WHY HELLO AGAIN!!! I'M SO GLAD WE COULD MEET ONCE MORE!!! sticks out paw Yeah. Silver-eyed Hyuuga's back in the running, minna-san!! Glad to write once more!!!

And do mine eyes deceive moi? Silver-eyed Hyuuga, the writer of all things NejiNaru, is actually writing something SASUNARU for once???!?!?! GAAAAAAASSPPPP!!!!

dies

Actually, I've had this plot line lurking in the back of my brain for some time. Sasuke fits better as a character in this plot, so yes, for once I'm writing a SasuNaru story. Not that I mind….SasuNaru's my no. 2 pairing next to NejiNaru….so I decided I'm gonna give it a shot.

This is set sometime when Naruto-tachi have grown to be around thirty-ish (though don't try to imagine adult versions of the characters when you read this….the characters are supposed to look the same as they were when they were 15-16ish…somewhere along those lines)….Naruto successfully convinced Sasuke to come back to Konoha, and they're living together now…

Oh, by the way….

I've been getting some anonymous reviews….from someone named - and I haven't a clue who he/she is….so if you please, if you're reading this, could you tell me who you are? I'm kinda curious…you don't have to if you don't want to….

So now that I've gotten the business all cleared up, let's GET ON WITH THE FIC ALREADY!!!!

Chapter One: Facial Preservation

There were days when everything was bright and shiny, when there wasn't a single, solitary cloud in the marvelously clear sky, and when the temperature was just right, not too hot, and not too cool. Children merrily laughed as they frolicked and played, birds cheerfully exercised their well-toned lungs, and everyone went about their business with a feeling of lightheartedness and buoyancy, an extra lilt in their steps. Even the darkest, ice-cast hearts seemed at ease; a certain red-haired figure gave a ghost of a smile and softly stroked the head of a stuffed bear long destroyed, and far, far away, deep in the slime-slicked murky recesses of a cave, a long-haired snake sannin leaned back in his chair and hummed tunelessly as he went about his sordid ways. Even the vilest of the vile seemed to bear liveliness on these days. The sunlight was positively contagious, even in places where no sun could reach. Yes, those were the days of joy and good cheer, where even the most bitter of enemies nodded and smiled at each other, and for once didn't try to plunge sharpened objects of remote fatality into any inch of exposed flesh.

And then there were the days when the very air seemed to laugh hysterically at the most trivial of actions.

Sasuke really loathed those days. He really did. Judging by the piercing scream and the imminent explosion that promptly reduced the poor, innocent bathroom in which he was lodged to mere dust, it WAS rather hard to say that Sasuke bore even a smidgen of tolerance for those kinds of days.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He had to admit that the shriek that shot out of his mouth was quite impressive; after all, after going through thirty-plus years with mostly "Hn"s, "Hmph"s, and the occasional "DIE!!"s, he was starting to think that his larynx had actually shrunk. Said theory was dispelled as what was left of the bathroom collapsed around him with a thunderous crash, leaving only a fractured mirror and what vaguely looked like a sink. Sasuke panted heavily as he glared various sharp, pointy objects at said offending mirror, which seemed to glint benignly at the livid Uchiha.

What sounded like a cross between a groan and a purr emitted from the other room. A hand feebly groped around for the covers, then drew them around lean, sculpted bare shoulders as Naruto snuggled deeper into the bed, a light snore emitting from the back of his throat. Sasuke sighed, a rare smile fondly gracing his features. He highly suspected it was partly due to the thickness of the blonde's skull, but he'd be willing to bet his life on the fact that the sleeping Naruto wouldn't even twitch an eyelash should Orochimaru wreck havoc once more on the village of Konoha, fully revitalized and twice as powerful.

Then again, he thought as a muscle ticked somewhere in the general vicinity of his jaw, Naruto would be up and raring to go should he detect the mere trace of ramen, or anything remotely close to food.

Reluctantly pulling his thoughts from the languorous blonde on the bed (Sasuke had a sudden unexpected vision involving chocolate sauce and ribbons, to which he couldn't admit that he didn't enjoy), he turned to the demolished bathroom, surveying the damage with his hands on his hips. Naruto stirred again, and Sasuke shot a furtive look at the slumbering blonde, willing him not to wake up. The last time such a catastrophe happened and the apartment was reduced to rubble due to one of Sasuke's fits of rage, Naruto had turned sexually frigid as punishment, leaving a very unfulfilled and frustrated Uchiha. Though Sasuke supposed he could have threatened to sleep with another person and consequently made Naruto beg to have him back, somehow he couldn't find the heart and settled for sulkily waiting out the three weeks of abstinence, during which he repeatedly cursed himself for growing so soft.

Naruto, however, just went about his daily business with a constant, toothy smirk smeared all over his face like excrement on poor-quality toilet paper. Which only served to further aggravate Sasuke to the point where he almost considered making quite an interesting offer to the nearest willing being (it could be anyone, really; after all, wasn't half the female population—and, he suspected with a sickening wince, about a quarter of the male population—already lusting after his ass?), but Naruto, being Naruto after all, would probably just use that as an excuse to sleep with Neji, and Sasuke highly suspected the Hyuuga wouldn't complain. After all, the last time Sasuke had come home drunk and completely wasted, Naruto had holed himself up in the Hyuuga complex for a full three weeks. And the first day of the fourth week, when Neji finally dragged a reluctant Naruto home, Sasuke's Sharingan-blazing eyes met Neji's cool opalescent orbs, and the obvious devilish glint that resided in the Hyuuga's eyes and/or smirk made it plain to him that the blonde was just fine with screwing other people as punishment for Sasuke's errant behavior, and that he'd be doing it again if the Uchiha showed the barest hint of needing to be disciplined.

Which brought him to the situation at hand. How to repair a whole bathroom plus plumbing before Naruto woke up.

Sasuke gritted his teeth and slanted a glance at Naruto as he slept, then sucked what he thought was half the world's supply of oxygen in through his nose, exhaled through his mouth, and concentrated his chakra at the huge mess of wood shavings at his feet. The debris quivered and rose as Sasuke agonizingly fit each piece together, leaving not a splinter untouched. The Uchiha painstakingly pieced together the shards of broken pipe and porcelain shrapnel, chewing nervously on his lip as the bathroom seemed to take form.

He was about halfway through reconstructing the sink when Naruto stirred, groaned, and rose from the bed, muscle and sinew rippling languidly as he sat up and scraped an elegant paw across brilliant blue eyes misted over with the last vestiges of sleep.

Sasuke tore across the room and crushed his mouth to Naruto's, quickly muffling the surprised yelp that threatened to emit from the blonde's lips.

"SaaaAAAAAAAAAAAsssuuuummmpppphhhhh….." The Uchiha quickly calmed the squirming blonde, deftly slipping his tongue in between Naruto's lips and sliding it over the blonde's elongated canines.

"Shhhhh…it's still early, go back to sleep…" he murmured gently against Naruto's mouth, taking extra measures to shield the half-complete bathroom from the blonde's line of sight.

Naruto moaned as Sasuke's limber, alabaster fingers scraped lightly against his chest, sliding downwards over smooth, soft skin. The fox-child lazily wrapped both arms around Sasuke's neck and chiseled shoulders, pressing his head down further to gain more access to his lips. Cracking open one eye, the Uchiha felt a twinge of relief to see that Naruto's eyes were blissfully closed; just for good measure, he tilted his head the other way and kissed Naruto again, nibbling gently on his lower lip and shuddering deliciously as Naruto lightly brushed nails across his ribs and down his waist. Sasuke broke the kiss and nuzzled Naruto's neck, running his teeth across the blonde's jaw and nipping the junction where Naruto's jaw ended and his ear began.

"Sasu…ke….you keep this up, and—"

"You'll end up with a very sore asshole, mmm?" Sasuke finished, chuckling as Naruto muttered something along the lines of "Uchiha-hentai".

"After all we did last night, one would think you'd be sated…" Naruto softly shot back as he tenderly licked at Sasuke's collarbone.

"The same could be said to you…" Sasuke said, affectionately tracing the three slashes on the blonde's cheek with his tongue. "Now go back to sleep. It's quite early, and you want to have a good night's rest before training today, hmm?" He coaxed, turning Naruto onto his side away from the bathroom. The blonde absently murmured agreement, and snuggled further into the blankets, a low hum coming from his throat.

"That's right….go back to sleep now….that's right…" Sasuke whispered with a wry, secret smirk. Itachi'd have a coronary on the spot should he ever get the wind that his little brother was speaking in such a gooey, disgustingly syrup-sodden tone.

The Uchiha made certain that Naruto was snoozing before quickly running to the bathroom and finishing up what he'd started. That being done, he stood back and critically surveyed his creation, then walked into the bathroom once more and stared in the mirror, willing himself not to scream when he witnessed his worst nightmare.

There, at the corner of his eye. He begged, pleaded, cajoled it to go away, but it stood there and stubbornly became more defined as Sasuke tweaked his eyebrows this way and that. There…that mark…that dreaded, vile imperfection…

A wrinkle.

His first thought was about donning his Anbu mask to hide the disgusting blemish and seeking council from Tsunade-sama…but then again, Tsunade-sama would probably roar with laughter and spend the next three days issuing reports about the highly phenomenal Uchiha imperfection. He then thought about asking Sakura for a facial…after all, she was a healer, and he most definitely considered wrinkles something that required healing…but Sakura was also notorious for spreading rumors, so that was a lost cause. Hinata would be a great person to go to, he thought suddenly…but then again, that meddling Hyuuga cousin of hers was constantly at her side, and Sasuke didn't even want to think about the possible consequences should Neji find out about his less-than-flawless face when the Hyuuga himself hadn't a scar on his perfect visage. At least, Sasuke thought with a rather evil smirk, not before the nice little chat he'd been planning to have with him that was quite long overdue.

Pushing aside somewhat gory thoughts, he was struck by a sudden idea. He could use Henge no Jutsu and buy some wrinkle cream from the nearest convenience store. Yes, that would do it…in fact, the solution was so brilliant, he was completely surprised that he hadn't thought of it before. Quickly scribbling a note in chicken-scratch concerning something about going out for fresh air (he'd be surprised if Naruto could make head or tail of it, but then again Naruto's handwriting bordered on being nothing but a series of splotches and inkblots, and since the blonde could perfectly understand his own penmanship, Sasuke hadn't a doubt he could interpret his note), he performed a hasty seal and burst through the door, making a beeline for the nearest shop.

It was only as he passed his reflection in one of the store windows that he realized he'd transformed into a female version of himself, that this was probably the result of witnessing Naruto's Oiroke no Jutsu one time too many, and that random males along the street were gawking openly at his more-than-ample bosom.

The irony gods would be rolling on the floor.

Slowing to a light jog (after all, he didn't quite take to the prospect of his chest bouncing jerkily in front of him while running), he slipped stealthily inside the doors of the store and shot straight to the back of the shop, quickly ducking down between the aisles that sported a wide collection of hair products. A few random thoughts raced through his head (does Aniki like hairspray?) as he flitted to and fro, flicking apprehensive gazes at chance points as he hastily skirted down yet another aisle. It suddenly occurred to him that he was drawing a lot more attention to himself by doing this, so he straightened up, pasted what he hoped looked like an expression of mild indifference on his face, and attempted to walk at a fairly normal pace. A hesitant smile of confidence started to bloom at the corners of his mouth as he strode around a corner…

And walked right into a very surprised Sakura herself.

"Holy sh—Saku—"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She asked, concern glittering in her green eyes.

For a moment, Sasuke wondered why she didn't latch onto him like a limpet, as was normal for her (or any other girl for that matter, he thought wryly), but then he remembered he was…he was…with a resigned sigh, he admitted that he HAD performed some version of Oiroke no Jutsu, given his doe-eyed features and his various charms, and that Sakura hadn't seen the female version of him before, so there was no way she could recognize him now. After a few attempts at speaking, he managed to utter a few words.

"Oh…I'm fine…really…it was my fault…" he said, then recoiled at the high, feminine sound that emitted from his throat. Apparently Oiroke no Jutsu made one's vocal chords anatomically correct as well as various other parts of the body.

"That's good, I'm glad you weren't hurt." Sakura said cheerfully, then flicked her eyes across Sasuke's face, a frown briefly marring her features.

"Are you new here? I haven't seen you around before…" She said bemusedly. Sasuke gulped, and blurted out the first thought that came into his mind.

"A-actually, I'm visiting Konoha…I'm Shikamaru's cousin." He lied through his teeth. Sakura didn't seem to notice the twinge of guilt in his voice.

"I see…well, tell him I said hi, okay?" She chirped, then continued her walk through the store.

Sasuke breathed an immense sigh of relief and shot down yet another aisle, looking for the desired cream. A small purple bottle caught his eye and he gingerly picked it up, examining the label. Harumi's Wrinkle Cream…guaranteed to erase any wrinkles you have within a week bla bla bla…a triumphant smirk crossed his face and he bolted to the checkout stand, shoved a handful of bills into the surprised cashier's hand, and took off with his prize, yelling a garbled "keep the change!" over his shoulder as the man called after him.

Oh well. His purse sans a couple hundred yen could use as a good excuse should Naruto ever want to go on a ramen binge again.

So what do you think so far? Good? Bad? In between? Review, s'il vous plait….please…onegai….