Comfortable Darkness

Mikey woke almost surprised to find himself in tears. The curves of his neck were sticky and his breath was short. All that surrounded him were black silhouettes almost lost in more black. He lay still, almost yearning for some source of light. He tried to catch his even his breathing and remember what it was he had been crying in his sleep over.

Another nightmare. He wanted to shake his head. He was too old. Too old for this. It hadn't happened in years, but father's death brought back those unwanted memories. He wanted to blame it on that, but he wasn't sure if that was it.

He saw noticed his art pad that gleamed from the red numbers of the digital clock on the nightstand. The first time he ever received one of these was on his tenth Christmas from Master Splinter. It had come with a complete set of paints and brushes as well as coloring utensils and paper. Probably one of the best gifts he had ever received in his life...

Shaking his head, he stumbled out of bed and rushed out of the room. Being in his room alone and in the dark after a nightmare wasn't something he was staying for. He jumped over the railing of the second floor, landing smoothly on the first floor near the kitchen.

He didn't bother flipping on a light in the kitchen. He found his way around in the dark. He squinted into the refrigerator and retrieved a soda. The hiss of the bottle cap giving way must have split the air in two. He tried to compose himself.

"Mikey? What are you doing?"

Leo's figure stood in the doorway. Mikey was grateful for the dark. He didn't want anyone to see his vulnerability.

"I just needed a drink," he said.

"At 3 o'clock in the morning?"

Mikey didn't even bother shrugging. He looked away, back to some spot in the dark, and sipped his soda. Leo sighed and pulled out a chair from the table, plopping down despite wanting to go back to sleep.

"What's wrong, bro?" he asked, rubbing his forehead. "Is Master Splinter you've been stressing over. His death took a toll on all of us, Mikey... you can talk to me."

He hung his head, rested his free hand on his hip.

"I had a nightmare," he admitted quietly.

"About what?"

"How he died..."

He drank. Leo waited. Everything was enclosed in blackness neither really wanting any source of light..

"It should've been me, Leo."

Leo looked into his lap, knowing that apologizing was stupid and overdone. He didn't know what else to say. They all remembered that night clearly, probably Mikey most of all.

It had been an unexpected ambush as they had been returning from evening patrols. The fight must have gone through the night and they all were losing their strength... the foot would not led up. The first to go would have been the youngest. He had stumbled over a motionless foot soldier and fell back on his shell, hitting his head against the concrete. The elite soldiers had taken upon themselves to finish him when a blur of grey flew passed, taking the brunt of the attack.

Master Splinter already stabbed in the side fought on for Mikey, who was struggling to stand. When Mikey made the false move of crying out from a harsh pain of his ribs, caused Master Splinter to look back and thus... that act cost him his life.

"Don"t say it because I know - it isn't my fault, but I still feel guilty...every now and then." Mikey said, "Deep down, I feel like I failed him. I miss him, bro. He always was the one to make me feel safe everywhere and anywhere, even in myself."

"Mike --" Leo started, unsure where he would go. "You know as long as you got me – and Raph and Donnie, you're all right. We may not be Master Splinter, but we are your brothers."

Mikey took a moment before meeting his brother's gaze. He gave a nod, more hope than acceptance. That's when Leo stood up and decided to be tender for once. He pulled Mikey into a hug, a long and close hug.

The younger turtle folded his arms around Leo, his protection. He knew no demon was coming back for him. His brother was here, holding him in the middle of their dark kitchen, and it was quiet. Leo felt Mikey's heartbeat and damp neck. He smelled tears, and he knew this wasn't just a nightmare. Looking back on it later, the eldest brother would decide that this was the moment where he had truly grieved for his father – comforting the youngest in their family.

"I love you, Leo." Mikey whispered.

Leo wanted to smile. He hadn't heard the words so seriously in a long time.

"I love you too, little brother." he whispered back. And Mikey smiled.

A glimpse of grey fur and whiskers stood in the corner before vanishing, a smile too on his face. "I love you all, my sons."

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