Konnichiwa, mina!
Well, I've had this idea in my head for awhile because of all the flamers going around. So, here's the place to get rid of that urge to flame someone!!
Summary: From pregnant men to Iruka being threatened to get castrated, this one-shot is crack at its best. These are things you don't want to miss!
By the way, appreciations aren't welcomed! If you so happen to appreciate this one-shot, then it'll be laughed at; that's all I'm saying.
The pairings aren't something you see everyday as the pairings are random. Plus, I don't have much against some of the stuff that'll happen in this fic, it's just for some fun (and I also need to get back into the writing habit).
So, here's that crack-y one-shot!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters. After reading this, I'm pretty sure you'll be glad that I don't.
Nara Shikamaru was not happy. In fact, he was downright pissed. They had to go to the peace treaty signing between Konoha, Suna, Sound, and the Akatsuki in less than an hour and he still hasn't gotten his cucumber and jelly pie! Oh yes, his boyfriend was in for a world of hurt.
"Uchiha Sasuke! Get your ass off that couch this instant and get me that pie!" He yelled as he entered the living room only to find said Uchiha fast asleep on the floor, not aware of the danger he was in.
Stalking over to his sleeping boyfriend, the irate man brought back his foot before sending the Uchiha flying into the wall. A groan erupted from the lump on the floor then Sasuke jumped up to glare at the person who kicked him.
"What the hell was that for?!"
"I told you to go get my cucumber and jelly pie of a half an hour ago! And guess where I find you. On the floor, sleeping!" Shikamaru growled. "And there's still no pie!"
Even with the angry Nara bearing down on him, Sasuke didn't back off. "I have to get my sleep somehow! With all your late night cravings, I barely get sleep anymore!" Even though there wasn't any hurtful intentions (in Sasuke's opinion), he belatedly realized that he said the wrong thing.
Shikamaru's eyes began to water before he ran up the stairs; the bedroom door slamming made Sasuke cringe.
'Stupid, stupid, stupid Uchiha!' He ascended the stairs, following his boyfriend, to have a talk.
"Shika…" He knocked timidly on the door.
"You hate me!"
"When did I say that?!" Sasuke blinked in confusion, wondering if he might've spoken out loud. He's never sure of what he said when woken up angry.
"You didn't have to! It's written all over your face!"
"That's ridiculous."
"No, you're ridiculous!" There's a short pause before Shikamaru continued. "No, you're not ridiculous. You're a big poop face!"
Sasuke couldn't stop himself from slapping his forehead and dragging his hand down his face. "Listen, Shika. I'm sorry. It's just… this stress is murder-"
"You want me to kill you? 'Cause I will."
The Uchiha ignored him. "From the peace treaty to you being pregnant..."
"You brought the last one upon yourself, pervert." Shikamaru interjected from the other side of the door.
"Well, I still can't get over the fact that I'll be a fa… fa… fa…"
The bedroom door opened with an amused Shikamaru standing in the doorway. "Say it with me now: Fa-th-er."
The ebony haired man's shoulders slumped as a sigh escaped his pale lips. "Yeah..."
They hugged each other for awhile in silence. It was broken, however, when Shikamaru spoke up. "I still want my cucumber and jelly pie."
The arms around him stiffened.
"Kakashi! Would you stop going ahead and come back here to help your husband! We didn't come along with you two just so you can run off and leave us with your soon-to-be-due-with-a-baby husband!… No offence." The last part was said to Kakashi's said husband.
"You better not have meant anything behind it, bitch!"
"Heheh… you should know that I didn't."
"Good. Otherwise, I might've done something drastic…"
An uncomfortable silence ensued until a growl was heard toward Kakashi as he still hadn't stopped. Kakashi reluctantly turned to his three companions, pouting. "You're no fun Naruto."
"It's not my fault that you made your husband pregnant before you were ready to become a father."
Kakashi glared at Naruto all the while stomping to his husband. As silver haired man reached for his husband's hand, Naruto grinned and began walking along the road again heading to Shikamaru and Sasuke's house.
"Honestly, Shino, I don't know how you put up with him. What made you decide to marry such an irresponsible man in the first place?" An indignant growl came from Kakashi as Naruto waited for an answer. Not getting anything but that growl, he shook his head. "Geez. I'll never figure you two out."
Suddenly, slim, yet muscular, arms wrapped around his waist from behind. Before any of them knew what was happening, Naruto grabbed both of the arms and flipped forward, making sure to land on the person behind him. He heard a familiar grunt and quickly got off.
"Lee!" The blond swiftly helped his boyfriend up. "I'm so sorry! How many times have I told you? Don't do that!" He lightly punched blue-cloth clad shoulder.
Lee gave an innocent leer before apologizing. "Ah, gomen, gomen. I couldn't help myself, Naru-chan."
Once again, he was on the ground, only this time sporting a huge bump on his head. The other three continued on without blinking an eye.
All Kakashi could do was shake his head. No matter what, Lee never seems to learn. Luckily, the copy-cat ninja learned after his second use of the name 'Naru-chan'. Kakashi was quite proud to have learned so quickly!
Instead of dwelling on it, Kakashi decided to do something about the silence.
"Naruto, let's hurry! I heard that Gai got this new boyfriend and he's really hot!"
Naruto complimented Shino on his right hook as they continued to walk. Kakashi, then, landed on his head just a few feet away from Lee.
The view from on top of the Hokage Monument was that of a great one and it made Iruka smile. He was about to retreat down to the village when he was tackled to the ground from behind by a small body. Once the confusion died away, the brunette turned his head until he could see, from the corner of his eye, who was straddling his back. The shock red confirmed his suspicions to be his boyfriend.
"Ah, what are you doing here, Kazekage-san?" Iruka smirked at the laugh he received. As the laughter died down, the red-head got off of Iruka's back, helping him up.
"For one thing, you know why I'm here." Iruka just chuckled at amused boyfriend. "For another, there's no need to be formal, koi."
The brunette raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. I'm guessing you want me to call you Gaara then." The Kazekage grinned in answer. This made Iruka sigh. "Tsk. Tsk. It's a shame. There were so many scenarios I was coming up with. Like, when you're at your desk discussing missions with other ninja, I'll be under your de-"
"Hentai-baka!!" Gaara interrupted the older man with a blush on his face. "I swear, you need to stop hanging around my brother so much."
"Aw. But you know you like it." Iruka chided.
"Whatever gave you that idea?!" Iruka was about to answer with a leer before Gaara interrupted. "You know what. Never mind. I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't want you to hang around my brother anymore."
"Bu-"
"And if you do, I swear I'll castrate you."
They were quiet for awhile.
"You wouldn't last." Iruka challenged, suddenly.
"Ha! I so will and you know it."
A twig snapped not too far away and both chuunin and Kazekage got their kunai out.
"Relax. It's only me." Kankuro approached the couple. "By the way, Gaara, I always wondered. When will you be having babies? Any time soon?"
"Sh-shut up!"
"It shouldn't be too long before I get him impregnated." Iruka grinned. Kankuro almost busted his gut.
"Ah…" He wiped some tears of mirth from his eyes. "Can't wait."
Gaara was getting annoyed that he was being ignored. He couldn't believe how many perverts were around him. Someday, he'll make them pay. They'll all pay. But, for now, he'd rather bake cookies. Mmm… cookies…
Kankuro's voice filtered into his head once more as he came back to the real world. "Do you think he's thinking about you?"
"With that drool, he better be!" Iruka answered with a hint of anger.
"But what if he's thinking about cookies again?"
"Then I'll make sure that I crush every cookie on this planet until all he could think about is me."
Gaara decided to go back to his cookie world.
A few minutes passed by as Kankuro and Iruka continued to talk (mostly about perverted things) and Gaara mentally danced with his cookies. The talking stopped when somebody popped out of the ground and approached Kankuro (Gaara was still in his cookie world).
The puppeteer turned to the green and black ninja. "So, you finally came out, eh, Zetsu?"
Zetsu just rolled his eyes. "What's your point?"
"Why didn't you just come out with me instead of waiting until now?"
"Because, I didn't feel like dealing with the inevitable." He pointed to Kankuro and Iruka.
"Then… why are you out here?" Kankuro asked.
"To deal with the inevitable."
All was silent until Zetsu deemed the inevitable to be dealt with and moved on to Gaara… who seemed to have a horror-stricken face.
Zetsu sighed. "Did the dancing cookies get dunked into the milk again?"
"No! Stop! They'll get too soggy!!" Gaara slapped both hands on his cheeks in terror.
"I'll take that as a yes." His other half decided to take over this time.
"Gaara!" That snapped the red head out of it. "The Hokage wants to see you in her office."
"Why didn't you say so earlier?" Gaara questioned.
Zetsu pointed over his shoulder. "My boyfriend is a bonehead." Gaara just nodded in agreement.
"Yay!" Kankuro tackled the poor plant-person to the ground. "The dark Zetsu's out! I love the dark Zetsu!"
"Heh. It's not that hard to please you."
"Iruka?" Gaara approached his boyfriend.
"Huh?"
"Let's go before I get scarred for life. I have to go to the Hokage's office."
"Yeah, sure, right behind you." As they were about to take off, Gaara added on.
"I also need to ask her a favor…" Gaara looked Iruka in the eye before bringing his eyes downward. Then he took off.
Iruka gulped as he reluctantly followed (and prayed that his boyfriend was joking about earlier).
"Thank you and have a nice day!" Ino grinned, watching the woman leave the store. As soon as she left, the smile disappeared. She turned to her pink-haired friend in a gloomy mood.
Sakura finished fixing up the daffodils before going back to her friend. "Okay. So, what did you call me over for?" She scratched her side, sitting on one of the stools Ino offered her, the blonde took the other.
"I think my girlfriend is cheating on me!" Ino exclaimed with wide eyes.
Sakura just burped.
Ignoring her, Ino continued on. "Not only that, but I think she's been going out with your girlfriend!"
This time, Sakura yawned.
"Why aren't you concerned about this?!
The pink-haired girl blinked. "Right. Well, I'm sure you're just overreacting." Sakura jumped off the stool and leisurely walked toward a mirror that stood behind the counter.
"I am not!"
Sakura sighed. "Look, we can talk to them later about this and get things straightened out. I still think you're overreacting though…"
Ino sighed in defeat, walking over to the mirror also. She changed the topic. "So, do you think I should lose some weight?"
Immediately, Sakura turned on her. "What are you nuts!? If anything, you should gain some!"
"Why?"
Sakura leered. "Great for cushioning in bed. In fact, I just gained five pounds this past week!"
"Ohmigosh! You are such a genius! I can't believe I didn't think of that!" Ino slapped her forehead. Then her eyes brightened and she clapped in joy. "Ooh, It's especially great after playing with all those toys!" Her mouth salivated at the thought of doing those things with her partner.
"Exactly." A smirk played along Sakura's face.
The girls were forced out of their thoughts when the bell jingled, signaling a new customer. They stepped away from the mirror to find a handsome man who's in his late twenty's. If both of the girls weren't gay, they'd so jump him. But, instead, they loathed him. The reason behind the hatred was the five or so girls that were standing outside with big hearts in their eyes.
Why couldn't they get fan girls?
Another reason could be the fact that he'll be their Hokage soon. They were upset that he was taking the Hokage position instead of Danzou. (Tsunade hates this guy too because she also wanted Danzou to take over for her.) Damn their luck!
Grabbing a step ladder and a hose, Sakura went to go water the hanging plants, lip curling in disgust at the new comer. She tried getting as far away as possible.
"How may I help you, sir?" Ino asked between gritted teeth.
With an easy grin, the man answered. "Aw, there's no need to be so formal, Ino-chan. Haven't I told you to call me Steve?" Steve fixed his headband that lied on his brown hair. Squeals could be heard from outside.
"Yes, I'm sorry… so, what would you like?"
Before Ino could get an answer from him, a loud crash was heard. Knowing it was Sakura, she was about to get to her when Ino saw the pink-haired girls being held bridal style by the man they both hated.
Steve smiled, teeth glowing. The two girls could feel a murderous intent coming from outside as the brunette put Sakura down with perfect ease. "Careful, you might hurt yourself."
Grumbling, Sakura just got out of his hold and stalked off.
Instead of being bothered by it, Steve just continued from where he left off. "I would like a dozen of roses, please."
In a blink of an eye, Ino shoved twelve roses into the brunette's chest. With the right amount of cashed paid, and a hearty goodbye, he left.
Sakura then came out from the back room with two dishes of a slice of chocolate cake. She handed one to Ino and took a seat. After a few minutes of silence, Sakura finally spoke.
"What do you think of a lesbian foursome?"
"Let's go, monkey-ass-snuffer!"
"You better #$)! shut $ (& up you #!) &#!!!
"No way, man! I'm hungry and I want to eat at the barbeque place!"
"I swear on Jashin that if you don't shut &$# up and #!$ let me go at my &!!# pace, you'll be sleeping on that # couch!" Hidan, the ever well mannered man, yelled back at his boyfriend, scowling.
"Shit…" Kiba mumbled, pouting at the blond man. He stopped, however, when he noticed the Akatsuki member pouting himself. "What's the matter?"
"Why is it that &#) whenever I )&$ curse off, I'm !# $& censored?!" Hidan all but yelled out.
Kiba thought for awhile before answering. "Because, you're way overrated!" He grinned at his own smart answer.
Hidan decided to just keep quiet and not listen to his idiotic boyfriend. As he faced away from his boyfriend, he noticed the ramen stand they were passing by. Not only that, but also who was in there.
"Hey, isn't that your old teammate? What was his name again?" Placing a hand on the younger man's shoulders, Hidan faced Kiba to the two other men eating ramen.
Kiba clenched his fists and growled.
"Hinata…" The dog-lover's lips curled over his teeth. "Oh, how I hate him…"
"I always did wonder about the reason.
"Something that involved honey, toothpicks, feathers, and a rubber band… don't ask." Kiba received a curt nod after his request. Closing his eyes, he counted to ten and took a deep breath. Then, he opened his eyes, calm as ever. "Looks like your teammate's there, too."
"I think it's funny that our teammates are going out with each other." Hidan chuckled.
"What's his name again?"
"Deidara."
"Oh yeah, that's it!" Kiba noticed another pair enter the ramen stand. "Ha! There's Hinata's cousin's teammate and her boyfriend. He's also you teammate, right?"
Hidan nodded. "Figures. It might have been a planned out double date considering Deidara and Tobi are the best of friends."
They continued walking toward their destination, talking about random things and actually acting civil; neither wanted to break the moment. Then, Kiba stopped in his tracks. Hidan stopped soon after, peering in the direction Kiba was looking at…
Only to drop to the ground laughing.
"You wanted to see me Hokage-sama?"
"Ah, Kazekage-sama, it's so nice to see you again!"
Both leaders' eye twitched as their smile was strained. They waited for the elders to leave (who had a meeting with Tsunade before Gaara came). When the door closed behind the old hags, they dropped their smiles.
"So, what's up?"
"Just thought I'd go over some things before the peace treaty started."
Gaara stared at Tsunade before finally speaking up. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor first." He gazed at the door that led to the hallway and turned back to Tsunade. "Iruka! Come in here!"
A few seconds went by then the door cracked open timidly. Finally, after waiting for what felt like hours, a reluctant chuunin stood in front of Tsunade. She just tsked at the man.
"What is it that you want me to do to him?" The blonde inquired.
"Castrate him."
Iruka eeped while Tsunade grinned. She called in her boyfriend, gleefully, and went around her desk. Once again, the door opened and closed, letting the silver haired man in. He strode to the Hokage until he stood right beside her.
"Guess what Gaara requested me to do to his boyfriend."
"What?"
Tsunade grinned. "He wants me to castrate him."
The silver haired man barked out a laugh, sharp teeth showing. He wrapped an arm around Tsunade's waist.
"I want to see how this turns out."
Iruka cleared his throat before speaking up for the first time since the conversation started. "I'm sorry, Suigetsu, but you'll just have to end up being disappointed because I'm not getting castrated."
Gaara rolled his eyes. "Of course you aren't. This was just to scare you so you wouldn't hang out with my brother again."
Iruka blinked in surprise. "…Oh… but what if he wants to hang out with me?"
"Punch him in the face." Gaara didn't even hesitate to answer.
"Bu…" Iruka paused. Then he smirked and shrugged in feigned nonchalance. "Okay."
"Good boy." Suigetsu mocked, receiving a glare from Iruka.
Just then, the door burst open with two men and a huge white dog following.
"Tsunade!" Kiba yelled as he stopped in front of her. "I need your help!"
"What is it?"
"I can't seem to find out what's wrong wit him!" Kiba pointed to Akamaru who seemed to be distracted and tried getting away. The dog-lover was glad that his boyfriend was here to stop him. "I saw him in an alley near the ramen stand with another dog and I thought that maybe he was hurt. So, I quickly grabbed him and came here!"
Tsunade's eye twitched. "Do I look like a veterinarian?!"
"Well, I would have gone to my sister, but she's busy with the peace treaty stuff." Kiba told her, matter-of-factly.
"And I'm not?!" Tsunade incredulously asked.
Kiba sighed. "Oh, good. You're not."
"Just help him out and he'll be out of your hair." Hidan added in after being silent for too long.
"Hey, don't you usually curse in every sentence?" Suigetsu questioned.
"Not anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm tired of being censored every time I do!" Hidan huffed in annoyance.
Suigetsu rubbed his chin. "Ah, I can see how that can get annoying."
Kiba chose to butt in at that moment, thinking that their conversation was pointless, and started bugging Tsunade. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please!!!!"
Tsunade wanted to strangle him but thought better of it and decided to help. She shooed everyone but her boyfriend and Akamaru out of the room (Kiba via her chakra induced punch) and set to work.
A few minutes passed when they were let in again.
"So, what do you think it is?" Iruka asked his red-head as they all entered back into the room.
"Not sure."
Tsunade cleared her throat, gaining everyone's attention.
"I finally came up with the solution to your problem." She pointed to Akamaru who was lying on the floor with another dog next to him. Kiba couldn't place it, but he thought he saw the dog with the ninja headband somewhere before. Why was that dog here, anyway?
"Turns out your dog's mating desires are towards other dogs that also like to 'stick it up the rear.'"
"Huh?"
Tsunade sighed. "Your… Dog… Is… GAY!"
The silence was welcomed as they all tried to take it in. Well, I didn't take that long considering they were all on the same boat (except for Tsunade and Suigetsu, of course).
"Well, that's interesting." Kiba spoke up.
"Oh, and Akamaru is pregnant!" Tsunade grinned as she signaled the other dog. "Meet the father of the puppies!"
"Yo." The dog raised a paw in greeting.
Kiba passed out.
Hidan walked up to Akamaru, scolding him. "Akamaru! You're not supposed to take it! You're five times bigger than him!" Hidan shook his head then faced the other dog. "Congrats! I can't believe that I get to be a grandfather! Or, something like that. By the way, what's your name?"
"Haha. Yeah, wait until I tell Kakashi about this, he's going to be stressed with the puppies and the baby coming along." The dog smirked in glee. "Oh yeah, my name is Pakkun. Nice to meet ya."
"Heh. Nice to meet you t-ugh!" Hidan was roughly pushed to the side by an overexcited Suigetsu.
"Can I be the godfather?! I always wanted to have babies but that old hag over there is too old!"
Before he knew it, Suigetsu was crashing through walls, stopping at what seemed to be the eighth one only to become a pile of goo.
"I probably deserve that…"
Meanwhile, Gaara and Iruka skipped their meeting with Tsunade altogether and left, glad to be forgotten.
Down at the barbeque restaurant, because of the 'Akamaru is pregnant' fiasco, Kiba and Hidan passed up a good chance to catch up with Chouji. Not only that, but they also missed their chance to finally meet Chouji's boyfriend.
For sometime now, all of Chouji's friends (Team's 7, 8, 10, Gai, and the Sand trio) have only heard of Chouji's boyfriend. The only thing the brunette would let slip out was that they already knew him. So, now, whenever they heard Chouji was going to meet up with this guy, they got hell-bent on trying to find out who it was.
Now, let's get back to the restaurant.
"Chouji, don't eat too much, save some room for the peace treaty after party."
"Let me just eat these last few pieces, 'Maru. Then, I'll be done." Chouji informed the older man, eating faster.
"There's no need to rush. Besides, I'm not really looking forward to going." Orochimaru grabbed Chouji's wrist to get his attention.
"But didn't you just say we were going?"
"Tsk, tsk. You should listen to me. We are going, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Besides, it's mandatory." The snake said the last word in distaste.
"Aah…" Chouji continued to eat. When he was done, he sat back, patting his stomach. He sighed in bliss. "That was good."
Orochimaru smiled at his boyfriend. "Looks like you enjoyed yourself."
Chouji burped in response.
The sennin gazed out the window. "Hmm… we don't a lot of time to get there."
"We'll get there in time, don't worry." Chouji stood up from the booth.
"Do you want to ride my snake?"
As this was said pretty loud in a quiet restaurant, everyone nearby stopped what they were doing and stared. Getting uncomfortable, Orochimaru began to twitch. It also didn't help that his partner was blushing.
"You… PERVERT!!" Chouji yelled out, running out of the restaurant.
"Wait… WAIT!! Chouji!! I didn't mean it like that!" Orochimaru got out of the booth to race after his boyfriend to explain. "You know I meant my summoning snake! Chouji!" And he ran out the door.
Observing the area silently, Sai noticed that everyone he's met over the years, and more, was here. A small (real) smile appeared on his face as he noticed that even ninja who weren't in their top condition were here (AKA: A still unconscious Kiba). A tugging on his arm brought him back to the three people in front of him.
"Sai-bunny! Did you see the soon-to-be sixth Hokage's entrance?! He was so hot!" Sai frowned at his fiancé, Amie. She didn't even notice his displeasure at the way she continued to gush over the other man. "It's a shame. I've heard that he's gay and with someone."
Before Sai could yell out his insecurities, Amie's twin brother, Jamie, beat him to it; only not as loud.
"Amie…" Jamie got her attention. "You need to remember that you're getting married soon and stop with all this fan girl stuff. You're upsetting your fiancé."
Amie pouted, turning to Sai. "I'm sowwie, Sai-bunny." She hugged him tightly. "I'll try to stop for you."
Sai full out grinned.
"Aww, that's my wittle J-bear!" Sai loosened his hold on Amie to find Kurenai cooing over her husband. It was funny to see how the married couple sometimes acted like an older sister and a younger brother.
Jamie glared at his wife. "Don't do that! Even if I'm a few years younger, doesn't mean you can talk to me like that!"
Kurenai just gave him a toothy grin. "Sorry, but I'm not allowed to stop."
"And why not?" Jamie asked grumpily.
"Because, you being pregnant with my baby makes you too damn cute!" She exclaimed, glomping him like he was a teddy bear. He struggled to get out of the hold but eventually gave up, sighing.
Sai wanted to burst out laughing at Jamie's expense but thought it's be too rude, so he didn't. Instead, he wrapped his arm around his fiancé's waist, leading her away from the two lovebirds.
Meanwhile, a certain sharingan-user was trying to convince his boyfriend that it wasn't necessary to meet his brother as of yet.
"Please?! I don't want to meet up with him yet! What if he rips me apart, limb from limb?! Or, even worse…" The Uchiha's eyes widened. "He might use his sharingan on me!" He tried to run off but was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around his midsection.
"C'mon, Itachi. You know as well as I do that he doesn't want to do that." Itachi's boyfriend tried to reassure him.
"But, Juugo, how do you know?" Itachi was becoming hysterical.
Juugo turned Itachi around to face him. "He told me a few days ago that because of the peace treaty and the baby coming along, he was giving up his revenge. He also said that he wanted to meet my boyfriend, so really, you have no choice."
Itachi pouted, about to tell him off when he was interrupted.
"Juugo." The two men quickly stepped away from each other to talk with the object of their conversation. "Aniki?"
The older Uchiha struggled to smile. "Uh… hi, otuoto."
"Hey, Sasuke." Juugo waved to the approaching Uchiha, who was dragging his pregnant boyfriend behind him. "What's up?"
"Just thought we'd come and say hello." Sasuke glanced around as if looking for something… or someone. "So, where's your boyfriend."
Without any hesitation, Juugo placed a blushing Itachi in front of him. He wrapped his arms around the older Uchiha's waist and placed his head on top of his muscular shoulder. "He's right here."
Sasuke stared at the two older men as silence consumed the four of them. Getting impatient of his boyfriend's lack of brain, Shikamaru slapped the younger sharingan-user on the head. Shaking out of his stupor, Sasuke chuckled as he lifted his hand to his brother.
"Nice to meet you, my name's Uchiha Sasuke."
Instead of taking the hand in greeting, Itachi promptly fainted.
Confused, Sasuke looked up at Juugo. "What'd I do wrong?"
Juugo took pity on the still conscious Uchiha. "You didn't do anything. He's just shocked."
"Oh…"
Shikamaru chuckled behind his hand until he was tackled by an exuberant blonde. "Shikamaru!"
Sasuke, now recovered from his brother-induced confusion (when does his brother never confuse him?), began yelling at the blonde woman about how wrong it was to jump on a pregnant woman. Then, he was deftly hit on the head, hard, by one pissed off pregnant boyfriend who decided that the Uchiha deserved to sleep on the couch for a week. Said Uchiha then began yelling at Ino for his short coming of the upcoming week. That was when Sakura decided to barge into the conversation.
"Hey, guys." She attempted to get everyone's attention, and achieved her goal, something that once seemed impossible. "Ino and I were wondering if you've seen our girlfriends anywhere."
"They're coming over right now." Itachi answered, pointing in the direction two women were coming from. Though, sadly, no one noticed them as they all gaped at the older Uchiha. Sasuke decided to break the gape-fest.
"I thought you fainted."
Itachi, now realizing that yes, he had fainted, randomly thought it was a great idea to give his brother a hug. "And now I'm up!" Sasuke struggled in the tight grip until he succumbed to his fate.
"Konan!!" Sakura raced over to her girlfriend, giving her a big hug. "You wouldn't believe what I've been through today."
"Oh, really now." Konan, one of the Akatsuki members, smiled at the pink-haired girl. Reaching into a pocket, her hand came back out with a paper flower. "This is for you. In celebration of our uniting."
"Awww! How sweet of you!" Sakura hugged her again then took the flower and put it in her hair.
"Ah, Ino, I've missed you!" The other blue haired Akatsuki member wrapped her arms around her girlfriend.
Ino chuckled and hugged her girlfriend back. "Same here, Kisa."
"Hey, Kisame, Konan. It's been awhile." Itachi greeted two of his teammates.
Both women nodded their heads toward him. All eight of them got into a small conversation about the peace treaty until the girls decided they wanted to walk around. The four women left, leaving the boys in confusion as they overheard the pink-haired one talking about 'orgy's and 'four's.
Not too far away from the four perplexed men, Asuma tried to convince Yamato that using his rare wood element as use of a sex toy was not fun. Of course, he could barely get ahead of a man as perverted as the first Hokage's clone (of sorts).
"You have heard the expression 'a stick up your ass,' right?" The burly man was practically pleading for the ANBU officer to understand.
"Yes, I have. But what does that have to do with us?" Yamato blinked as he tried to understand his boyfriend's logic. Asuma just slapped his forehead, about to give up until their other boyfriend butted in.
"Yamato. No wood. We don't need it. End of story." Danzou sighed in exasperation at his stupid boyfriends.
The wood user sighed, pouting as it was two-to-one. "Fine. But, are we allowed to use any toys?"
The other two men hesitated before answering, "We'll see."
Yamato mentally cheered.
"Talking about perverted stuff again, Yamato-kun?" The three men turned around to find the one and only Gai. "Ah, the youth."
"Well, we're not the only ones who're being youthful right now." Asuma chuckled. "Speaking of which, where is your boyfriend?"
"Oh, he just went to go get something to drink. He'll be here in a bit." Gai gave a toothy grin then faced the older man. "By the way, Danzou, I'm sorry that you didn't get the popular vote to be Hokage." The big-eyebrow man sincerely apologized.
Danzou smiled. "No, it's alright. I can accept defeat when it is shown on a silver platter. There are no worries."
"Now that is a sign of a true man." Surprised by the new voice, they all turned to greet the new comer. Gai went up to hug the man.
"Ah, it's the big man himself." Danzou shook his hand.
Steve beamed, laughing. "How is everybody?"
Asuma crossed his arms, answering. "It's a great day. I'm sure everyone is excited about the day."
"I sure am; especially the party after the after party." Yamato added with a leer at Danzou and Asuma, both of which yelled at him and slapped him in the head
Gai and Steve laughed.
"So, how are things in your paradise?" Asuma asked, changing the subject from themselves.
Steve answered before Gai had the chance to. "We're both still going strong after six months." Gai nodded in agreement.
"That's good. I hope everything stays that way in the future." Danzou encouraged.
"We do, too." Gai beamed. Afterwards, the two men left the three boyfriends to go prepare for the treaty speeches and other things to follow.
Nearby, two men were discussing their plans when the peace treaty comes in play. One's planning on working in the hospital while the other is mentally counting the money that the former would receive from said job.
"Mmm, all that money." Kakuzu sighed dreamily.
"Just be glad that you're my boyfriend and that I like you enough to keep you with me." Kabuto interjected into his immortal boyfriend's dreams.
Kakuzu dragged the younger man into his lap, wrapping his arms around Kabuto's middle. He hummed softly. "Yes, I'm very grateful."
The bespectacled man placed his hands on top of the other's hands. "Good, because I'd take all the money with me if you weren't."
Kakuzu thought he was going to cry.
On the other side of the room, four men were having a heated discussion.
"Which one?"
"All of them are."
"No, there definitely is only one. You have to be able to see him!"
"Like I said. All of them are him! I should know, he gets me tired after the fourth one."
"You mean all of them do that to you?"
"Duh. How else is he going to feel relieved?"
"Wow. That's very impressive."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Pein couldn't believe what those two were talking about. Not only were they talking about him having sex with his boyfriend but his boyfriend and the pervert were talking about how all six of him do it with said boyfriend! It's absurd!
Once again, Jiraiya gets back on topic. "So, you're telling me that there are officially six of them and not just one?"
Neji sighed. "Yes, there is six of him. All of them are him. They aren't copies or anything, they all are him."
The old pervert still wasn't convinced. "You sure your eyes aren't playing tricks on you?"
"Positive."
"Now that that's out of the way, can we please change the subject?" Pein rubbed his eyes in exasperation and Neji gave him a pat on the shoulder, a silent apology.
"But, I still want to know how Hyuuga can actually keep up with six of you in one nig-mmph!" Jiraiya glared at his red haired boyfriend as he was silenced by a hand.
"That's enough, Jiraiya. Obviously, you're annoying Pein with your jabbering about him. Just give it a rest for now." Sasori waited for a few seconds until he received a nod, and lifted his hand off of the sennin's mouth. "Sometimes, I wonder how I can put up with you…" Jiraiya just waggled his eyebrows in answer and Sasori denied that he said anything at all.
"Thanks, Sasori." Pein gave the puppeteer a small smirk (considering he has no ability to smile). He turned to his white-eyed boyfriend. "You are so going to be punished tonight for speaking freely about our private activities."
Neji couldn't wait.
The treaty had gone as well as any treaty can go when a bunch of hazardous ninja were stuffed into one place (it was a fiasco). Though, eventually they were able to sign the contract and all was peaceful within Konoha. That is, until the after party started that night.
Tsunade was waiting for something to combust or even someone (or some people) to mess the peacefulness up. And she wasn't wrong in her assumption as she noticed the two people she was waiting for getting ready for one of their pranks. These two weren't ordinary people. Sure, they were ninja, but they've also been together for two years with a kind of fun that didn't involve a bed (but that doesn't mean they didn't have fun in bed). No, this kind of fun Tsunade was talking about involved pranks. And that's just what the two kunoichi were planning to do that night.
Approaching the two women, Tsunade tapped them on the shoulder before they could do anything. They spun around in fear of being caught. Their fear tripled when the found whom it was that caught them. They hid the vials behind their backs and gave sheepish smiles.
"Karin, Temari." She addressed the two women in front of her. "No spiking the punch." Their shoulders slumped as their fun was taken away. "If you want to have some fun, strip together in front of some straight guys or something."
Temari whined. "But there are only so little of them!"
"Plus, a lot of them are taken!" Karin added.
"So? I'm not asking you to go and ask them on a date. I'm just saying; liven up this place in a fun, safe way." The fifth Hokage extended the word 'safe' in warning.
The two younger women thought about it. It was either do nothing or have some fun with some straight guys. Well, that's a no brainer.
"Thanks, Tsunade!" They grinned to the Hokage before dashing off to find some straight guys. Tsunade smiled at their backs, glad to have the punch saved from harms way. Then her smile dropped. Did she just…
"Don't you dare go near Suigetsu!" She raced after the two girls, shaking her fists along the way.
The End
Heehee! Well, that's it. :salute: See ya!