A/N: Move on. Nothing to see here.
Ilia moved slowly into the dark room, tension pricking at her skin. Was it safe? Her hand kept reaching for her whip, but so far, nothing moved.
"...Hello?" Her voice seemed to echo. Just how big was this place?
Thankfully, her question was answered almost immediately with the lights of the building turn on, momentarily blinding her. She blinked the flash away, her skin changing colors several times in her attempt to stay hidden.
When she could finally see again, she was surprised that the room wasn't nearly as big as she expected. Little more than a shack, there was no furniture at all. No windows, and the only exit was behind her. The only occupants of the room sat on the hard cement floor, clearly uncomfortable.
"So we're all here." Sun Wukong moved a step forward to beckon Ilia into the room, closing the door behind her. The two of them weren't close. They couldn't even be considered friends. Rivals, maybe. It was clear to her that the monkey had feelings for Blake, but more than that, they'd clashed in battle several times.
"Where is here? Why did you invite me out to the middle of nowhere? And why is she here?" Ilia pointed to the final person in the room, another blond. She knew her too, but not well. One of Blake's friends from school: Yang XiaoLong.
Yang opened her mouth, probably ready with either a pun or an insult, but Sun didn't want to think about either. tonight "Here is a storage garage. I borrowed it from Ozpin. I called the two of you here to talk about Blake."
This caught Ilia's attention. "What about her?"
"I call dibs."
"What do you mean dibs?" Yang crossed her arms over her chest, quirking up an eyebrow. She had nothing against the faunus, but she didn't like where this was going.
"I like her. I called you guys here to let you know that."
"We already knew that." The girls are magnanimous, their voices completely in sync. Violet eyes meet icy blue, and for a moment the girls smile at one another. Clearly they had a few more things in common. Yang voices Ilia's thoughts completely when she says, "You can't call dibs. Blake can be with whoever she wants."
"But you're girls." Ilia resists the urge to roll her eyes but Yang doesn't even bother trying to hide her impatience.
"Like that matters. How do you know Blake doesn't like girls?"
"What about that Adam guy?"
"Maybe he was an exception. The guy is a psychopath and who knows how long they were together?" All eyes turn on Ilia and she does some mental math out loud.
"Well... I met her when we were twelve. But they've known each other even before that. I'm not sure, honestly. He beats all of us." She looks down, trying her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice. The jealousy was still there, if only just a drop.
"NOT ANYMORE! She doesn't care about him anymore." Sun jumps up, looking as if he's ready for a fight. "She'll pick me over him. I'm sure of it."
"Or you know, she might pick me over you. I'm smarter. Stronger. Known her longer. And you know what else?" Yang stands up to match him, her grin more than a touch competitive. "I sleep with her every night."
"If that's how we're going to play, I've known her the longest." Ilia could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she stood up to match them. She'd spent countless nights with Blake. Watching the stars or sharing a sleeping bag and swapping stories. If they were counting memories she beat out them both.
The three of them stared at one another. The competition was all here in the room, minus Adam. He wasn't important. He was an old lover at best, and a hated enemy at worst. He stood no chance in this lover's polygon.
"This is getting us nowhere. I say we fight it out for supremacy." Yang cracked her knuckles, and then a sore spot at her neck. "Losers drop out. Give up on trying to win her over."
"You're on!" Sun whips out his weapon, ready to jump at a moment's notice but Ilia holds him back.
"We're in the middle of a war. We can't risk injuring each other for something like this."
The other two nodded their heads in agreement. She made a good point. "What do you suggest then?"
"A tournament. Person who wins the most challenges gets the girl. Lets start with something easy. We'll each get her a gift next week and she'll pick the one she likes the most." The other two didn't even need to think about it. Ilia's tournament for Blake's affection was a go.
One week later...
"What's all this?" Kali jumped from one open box to another. "Are they Valentine's Day gifts? You have so many suitors, honey! I'm so jealous."
"Mooooom," Blake couldn't keep the whine from her voice. She knew she was much too old to act like this with her own mother, but she couldn't help it. "You're so embarrassing."
Blake sighed. Three gifts sat in front of her, and if she was being completely honest she could easily tell who gave her what.
A cat toy. A basket of bananas. A pair of gloves.
Kali couldn't keep in a giggle. "So which is it? Who do you like?
Blake looked away from the gifts sitting in front of her to another present sitting on the sill of her window: A small, freshly cut rose. "If I was being completely honest. None of them."
A/N: This is a one-shot, and mostly a joke.