Alexander & Hephaistion

"Deep Longing" by Sandra Vargas

Rated M

Chapter 1

As the night drew near, Hephaistion watched Alexander from afar. He was carrying a conversation with the Persian men, drinking his wine. He must be exhausted, he thought. They had just come back to Babylon, after a month of battling and travelling. And now, on the night back, celebrating their safe return home, Alexander had still not had a moment to rest. He could see his eyes full of weariness, even from the distance.

By the Gods, how he had missed Alexander's touch, his embrace, his lips. It had been too long. 3 months to be exact. Before the month of travelling, there had been too much going on, there hadn't been a night to spare for personal desires. All the men spent after their long days, having not the energy for anything but sleep once the night came. And now, as he watched him, a desire for him filled him like a burning flame. A thirst that had not been quenched in too long. As Hephaistion watched him, he fantasized about his strong arms holding him, touching his soft skin, and caressing those hard muscles on his stomach. The feel of having him deep inside him. I have to stop, he thought now. His desire was beginning to show, and now was not the time.

To keep his mind from wandering again, he went off to talk to Crateros. He found him sitting on a pillow, drinking in a sleepy state, as if barely aware of where he was.

"I see you're exhausted, Crateros. It has been a very long day."

"Aye, it has. You look tired too Hephaistion. Maybe we should all turn in."

"Yes, that would be wise, but the night is long, and it seems Alexander isn't ready to turn in soon."

They watched as Alexander drank with the men. He seemed more awake now, more alive with the drink. Hephaistion watched as Alexander walked over to Bagoas. He felt a slight stirring inside him, like a sinking in his stomach. But he quickly shoved that feeling aside.

"It seems Alexander never sleeps." Crateros said.

"Yes, he is always so full of life, full of spark." He watched as Alexander whispered something in Bagoas' ear. He wondered what he was saying to him, he could only imagine, by the slight smile that was appearing on Bagoas' face. Damn that miserable slave boy. What could Alexander possibly desire about him, what can he give him that I can't? But still, Hephaistion tried to deny those feelings, was too proud to ever admit of being jealous of a SLAVE. What a laugh that was. He, strong, powerful, rich. He tried to focus on Crateros instead, but couldn't help noticing the way Alexander's hands roamed over Bagoas' chest and stomach. Why does he have to dress like that? Parading around like some sex slave. But even as he thought it, he knew that's what he was, and for some reason, it bothered him more than he'd care to admit.

"Hephaistion?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Are you listening to me man? I was asking you about next month. Do you think we'll be heading out again?"

"Yes, I think we will." But Crateros could see his mind was still far off, he turned his gaze towards what Hephaistion was focused on, and he saw the King whispering something to the slave Persian boy, Bagoas. He sensed frustration coming from Hephaistion, and he realized he was probably jealous of Alexander's attention towards the boy.

He never understood it either, none of his men did. But then again, Alexander had always had an infatuation over men and boys. Another fact that was still hard for the men to swallow, though most of them were accustomed to it by now. He wondered if Hephaistion, and even Alexander didn't realize that by now, all the men knew what went on between the two of them when they went off alone at night. No one ever mentioned it, but they all knew. Knew that they were more than friends, that they had been for a long time... He himself never had a problem with it, but he knew that it didn't sit well with some of the other men. A lot of them thought him a sycophant, and a lot hated him. Some thought his position in society, being second in command, so rich, so powerful, was only because of his personal relationship with Alexander. Though no one ever dared confront the King about it. But Crateros liked Hephaistion, he always had, and he thought that the other men might do well to see him for who he really was; a brave, strong, honorable man. He knew of course, that yes, Hephaistion hadn't done more in war than even him, who had fought for longer, or that he had earned more rewards than any of them. But it was Alexander's decision who to promote, and of course, Hephaistion would be the first. Its just the way it was, and he was used to it...

"You know, the men don't understand why Alexander pays so much attention to Bagoas, he treats him better than any slave. Why is that?"

Hephaistion didn't answer. It was a question that haunted him often, but he didn't have an answer. He thought bitterly, that Alexander must love that boy, he could read him so well. He knew it was more than sexual attraction, and he realized, that was probably why their relationship bothered him so much.

"Ah, don't fret man, I'm sure he will make time for you too." Crateros teased.

But Hephaistion didn't find it amusing. He wondered what Crateros meant, and if he suspected about the way he felt for Alexander. They had always tried to be secretive when they met, but he knew some of them might suspect.

"I don't know what you mean." Hephaistion answered. But the way Crateros looked at him, he was sure he knew. His face started to feel hot and he hoped he wasn't reddening. He didn't like the idea of a man like Crateros thinking of him as a "sex slave" like Bagoas was.

Its a good thing he doesn't know, Crateros thought to himself. He had once confirmed all rumors of what went on between the King and Hephaistion on those long visits... It was years ago, he and the men were camped out, during a long battle. He couldn't sleep that night, so he went for a walk. Everyone was asleep, or at least, he thought they were. He walked off, away from the tents, into the path that led away from the camp. He followed a road into the woods, enjoying the clear night, and the full moon above. He was trying to exhaust himself enough to be able to get some sleep. A long walk was just what he needed. But as he walked on, he heard noises, and he stopped, wondering who it could be. He crept up closer to the source of the noise, and hid himself behind a rock. There were only men in this camp, and he wondered what those moans were, who they were coming from. It took him a while to adjust his eyes enough to make out what was happening. There, on the ground under a tree were Alexander and Hephaistion. Their robes tossed to the side, their bodies entwined and writhing against each other. He felt his cheeks go hot, and he was glad for the cover of night. They were well unaware of his presence, and for that he was glad. He could see them better, now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness in the woods. Hephaistion's legs were on the King's shoulders, the King ramming himself inside Hephaistion. By the Gods, how can he like that? Crateros thought as he watched. But Hephaistion looked to be enjoying himself. The moans and noises coming from him, his eyes closed, his arms holding on to the King, as if trying to bring him closer still. The King drove and pushed, faster and deeper with each thrust. He was holding on to Hephaistion's hips, as if trying to lunge deeper with each motion. As he watched, Crateros felt himself reacting to the scene, envious of the pleasure the two men were deeply in. Embarrassed, he quietly made his way back to the camp. He knew his reaction had nothing to do with the two men, he himself had never been attracted to another man. It has been too long, he thought. Too long since he had felt the body of a woman, thrust himself into a woman, make her squirm with pleasure. And he needed it bad. Damn, now I'll never be able to get some sleep, he thought now. The King and Hephaistion had not noticed him, so consumed in their own world they had been. And now, as he watched Hephaistion, he could see that hunger in Hephaistion's eyes, a hunger for that kind of pleasure again...

"Well, I'm turning in man, perhaps you should too." Crateros told Hephaistion. Though he knew, Hephaistion probably would not be getting much sleep tonight, that hunger seemed to intensify with each passing minute. He wondered vaguely as he walked away, how Hephaistion would manage to pull the King away from the boy.

Chapter 2

As Alexander looked out at the night sky, he thought of the past few months. So many things had been going on, he had hardly had any time for his friends or even moments to rest. Tonight had been good so far, he had celebrated with his friends for the safe return home. The stars looked so beautiful tonight. As he lost himself in their beauty, a soft knock on his door brought him back to reality. It must be Bagoas, he thought. He had asked him to come tonight, he needed that type of companionship badly, after going without it for so long. Of course, if it was up to him, he would rather Hephaistion be walking through that door. But he knew he was tired, worn out from the long trips, and he felt it would be unfair to ask him for it tonight. He needed to rest.

"Yes?"

"It is me My Lord," came Bagoas' voice from outside.

"Come on in Bagoas"

Alexander settled himself onto one of the chairs in his room, and motioned for Bagoas to join him. Bagoas walked over and stood in front of the King, waiting expectantly.

Alexander pulled him onto his lap and stroked his soft cheek. He smelled so wonderful, and he felt so youthful. He was wearing a black robe, his soft chest exposed.

"You smell wonderful, Bagoas," Alexander whispered into his ear.

The boy was so delighted, still amazed at the kindness this King showed him, and the nice words he always gave him. He soaked in the compliment as he lost himself in Alexander's arms.

Alexander brought his face in closer to Bagoas, caressing his chest, and stroking his hair. Slowly, he brought his lips to his, and all of a sudden, the hunger inside Alexander exploded, and he grabbed Bagoas' head and kissed him more deeply now, with a sense of urgency that surprised Bagoas.

When Alexander felt that his kiss could satisfy no more of his passion, he pulled away, breathless and flushed. He was hard now, and he longed to be inside Bagoas' mouth with an intensity that shook him. He pushed Bagoas off of him, and motioned him to kneel in front of him. Bagoas silently obeyed, as he understood what it was that Alexander needed. Anxious to please his master as much as he could, he pulled Alexander's pants off.

Alexander leaned back on his chair now, and he closed his eyes and tilted his head back as he waited. When he felt Bagoas' lips on his cock, his tongue encircling, he went into a daze. And with one swift motion, Bagoas engulfed him, and Alexander cried out in pleasure. He tried to focus on not making too much noise, but Bagoas was so good at this, and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out again. Bagoas took him in with swift motions, going deeper and deeper each time. He loved the feel of Alexander's smooth hard cock inside his mouth, and he loved watching Alexander squirming and writhing in pleasure.

Alexander was getting close now, he knew he couldn't hold out much longer, and he held onto the back of Bagoas' head as he prepared himself to release. Bagoas started taking him in faster and faster now, and it was all he could do not to scream out. He felt he could no longer hold it in, and as his hips and his body shuddered with anticipation, he thrust himself deeper still, and with one last motion, he let go inside Bagoas, shaking with the pleasure of it. Bagoas took it all in, a sense of accomplishment in his sweet face for the pleasure he had been able to give the King.

Meanwhile, Hephaistion found himself pacing in his room, considering whether he should just go into Alexander's room and hoped he was still awake. He thought about just going to bed, leaving it for another night, but his body was aching with longing for him, and he knew he couldn't wait any longer. Determined, he set out, walking in fast strides before he had a chance to change his mind.

When he reached Alexander's room, he thought he should knock, but he wanted to surprise him. It had been too long.

He opened the door and walked inside, wondering if Alexander missed him as much as he had been missing him. But as he walked inside, he saw Alexander's robe on the floor, with another robe laying beside it. Then he heard the noise, moans and sighs of pleasure coming from the corner of the room. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness, and then he saw it. Alexander had Bagoas up against the wall in the corner. Bagoas' legs were around Alexander's waist, and Alexander was carriying Bagoas and pushing himself inside Bagoas, as he held on to Alexander's shoulders. They were lost in their own world, and Hephaistion cursed himself for being so foolish.

He walked hurriedly out of there, not bothering to be quiet anymore, as he thought they probably wouldn't hear him, not over Bagoas' screams anyway.

As he made his way back to his room, he chided himself and had to keep from yelling out in fury. Damn that miserable boy! Taking the pleasure that should be mine tonight. But even as he tried to focus his anger on the boy, he knew deep inside, his anger was towards Alexander.

Why does he choose him over me? If he needed someone tonight, why didn't he think of me? Damn Alexander, I could give him more pleasure than that useless eunuch ever could!

Now, back in his room, he threw himself onto his bed and tried to dispel the images of the two of them together. But the more he tried, the more clear he saw it again. Alexander's firm strong arms holding Bagoas up against the wall, his hair damp with sweat, and his ass flexing beautifully with each thrust. And that damn boy, screaming out like some needy whore, he thought. And with thoughts and images of Alexander pleasing Bagoas, and Bagoas' face in pleasure, he finally lost himself to sleep, a deep, restless sleep...

Chapter 3

When morning came, Alexander got out of bed and went out to see who else might be awake. He dressed slowly, trying not to wake Bagoas. It was too early yet, and the sun had barely shown. But he felt wide awake now, and he wanted Bagoas to rest. He needed it after the previous night.

As he walked out into the courtyard, he saw some of the men sprawled out on the pillows, too drunk to get to bed after last night's party. He made his way outside, he wanted to feel the sun's warmth on his skin. There was no one else out there that he could see, and he let himself enjoy the quiet of the early morning. The sun was not yet all the way out, but he could already feel its warmth. After being out for a while, he went back in, searching for someone to bring him his breakfast...

As the sunlight crept into his bedroom, Hephaistion hastily got up and went to wash his face in a basin. The cold water felt good against his skin, and after feeling more awake, he went out to find breakfast.

When Hephaistion reached the courtyard, he saw Alexander seated there, against one of the pillars, having his breakfast. He was about to head the other way, still too uncomfortable with the thought of facing Alexander face to face after the scene he had witnessed the night before. But before he could go,

"Hephaistion, would you care to join me?" Alexander motioned him over, and he could think of no good reason to refuse his invitation. He walked over and sat with him, and Alexander had one of the guards bring Hephaistion his breakfast, as he waited, he noticed how happy Alexander seemed this morning. More alive and vibrant than he had seemed in a long time.

"How did you sleep love?" Alexander asked him. Hephaistion felt a tug in his heart. How he loved to be called that by Alexander, but now, it felt bittersweet to him, too many emotions still toiling inside of him.

"Alright, had a bit of trouble getting to sleep, but I finally managed it."

Alexander could sense something in Hephaistion's voice, like a sadness, or anxiety. He wondered what was wrong, and hoped he could help to ease it away.

"I was thinking we could spend the day together, Hephaistion. Perhaps take our horses and go for a ride into the woods, see if we can find that spot by the river we discovered years ago, but couldn't find again. Remember?"

Hephaistion remembered it only too well. It had been a glorious day. They had spent all day together, talking and racing each other, just like when they were kids. They had found a spot by a river that was magnificently beautiful. It was surrounded by wild flowers, and the clearing by the river was a perfect spot for a picnic. The view of the river was beautiful, you could see its twists and turns, and there was a huge tree that provided shade for them. After a long swim in the river, they had eaten food they had packed, and then they layed under the tree. Alexander had wrapped his arms around Hephaistion and they had fallen asleep together. It was perfect.

"I do remember, though I doubt we could find it again." Hephaistion answered. Alexander had seen a glimmer of hope pass through Hephaistion's eyes, and he was glad he would finally get to spend time with him again, just the two of them.

As they ate their breakfast together, Alexander still sensed something from Hephaistion, but he couldn't tell what it was. He hoped a day out riding and spending time together again would wash away whatever feelings were troubling Hephaistion right now.

"I will ask the women to prepare a lunch for us. I'm glad we can do this again Hephaistion. I've missed you, more than you know."

Yeah, I could tell from the way you were ravishing that boy last night, Hephaistion thought. But he pushed those feelings aside, Alexander had every right to be with whoever he wanted, and really, he had no claim on him.

"I've missed you too, I will go and get ready for this day trip now. I will see you soon." As he walked away, he thought about the day ahead, glad for a chance to have Alexander all to himself for the day. He had missed him so much, and more than just sexually, he craved to be held again, to feel the strong love flowing from Alexander into his heart whenever they held each other. It had always been about more than just sex between them, they shared a love that he knew nobody else could have with him. Why then, did the thought of Alexander with Bagoas bother him so much? He loves him, even if in a different way, he thought, and he knew that was the reason why his heart hurt when he thought about it. He hated the thought of Alexander truly falling in love with that boy, selfishly wanting to be Alexander's only true love, always. But today, he is mine, he thought, and I will make him forget all about that boy. With that last thought, he began to ready himself for the day ahead, both anxious and excited to finally have a moment with his love again...

At noon, Alexander and Hephaistion departed, their supplies tied to their horses. They set out at a fast pace at first, then slowed down once they reached the woods. They needed to find that spot again. For a couple of hours, they rode, both in silence, at peace with their own thoughts. Alexander could sense there was still something in Hephaistion's mind, but he could also feel him relaxing, and starting to enjoy himself. Oh by Zeus, he's beautiful, he thought. He loved his eyes most of all. The way they shined in the moonlight, and the way they sparkled during the night. He could so easily get lost in them, and he could look at them forever. And his scars, he loved them too. They exuded a type of manliness from him, a strength. As they rode on, he watched him, enjoying the time they finally had together.

"There it is, Alexander!" Hephaistion yelled, jolting Alexander out of his thoughts, and there, he saw it. The spot! He had almost given up on finding it, and was about to settle for any good spot they found now, they had been riding next to the river for a while now, and he didn't think they were going the right way. But yes, this was it, the perfect spot.

They unmounted their horses and took their supplies. Alexander took a blanket and laid it on the ground, right under that beautiful tree. It was a hot day, and it felt so cool in the shade of the tree. The river looked so refreshing, and he watched its twists and turns, going around a bend off in the distance. The spot was very secluded, and wildflowers grew all around. He reveled in the beauty around him as he set the food on the blanket. They had brought bread, cheese, fruits, fresh meats, and wine.

As Alexander organized their food, Hephaistion walked the horses over to the river so they could drink. Alexander watched him, fascinated by his beauty. He loved the way his hair looked when he wore it down. He also loved the quiet confidence in which he carried himself. After a while, Hephaistion came and joined him on the blanket.

"This looks great, I'm starving," he said to Alexander.

"Come sit by me," Alexander motioned to him. Hephaistion scooted closer, and they rested their backs against the tree as they ate. After a moment, Alexander brought his hand down, and gently laid it on top of Hephaistion's. He held his hand in silence as they drank their wine. Hephaistion felt himself really relaxing now, finally enjoying being so close to Alexander again. He looks so beautiful, he thought. He loved the way Alexander's golden hair shined in the sunlight, the way his eyes changed color with the sun, like fire, raidiating his passion and lust for life, his love. He was wearing a green robe, embroidered with gold accents. The front was open, revealing his smooth strong chest. How he longed to run his fingers along his muscle lines, to kiss his soft skin...

"You're staring at me." Alexander said. He had caught Hephaistion watching him, roaming his eyes over his body, and he enjoyed the look of hunger he saw there. He also enjoyed teasing him.

"I'm sorry." Hephaistion replied.

"No love, I like you staring at me, come here." He said, and he pulled Hephaistion closer to him, so he was laying on his chest. Together, they lay in silence, looking up at the tree's leafs, enjoying the streams of sunlight that shone through. Alexander ran his hands over Hephaistion's hair, gently stroking it, he hadn't been this relaxed in so long. He let himself doze off into a dreamy state, perfectly happy and content with the moment.

"I saw you and Bagoas last night." Hephaistion's words startled Alexander back to reality. "Someone should teach that boy how to be a bit quieter, carrying on like some lovesick whore." Again, Alexander was startled by Hephaistions forwardness. He knew many had a problem with Bagoas, but no one ever mentioned it to him, not even Hephaistion. But now, he finally realized what had been bothering Hephaistion all morning.

"So it was you last night then, I thought I heard someone." Was all Alexander said about it.

Hephaistion sat up and began collecting their food items, putting the leftovers back in their baskets, and gathering their wine and cups. He was wrapping them in a blanket when Alexander came and grabbed his arm.

"Hephaistion, I'm sorry you had to see us. Please, come back and rest with me." He tried to pull Hephaistion back to their spot against the tree, but Hephaistion resisted.

"Why do you pay so much attention to that boy?! When will you treat him for who he is? A mere slave!" Hephaistion was shouting now, finally ridding himself of the frustrations he had been keeping inside since the previous night. And once he had started, he found it hard to stop. He walked over to Alexander now, looking him in the eyes.

"If you needed someone last night, why did you go to him?! What can he possibly offer you that I can't?! Tell me Alexander!" He was pushing him now, and Alexander tried to grab his arm, to restrain him.

"I thought you needed to rest Hephaistion, you looked so tired during our trip." He took hold of Hephaistion's arm now, trying to calm him.

"Damn you Alexander! I needed you last night too! And instead of thinking of me, you go and release yourself with that slave!" Now, Hephaistion tackled him to the ground, landing on top of him. Alexander, startled, tried to push him off, but Hephaistion had always been able to pin him down, had always been the better wrestler.

"I'm sorry Hephaistion. Of course, I thought of you first, but I didn't want to bother you on our first night back! Come on now, Get off me!" He yelled, trying to push him off. But Hephaistion grabbed his wrists, and put them over his head, his weight keeping him down.

"You missed out Alexander. I could've given you a lot more pleasure than that boy could even think of." Hephaistion's lips were now so close to Alexander, and Alexander could no longer tell their breaths apart. He liked this side of Hephaistion. So fiery and confident.

"But now, I'll show you Alexander." And as Hephaistion said this, he pushed his lips firmly against Alexander, kissing him with such force that it ignited Alexander's passion and desire at once.

And just like that, they were rolling on the ground, both trying to be the one in control. But Hephaistion once again pinned Alexander down. He grabbed his face, and again, he drove his tongue inside Alexander's mouth, kissing him until he could no longer breathe. He could feel Alexander's hardness against his leg now, and was pleased he could cause such a reaction from him so easily. His kisses were softening now, and he caressed Alexander's lips with his tongue, lightly tracing the outline.

Alexander was so taken aback by the whole scene, surprised at Hephaistion's ferocity. But he delighted in it now, enjoying this rarely seen side of his lover. Hephaistion had always been the peaceful one, more gentle and subdued. And now, feeling so vulnerable to him, so controlled, he embraced it wholeheartedly. He was ready to give himself to Hephaistion, to submit to his control, his intensity.

With one swift movement, Hephaistion removed Alexander's robe, and with another, his own. He grabbed Alexander's legs and pulled him closer to him, setting his legs upon his shoulders. Alexander could feel Hephaistion's cock up against his ass now, and he wanted nothing more than to have him inside of him. Hephaistion needed to torment Alexander a while yet, and he did not enter him right away. Instead, he leaned down and ran his lips over Alexander's stomach. He kissed the outline of his abdomen, and teased him more by kissing him lower and lower, but not touching his cock. Alexander was almost mad with desire now, wanting either Hephaistion's mouth around his penis, or having him inside him. But Hephaistion did neither, and instead began running his fingers over his ass. He spit upon his hand, then ran his wet fingers around Alexander's asshole. Hepahistion did this again and again, until he felt Alexander was lubricated enough for him. Though judging by his own pre-cum, he felt he would have no trouble entering him. After he felt he had tormented Alexander (and himself) enough, he rapidly entered him. Alexander cried out in pain as well as from the sheer pleasure of it. And now, in firm and steady motions, Hephaistion made love to him. In and out he went, and with each thrust, he let his passion be quenched. He was ecstatic from the pleasure of it now, and he enjoyed listening to the moans and groans coming from Alexander.

"Who are you thinking of now huh?! Can that boy possibly give you this much pleasure? Can he?!" As Hephaistion said this, he drove deeper into Alexander, causing him to groan in pain, but there was a look of pleasure mixed in his face.

"No, no, Hephaistion. He can't. Only you can give me such pleasure." Alexander answered. He had no thoughts of last night's events anymore. No recollection of the pleasure he thought he'd experienced. Somehow, Hephaistion always drove every other thought of sexual satisfaction from Alexander's mind. No one could compare to him, to the way he made him feel and the pleasure he gave him. Last night's pleasures were petty compared to this, he thought. And he brought Hephaistion's head closer and kissed him passionately as Hephaistion drove into him again and again. He thought he would burst with pleasure at any moment now. Hephaistion's thrusts were deep and strong, and he lost himself in the delightment of it. They went at it for a long while, both panting and throbbing with the effort of it. Their breaths coming rapidly now. Alexander lost himself in the euphoria of the moment, and wished the moment would never end and he could remain in this state of ecstasy for eternity. Hephaistion watched as Alexander tilted his head back now, dazed from the pleasure he was giving him. This is what he had long been longin for, and now, he felt he might not be able to handle so much pleasure at once. He was getting tired, but he didn't want it to end. He wanted to give Alexander as much pleasure possible. But their bodies screamed for release, and he felt he could not deny it for much longer. Fiercely, he grabbed Alexander's waist and pushed harder into him now, faster and faster each time, and together, they both exploded with the pleasure of it. Their bodies finally releasing with all the energy they had left.

Hephaistion pulled out now and he layed back on the blankets, bringing Alexander with him to lay on his chest. For a while, both men were silent, spent, trying to bring their breathing back to a normal pace. Their bodies were sticky and sweaty now, and the breeze felt wonderful on their bare skin.

"I love you," Hephaistion whispered into Alexander's ear.

"I love you too, Hephaistion. Its always been you, no one else." Alexander squeezed his hand gently, trying to send his love into him somehow, to show him how much he had missed him, how much he did love him.

Hephaistion's heart was full of love now, and he held Alexander closer to him, perfectly content in their love. He could feel how deep Alexander's love went for him, and he let his heart be consumed by the strength of it.

Both men lay spent now, and together, they drifted off to sleep, Hephaistion caressing Alexander's hair, and Alexander caressing Hephaistion's chest...

THE END