I'd love for you to watch me fall. But if you knew I was falling, would you help me? Or at least try to catch me? I wonder. I knew the answer was yes for someone. My best friend.

I sat on a stool in front of a small audience, sitting around small round tables drinking coffee. The room was small and dark. The only light seemed to be coming from the small candles on the tables.

My acoustic guitar was sitting on my lap and I was strummed it. I sang the words to the song and I was in my own world. A little bubble I created when I sang and played. Craig did a good thing when he bought me a guitar for Christmas last year.

And it has really come into use since graduation. It's just another way I can make some extra cash, which I so desperately need. Being on my own isn't a dream come true in my case. I've been introduced to things maybe I shouldn't. This that if my parents ever found out, they'd disown me.

But I didn't think of any of the shit going on while I was playing my song. The one I wrote for Craig. Because Craig has been there since day one, through all the crap I pulled and put him through. But even he slipped out of my mind when I was in my own world. The one I was in right now, but would end when the song was over. So I cherished the moment.

I smiled when I strummed the last chord. Polite applause broke out and I left the stage, happy with my performance. After I put all my equipment in my Volkswagen bus, I walked back in to get my pay check. It wasn't much, only $100, but I accepted anything these days.

"Same time next week then?" I asked the club owner. He glanced at me and nodded. "See you," I said as I walked out through the back. I unlocked my car and got in. I sat there for a moment, cradling my head which hurt like a bitch.

I dug through my bag for some Advil and my pack of cigarettes. I popped four or five Advil in my mouth and downed it with some water.

"Shit," I mumbled and rummaged around for a lighter. I rolled my eyes when I found it on the passenger side seat. I light the slender stick of tobacco and inhaled.

I began to feel better. I sat in my car and smoked for about five minutes before heading back to Sean's house. I pulled into the drive way when I got there. I didn't feel like getting all the shit out of the bus, so I didn't and walked up the five stairs to the front door.

"Late night?" He asked from the couch. He was watching a late night comedy show.

"Yeah," I said, rubbing my eyes. I threw my bag on the floor and grumbled about the smell of old pizza. I slipped my dirty Vans off and sat next to him on the couch.

"I'm tired," I yawned and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I figured. How was the fucking show tonight?" He asked and kissed my cheek.

"Better than last week. There were actually people there this time," I said and put my feet on the coffee table.

"What is this shit?" I asked.

"I dunno," he said. "But I think it's time we both went to bed. School tomorrow."

"Yeah, but I don't have class until one. So I can sleep in. I don't feel like sleeping," I said, taking the old bag of skittles from my jacket pocket.

"I have class early," he said and yawned. "So I'm going to fucking sleep," Sean said, kissed me good night and went to the bedroom we shared.

I curled my lip and turned the television off. I wasn't in the mood to stay here tonight. I popped some skittles in my mouth and I put my shoes back on and grabbed my bag from the ground.

I opened the door and the cool air came rushing in. "Fuck."

I went back in the house, took my jacket off, put on a long flannel shirt, and put my jacket back on. I was now ready to go back out into the cold. I figured I would go for a walk, but changed my mind quickly and changed coarse towards my car.

I had left it unlocked, so I opened the door and sat on the cold seat and had another cigarette. The Advil had started working by now and I just smoked because I could.

I drove. I drove for about 20 minutes before I got to where I wanted to go, Craig's apartment complex. I parked and walked down an eerie walk way before I reached the stairs that would take me to Craig's.

It looked different at night, but I was getting used to it. I found it. With the little 'Welcome' rug on the floor that I made him buy.

I knocked. Pause. Nothing. I knocked again. Nothing. Then I heard some rustling and then, "Who the hell is it?"

I laughed. "It's me."

"Oh shit," he said and opened the door. A goofy grin was on his face.

"What are you doing here at this time of night?" He asked rubbing his head. But before I could answer, a pretty blonde girl walked into the room with just a big shirt on.

"Fuck," she said and walked back into the bedroom.

"Busy?" I asked and jumped onto the couch.

"No." He said. "I'll be right back."

When he came back, the blonde haired girl was fully dressed and carrying a small bag.

"I don't understand why I have to leave though," I heard her whisper to him.

"Because. Now leave or I'll have to get nasty," he didn't bother whispering.

I saw the blonde girl throw me a dirty look before she walked out the door.

"Who was that?" I asked, eating some skittles. Craig sat on the couch next to me and embraced me. I put my head on his chest so I could feel his heart.

"I'm not even going to lie to you. That was Brooke. I met her a couple months ago and no we aren't dating. We just hooked up is all," he laughed. "And it was a huge mistake."

"I could tell. She must be attached then?" I asked.

He grunted. "Yes." Then he cackled. "I tried to make it bad. I did everything I shouldn't have and she still wants me."

"You of all people tried to be bad in bed?" I asked, half mockingly.

"I know, I'm the master," he smiled. "I just can't get rid of her."

"Well, if you're sooo desperate, I'll help you."

"Oh yes, Manny, that is exactly what I need," he said and ruffled my hair. "I need her to catch us getting it on."

I laughed. "We'll make it a date then."

"Sure will. So why'd you come over here anyway?" He asked, stealing a couple skittles out of my hands.

"I dunno. I was bored I guess," I shrugged.

"Sean isn't doing it for you?" He asked, then kissed me. There was some heavy making out before I'd had enough.

"Not like that," I said sitting up. "I need to go now."

"Why? Because I kissed you?" He raised an eyebrow. "Hello? We do it all the time, dear."

"I know, I know. It's not that. I need to go pick up something. What time is it?" I asked.

Craig looked at his watch. "Almost one thirty."

"Fuck. Yeah, I have to go. I'll talk to you later." I said, kissed him on the lips and hurried to the door.

"Shit, throw me my bag." I said before I stepped out the door. He did and I left. When I got into my car, I fumbled for my phone and called a guy named Landon.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice said.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked, but I wasn't sorry at all.

"Yeah. You did actually. What's up?" He coughed.

"Did you forget to? I'm coming to get what you owe me." I said, jumbling my words.

"Oh, yeah. Come on over. You have the money right?"

"Yes, all one hundred and all for the best shit there is. It is the best shit right? You're not going to rip me off like last time are you?" I didn't trust the kid, but he could get the best heroin out of everyone I knew.

"Yes, I have the good shit. Just come over and I'll give it to you. You remember where it is don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way." And I hung up.

When I got there, Landon was waiting outside of his trashy house for me. I parked in front of his house and practically jumped out of the car and walked fast up to him.

He had a strange sneer on his face. He was drunk.

"Give me it." I demanded at once. But he just stood there.

"Money first," he slurred and almost fell on his ass, but I caught him.

"You smell like vodka. Let's go inside, shall we?" I asked. He nodded and I grabbed his arm and led him inside. This wasn't the first time I'd been in his house. The smell was appalling. I sat him in an old, filthy arm chair.

"Just tell me where it is, I'll get it and leave the money on the table and I'll be out of your hair.'

"No, no. I don't fucking trust you. Give me the damn money," he stood up fast out of the chair and stumbled over to me.

"Fuck," he whispered.

"You owe me shit, now give it to me." I said sternly.

"Fine, baby. Fine. You want the shit? You'll get it," he said and leaned in to kiss my neck.

"No," I said and pushed him off. "Not tonight, alright? Please, just give me the stuff and I'll leave. I'm a busy girl and I have shit to take care of." I pulled the money out of my bra and waved it in the air.

"Here's your money. Now show me the heroin."

He took it out of his jeans pocket and handed it to me. I laughed because he fell on the floor after he handed it to me. I put the money back in my bra and stepped over his unconscious body. I chuckled and left.

I drove back to Craig's apartment, but I didn't go in. Instead I parked and crawled into the back of my car. I pulled my sleeping bag out from under the seat and spread it out among the piles of junk lining the interior of the VW bus. I slipped my shoes off and sat on top of the sleeping bag.

I opened the bag with the assortment of syringes and took one out. I took my jacket off and rolled the sleeve of my flannel shirt up. I took a deep breath and plunged the needle deep into my skin. I moaned, took the needle out, and threw it towards the front of the car. I passed out. It had been a long time since I'd been able to get hold of the shit I so desperately needed to survive.