weight of the world on her slim shoulders so that her son did not yet have to take up the burden of being the saviour of mankind.
Sarah Connor. The backbone of the resistance and John's reason for living. So many terminators sent to destroy her and her son; so many terminators destroyed in the process. A fragile human that by all accounts should have died 100 times over but persevered against the harshest odds. Cameron didn't know whether this was innately Sarah or whether it was just sheer tenacity in never letting the machines win. Either way, Sarah Connor intrigued Cameron. Intrigued, captivated, enthralled...
And therein lay the crux of Cameron's confusion.
A terminator had no business in being any of those things. She was sent to protect John, the leader of the resistance. She wasn't sent to be intrigued, captivated and enthralled by the leader's mother...
"Cameron?"
Cameron gave a start at the sound of the voice and stood ramrod straight as the approaching footsteps that she was now aware of drew closer. If a machine had an inkling of self-recrimination Cameron would have cursed herself for being so lost in her thoughts that she had temporarily put John in danger. If it had been another terminator that had come across her, the results would have been spectacularly violent and not the muffled shuffling of Sarah's footsteps on the garden lawn as it was. Turning around, Cameron masked her face of all emotion and stood patiently as Sarah came to a stop in front of her.
"What are you doing?"
Cameron tilted her head to the side in acknowledgment of the question but remained silent as she studied Sarah in the stillness of the coming morning, sensing the uneasiness rolling off the woman.
"Cameron?" Sarah queried with a raised eyebrow at the continued silence from the terminator, feeling her stomach clench in anticipation of the answer. With the machine, Sarah never knew what to expect.
"I don't sleep," Cameron replied finally as she again fell silent and continued to stare at Sarah intently.
"I gathered that," Sarah drawled drolly in return as she moved to sit on one of the swings the uneasiness of before easing slightly at the predictable response.
"What I meant was what are you doing while you're not sleeping?"
Cameron turned her head away from Sarah's quiet regard as she went to stand next to the woman, holding gently onto the swing chain and staring into nothing.
"Why areyou not sleeping?" Cameron returned as she deflected the question and tilted her head once again towards Sarah.
"Too many visions of a world gone mad and gleaming metal," Sarah replied dryly as she swung herself lazily backwards and forwards on the swing.
Cameron let go of the swing chain as she felt it moving, continuing to stare at Sarah her head still cocked in silent perusal.
Sarah glanced towards the machine and found herself drowning in eyes that looked black in the slowly awakening dawn. Swallowing reflexively at the intense stare and the sensation of being studied by a suddenly too intense terminator, Sarah cleared her dry throat and broke eye contact to stare out into the lightening back yard.
"I used to love watching the sun rise. It used to signify the beginning of a brand new day, where anything was possible and I had hopes for a better future. Then Kyle Reese showed up and now all I can see with each sunrise is time quickly marching forward and catching up with me," Sarah mused quietly, more to herself than to the still machine standing next to her.
"And before I know it, judgement day has been and gone and everything I've done has been for nothing. That the future I tried to save my son from is now his harsh reality."
Cameron remained silent as she absorbed the words, sensing the despair and the helplessness rolling off of Sarah like a physical blanket covering her in its clinging, cloying warmth on a too hot summer day.
"And I am also that unwanted reminder. A machine sent to protect your son who is also the cause of your nightmares."
Sarah glanced up quickly at the words from the terminator, taking in the bland facial features of the machine. Sarah could sense something roiling beneath the surface, beneath the stiffness that Cameron exuded that made Sarah pause. It was as if Cameron had weighed the words Sarah had spoken and found them unsatisfactory. If Sarah didn't know any better she could almost say that Cameron was...upset, not with Sarah but with herself.
This seemed highly unlikely however. Cameron was a machine and machines did not feel or even think beyond their mission. Cameron was all about her son, John Connor and the mission of keeping him alive. Anything beyond that Sarah was sure did not even enter the machines programming, never mind any thoughts about upsetting one Sarah Connor.
Sarah did not know how to respond to the comment from the terminator or if it even warranted a response. Yes, she did have nightmares and yes, they all involved gleaming metal and a fiery hell but it wasn't Cameron that stared back at her with blank ruthless eyes. If truth be told it was only thoughts of Cameron, her silent protector, her familiar presence that kept the nightmares at bay.
Sarah had been doing this alone for too long; she was growing weary of the demands placed on her to keep the leader of the resistance, her son, alive until he was capable enough to become a leader in his own right. The fact that she could now lay her burdens, no matter how briefly onto the deceptively strong shoulders of the machine in front of her was a catharsis to her troubled and weary soul.
Sarah no longer felt so alone with Cameron by her side even if it was only an ephemeral illusion.
But the idea of Cameron being morethan what she was was too ludicrous for Sarah to contemplate, to even give thought to, let alone voicing them out loud to the machine standing silently in front of her.
With nothing to say and too much to reveal, Sarah slowly got to her feet and made her way back to the house, casting one last speculative look towards the terminator. With the sun now shining weakly behind the terminators back, Sarah imagined that the machine looked almost melancholy, a lost and wistful look upon her porcelain features.
Shaking her fanciful thoughts loose, Sarah turned away, her shoulders and features tightening imperceptibly at the thought of a 'lost' terminator and what that actually meant to her own peace of mind and the world at large.
…
Feeling slightly refreshed and more alert from her morning shower, Sarah entered the kitchen, her nose already sniffing out the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee as she spotted John and Cameron sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning Mom," John greeted around a mouthful of cereal as he dug into his breakfast with relish giving her a quirky grin at the same time.
Sarah made her way over to John and placed a warm kiss to his head in greeting as she raised one eyebrow towards Cameron who was now standing in front of her with a piping hot cup of coffee. Black, just the way she liked it.
"Umm, thanks?" Sarah responded uncertainly as she took the proffered mug and sat down in the chair opposite John, giving the machine a suspicious look in return.
"She's been waiting all morning to give you that coffee," John offered helpfully with a smirk on his face.
Cameron remained silent as she sat rigidly in her seat and avoided Sarah's stare, the only noticeable indication of her discomfit was the slight clenching of her hands on the kitchen table.
Sarah continued to sip her coffee quietly as she pointedly ignored John's comment and the silent terminator sitting in front of her, once again thrown by her odd behaviour. Her uneasiness was growing in leaps and bounds, Cameron's behaviour sending her nerve endings on hyper alert.
Since her brief encounter with Cameron this morning, the girl had been constantly in her thoughts, making her cranky and edgy. With her mind unable to focus on anything but the machine in front of her and the very real worry of what the hell was going on with the girl, Sarah could only sigh wearily. If Cameron was...malfunctioning that would mean the machine would have to be terminated. With John's safety at stake there was no other option Sarah could take.
Pushing away the sick feeling in the pit of her gut in reaction to terminating Cameron, Sarah turned to study the machine critically catching the girl's bland stare in return. Feeling her insides tremble at the silent perusal, Sarah could only shake her head mentally at her reaction. Whatever was happening with Cameron was no concern of hers as long as the machine did not endanger John.
"Sarah, have you read the paper this morning?"
Sarah sighed wearily as she reluctantly turned her head towards the voice seeing Derek stride into the kitchen, her facial features settling into a grim mask. Derek and early morning visits was never a good thing in her opinion.
"Page 3, at the bottom," Derek continued as he threw the paper onto the table in front of her.
Sarah silently picked up the paper and turned to the mentioned page taking note of Derek's rigid stance.
Last night in downtown Los Angeles a most bizarre event took place where one witness reports he saw a flash of electrical energy discharge itself into a nearby alley and then a naked man walking out...
"We need to go check this out," Sarah stated vehemently as she glanced up at Derek all thoughts of Cameron and necessary conversations forgotten in the face of a new danger.
"Mom? What is it?" John interjected worriedly in Sarah's direction, the levity of earlier fading as he took in his mother's jerky movements, her hand running through her hair and obvious agitation.
"Another terminator," Derek voiced flatly before Sarah had the chance to respond.
"I'm coming with you."
"John, we don't know what this means and it's not safe for you to come with. Derek and I just need to do a little recon, find out more information," Sarah interrupted before he could continue further, pushing the nagging feeling of worry down for the moment.
"Mom! It's never safe! You can't seriously expect me to go to school as if I didn't just find out that there's another terminator loose out there somewhere?"
"John...please. The safest place for you right now is at school, he won't be able to find you there. We can't do anything until we know more." Sarah looked over to Derek for silent support, surprised that Cameron had yet to say anything.
"John your mother's right. Sarah and I will do a little recon work, once we know more then we'll decide what to do," Derek offered gently, sensing the boy's inner turmoil and fear for his mother at this new threat.
"Then take Cameron with you," John ground out between clenched teeth as he turned to glare at the silent machine willing her to speak.
"No. She needs to protect you and she can't do that if she's traipsing around with me and Derek," Sarah replied harshly.
"I will go with you and Derek Sarah, as you said, John will be safe at school," Cameron stated calmly as she finally entered the conversation and turned an impenetrable stare towards Sarah.
"No."
"Mom!"
"Sarah."
Sarah ignored both her son and the machine as she turned to walk away from the table, brushing past Derek who followed along silently behind her.
"You will need back up, it's not safe for you. If you encounter this terminator he will kill you," Cameron stated in a flat voice as she trailed after Sarah.
"It's never safe, not until we stop judgement day!" Sarah retorted harshly, her patience running thin.
"Your concern should be towards my son; your mission is to keep him safe, not me. I'll be fine and I have Derek for backup."
Cameron turned her head towards the person in question and if possible her expression tightened even further, her obvious distrust of Derek highly palpable in the charged atmosphere.
Cameron knew Sarah was right. John was, should be her main priority but the thought of Sarah entering an unknown situation with only the resistance fighter by her side made her stomach curdle, if her stomach could curdle that was. Derek was inefficient, human and...breakable. He could hardly be called upon to save Sarah if the need arose and it was this knowledge that gave Cameron pause. The idea of Sarah getting hurt, being hurt threw her cybernetic synapses into overdrive. Sarah's safety was of paramount importance to the terminator, why she couldn't say but it was important to her nonetheless.
"End of discussion. Derek, let's go."
Giving John and Cameron a pointed glare, Sarah turned on her heels and walked out of the house, Derek once again trailing behind her as he threw a disgusted look towards the machine in passing at her obvious slight of his abilities as a soldier.
Cameron made a move to follow but was stopped short by John's voice.
"Cameron, you won't win. Once mom's made up her mind we just have to live with it," John sighed loudly as he made his way back into the kitchen to grab his back pack off the kitchen bench.
Cameron hesitated, uncertainty writ largely on her face as she contemplated John's words and the closed front door.
"Come on, we better get going as well or we'll be late and that's something that I don't want to be explaining to mom when she gets back," John harrumphed in passing as he glanced toward the machine who was still staring at the closed door with a blank expression on her face.
Cameron followed silently, pushing all thoughts of Sarah Connor and her obstinacy away for the time being. John was her mission and that was all she should be concerned about, not whether or not Sarah was safe. But even in thinking those thoughts Cameron could not help the niggling feeling of unease as she closed the front door behind her.
…
"We're here."
Sarah glanced around at her surroundings, surprised she had been so lost in thought that she hadn't even been aware that the truck had come to a halt. Noticing Derek's guarded look she opened the door and climbed out, glancing wearily at the alley in front of her.
The alley was dank and filthy. Even in the weak morning light that struggled to shine down Sarah could see signs of human detritus accumulated here and there, abandoned as if the effort of maintaining such an area was beyond any hope. Further up ahead Sarah could just make out the exit at the other end of the alley.
Seeing the gaping crater and the burnt out signs on the concrete, Sarah moved cautiously closer to examine it further, the hairs on her skin rising in alarm as she saw something moving on the edges of her peripheral vision.
Glancing up quickly, Sarah spotted Derek moving further up ahead. Before she could draw Derek to her concerns however, a sharp crack echoed loudly through the silent alley followed by a sharp shooting pain that blossomed from her left side. Grasping her side, just above her ribs firmly in reflex, Sarah dropped to the ground in agony, rolling automatically at the same time to duck behind a garbage bin while also drawing her gun from behind her back to hold it loosely in a firm grip.
"Sarah!"
Sarah could hear Derek's alarmed shout before more gun fire erupted around her in a halo of sparks. Cursing to herself, Sarah waited for the sharp retort of the gunfire to fall quiet before she stuck her head cautiously from around the large bin. Ignoring the pain in her side for the time being, she drew both hands around her gun, noticing with a slight grimace the red blood coating her hands.
"Fuck!" Sarah swore as she saw the determined strides of a terminator advancing slowly on her position. She fired off a few rounds before safely pulling back to rest against the niche between the wall and the garbage bin.
Inhaling in short sharp breaths, Sarah looked around wildly for Derek to see where the resistance soldier had gone to. Not spotting him immediately Sarah once again cursed and drew in a deep breath hurriedly thinking through her options. She could hear the steady plodding of the advancing terminator but no more gun fire issued forth. Praying to any deity for small mercies and empty guns, Sarah drew in a deep breath and jumped out from behind the garbage bin holding her gun steady in hands covered with blood and pulled the trigger repeatedly at the terminator until the clicking of the empty chamber signified no more bullets were left.
The bullets impacted with deadly force landing dead centre in the terminators chest which on a normal human being would have felled him instantly in his tracks but on the terminator it hardly slowed down his progress. Shrugging off the bullet impacts as if they were mere inconveniences the terminator started moving faster towards Sarah.
"Sarah! Move!"
Instinctively Sarah ducked and rolled to the side at the shouted command landing with a pained grunt on her injury. Stars swam in her vision as she lay winded; trying again to staunch the now steady flow of blood she could feel seeping from the wound.
Forcing the nausea and the pain down, Sarah rolled weakly onto her uninjured side and made to stand up, grasping the wall heavily for support, her gun hanging loosely from her hand. Turning her head towards the advancing terminator Sarah saw a flash of chrome and rubber rush past her and then the sound of a loud thump and the squealing of tires as Derek backed the SUV towards her position behind the garbage bin.
"Get in!" Derek shouted as he hastily flung open the passenger door.
Taking another deep breath, Sarah leapt at the open door and scrambled inside, slamming it closed behind her with the last of her strength as she sank down wearily into the front seat.
"Go, go!" Sarah shouted weakly as she glanced out the front windscreen to the downed terminator.
With another squeal of tires and a loud revving of the engine, the SUV continued reversing backwards towards the alley exit, manoeuvring into a hard right as it flew out of the alley onto the busy street. Turning the steering wheel frantically Derek righted the car and gunned it forward with another squeal of tires and burning rubber.
…
Cameron studied her surroundings and took note of the exit points and then to studying each individual face sat at one of the cafeteria tables. Satisfied that there was nothing out of the ordinary to alarm her, Cameron relaxed her guarded vigil slightly and sat back in her chair to stare off into nothing. The feeling of something being wrong had plagued her throughout the morning and she had been extra careful to remain vigilant.
"Cameron! Stop being a freak staring at people and eat something!" John whispered to Cameron harshly as he pushed her food tray in front of her.
"What's up with you? You've been twitchier and weirder than normal today and that's saying a lot."
Cameron picked up an apple off her tray and bit into it firmly, giving John a blank stare in return as she tilted her head to the side to study him silently.
"Jesus Cameron. Come on, stop being a terminator and talk to me," John bit out brusquely in a low tone as he rolled his eyes at Cameron's actions aware of the other students close by.
"I am a terminator John. I cannot stop being one," Cameron reminded him helpfully as she continued to bite into the apple.
John rolled his eyes again and sighed. It was just like Cameron to take everything so literal. If he didn't know any better he was sure that the machine was pulling his leg half the time. For a machine that was designed to infiltrate and blend with humanity he was surprised that it was taking Cameron so long to understand basic human behaviour and language. He had a sneaking suspicion that the machine was being especially obtuse when it suited her needs.
"What's wrong? Why are you being so 'I, Robot' today?" John persisted worried that the machine was hiding something of importance from him. He knew that she was capable of that, letting him know things only when it was required and in that regard she was exactly like his mother. The both of them treated him like a little boy sometimes instead of the leader that he was destined to become.
"I, Robot? I do not understand that reference John. I am a cybernetic organism not a robot."
John exhaled in frustration, now definitely sure that Cameron was being especially difficult on purpose.
"You know, having a conversation with you is like pulling teeth sometimes."
Cameron continued to ignore him, her concentration now focused solely on the apple she was eating as if the answers to her unspoken worries would magically reveal themselves the more she ate of it. Finally dropping the finished apple onto her tray Cameron looked up and pinned John with a sombre stare.
"I am concerned about the unknown terminator...and...Sarah."
"The terminator I can understand but why are you concerned about mom? She can look after herself," John glanced around cautiously making sure that they weren't being eavesdropped on.
"Yes, Sarah Connor is efficient that way," a hint of pride colouring her tone, "but we do not know why this terminator has come and until we do, we are all in danger." Cameron deviated from her usual blank expression to give John a look of frustration as if reluctant to admit the next part. "I am...very worried."
Alarmed at Cameron's stark honesty and admittance of human emotions John sat up straighter in his chair. It was unlike the machine to be this candid with him which definitely gave him pause for concern.
"Cameron..."
Before John could continue further a loud buzzing could be heard from the region of his pants. Reaching into his pocket for the vibrating phone John spared a worried glance towards Cameron as he hit the connecting button, quickly entering the agreed code into the phone and sighing with relief as he heard the answering code on the other end.
"John, your mother's hurt, she's been shot."
John quickly grabbed his backpack off the cafeteria table as Derek's worried voice filtered through, his face paling as the words suddenly registered in his brain. "Mom's hurt? Where are you?"
"We've gone to the warehouse, meet us there. Charlie's on his way over...and John? Hurry."
Flipping the phone closed John shoved it back into his pants pocket as he frantically followed after Cameron her cybernetic hearing already having caught Derek's words through the phone. Ignoring the startled stares directed towards the terminator John shoved his feelings of panic down as he fought to remain calm. His mother was hurt, how bad he didn't know but judging by the tone of Derek's voice it didn't bode well.
Sparing a quick glance towards Cameron as they finally reached the car, John wasn't sure he should be relieved or scared at the expression on the terminators face. Although usually bland and emotionless Cameron's expression this time was intense and focused; he resisted the urge to shudder and decided to remain silent as he quickly climbed into the passenger seat. As the truck manoeuvred onto the road, John could see Cameron's hands were clenched tightly to the steering wheel. When the truck lurched forward with frightening speed, John had a fleeting thought of almost, almost feeling sorry for whoever had hurt his mother.
TBC…