Disclaimer: Teen Titans isn't mine.
Don't ask me where this came from or why I wrote it. I really don't know.
"Speech"
Thoughts
Tick. Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
...
Raven turned in her bed and put a pillow over her ears.
Tick. Tock.
She swore to herself, then turned again, realizing that there was, in fact, no clock making any noise at all. But the sound was still there.
Tick.
She turned again, trying to get comfortable, but it just wasn't to be. It was too warm underneath her blankets, but when she threw the covers off out of frustration, it quickly became too cold.
Tock.
Part of her was tempted to open her eyes to see just what time it was, but she knew that opening them would just make her situation worse. Alright then. What can I do to try to sleep. Uhh, let's see. The whole counting sheep didn't work. Meditating didn't either. I just... I'm tired, but not completely exhausted. Just tired enough to be here like this, but not enough to sleep. And I can't stay up the whole night either. I've been sleeping in every day for the past two weeks. Really should try to stop doing that.
Something about the pillow wasn't quite right. Maybe it was too soft. Something about it hurt her neck, no matter which way she turned. Not that any of the other ones were any better, unfortunately. And without the pillow... it didn't feel quite right either.
She sighed, then tried stuffing a blanket underneath her neck. That was a tiny bit better, but not much.
I should be tired. I should totally be sleeping now. What's wrong with me? Ugh.
It was a strange feeling. It was kind of like... a sedated sort of feeling. She was certainly still conscious, but with vastly reduced mental activity. It was like a state of sheer exhaustion, in which her brain didn't want to work anymore, but the only issue was, she couldn't seem to sleep either.
She turned again, curling up. What was the problem?
Part of me is nocturnal, I guess. But I always used to wake up early. I've been doing it for many years. I guess habit isn't enough to overcome instinct? But I"m also part human. That part of me is normal. I think.
Maybe I'm thinking too much? Maybe I should try to clear my head. Don't think.
...
Tick. Tock.
...
She pulled the covers over her head; that didn't help either. Turning the other way, this time she felt her pajamas tangle up, restricting her movement. Frustrated, she kicked off the bottoms and slid her shirt off, leaving nothing but her underwear. And then it was too cold.
She buried her face in her hands and opened one eye a sliver.
1:00 AM. Half an hour has passed, and I'm still not even getting close to falling asleep. This is going to be a long night...
Rolling her shoulders, she stretched her back and slipped in under the covers again. Too warm. Maybe the temperature in her room was the problem. Opening one eye again, she lifted a finger and set her powers toward the thermostat, lowering the heat. After a couple minutes, it seemed a little better.
The position still wasn't comfortable, though. Something just didn't feel right.
Grumbling, Raven slid out from under the covers yet again. It wasn't the blankets - the silk was plenty soft against her smooth skin. It wasn't the pillow anymore either. So what was it?
Shaking her head, she walked over to her mirror, studying her reflection. In the dim moonlight flitting through her window, her skin looked exceedingly pale and soft, lending her body an almost ethereal quality. Her eyes traveled over her finely shaped features, the small bones of her shoulders and her rather inadequate chest - she grimaced at her own thoughts, crossing her arms over her breasts. Her gaze traveled back up, toward her expressionless face, then toward her own eyes, surrounded by dark circles and looking very tired indeed.
Then why can't I sleep?
She turned and sat back down on the side of her bed. Gotta get comfortable. Must relax somehow. Opening the curtains a little wider, she stared up at the crescent moon and grabbed a hairbrush. Running her fingers through her silken tangles first, she then pulled the brush through her violet locks, enjoying the familiar light pull on her hair and scratching on her scalp. After a minute or so of that, she put the brush away and ran her hands down her smooth legs, stretching out all of her tendons and muscles, then rubbed her temples to clear away any tension left in her head.
Okay. Good enough. She slipped back under the covers, feeling a bit better. Finally, finally, darkness encroached on her senses, ferrying her away to the land of dreams. Like a shroud, it blanketed her consciousness, tucking it away, and-
Tick. Tock.
Her eyes flew back open for some unknown reason. Azar, this sucks...
Raven cleared the hair away from her forehead and curled on her side, trying to reclaim the lost darkness, but it would not come back. Sleep eluded her once more. Ugh. What else can I try?
Shuffling over to her bathroom, she grabbed a small towel and soaked it with warm water, rubbing her face with it. It felt good, but did nothing to help the even more pronounced shadows surrounding her eyes. She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror again and this time, her mouth twisted slightly. Wish I weren't so ugly. Wish I weren't so creepy. Why did I have to be born looking like this?
She rubbed her eyes, sighing. Whatever. I just want to sleep. Beating myself up on appearances won't help anything. Right?
Still, her gaze remained transfixed on her reflection. Suddenly, it shifted to a different image, a Raven with crimson skin and four vermilion slits in place of her amethysts... her face grew yet more angular and her shoulder-length, violet hair deepened into a wild, jagged, white mane. Startled slightly, Raven took a step back. That's... well, that's me too. She bowed her head. Yeah. It really is. My demon. My other half. Talk about having a split personality, huh. She looked back up, then frowned. You know the thing I hate most about that side of me though?
She's nocturnal. Apparently it's keeping me up at night. Sucks. I really should get rid of her-
She froze, shivering as a flood of thoughts ran through her. She's my other half. My demon. People are scared of me because I'm half demon. They think I'm evil just because of what I am. Demons are just evil that have to be suppressed. They're not real beings with real emotions and desires. They're just monsters. I'm just a monster. Or at least, half a monster. That's what they think. They can't accept me for what I am, let alone who I am.
I'm difficult. I know that. I'm hard to get along with. I'm a bitch sometimes. Especially when I don't get enough sleep. Ughhhh... her reflection in the mirror wavered again, flickering between her human and demon halves. I'm such a shitty person. I'm ugly, I'm mean, I'm unfriendly... no wonder no one likes me. No one wants me. She shook her head, sighing.
I'm just being dramatic because I'm tired. If I could just sleep, I wouldn't feel like this. Emotions just aren't my thing.
...
Okay, well that's a lie. Empath. Emotions are my thing. Just... dealing with them isn't. I just... can't seem to control myself. What's wrong with me?
Lack of sleep, duh.
She wiped her face again. When she peeled the cloth off of her, her reflection was back to normal. Back to bed.
She left the bathroom, glancing at the clock. 1:30 AM...
Raven sat down on the soft mattress momentarily before thinking better of it. Screw it. Maybe I'll just... her heart fluttered slightly, but that option seemed to be the better one at this point. Maybe not better, but...
Whatever. She rummaged through her blankets for a moment and found her shirt again. Slipping it on, she left her room and stepped into the hall. The metal floor was unpleasantly cold beneath her feet, but the trip was short anyway so it wasn't a big deal.
She stopped in front of another door and took a deep breath before opening it - it was always open; her friend wasn't the type to hide away, unlike her - and tentatively waiting in the doorway. A sleepy green eye opened in response, then its owner sat up, blinking in surprise.
"Raven?"
The violet haired girl blushed slightly. "Uhh, hi Star. I- I was wondering... I just... could I maybe sleep here tonight?"
Starfire tilted her head, smiling a little. "Of course." She patted the bed next to her. "Is something the matter?"
Raven stepped inside her friend's room, shutting the door behind her. It wasn't her first time sleeping with Starfire, but there was still something a bit awkward about it. Okay, maybe she was uncomfortable, but Starfire wouldn't be.
"Uhh, not really, I guess."
Raven slipped in beside Starfire. The alien princess laid back down, pulling at Raven's hair with a couple fingers. "You are not being truthful with me."
Was it that obvious? "Well... it's nothing important."
Starfire frowned. Raven instinctively shifted away a little, curling up. Not put off, the other girl moved closer and wrapped an arm around her friend, drawing her in.
Raven grimaced. In that position, their size difference was extremely apparent; she felt almost like a child in Starfire's arms.
"I am your friend, am I not?"
"Yes, yes you are."
"Do you trust me?"
"I... I think I do. Definitely more than I trust the boys."
They both laughed a little at that.
"Then would you not mind sharing your thoughts?"
Raven closed her eyes, feeling Starfire press in a little closer. She turned and then they were facing each other, and Raven found herself looking straight into her friend's pretty face. She tore her gaze away.
The gesture was not unnoticed. "You are thinking of your appearance again. Raven, why do you not believe me when I tell you you are beautiful?"
"I'm not," Raven whispered. "You're the pretty one."
Starfire's hand drifted away from Raven's hair and trailed down, first caressing Raven's bare legs, then coming back up to rest right between her breasts. "Perhaps your kind would think so."
Raven raised an eyebrow. "My kind?"
Starfire jerked very slightly. "Forgive me. I meant Earthlings."
Violet eyes darkened a little. "And here I am, a dirty half-breed-"
"You are who you are," the other girl's voice was firm. "You cannot change it. But it is not a problem, is it? You do not need to change. I am your friend. I can accept you as you are."
Raven looked up, then down again burying her face into Starfire's shoulder. The alien girl's other hand slipped into her companion's shirt and ran down her spine.
"Raven, even if you do not believe me, surely you know that it is the inner beauty that counts the most. And you are the most wonderful person I know-"
The dark Titan shook her head a little, turning again.
"Is something the matter?"
"... I'm tired," Raven yawned, eyes glowing as tiny slivers of lavender beneath her lashes. "You're comfy. Want to sleep?"
Starfire, thankfully, did not challenge her any further and simply let Raven curl in beside her. The violet haired girl waited for her friend's breathing to slow before raising her head and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
A few minutes later, she was fast asleep.