Am I Invisible?

Kiyami: Mmm It's one-sided TakaFuji and FujiZuka. I needed some angst to snap me out of Golden Pair Fluffiness. Just a little experiment with angst. Taking a more serious side with Taka. When he talks about his demon I'm referring to BURNING mode.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tennis no Oujisama. Check back in a million years and I might own it then...I doubt it though. Geez that sucks.

As I lay there on the tennis court I began to wonder. Was it worth it? Was it worth all the pain that surpassed any I had felt before? I'm not a stranger to pain. Sometimes it feels as though I'm addicted to it. The pain that tells me I'm still alive and breathing. To me he was pain. The pain that I loved.

No one could tell the mental instability I had. Everyone just thought that that other part of me was a normal thing, but it wasn't. It was like a demon that possessed my soul and set my heart on fire. Barely could I keep that demon away from controlling me yet there was one person who could calm the flames enwrapping my soul.

Fuji.

His eyes and smile sent shivers down my spine. It was like a wave of cold water that plunged the flames into extinction. Every time those blue eyes opened or when that mouth curved into a smile I felt as though I was truly at peace with myself. I felt as though that demon no longer existed in my life.

But then the fire rekindled inside my heart and it seemed as if this flames of anger and jealously would fry my heart into a black crisp. I saw my love with him. He was Tezuka Kunimitsu, my captain. I was helpless to challenge him for my love with my timid personality. The demon inside of me often urged me to do so, but never did its voice persuade me.

So I stayed watching him from a distance. For a while I was satisfied just by seeing him, but I wanted so much more. I wanted to pry him away from Tezuka's arms and hold him in my own. To stare at those mysterious eyes, to touch the curving lips, to ward away my inner demon.

But I guess I was being greedy. I wanted Fuji all for myself and I wanted him to calm the emotions running wildly through me. But it was as if I was invisible to him. He'd ignore me besides the occasional doubles game together. It seemed as though he had a goal to ignore me.

How it hurt me.

The pain.

My pain.

Fuji, my pain.

A day finally came when I decided to confess my love for Fuji. We were alone after club and Tezuka was nowhere to be seen. My perfect chance.

My hand tightened its grip on my tennis racket. The other side of me seemed to have awakened and my head was held high in pride. But I let myself drop the racket as I came to stand by Fuji who was busy with tying his shoes. I wanted to do this with my real self, not the demon that lurked within my heart.

The racket clattered onto the ground gaining Fuji's attention.

"Ah, Taka-san. Is there something you want?" Fuji asked with that tricky smile.

"Uh...well..." I didn't know what to say. I scratched the back of my head and looked at my feet. My heart raced.

There was an awkward silence. Fuji stood up.

"Fuji...do you love me?" I asked with much hesitation.

His eyes opened to show slivers of the entrapping blue. The blue that kept me entranced ever since I laid eyes on them.

"Well...Taka-san, you're a wonderful friend and all, but I just can't return those feelings."

The other words meant nothing to me. I felt something crack and I felt the most unbearable pain in my life. The pain that still aches my body to this day.

I give a forced smile and nodded. Casually my eyes glanced at my watch. I bid Fuji farewell and ran off as if there was a place where I had to go with a purpose.

I may be crazy to still hold feelings for that sadistic prodigy. My sadistic prodigy. I may be crazy to listen to the words of my other side. The words that tell me to go on the offensive and just boldly try to win his love.

But for now I think I'll stay mixed within the crowd.

I guess I'm still invisible although I both savor and regret the time where my demon comes out where I am always visible.

For now I'm satisfied with staring at that lovely smile from a distance.

I'm still satisfied with keeping my pain near. Because the closer I am to pain, the closer I am to you, Fuji.

My Fuji.

Kiyami: x.x It felt as though Taka and Fuji had switched places for a while. Taka just doesn't seem like one that would be angsty.