Chapter 1: The Trip Back Home

We know we would be rotating back home soon but not like this. The last few months of this tour almost broke the team. Preach is stable now but they put him back into a coma for the trip back state side. After a lot of arguing from Top, he was able to convince the higher ups to allow the team to fly home with Preach on the medical plane. We wouldn't allow Preach to make the trip alone. The flight back home was mainly in silence. We took turns sitting with Preach, Dalton spent a lot of time in another part of the plane talking to Patricia. She returned to DC a few weeks ago, once she was healed enough to travel. There would be a lot of paperwork for our last mission and she didn't want to put off her return. Amir spent most of the flight reading a book. McG slept, the guy could sleep any where any time. As for me I paced, up and down the length of the medical bay. When Amir told me to sit down to rest I laughed and kept pacing until I was forced to sit so we could land.

Once we landed we were met by a team of medical staff to take Preach to the hospital; we followed in an SUV. At the hospital we were met by Hannah and Carol Preach's wife. I knew she would be here but it was still hard to see her after being the one to call when Top went dark. Dalton went with Preach and Carol while the rest of us sat in the waiting room. Not wanting to make Amir completely lose his mind I sat down on a chair and rested my head on the wall, I was our in moments.

Within a few hours Preach was awake and talking with us. We were able to visit with him for a while before we went to the hotel. The next morning we would be up early to go to the DIA to go over debriefs from every mission of the tour. Not just Turkey but every mission including when we lost Elijah and getting captured. While on tour we did paperwork for each mission as well as debriefs which are only in preparation for when we return from a tour where every decision is analyzed. There were tours where Top and I would extend because there wasn't any reason for us to return home. Then we would partake in the debrief in the Quonset hut via video conference with DC.

This debrief was hard, it poured salt in the would I thought were closing. There were so many details from the op we lost Elijah on that I had suppressed. When Patricia read the original debrief aloud I thought I was going to pass out. I closed my eyes and the events that happened flashed before my eyes. My chest started to feel heavy. I was in shock for most of the mission. From when Elijah landed in my arms to when we returned to the base. But now it was like it was all happening for the very first time. The team went over the details of the mission and I sat in my chair quiet reminding myself to keep breathing.

Eventually we moved onto the next mission after we returned from our trip state side. We went to Dubai as hired security for the Secretary of Defense. Our job was to blend in and keep and eye on the surrounding during the conferences. This was a band-aid op as Top called it, get our feet wet before heading into a bigger mission. From Dubai there was three months of missions before Amir was added to the team. Going over the mission where Amir went back undercover in Paris made me realize how big of a jerk I had been to him. I deflected my feelings of being upset he was even there onto him and never gave him a shot. It was from that mission that I realized how much of an asset Amir would really be. Midway through the fourth day of debriefs came Tehran. Even hearing it I get the chills. Every choice of that mission was critically analyzed. My decision to run through the building to get another shot ultimately missing and causing the mission to go sideways. Ask me today would I have done it differently the answer would be no. I wanted Jarif just as badly as anyone else on our team did. Not one of us wanted to leave until Jarif was dead.

It had been a long time since one of the mission had gone so sideways as this one; then I was captured, this debrief was hard. Images were put on the screen of the wounds that were inflicted during my capture. The black eyes, busted lip, the cuts in my arms, various bruises each wound had to be documented. As the images flashed the pain was returning. I never told them about the gun shot that went off inches from my left ear. In fear that it would cause permanent damage. Thankfully it didn't. Then came reviewing my rescue, as Patricia continued to speak my chest started to become heavy again. My guys were supposed to the leave the country without me but they didn't. I started to get a cramp in my leg, I had to use every bit of strength I had left to kill Arthur in the back of the transport. I knew if he got to his gun I would be dead and then they would have risked it all for nothing. I couldn't allow that to happen. He fought me but I fought harder, he wouldn't get anything from me and he wouldn't get my team either.

My chest continued to tighten as the food truck was discussed. Being trapped under the false floor was terrifying even though I had been with my guys. The gun fire caused my ears to ring, Hossein sacrificing his life so we could get over the border. "Go" repeated in my head the last thing Hossein said before the truck began to move. I could breath easier when we were finally able to get out from under the floor. The morning sun rose over the horizon and the wind blew through my hair. When I was in that white room I remember thinking I would never see another sun rise but yet some how here I was weeks later. In 48 hours I killed two people, both who had a goal of killing me at one point. I feel empty when thinking about this tour, it was an emotional roller coaster.

Five days came and went, each day was more tense than the last and emotions were high. Being reminded of each and every mission is draining but it's part of the job. When we reviewed the mission with Patricia in Turkey the the tension in the room changed. Everyone knew how this mission played out but at the time had no idea how Preach would recover or how long it would be before we would return home. This is the only mission where details were intentionally left out of the debrief. If everything was put out there, we knew our team would be dismantled and Patricia wouldn't allow that. No matter how hard I tried to get him to tell me what happened when he went dark he wouldn't budge. Patricia had to know but even that I couldn't be sure.

By the end we were mentally spent. We decided to go to the hospital to visit with Preach before we all got on our planes back home tomorrow. Preach would be returning to Long Beach early next week, the doctor's wanted to give him a little more time to adjust before getting on another plane. Then months of physical therapy to get ready for active duty. He had strict orders to take his time that we'd be ready for him when his body was ready. We each took our turn with Preach as we wouldn't be able to come back before flying out. Sage wisdom was given to each of us, he knew that the debriefs are the hardest part of the job. He reminded me that it's okay if life is hard right now, it would get easier. I had no idea what was talking but I took it for what it was. He had a way of seeing more than what was on the surface. I was looking forward to seeing him in a few weeks in Long Beach.