A Bad Dream

Warnings: language (Keisuke is Keisuke); death of a character.

Author's notes a very personal thing indeed being as it's based on a dream I had the other day. For some of you this fic'll be a hard nut to crack, so let me warn you it is a 3-level story.

Waking up in the middle of the night feeling pain, sweating all over you realize something is wrong. You are afraid to make a move for every tiniest turn provokes unbearable suffering and half asleep you are searching for a better position, seeking solace, wanting to somehow subside the nagging sensation. It's like a worm gnawing inside causing you to want to squirm and writhe and yet you lay still on your back knowing further action would result in an even harder torture.

Floating haunting images right in front of your eyes. Are you dreaming or is it reality? Your brain refuses to concentrate but you realise what you are seeing is not true. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it – inward shouting unable to cease the pain, nightmare goes on and on, any attempt to get rid of it is futile and you carry on chasing it away with only inner yelling. It wouldn't help. The same pestering pictures continue bothering again and again, they wouldn't vanish, would never disperse until the horrible pain leaves you. Eyes closed, you flick them open in a second to make sure it's a mere dream, not more. Wet bedclothes, sickness, silence and darkness surround you. And in this inferno of pain you can brightly distinguish arms and legs of human bodies, of familiar and dear people. They are crying, once closing your eyes again their screams become clearer, speech now distinguishable as you catch what they are bawling…

"Takumi, Takumi, turn, Takumi!"

You hear the squealing of tyres, a frightening sharp sound, ears-cutting like knife scratching against the surface of foam rubber. Disgusting, petrifying sound.

Why are they shocked? What happened? Why some of them crying while others running to the corner behind which with a load crash the car has just disappeared? You look around to have at least a notion what is going on.

You wake up again, pain seems to be deteriorating, but you are strong enough to hold back moaning. It hurts, hurts so much…

Yellow flashes flicker in the distance before you narrow your eyes to try to discern what's that. Keisuke's FD. Why is it there? Why is he standing motionless, frozen near his car? What's with him?

Another surge of overwhelming pain, images tearing your head… One and the same dream no matter how many times you wake up to break it. Will it ever come to a halt? Please…

Where's Ryousuke? His white car illuminated by unknown source of light is also there, just by his brother's Mazda. Eyes looking for the tall raven-haired man. Or maybe he's among those who are storming off towards the corner? You stand still paralyzed and speechless sensing peril as if the most awful of all possible things has just happened. But you fail to define exactly what it is.

Voiceless cry tears you as you repeatedly pray for it to stop. It's odd, unnatural, it shouldn't be there, shouldn't be happening to you now. Go away, go away…

"Go away," thoughts force you to shiver and you refuse to believe as you begin to understand what's going on.

"No, no, it's not it, oh please let it be only my imagination," you reiterate breathlessly. Eyes lowering slowly, you look down on the ground ready to fall on your knees and shut your ears not to hear these wild screams, to dig under the thick grey layer of uneven asphalt to become invisible, unscathed, to avoid the thunderstorm of bitter tears and yells of those who have realised what happened a moment ago. It's not you, not you, it's just a bad luck, it was an accident, a simple accident, accident, accident, accident, the word keeps bugging you. It sounds stingy, biting, sharp. Accident…

Head spinning, heavy breathing and heavy heartbeat, sweat covering your forehead, neck, stomach and soles, feet cold in spite of two warm blankets, pillows wet from salty drops of profuse perspiration and there is no way out of this prison of suffering and the everlasting nightmare.

An astonished gasp breaks out of the throat, you suddenly feel weak and ultimately helpless. White sneakers, blue jeans, light T-shirt… can it be? It can't be! Are you?..

"Am I?" a stifled cry escapes your lungs, now it's you who start to scream. Takumi. How… come? Can it be true? Takumi, are you really Takumi, the one they've been calling? You stare unseeingly into the pitch-black ahead, into the impenetrable distance, where others raced to. It's unbelievable. You can't possibly be Takumi for Takumi's over there, behind the guard railed turn, behind the corner, isn't he? Isn't he? Isnt.. He isn't, lightning-like realization strikes you with immense speed, then another idea enters your mind. You are Takumi and that's you they were shouting asking to turn. What for?

Be gone, get out of my head, let me fall asleep, leave me now, you continue begging persistently, the haunting mixture of pictures wouldn't obey though, it starts to fully invade your mind, with increased strength, image after image, shot after shot, fragment after fragment, gradually killing, wishing to never end.

Can there be another you there? Another you in your Hachi-roku? That sounds ridiculous, thousands of entwined guesses forming an enormous puzzle. What's it all about? You are desperately trying to undo the knot while it gets only tighter, rope cutting into fingers, breaking nails, scratching the skin till bright red lines of fresh blood appear. So many of them there, whom are they ready to rescue? It might be an unlucky driver, it must be a very unfortunate driver. Who is he?

"Do I know him? Does he know me? My car's missing, is he in my car then?"

Why did he take your car? Did you late him or did he use it without permission? Why is there no one around you already? Why is it getting so cold and windy? Questions, lots of them.

Your effort to lay still and relax a little lead to double pain. Don't focus on it, go on calling it away! It'll pass, wait a bit more, it'll be over soon.

You begin to feel a very weird ache, poisonous blood getting to the main muscle in your chest as if slowing down the beat, it weakens, it's nearly dead… your heart. And then it dawns on you. Unexpectedly, furiously, it's hard and tough and your mouth opens in awe and eyes widen in shock.

"Not this, no!" the soul itself bellows.

Body shaking, throat sore – yelling so loud breaking through the dead stillness of the enveloping night. You dash forward to him.

"Please," inner voice whispers as you command yourself to not abandon hope. He's alive, he's alive…

Pain gets a tad weaker, head resting on the sweat-soaked pillow, it would surely explode provided you move it once again. It seems heavy, cotton-stuffed-like and it can't be helped. Do hope that the feeling of piece is close, comfort is nearing.

Reminiscences of what had happened flood your head while you are rushing there to the others. A wave of events reminding a powerful tsunami covers you from above and you can hardly recall all in the right order. You are getting close to the fateful corner, even in the gloom you can distinguish how curved and crashed the guardrail is as it's illuminated by the dim light of the lantern. Is the Hachi-roku ok? Hurry up!

At that moment you remember you smiling handing him the key. The three of you look at each other savouring most eye-catching show. He would be careful with Trueno, you nod knowing he would be, there's no other way.

Hurry up! You've passed the guardrail, eyes catching most shocking sight – crowds kneeling down, crying, weeping, everything looking like an anthill with hundreds of insects hurrying here and there doing this and that in an ever-ending motion. Step by step you realise people are not scattered all over the place – gathered around something. Something… an object, the so-native thing, the sacred one. Your car? What's with it?

Another stream of memories as you see the man in your car in the driver's seat serious, focused, concentrated. The two of you go aside before he starts the engine. He would be alright, wouldn't he? Without telling anyone you set your feet to walk along the road smiling to yourself, thinking how brilliantly he would perform the first turn, how proud you would be to see such a first-class racer riding your vehicle. You have no doubts he would push the Hachi-roku to the limit. You are thinking of it all stepping farther and farther along the way into the darkness of a perfect summer night. With your back turned to him, you want to feel the man pass you by like the wind, strong and desperate, causing shudder after he rushes you by. The precious moment you would never forget. And corners of your lips twitch upwards as you continue daydreaming.

You are at the spot observing those who had been overly exultant foretasting the terrific race of a dazzling driver. Now in grief and disbelief, they were so cheerful and laughing a couple of minutes ago. What are they gathered around? Not your 86 since it's aside seeming quite unharmed as you approach it from behind. What is it? Paint? Dirt? Dark crimson streaks over the crippled door and the driver's seat and on the ground and farther leading to where the noisy commotion is. He'd been taken out of the car by them, the idea lingers. Thoughtlessly coming up to the crowd you happen to notice something strange. People kneeling down, so many arms, hands, a lot of unknowns, their heads preventing you from seeing what's there they are covering. Why is there no one at your side? You've no one to ask what's there in the centre of people's masses.

You return in the world of the past. There are only stars and the light wind and happy crowds' sounds of joy and delight as they look forward to the beginning of the countdown. He would be alone on the road choosing to have a quick race instead of a one-to-one competition. The final 'san-ni-ichi-GO!' behind your back, body shivering in anticipation. Milliseconds hours-like, you are waiting impatiently. The pleasant unchanging roar of the vehicle caresses your ears. He's getting close. Eyes still shut, you prefer to feel and not see him pass you by but at the moment you decide to open them something looks definitely wrong. Smile instantaneously erased from the face as you glance in front of you not seeing the car lights reflection on the road. What is he doing? Shrieking calls for you to turn around scare you suddenly. They were able to discern you unlike the driver who fails to see you in the darkness. Keisuke's voice, then many other voices as you comply and turn around in a flick of a switch, then screams and in the end you see Hachi-roku speeding at full throttle right into you. Too late to change anything? Too late… Eyes shutting and the feeling of horror's just there, death flying at you in the form of your own vehicle. Squealing of tyres…

"Are you there? There, surrounded by these crazy fanatics, pressed under their heavy greedy limbs wishing to snatch a bit of your body. It must be my body, my, only my", shock seems to deepen, head is empty, vacuum there and nothing else.

Blood marks on their hands, people lean down and call the name.

"They must be calling my name! Why is there you, not me?!" you rush forward tearing the thick bodily mass, fool hearted and desperate.

Is it too late for you now again? You cry trying to wake him up by your scream, to return him.

"Why, why didn't you switch on the headlights? Why didn't you? Why?" tears, sobbing grow insane frightening some people, forcing to step back, they have never seen you like this before.

"That damned corner, how could you be so stupid to drive with lights off?"

Hissing crowds gaze listening attentively, motionless, still recovering from the just-heard.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up stupid, please!" looks like no one is interested in you, he is the true star, the only object that matters.

"Don't you know him?" the surprisingly calm voice beside you asks. "Don't you know his nature, my elder brother's nature. He didn't even suppose you were there on the road. No one knew at first, fucking shit stirrer. He doesn't have that telepathy thing, he saw no need to turn on the headlights. It was a challenge, the want to test himself, how well he knew the road. How could he know you were there?"

You bend down, head resting on his chest, it's still warm and comfortable and you deliberately avoid thinking about the slim blood-stained body, which would always be stainless for you. His brother's palm lies down on your back.

"It was an accident", tears well into his eyes, he takes away the hand to cover his face, lying to himself, knowing that actually it wasn't.

"Wake up, foolish, one wrong act cost you life. God, take me instead of him. You must live, don't you…" voice falters. "Don't you die. Don't even dare"

"Isn't it late t pray, Takumi? The speed was too high, no light on this part of the road and he managed to distinguish you only at the last moment taking an abrupt turn even not realizing which side. He didn't expect a man in the middle of the way, he turned because he didn't know what else he should do, the corner wasn't far, our cries only scared him. He killed himself saving your life. Genii are not ideal. They also make mistakes", after the flood of disconnected sentences which he himself fails to understand Keisuke stops and goes aside.

He must be unable to hold back tears. He's just lost a part of himself. Still shocked not getting what had happened. Brotherly love he has been treasuring so much, where has it gone? Behind the doomed corner where it's now lying out of shape, smashed, shattered…

"It's not you lying here, not you, not you", words aloud coincide with what mind's saying.

Pain is almost gone, last drops of sweat drying out as you are drowning in another world of a calmer dream. Only aftermath of the previous nightmare is left but it's coming to an end.

"That should be me, Ryousuke, that's not true, it's…" and in softest whisper you add afterwards. "Just a bad dream".