One-shot. Voldemort doesn't exist. Lily, James Sirius alive. Ron and Harry: High

"...man I loved that girl...Like really...you...know...loved..her!" Harry Potter lay on his back staring at the sky with his best mate Ron Weasley beside him. Ten minutes beforehand they were sniffing a wizard drug called Calocell.

"...no, I'm serious! The cookie was this big!" gasped the red head, throwing his hands into the air.

"Hey, hey, you know what would be funny? If..if..we painted a ig..if we painted a pig" spluttered Harry "..in strawberry flavoured paint! And..and then..we...we..LICK IT!" he started screaming with laughter.

"The world's sinning...I can feel it! I can feel the world spinning..." said a dazed Ron in a girly high-pitched voice. "Oh, no! It's going too fast! Harry, make it stop!" Harry leaned up a bit and contorted his face up together, so that it was squished together and pure red. Then he let out a breath and lay down a bit.

"How's that..?" he asked.

"Better! You're amazing...Harry!"

"No I'-"

"No! No!" said Ron rolling over to face Harry. "You're amazing!" he breathed. Harry shook his head.

"I know! I'm so fucking cool, aren't I?"

"Yeah. You know what we should do, we should start a gang!"

"Yeah..." said Harry calmly. Ron rolled over onto his back again.

"And call it the...the..."

"PISSWIZ!" Harry screamed.

"YEAH!" ten metres in front of the boys, was the Potter house and on the porch of that house was Lily and ames Potter, Sirius Black, Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger. Lily was staring, mouth open.

"We can see them!" she gasped.

"Pisswiz?" laughed Hermione.

"They are right in front of us! WE CAN SEE THEM!" gasped Lily again. ames and Sirius meanwhile, were laughing their heads off.

"Where did they get that stuff?" wheezed Sirius.

"Dung!" said James, referring to Mundungus Fletcher. Lily had decided enough was enough and had jumped down from the porch.

"BOYS!" she screamed. Harry jumped and sat up.

"RON!" he roared. "GET UP, RUN! THEY'VE FUCKING FOUND US!" Ron jumped to his feet as did Harry and they turned away from lily and started in the opposite direction. Harry running full speed whilst singing. "Dininininininnininininininin ininnini HARRYMAN!" Ron was skipping in a dazed fashion.

"LALALALALA!" he screamed in an off-tune itchy sing song voice. Harry froze, fell forward, got up and ran back to Ron.

"FUCKING RUN!" and SLAP-

He had slapped Ron across the face. Ron slapped him back and then run off screaming "YOU'LLL NEEEEVEER CAAATCH THE PISSWIZ"

"SHE'S FUCKING COMING! SHE'S FUCKING COMING!" Harry had turned his head around and was walking lopsided...

"FUCKING FREE FOREVAAAAA!" Ron had stopped and climbed onto a log. He had his hand over his heart and was gazing ahead of him. Harry jumped up and joined him.

"THE MAD FUCKING BITCH IS COMING! RUN YOU MOTHER-FUCKING PISSWIZ!" jumping down he ran with all his might and once again-:"Dinininininininininininini HARRYMAN!"