Lockwood hated that Lucy left, he didn't feel like himself- or maybe its because he felt to much like himself, to detached from his emotions. Lucy brought out this nicer, kinder side of him. A more caring and feeling part and now she's gone and isn't coming back, just like so many others in his life. He wanted to feel the way he used to feel, the way he felt when he was with Lucy- happy. The sparkle in her eyes, the tired but satisfied grin from a case well done. The way she made want to do better, be better.
She made him realize that maybe it was okay that he was alive, maybe he shouldn't feel guilty about his parents and sisters death, that maybe being happy isn't betraying them but what they would have wanted. Now, without her, the tiny light in my world suddenly went out and now it seems darker then before. A more bleak future, because how is it going to get better? Yes, he has George, but George is...George! Or, more accurately, he's not a messy haired fearlessly determined girl. Lucy says she left to protect us, but her leaving shattered the remaining pieces of my heart. What's the point of living when so many have died? I have the agency but there's no point, it doesn't matter how many how many ghosts we get rid of more always come, the Problem has gotten worse even though practically every child/teen is fighting them. How many die everyday? I've spent my entire life fighting ghosts and when I die I'll probably become one too, that's how the world works.
Right after Lucy said those dreadful words (goodbye) and grabbed her coat, What did I do? Tell her how I feel? Beg her to stay and not leave me like everyone does eventually? No, I did what I always do, I bottled up my feelings. I wished her well and I thought I saw a tear slide silently down her cheek as she opened the door. Every step she took farther from the house, farther from me broke my heart a little more. I grew more distant as the days went by, more reckless not really caring if I got killed. Because who cares about me anyway? No one because everyone always leaves in the end.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lockwood & Co.
A/N This fic is inspired by the song 'I like me better' by Lauv. Sorry for not updating in so long, life was crazy. As always THANKS FOR READING AND/OR REVIEWING!
~Batman