Thanks to Dangling Hearts for the beta. Part One of Five.
I sigh dejectedly as I tear the beer mat into halves, quarters, eights. Now ruined, I scrunch up the shredded cardboard in my fist before tossing it under the table.
The door open and Jackson saunters in, his jumper covered in sawdust. I fight the smile that tries to take control of my face. I win the fight against the muscles in my face as he sits beside me, having ordered us two pints.
He drops down into the chair across from me, a beaming smile overtaking his face. I glance at the others in the Woolpack and they all suddenly turn, facing away from us.
He shakes his head and his smile is replaced with a scowl.
I sigh heavily once more.
"It's been three months..." he starts, and then he's sighing too.
I tense, my jaw locked.
"It's been three months and you still can't look happy to see me in the pub, let alone hold my hand. It's been three months and you still introduce me as your mate."
He's standing now, retrieving his keys from his pocket. I stare up at him, wondering if this it – if he's finally realised he can do much better than the headcase that I am.
"I invite my mates along for a night out on my birthday, for my 21st - which is a big deal if you didn't realise, and you go off in a strop! My mum tries to be nice, she wants to know you, and you're just off with her."
He's not looking at me now, just staring at the ceiling as if it's the most interesting thing in creation.
"I am off home," he mutters. He looks at me expectantly, but I just shrug and lift my drink, taking a mouthful.
He sighs again and leaves.
I just sit there, watching as he goes. My heart is screaming out to go after him and get him, tell him I love him and that I need him. But my head doesn't want me to show that intimacy, show that need. Too many people in this village know me, and know about us already, without giving them more fuel for the fire.
So I sit there and he just walks away.
Seven days pass and, according to Paddy, I've had a look that could turn milk on my face from dawn till dusk. He asks what's happened, but I just ignore him and carry on. I go to work, I go out with Adam and Ryan, I avoid my mam.
Life carries on.
And then Cain knocks me for six.
"Get yourself sorted, lad, or don't think of coming back tomorrow!" he shouts at me as we lock up.
"What? Why!" I reply, incredulously. "What've I done?"
"You've scared off paying customers. Some with a serious bit of wedge! We've lost because of your attitude! Grow a pair, deal with whatever's happened between you and twinkletoes."
And then he's storming off to the pub, his frame tense.
I stare, aghast. What am I supposed to do? Jackson's gone, and I'm trying to move on. But a picture forms in my head – Jackson's arms wrapped around another, him making jokes and his lips on another guys. My blood boils at the thought, at the mere idea of him with another man.
So I make a plan. I grab my phone from the bonnet of the car that I've been trying to sell for the past few weeks, search through my contacts and make a call.
"Hey, mate. You up for a night out, away from the village?"
Adam mumbles something, and I can hear Moira chastising him for talking with his mouth full. I hear a loud gulp, a rushed apology and then he responds to me.
"Yeah, definitely. Getting sick of the dirty looks that Nicola keeps giving me – like I'd dragged in muck or something." He takes a moment, thinking of how to say his next statement carefully, "Things are still so tense here, Dad and Holly's bust up is still making waves. Where you thinking we head?" he asks. I hear the clatter of cutlery, the scrape of wood against tiles and the creaking open of a door.
"Bar West. I'm... I'm gonna find Jackson, try to make amends."
"So why are you wanting a night out? Wouldn't it be easier for you to just suck it up and call him?"
"He mightn't answer! I need to do this face to face."
He groans, and the rustle of his overalls echoes through the call. I can just see him now, scratching his chin as he thinks it through.
"It makes sense... but, Bar West? Last time I was there, I was getting hit on every five minutes!"
"You can take Scarlett with you, if you like – she might tempt Jackson to join us, he likes her!" I quickly offer, hoping to sway his decision.
"Alright mate, when we meeting?"
"In the Woolie, around 8? We'll have a drink there and get a taxi into Hotten?" I ask, heading home for the evening.
"Sounds good. Chat to ya soon, mate."
The call ends and I return the phone to my pocket and continue up the hill towards Smithy Cottage, to sort out dinner for me and Paddy (and Clyde). But as I pass the cafe, I'm accosted by Scarlett and Gennie, who are exiting it together.
"Adam's just called – you want me to go to Bar West with you?"
I sigh, and blink at the bright sun.
"I want both of you there, I need every bit of backup I can have if this fails."
"Back up? For what?" Gennie asks, crossing her arms and titling her head.
"If you must know, I'm gonna sort things with Jackson tonight. And it's easier if I have my mates with me, alright?" I explain, and suddenly realise that, with everything that's happened, my Auntie Gennie might need a night out.
"Umm," I start, unsure how to ask this – the last time this was the topic of conversation, I ended it dead in it's tracks. "Do you wanna... eh..."
Scarlett chuckles, and I glare at her. Gennie slaps me, "Don't be like that."
"Like what?"
"All moody and sulky! Just ask me!"
"DoyouwannacometoBarWest?"
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that," she smirks, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. She really is my mam's sister.
"Do you wanna come to Bar West?"
"I'd love to – always wanted a gay best friend, this might be my chance to meet one!"
Scarlett gasps and holds her hand out for a high-five, "Me too – best mate a girl can ever have!" And my 'frumpy' auntie connects her hand with Scarlett's.
"Okay, cool. We're meeting in the pub at 8 and then getting a taxi, okay?" I state, walking away.
"See you there, babycakes."
I cringe at Scarlett's latest nickname for me, and continue on my route home.
Fingers crossed that this plan works... otherwise, I'm gonna be mithering for months.