I do not own CSI
The thick brown hair that had always fallen so gracefully to her shoulders, framing her face, was long gone, destroyed by the intensive chemotherapy she had received. Her thin figure was emaciated down to nothing. She was mere skin and bones, fragile as a porcelain doll. Her skin was pale and sickly looking, pasty white in the harsh hospital lighting. She was but a shadow of her former self. She was dying
But it was not any of these things that saddened him the most. He had never cared about looks. No, it was the despair and the pain that he saw every time he looked into her eyes that was causing the tears to cascade down his face. He stood in the doorway of her room watching her labored breathing as she rested. But rested was only a relative term. He knew she never received a reprieve from her torment. The pain was constant, the despair was settling, and the only release was death.
Wanting to be near her in those last few moments, for he knew her very breaths were numbered, he moved into the room and sat in the chair by her bedside. He gently took her hand and placed a soft kiss on her emaciated cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she saw him.
"Hey," he said in a slightly constricted voice.
"Hey," she replied weakly, her voice cracking. He felt a lump form in his throat.
"How are you feeling today?" he asked past the lump.
"About the same," she said, closing her eyes.
He stroked her hand softly with his thumb and just watched her laborous breathing. The silence stretched on, broken only by the occasional sniffle from him and her raspy breaths. He thought she had fallen asleep again and started to lay his head down.
"I'm not afraid," she said suddenly.
He looked up at her and found her piercing brown eyes fixed on him.
"I'm tired."
He felt tears prickling in his eyes. "I know," he said thickly.
"I'll miss you," she said, a tear sliding down her cheek. He nodded, unable to speak. "We had a good life together."
"Yes," he said with a watery smile. "We had a very good life together. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You gave me a reason to live."
She smiled. "You were everything I ever wanted," she said. "I was never unfaithful to you."
"I never thought-"
"I know," she said, smiling again. "I just wanted to tell you, so you could hear it from me."
He kissed her hand. "I was never unfaithful either. I never wanted anyone but you. You were everything I ever needed."
They lapsed back into silence. He noticed that her breathing was becoming more labored. He laid his head down on her bed and resumed stroking her hand. As her breathing worsened, his tears fell faster.
"Don't let them bring me back," she said. "When I'm gone, I'm gone."
He bit his lip, the tears falling with a new intensity. "I'm not ready to say goodbye," he choked.
She raised her frail hand and stroked his cheek. "It will be ok," she said soothingly. "And I'll be in a better place. No more pain, no more doctors, no more chemo, no more cancer. Just peace…"
He heard the longing in her voice and found himself nodding. "I'll miss you," he whispered. "Every single day. I love you."
She opened her mouth, as her heart monitor began to beep insistently. "I love you, too," she gasped. The monitor flatlined, alarms wailing, and a nurse came running.
"Get a crash cart in here, stat!" she yelled, but he was already shaking his head.
"No," he said through his tears.
"But, sir!" the nurse exclaimed. "This is your wife. Surely-"
"No," he said again. "She doesn't want it. She's ready to die. I have to let her go." His voice became more and more strained the longer he talked.
The nurse nodded, understanding, and turned the flat-lining monitor off.
"Thank you," he whispered as she retreated. He turned back to his wife, barely able to see, and smiled. She was finally at peace.
At last, she was free.
Please, R&R!