Parody.
It was late morning when Merlin entered Arthur's chambers. Despite the fact that his lateness is never mentioned in the series, he decided he had better live up to his fan fiction reputation. Merlin gently shook Arthur awake who appeared to be lost in a dream. Looking at Arthur's beautiful features, he felt a bizarre fluttering in his stomach, gradually realising over the course of around twenty seconds that he was madly in love with the prince.
"Merlin…?" Arthur stirred from his slumber to see his manservant's head close to his own. He received a goofy grin in return. Arthur sat bolt upright in bed as his dream came back to him, beginning to gaze at Merlin with complete adoration.
"Morning sire"
"Oh Merlin," Arthur said joyously, "even though we have never expressed any sexual desire for each other and I wouldn't hug you that one time, it has come to my attention that we have some chemistry together." Merlin looked puzzled yet hopeful; could Arthur be professing his love? Surely not?
Arthur continued, "This chemistry is clearly too strong to deny and pass off as either acting, nor friendship. Therefore I have come to the conclusion than I am deeply in love with you and must make you my lover. I'm sure we can find some lube even though it hasn't been invented yet."
"Oh Arthur, I feel the same way - lets make love." Merlin cried out in happiness and the two proceeded to make hot smutty love with the aforementioned non-existent lube.
Some hours later, the two lay in bed together. "Arthur," Merlin broke the silence. "Yes my flower" replied Arthur, looking upon Merlin with the kind of wonder than the character would never show.
"There's something I have to tell you" Merlin frowned and bit his lip. "Even though I have sworn never to tell anyone this, I feel than this morning has changed everything and so you should know that I have magic. How you haven't figured this out yet is a complete mystery to the viewers at home; seriously, I've saved your life so many times and passed it off as a miracle, are you a complete moron? Also, that black cat monster thing you killed was my girlfriend. Thanks for that."
Arthur recoiled in horror, "You're a sorcerer?" He gasped, "This is an interesting revelation; according to the laws of fan fiction, I can either completely disregard our friendship, relationship and the numbers of lives I owe you and turn you in to my father or I can change my views on magic entirely, defy the law and ignore it?" Merlin awaited his decision with baited breath. "I think that for the purpose of the plot I should be appalled by your possession of magic. I no longer care for you. Goodbye." With that, Arthur stormed out of his chambers, leaving Merlin on his bed crying (because in fan fiction world, Merlin is a complete wuss).
After he had sorted himself out, Merlin decided that he had no choice other than to turn to Morgana. He made his way to her chambers and knocked lightly. "Come in" came from inside and Merlin entered slowly.
"Morgana," he began, tears forming in his eyes, "I know we have had at most one or two episodes where we have explored our friendship but in fan fiction world, we are best friends and you would do anything for me, including standing up to Arthur and the King, which you seem to do in almost every story."
"Of course Merlin," she replied, with a smile. "We are extremely close, only surpassed my friendship with Gwen and that may be because we are lovers…possibly? I'm not really sure what the author wants there."
Merlin looked bewildered. "You and…Gwen? Well this is completely made up, I mean are they even watching properly? I know me and Arthur have that chemistry but…never mind. The author is in charge and she will have her way." Morgana nodded and clapped her hands.
"Right, I'm going to go and talk some sense into Arthur, or failing that I'll just slap him." She left without further word. When she returned some moments later, she was dragging Arthur by his ears who was sporting a red hand-print on his cheek. She pushed him into the room forcefully. "Well!" She demanded, giving him a terrifying glare.
Arthur looked at the floor, pouting. "I'm sorry Merlin" he said sadly, "I don't know what came over me. Despite the fact that I have been brought up to despise magic of all kinds, from knowing you a year or so and being you lover for those glorious two hours, I know you would never hurt me or Camelot." He looked sheepishly at Merlin who smiled and jumped out of his chair.
"It's okay, I forgive you for being disgusted with me. I love you" and went on to kiss the prince soundly. Morgana smiled and 'awwwed' as the boys broke apart, grinning broadly.
"I'm glad you to have made up," she said, "If Uther had killed you, then I would have nobody to plot against when I turn evil next season-" she stopped quickly. Merlin and Arthur looked at her, puzzled.
"Um, what was that last bit Morgana" Arthur asked, slowly.
"Nothing!" she replied quickly, turning and leaving the room.
Arthur looked at Merlin with affection before realising something important. "There's just one problem" he began slowly. "I may have already told Uther you have magic"
"WHAT?" Merlin yelled, terror clouding his eyed. "He'll kill me"
"Too right I will" came Uther's gleeful voice from the doorway. "I love killing people. You shall be executed at noon" and turned to exit the room.
"Father, wait" Arthur cried. Uther stopped and turned to face his son. "Yes?"
"Please don't do this, I love him and he would never hurt us." Arthur shouted in desperation. "Please, I am in love with him - spare him"
Uther frowned. "But magic is evil, son. I cannot spare him, not that I want to. Magic is against the law."
"Father you really must, if you try to kill him then I will find some way of making it so that if you killed him, it would harm me and you may be a bastard, but you wouldn't do that. I hope. It would be easy, Merlin does have magic after all, you dim-witted tyrant. Failing that, we'll run away together, most likely to Ealdor or to live in the forest. The author of this fanfic really cannot be bothered to write all that so you might as well just give in now." he concluded smugly.
"Fair point" said Uther, looking very annoyed indeed. He wanted to execute somebody, he was the King after all. He would have to settle for fantasising about it during one of the many tournaments, Arthur always won anyway so he rarely needed to pay attention. He turned to face his son and spoke.
"You have changed my mind! I will allow the boy to live and allow you to carry on this relationship with him. Despite the fact that I've spent the past years killing anyone who had anything to do with magic, I will now change my beliefs and the laws to make magic legal, cos quite frankly, doesn't make a damn bit of difference. We still get attacked by everything magical under the sun."
As if summoned by cue, a beautiful sorceress appeared with a blinding flash. She had raven black hair and her eyed blazed golder than Arthur's hair. "I am here to destory Camelot" she drawled, in a evilly musical voice. Arthur and Merlin groaned in familiarity. "Then when Merlin is the only one who can kill me, you will be forced to spare his life and recognize his goodness."
"You're too late, fool" Uther exclaimed in exasperation. "Magic is legal now cos I'm the King and I said so, so…" and Uther blew a raspberry in her face. The witch looked appalled.
"Er…Shoo!" said Arthur, and the witch did just that, looking thoroughly put-out. Arthur looked surprised. "Well that was easy" he remarked. "Maybe we should try that every time we get attacked?" Arthur then turned to Merlin and took his hand before kissing him enthusiastically, possibly also feeling his bum.
Uther rolled his eyes, 'No need to see that' he thought, and wandered away from the couple, muttering something about "Wine…bloody servants…maybe Gaius has some ale…"
The next day in Camelot, something else terrible attacked the castle but Arthur and Merlin were too busy having sex somewhere in the castle to be bothered and the knights, Sir MacKenzie and others of equally time-correct names fought in instead. They lost, but nobody really cared.
Up in the castle, Arthur broke his furious love-making with Merlin to ask a question. "Uh, Merlin?" he started nervously, "I know I'm probably being silly, but I have to ask: did you have anything to do with the dragon being released?"
Merlin gulped and fidgeted, before finally replying "Don't be silly! Of course not baby" Arthur let out the breath he'd been holding in and continued kissing Merlin, who decided that they'd had quite enough truths for one week and that he'd tell him…some other time.
END
I may write another, based around Morgana's smirking (she does an awful lot of it) if people enjoy this story :)