Oh, no! Another Clichéd Love Story!
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"People say that the right person will come along.. I think mine got hit by a truck."
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1. Battle of the Sexes
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It was 24th September. A weekend, to be precise. There wasn't something special about the date except, 49 years ago, St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen had declared itself a co-ed school, and still it hadn't changed its damn name.
24th September was a day when the girls of St. Bartleby's screamed at the authorities to rename the school to St. Bartleby's School for Brilliant Young Minds, a name coined by the first female Student Council President in the 70's.
The boys tried to hide wherever they could. They had enough of 'you sexist assholes' or 'why do you disrespect the females? why? can you give birth to babies? no! die, you disrespectful sexist morons!' or 'the male students only scratch their butts. even monkeys can do that. before we girls came, this school should've been named 'St. Bartleby's School for Monkeys'' to last them a lifetime, thank you very much.
The school authorities were probably trying to book tickets to Pluto and epically failing.
Artemis Fowl was sitting on a tree branch, conveniently hidden by the leaves. It gave him the perfect view.
Spending time in St. Bartleby's had taught him to respect the female population.
There were primarily three kinds of protests- the silent march, the candle prayer and the unofficial 'silently kill all boys and school authorities in sight' march.
All the cheerleaders were taking part in the silent march. They would walk around the entire city wearing bright, glittery neon clothes and carrying posters.
The candle prayer would be held at night. All the girls would assemble and hold a candle for god knows what reasons. It was not like someone died. Women were so dramatic.
And then there was the whole open season on boys and school authorities.
"It's been 49 years, my sisters! 49 years! And yet, these barbaric men refuse to acknowledge us! They might live in the 21st Century but they have the mindset of cavemen! 'Women are only good for washing dishes and making babies!' This is the age of women! How can the school authorities disrespect us like this?! This is school has been co-ed for 49 years! 49 years! This isn't just about the school name! It's the legendary, ancient battle of the sexes and we will not lose!" Isabelle Kossel yelled into a megaphone. All her sentences ended with loud, invisible exclamations.
The other girls yelled like bloodthirsty Vikings, not what respectable girls of rich families should ever do.
He knew Isabelle Kossel. Unfortunately.
She had the brightest red hair which suited her violent, fiery nature. From even this distance, he could see her angry purple eyes.
She always had to be angry.
"You can climb trees." The owner of the voice sounded shocked. Since her voice caught him by surprise, he lost his already lousy balance and immediately fell down.
Artemis groaned while he softly rubbed his hip. He shook himself to make sure he didn't break anything.
He looked up to find his classmate staring down at him. Cassie 'Mousy' Mess.
"I thought you were incapable of any physical activity. I still remember the day you got a 'Z' in gym by Mr. Hoggins." Mess said, clearly amazed.
Kossel had her bright hair, purple eyes and loud voice to distinguish her. Mess, on the other hand, was plain. Very plain.
Her dark brown hair had overgrown her pixie-cut a bit. She had very ordinary brown eyes.
Her clothing sense was ordinary, too. A baggy t-shirt, tight jeans and boots.
Honestly speaking, she was a nobody. Just another person in a crowd of millions.
He knew her name because he had made it a point to remember the names and background details of every person who set a foot in his school.
"That was in the past, Mess." He didn't like being reminded of that incident. Ever.
She blinked. "Wow. You know my name."
He was losing patience with this common breed of a girl. If Isabelle's Amazons noticed him, he'd be history. "Yes."
"It's just. Wow. I could have never imagined the Artemis Fowl remembering my name. Just wow."
"I make it a point to know everyone, even you." He didn't say the last word with a sneer. It just happened.
"Okay." All her enthusiasm vanished. She was about to say something else. But he walked away.
Artemis Fowl the Second didn't talk to nobodies.
The school authorities finally had to relent to half of the student's population 49-year-old request. 'St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen' would be renamed to 'St. Bartleby's School for Brilliant Minds'.
Artemis Fowl wasn't surprised.
They had Isabella Kossel on their side this year. Renaming a school was one of her many barbaric talents.
The school would officially rename itself next year, on the 50th year anniversary of St. Bartleby's co-ed-ness.
The school was nearly 200 years old. They would have to deal with a lot of paperwork to rename it.
Cassie's first day of school started the way it always did. She'd wake up early and make a list of resolutions she would 'definitely' follow throughout the school year.
25th September,
Hey diary! It's my first day as a ninth grader. Here are my resolutions and I will keep them, unlike last year or the year before- or...you get the idea, right?
1. Two Words: Study hard.
2. No eating too much cake.
3. Will do all homework. Even Maths.
4. No midnight snacks.
5. Be nice.
6. Make new friends.
7. No. Sleeping. In. Class. Ever.
"That should be enough. Wait-"
8. Get a boyfriend.
Satisfied, she kept her pen down and closed her journal.
Time to get ready.
The girls wore pink and the boys wore blue. Now that Izzy had finally managed to change the school name, she'd probably try to change the school uniform color as well. 'Pink is too sexist' or blah, blah.
Izzy always had to protest.
The girls' uniform was way more comfortable than the boys.
A simple pink skirt above the knees (she could hear the little Izzy in her mind screaming 'why? why do we have to wear it above our knees? gimme the name of the sexist pig who came up with that rule. i will kill him!'), a white shirt with cupcake sleeves and the school emblem on the breast pocket, and a cute pink bow around the neck.
Cassie tried to comb her hair for five minutes and quickly gave up. "Hopeless cause of a hair."
She shared her dorm with two more girls, and each girl had their own room. Her dorm mates were probably in school by now.
She paused before walking out of her dorm and closed her eyes. This year, everything would be different. Everything. She would no longer be what's-her-name. She'll be somebody. Somebody special.
Determined, she walked out into the open.
St. Bartleby's dorms and school were located in the same premises, surrounded by 500 acres of greenery. They were separated by a garden with a huge lake.
The huge distance between the school and the dorms made sure that the kids had at least a healthy walk twice a day.
That was great and all, except, when you're getting late, it felt you had the entire Sahara to cross.
After crossing the Sahara, Cassie had managed to reach school before the first bell rang. She made a bee-line to her locker.
She wanted to come early to clean up the locker. She shuffled her hands through her locker, pushing her books in and locked it.
"Eep!" She said and jumped a step back.
Artemis Fowl, who was standing just beside her locker, raised a fine eyebrow at her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't you hear you and when I turned my head I thought you were a ghost...um."
"..." He opened his mouth and quickly closed it, remembering that replying was beneath him. He closed the open locker in front of him and walked away.
Cassie blinked for a few seconds. The hell..? It took her a few moments to realize that Fowl's locker was just beside hers.
So it was true that he blew up his previous locker.
The curfew was at midnight, but it was really easy to sneak out of the dorms since there were no guards. All the guards were in duty outside of the school gates.
The external security of the school was flawless but the internal security was flawed. Very flawed.
Whenever Cassie was too bored or at night, she'd sneak out with her roller-blades.
Cassie sat on the dry grass in the park, took off her shoes and wore her rollerblades.
She started skating under the moonlight, with her earplugs on.
"What the..."
She stopped skating when she saw a sketchy figure lurking around the trees. She cautiously took off her roller blades and headed towards the figure.
The person, whoever it was, hadn't noticed her and was walking towards the school.
She could've just ignored the figure and resume her skating, but we all know that curiosity killed the cat.
With just her socks covering her feet, she tip-toed and followed him.
He went towards the back door of the school, and, after tinkering with the locks for a few minutes, opened it. Without hesitation he walked in, leaving the door ajar.
"You can still turn around and pretend you saw nothing." Cassie told herself.
Cassie sighed. She was a suicidical moron.
She walked into the school, through the open back door, and cautiously followed the figure.
"The computer lab?" Cassie said, when the figure tinkered with the knob of the lab and walked straight in.
'What is in the computer lab?' Cassie raked her brain. 'Oh. There's a computer in which all the test papers are. Is he going to check the questions?'
Cassie decided at that moment that she'd blackmail the guy into sharing the questions with her.
People who didn't cheat were saints. How could Cassie pass up an opportunity like that?
This time Cassie walked into the lab without hesitation. Her confidence evaporated when the door behind her closed and her eyes fell on a certain someone.
"AAAAAAAAAH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs when her eyes fell on a glowing ghost.
"Shut up!" it whispered/yelled.
Cassie stopped screaming when she slowly realised it wasn't a ghost. It was something way worse- Artemis Fowl.
She fell on her knees and held her palms together. "Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me! I have little kids and a wife who need me-"
"You do not have little kids or a wife. Stop speaking nonsense. I will not kill you. Just think about the paperwork..." He massaged his temples. "You probably alerted the nighttime janitor. No, I'm certain that he's heading this way."
He didn't wait for a reply. He headed towards the nearest vent, unscrewed it, got inside it and somehow screwed it back.
He was gone.
"What the hell.." Cassie was perplexed.
The door bolted open and the old janitor grabbed her shoulder. "Gotcha."
Cassie was never ever called to the Princi's office. Not for awards or punishments. She wanted to keep it that way forever.
As she waited outside the Princi's office all she thought about was how curiosity killed the cat.
Did the cat follow a stranger who turned out be the scariest guy in the planet and looked like a vampire/ghost hybrid, and then got killed by a scarier janitor? She really wanted to know.
"Miss Cassie Mess." The secretary called out and indicated her to get her butt in.
Cassie died a million deaths when she slowly walked into the Princi's office.
Principal Guiney Dean, popularly known as 'Guinea Pig', sat in all his one eyebrow, angry eyes, and crossed-legs glory. "Miss Mess, can you explain to me what you were doing at 1:58 AM in the computer lab?"
"I wasn't the only one there. Artemis Fowl was also-"
His angry expression changed into something completely different. He looked like someone just splashed cold water on him. "Is he involved in this incident?" Princi sounded too scared to say Fowl's name.
"Ofcourse!-" Princi raised his hand.
"Artemis Fowl is the top student in our school. He's also the heir of the Fowl dynasty. You should be careful before your raise finger on him. Miss Mess, you need to learn to not accuse those who are more powerful than you, even when you are right.'" He almost whispered the last five words. "You are dismissed."
"Wait! What?-aren't you going to punish me?"
"Do you want to be punished?"
"No-no, sir! I'll leave." She quickly left, closing the door loudly.
The seat beside Fowl was always empty. No one in their class had the guts to sit beside him. Cassie wouldn't have dreamed of sitting beside him, but after last night's incident something in her snapped.
She was torn between strangling him and torturing every single word out of him.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully and took the sit beside him.
"That seat is taken," Fowl said.
"No, it is not. No one ever sits with you." Everyone had their eyes on them, probably counting the seconds until Fowl would take out something and kill her. They turned their heads when the teacher walked in.
The teacher blinked, looked at them for a second, rubbed her eyes and said something about flying pigs before she stared teaching.
They both kept their eyes on the teacher.
"Why are you sitting beside me?" His voice was barely audible. She didn't need to look at him to know that he was angry.
"Are you a gangsta?" She heard rumors but she wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.
"What?" He didn't raise his voice but his tone certainly changed.
"Princi is scared of you. Everyone says that you're some bigshot gangsta. I just wanted to hear it from you."
"I think the word you're looking for is criminal mastermind. Everyone says that I'm a criminal mastermind." She swore she could feel smugness oozing out of him as he said that. And he didn't try to deny the fact that Princi was scared of him.
"Same thing. Same thing," she said, dismissively.
"No, they are not." Fowl sighed. "Can you just leave? It's bad enough that I have to meet you idiots everyday. I do not want to sit beside one."
"I'm not an idiot."
Fowl turned his face to her. "Have you never met you? You are an average student, with average looks and average talents. You re not even a special kind of idiot. You are an average idiot."
Cassie looked at him and smiled. Inside, she was boiling with blind rage. "I need to change that. It's not possible for me to get higher than I do, because I already work my butt off for it. Daddy will never allow me to do plastic surgery so my looks will remain average forever. As for my talents, I'm not really exceptional at any of them either. I'll have nothing great to write on my gravestone.."
"Yes." He looked at her doubtfully. People generally snapped at him when he insulted them.
"Except..." She pressed her lips against his for a brief second and pulled away. "Now, I can write on my gravestone 'Cassie Mess: Artemis Fowl's first kiss.'"
Fowl gave her a very blank look. She turned around and saw that everyone was giving her a blank look, even the teacher.
Her anger cooled down and it took her a few moments to realize what she just did. She just gave her first kiss to Artemis Fowl in front of the entire class.
'WHAT THE HELL?!'
She banged her head against the desk and fainted.
A/N: Please tell me what you think :D