Chapter 1: The Ascent

Looking up at those millions of tiny stars in a dark blue midnight sky, all my previous fears of coming to this place evaporated. Earlier this morning I had stepped off of that 747, completely unsure of what I'd gotten myself into. But after 13 hours of unpacking, exploring, meeting new people, and shopping, things were looking good.

Coming to Brevard had started as a joke between my best-friend Grey and me. Grey, of course, wasn't his real name. But it wasn't like Blue was my real name either. We both resented the fact that our parents had given us trans-sexual names. His being Brennan, and mine Alex. So we called each other by the colors of our eyes. Grey's eyes were the smokiest, foggiest, purest gray I'd ever seen. While my electric blue eyes "lit up a dark room" as Grey once put it. The names just stuck, even our teachers called us by them.

My dad and I went to Brevard every summer and hiked through the mountains. One summer I convinced him to let Grey come along. Grey was a nice enough guy but my dad just wasn't okay with me having a guy as a best friend. But Grey had fallen in love with this place just as much as I had. On the long ride home we started talking about really serious stuff. The kind of things that you know will never happen but just to be safe you make plans for the "what ifs."

"Blue, if I die in the near future, I want my ashes to be thrown off of Shinning Rock. Kinda like that scene in 'Last of the Mohicans.' There is something about that place that just is so ethereal. But I want you to be the one to do it." He stared at me, with this lopsided little smile plastered on his face.

"By the time that you die, you'll have a wife and kids, and will have forgotten all about Blue, your best friend in high school." The thought of losing Brennan was too serious to take seriously. I just stared right back at him mirroring his goofy grin.

"Yeah, I know that silly, but what if I die before then? Who would be better to scatter my remains than you?" He was really getting into it now. Grey could give off this supercilious manner, but on the inside the could be extremely solemn.

"Alright Grey, if you, for some unseen reason, perish before your time, I will take your cremated remains and toss them off of shinning rock. No force will stop me. But, if I should perish before my time, you must promise to scatter my ashes at every waterfall in the Pisgah National Forest." My tone was loud and dramatic and had attracted the attention of my father in the front seat.

"Alex, you know that there are over 100 water falls in that region. It would be impossible to see them all. Not to mention how difficult some of their trails are." His voice sounded like the monotone voice you hear in every documentary ever made.

"Nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it!" I flailed my arms out and clutched my heart in my most dramatic fashion. " You'd find a way to make it happen wouldn't you Grey?"

" Blue, you have lost your already confused, little mind. But for you, I would hike up the tallest mountain and then some, just to put your spirit at peace!" He was trying so hard not to laugh. We made a pinky promise that we would both carry out the other's wishes, should the worst happen.

Four months later I awoke at 2am to the sound of my cell phone vibrating against my wooden nightstand. Assuming it was some guy from school trying to make a late night booty call, I ignored it. But as soon as the buzzing stopped, my house phone rang. Grumbling, I sat up and reached for the receiver.

"Hello?" I am not a morning person, I enjoy my sleep very much. So one can imagine how thrilled I must have been to be awoken at such an unreasonable hour. I recognized Grey's mother's voice, she sounded as if she'd been crying.

"Blue, I've got some terrible news. Please, sit down for this." There was a pause and then a jagged sob. "Grey was driving home from his dad's house, and there was another driver, he was drunk... are you still there?" I could see where this was leading but I could let myself believe it.

"Yeah, I'm here? Did Grey get in a crash? Is he okay?" My words were rushed and quick. As if saying them faster would make it all okay.

"Sweetie," her voice broke off and I heard her pass the phone over to some one else.

"Alex, this is Brennan's dad. Brennan is no longer with us. I am sorry that you could come say good bye, but he died minutes after they brought him in."

"No, Grey always wears a seatbelt! He wouldn't even start the car yesterday until I put mine on! I thought that seat belt were to save you! Grey can't be gone! HE WOULDN'T DIE, HE WOULDN'T!" Sobbing now I groped for my box of Kleenex.

"Alex, I know this is a lot to take in all at once, but you have to calm down. Brennan's car flipped. He was crushed, he would have been in so much pain if he lived. The other driver will be arrested for DWI and involuntary man slaughter." Mr. Kaolin's voice was so calm, it was as if he didn't even care.

" So your telling me that ass gets to live, while Grey's life ends at 17! That isn't fair! Grey was gonna go to Appalachian with me in the fall! How can you be so calm! Does it even phase you that your only son is DEAD?"

"Now Alex, I can understand that you are upset, but that gives you no right to question my love for my son. Don't you think that I know if I had offered to drive him home then he would be in his own bed right now and not lying in some dark cold morgue?" He voice was hoarse and came in sharp breathes.

"I...I'm so sorry Mr. Kaolin, I don't know what came over me. Thank you for calling me. Let me know if I can do anything for you. Good Night."

"Wait, there was one thing. Brennan mentioned he wanted to be cremated, and that you had discussed something to do with his ashes. His mother and I have decided to obey his wishes. He'll be cremated tomorrow, and we'll have a ceremony in a week. Then you can do as you wish with his ashes."

So here I am 3,000 tissues, 34 condolence cards, 678 awkward "How are ya holding ups?" later. Staying at a Hampton Suites in Brevard, North Carolina. My best friend's ashes packed in my suit case. All I can do now was step out on to the patio and pray that I don't have a mental break down.