This is a place where I don't feel alone

This is a place where I feel at home.

- The Cinematic Orchestra

Preface

This is not your typical beach day; the sky was in an overcast, the air had a bite to it, and waves crashed in an ominous way. In fact, besides myself, there was only one other group on the beach, a group of large, native looking men building up a bonfire fifty meters from me.

I was sitting on my jacket, my feet buried in the cold sand with my shoes and socks discarded next to me. I was dressed in shorts and tank top that was practical when we had left early this morning from southern California, but this far north in Washington state was less pragmatic. That being said I was living for the chill I felt, embracing it. It was hard not to feel numb these days, any external stimuli that could remind me that I could still feel was sought after.

Not that I had that particular choice today, he needed to take a business call and needed me out of the car. The beach gave him the advantage of being able to watch me from the warm comfort of his too expensive car that we both knew he can't afford. I checked my shoulder too see him screaming at someone on the other end of the line, even from this distance I can see the familiar vein popping out on his forehead.

I turn back to watch the restless ocean, it is odd how both him and the ocean seem to be conveying the same emotion today. Yet, I find myself being called to one and repulsed from the other.

The blue waves close to shore looked aggressive and powerful, ending in a messy white foam that pushed up to the sand. Yet, the farther out I allowed my gaze to wander the water settled into a deep black that went on forever, swelling and contracting in a melodic way. It is like a lighthouse, signaling me that there is safety beyond the hostile waves, I checked my shoulder again.

In the car I can see his hands are moving offensively at no one particular; I know that no matter who he is talking to right now, I will be the one getting the consequences of their efforts. He is so caught up that I could almost just slip away, maybe he wouldn't even notice I am gone until it's too late. I look back to the black abyss farther out and found myself standing up. My long legs making strides at an even pace and quickly I found myself at the edge, my naked toes close enough to have some of the white foam touch them. The cold water sends a shiver up my back, grounding me to this moment, I checked my shoulder.

He is too absorbed in his matters; this is my chance. A take a step into the water. Then another.

Now I am running into the oncoming waves, eyes set on the calm further out. I take the hits from each wave as they come, holding my ground and pushing forward. Each one comes with a cold shot of water that renews my energy, reminding me I'm alive.

I make it to just above waist deep before I finally get my feet knocked out from under me, I suck in the briny water and it burns my eyes and throat. I reorient myself and push forward, the waves getting gentler now, more like hills that push me up and make me feel weightless. I have to stand on my tip toes now to keep my head above the water. I find now that the water pulls me further in, instead of trying to push me out.

I can't touch the ground anymore so simply float under the surface, being pulled further and further away from the shore. I open my eyes under the water and I find the sting welcoming.

It's so dark. I can barely see past my blonde hair circling me like a halo. I am aware of the absence of sound down here and the feeling of being caressed by the tender water. This is all I've wanted, the peace of being protected.

A few bubbles escape my mouth, I watch as they dance and soar upward toward the light above, more follow. My lungs are screaming for air, but I cannot find the want or will to move. This is much more tranquil than how I thought my life would end.

My eyes start to fade out…

A hot hand grabs my arm abruptly and I am being dragged up, I want to fight it. Let whoever it is know that don't want to be saved but as my head breaches the surface and I involuntarily gasp for air, I am grateful to be alive and feeling the burn in my coarse throat.

The transition from the quiet, dark depths to this roaring ocean and slapping water is jarring. It is a mix of light and shouting; I shield my eyes as I get towed by a set of strong arms toward the beach. Eventually my savior shifts me into a cradled position and I am fully emerged from the water, I understand that he is talking to me but I can't seem to comprehend the words he is saying.

He lays me down on the beach, but does not fully release me, instead keeping me balanced between his almost too warm of arms. I feel more people surrounding me now and I try and peel back my eyes but they burn so I quickly shut them. I try them again and come face to face with the largest, most beautiful man I have ever seen.

I just stare at him, unable to form words. He is from the group of men that were setting up the bonfire down the beach. His eyes are locked on mine and he is looking at me with an expression of anger and awe. His face has a strong jaw and a large nose, lips that looked inviting, but his most distinctive feature were his eyes. They conveyed so much, deep pools of bronze that transition to almost gold on the edges. I see his lips moving, talking to me, but I can't understand what is being said.

It is as I am concentrating on trying to hear what the beautiful man is saying, when I hear his voice.

I flinch and break eye contact with the man holding me, he moves me protectively behind him and turns to face him. I start to get my senses back and I understand that he is yelling, demanding to know what occurred. I untangle myself for my savior's arms and stand up wobbly. I know what is coming.

He tells me to get my things together and to go to the car, I quickly follow his wishes while he goes over to thank the man who saved me. I refused to look back at my savior, though I feel the weight of his eyes following me. I hastily get back in his car as I see him heading my way.

He gets into the vehicle and only waits till the door is closed to begin laying into me. It just words now, he will wait till we get to our hotel tonight in Port Angeles to get physical.

I wait till we are pulling out to look back at the man who saved me, his eyes are boring into mine. I stare back, not breaking contact until we finally turn off onto the road. I brace myself for the next hour, night, months to come as we drive out. We pass out of the city limits and I try and remember the way I felt under the water at La Push beach.

Author's Note:

I started this earlier this year but discouraged and stepped away for a few months. I have decided to revisit the story because it won't leave me alone in my dreams. I recently added a new chapter but am also going through and editing the ones already released. I do not have a beta so any grammatical errors are my fault and if you let me know about them I will go and fix them. I am by no means perfect when it comes to sentence structure. I would love constructive criticism; tell me what you are loving and what you could live without. I am going to try and answer any and all questions you could have as we go along on the journey together. Also song recommendations are welcomed, I am putting the lyrics to songs I love and think fit well with each chapter at the beginning and would love for you to give them a listen. Thank you all for reading.

K.