Cuddy had gotten up to change Rachel, and House was lying in bed, listening through the baby monitor.
"Did someone go poopy?" he heard Cuddy ask Rachel.
"Uh huh," Rachel said.
"What? How did you eat a dime?"
"House," Rachel clearly replied.
House's eyes popped open. I'm busted, he immediately thought. What would Cuddy's reaction to this be, he wondered. Would she freak out, or take it in stride? He soon heard Cuddy walking back down the hall to the master bedroom, and pretended to be asleep as she entered the room. She sat on the bed and watched him for a moment, sensing that he was awake but not completely sure. Then she laid back down and tapped him on the shoulder.
"House," she said. "I know you're still awake. Time to face the music."
House acted like she was waking him up, and groggily said, "Wha.. What are you talking about?"
"Don't pretend you were asleep or didn't hear us through the monitor. Were you aware that Rachel had swallowed a dime?"
"Really?" he asked, trying to sound shocked. "She swallowed a dime? How could that have happened?"
"You tell me," she said.
"I can't imagine how..." House stammered.
"It seemed weird when I saw you staring at the contents of her diaper the other night, but now it makes perfect sense. And you were so eager to get up for her, which also should've made me suspicious. You've been checking on her all this time, haven't you?"
He knew there was no other plausible explanation for examining poop, so finally fessed up. "Well, I wasn't sure, so, yeah, I was a little concerned."
"And you never told me. House, stuff happens with kids all the time. You can't control everything. I wouldn't have been shocked or angry by it, but you should've told me. How did it happen?"
Now here's where things could get dicey. Would Rachel remember enough to actually tell Cuddy that House and Wilson had left the room for a few minutes? Her vocabulary was expanding by leaps and bounds, but she was still only two. And she'd been busy spilling popcorn all over the room and digging around in a take-out bag. She probably didn't remember, and, even if she did, she wouldn't have realized that her babysitters were actually out on the street in front of the house for a short time instead of in the next room. He figured he was safe with a little white lie. Cuddy didn't need to know the whole truth in this circumstance.
"I ordered takeout, and left the bag in the living room when I went to the kitchen to get a drink. There must've been some change in there from when I paid the delivery guy. I swear, Cuddy, I only turned my back on her for a few moments, and when I came back into the living room she had a quarter in her mouth. I never knew for sure, but I counted the change and it seemed like a dime might be missing."
"So what horrible thing did you think would happen if you'd told me this? I'm not some lunatic who'd throw you out or, God forbid, withhold sex just because you made an understandable mistake."
"You think it's understandable?"
"Sure. You're still not that used to being with a toddler. But at least you're trying. You'll learn."
It looked like he'd actually get away with this, House thought. Time to be contrite and apologetic.
"I'm really sorry, Cuddy. I should've been more careful."
"Next time you will be."
"Next time? You'd really trust me to babysit again after this?"
"Of course. You didn't think you'd get out of it that easily, did you?" she asked, smirking at him.
Busted, indeed. He hadn't quite expected this reaction. From now on, if he wanted to avoid watching Rachel, Cuddy would think that he didn't trust himself, or worse, didn't deserve the faith she was putting in him. She had him over a barrel. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't, it seemed. He might as well relent. Wasn't this what he'd wanted, after all? To be more fully a part of their lives? There was no getting around it.
"Get out of it?," he asked, as though offended by the suggestion. "I don't wanna get out of it. I just don't want you to worry."
Cuddy smiled at him. "I'm not in the least worried. You're a capable adult, with expert first-aid skills, and you do care about her, whether you wanna admit it or not. You wouldn't have kept checking on her if you didn't care."
"How on earth could I not care?" he said, leaning in for a kiss. "She's adorable, and she's yours."
"She's ours, House. At least, I hope you start thinking of her that way."
At that moment they heard Rachel again on the monitor, adamantly saying "Gigi, sweetie, don't eat that!" Gigi was her favorite stuffed animal, the giant giraffe that always stood next to her crib.
House and Cuddy looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Well, I guess she learned her lesson," he said. "She's smarter than I thought."
"Where'd she get 'sweetie' from?" Cuddy asked. "That's a new one."
House shrugged.
"House, have you been calling her sweetie?"
"Maybe a few times," he admitted.
"That's so, I don't know, just so sweet."
"Oh, cut it out," House said. "I'm tired. Let's get some sleep."
"Okay, sweetie," Cuddy teased. "Night night."
House rolled his eyes in exasperation and turned his face away from Cuddy, but then smiled as she spooned against him, secretly pleased that Rachel was imitating him. Ours. What a wonderful word.