The warm breath of my son spread up my neck, the soft sounds that resembled snoring rocked his body as he seemed to curl into me like a newborn baby does to its mother. I looked out across the park, the sounds of screaming children, the loud booming whir of the rides swishing by seemed to curb my sense of adventure that lurked deep inside me.
"No way am I getting on this.," I muttered to myself, casting a glance towards a roller coaster . The neon glowing sign read "The Bone Shaker." It was illuminated in a crimson red light. A skull-shaped car rocketed past my face, bringing its passengers while making them scream their hearts out.
"At least they don't have a rotten brat to look after."
I looked down at the whiskey bottle in my right hand, Budlight glistening from the entrance of the bottle as I seemed to watch it on its descent down the bottle. How I yearned for it so! I lifted the bottle up. Taking a large gulp from it. The sharp tang got rid of whatever thirst I still had, yet I felt my body craving for more. As soon as I finished my first bottle, I moved onto the next one, getting ready for round two before my horrible excuse for a child awoke.
Who ever knew that karma actually existed, as he began to stir in my arms, carefully wiping the sleep from his eyes as he stared up at me, brown eyes meeting blue.
"Mommy, where are we?" I have always hated his constant pestering.
"We are still at Funland honey, it will be closing soon, so just hold on a bit longer, okay."
"Okay, Mommy!," he said as he sat up, copious amounts of drool invading the front of his white and blue-striped polo shirt and dripping onto his tan cargo shorts.
"I want an ice cream!," he squealed, his tiredness suddenly forgotten as he spotted an ice cream stand serving cartoon character popsicles.
"Taz...Bugs...The Road Runner…"
"Mommy! Hurry up!"
He tugged on my dress as I was being leaded to his desired destination, making me realize how tired I was. His favorite toy, Flumpy the Bear, hitting off his thigh as he ran. The faded brown bear seemed to have a contorted smile that was ripped off as Michael got older, but it was still there.
It only took half a minute to reach the ice cream stand, Michael already releasing a stream of cartoon characters' names as he seemed to order everything on the menu.
"Only one, honey. Mommy doesn't have a lot of money left.," I warned, but the smile still didn't slip from his face. He simply nodded in understanding. We were like two peas in a pod, Michael with his Bugs Bunny pop and me with, of course, more alcohol. By then my vision started getting fuzzy, as I could barely make out the setting sun behind the scattered trees around the park. A loud, booming voice came onto the intercom of the park speakers as I was cleaning Michael's dripping chin with a spare napkin in my purse.
"Attention Funland guests and staff. We are closing very shortly. Please make your way to the nearest exit and have a nice day. Remember, at Funland, no child is left behind!" The speaker went off with a click as people crowded toward the exits located around them. I just calmly leaned back, not registering what the speaker on the intercom said. The alcohol seemed to consume me, as all that my body could do was get washed away by the alcohol, my head pounding as I let out a groan of dismay. I wasn't even thinking about the light tugging sensation that was assaulting my arm. I could hear the cries of Michael, but to my drunken body his voice seemed far away, like he was calling to me from an island. I closed my eyes, exhaustion pestering my body as I gave in to it, drifting off to sleep.
"Mommy, I'm hungry!," the sound of Michael's voice sounded as he tapped the edge of his bowl with a plastic spoon. His pleasing eyes were looking up at me as if I was starving him, which of course I wasn't.
"Mommy!"
"We don't have anything in the cabinet, honey. Mommy doesn't get paid till Friday."
"But, Mom! Elena gets to have Captain Crunch for breakfast every day, and her mommy gets her money at the same time as you! It's not fair!"
"You must understand that I am not trying to starve you and I am not trying to be unfair. Elena's mother gets more money than Mommy because she works a much harder job than Mommy.," I grunted, knowing that I would never get through to him. He continued to bang his spoon off the side of the bowl, making an effort to get more food.
"I want food NOW!," he wailed, hoping to get further into the conversation. Unluckily for him, I just wasn't having his attitude today. I was drunk as hell, I got almost no sleep, and now I have to listen to a whiny, bratty little kid scream at me because I don't have enough money to buy him Captain Crunch. I have just about had it with this kid!
"Michael! Stop it with this nonsense right now! I have had enough of you and your whining! Go to your room!"
The anger in Michael's face turned to an agonizing sadness as his mind tried to process what just happened. His tiny puckers turned up, his eyes glistening with tears. He looked up at me as I looked down at him, our eyes connecting in a what seemed to be perpetual stare. With one final glare he stomped up to his room, the whole house seeming to shake as he slammed the door behind him.
With that, I leaned against the wall, tears beginning to brew as my hands were brought up to my face. The tears began to flow. They invaded the cuts that I acquired from Michael on my face and they began to sting.
"Why must I have to live with this devil! Why couldn't he have died along with my sister! I can't take this anymore, my life is a living hell!"
I began to drink from a bottle of vodka nearby, attempting to drown myself in alcohol, the one thing that helps me find salvation in this miserable life. I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
I woke with a start, my vision fuzzy. My head hurt like a bitch. I groaned out in pain, rubbing my temples as I tried to figure out where I was. From what I could manage, it was dark. Incredibly dark. It was so dark that even one of those females actors on television would even cry out. I could see nothing through this dark, despairing cloud of black, as if someone believes I shouldn't see what is inside of it. I felt around, my fingertips resting on a rough hard surface. The platform inclined after a few inches, dramatically dropping off near the end of the slow descent to the ground. I continued reaching around, only to find squishy materials and the hard surface. Not a trace of Michael was present.
"Michael!," I screamed, terror starting to take over. I may hate the kid, but nobody deserves to be lost in this nightmare of a place. I began to frantically bat at the air, hoping that I would brush Michael and reunite with him once again. Not having any luck, I decided on exploring, believing that Michael could have ran off.
It wasn't long before my hangover got the best of me, my knees caving in, my headache blinding me from the rest of my bodily functions. I soon found myself crawling, and sadly, connecting with a skinny, but strong object. My nose went numb as I reached out, firmly grasping the object in my hand and I pulled. It wouldn't budge.
"Ugh!,"
"My dear, are you lost?"
The voice seemed like it was only an echo in my mind. I ignored it. I only had one thing on my mind, and that was finding Michael.
"Michael…. I have to save him!"
"I know where he is. I can help you find him."
"Why should I believe you! I can't even see you! Why should I trust you?"
"I never said you had to. However, I know this place. I am, as you would call it, a long term resident.," the voice sounded deep and demanding. It sounded as if someone was being choked, but this person wasn't, as far as I knew. The hairs on my arms began to stand up as the voice brought tingles down my spine.
"Do I scare you, madam? Don't be alarmed, after all. You are here to find your son, right?
My eyes widened in alarm at the statement, as I didn't know how this voice knew that I even had a son and that I was here to find him.
"I know what you must be thinking. How do you, the voice I just met, know about my son? Why, I have him. I can make you see, if I want."
"Please! Please! Let me see my son!"
A loud, sadistic laugh echoed through the area, causing my heart to wrench and my guy to coil. I foul stench filled my mouth as something was stuffed into it. My eyes began to water, the object large and puffy in my mouth. I gagged as some of it slid down my throat. My stomach turned upside down. I threw my head back, preparing to vomit,
"Naughty girl."
I found that I couldn't open my mouth, the vomit sliding back down my throat along with the object.
"I will give you sight."
I was greeted with the sight of Funland, except it was much more animated. All of the rides lit up. Lights blared as I turned away, not bearing to look at the lights any longer as the color became nauseating. The roller coasters rattled with age as standard carnival music blared in my ears. To my horror, I recognized what seemed like pink cotton candy in my gob, except it was littered with-
"Eeeek!," I screamed as I cockroach fell from the treat and onto the ground, scattering across the boardwalk. I began to struggle, feeling the small crawling sensation in my mouth. There was a slight pinch in my mouth as one of the bugs bit the inside of my mouth. The pain became more consistent till blood drizzled onto the cotton candy and onto the top of my dress, staining it. By now the tears wouldn't stop as they flooded my face and mixing with the blood. The pain was unbearable now, the tiny creatures eating away at the inside of my mouth.
"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are."
I was thrown onto a merry-go-round, the horses moving at lightning speed. My brain felt like exploding as my mind couldn't keep up with my body. The voice's singing and the carnival music blared in my ears. I desperately wanted alcohol.
"Up above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky.," the voice said calmly as I was catapulted off of the horse that I was sitting on into the chaos of the somewhat green sky. I screamed in terror, feeling the wind rush by my face. A cockroach escaped from my mouth and flew of my cheek, its legs were covered with blood. My blood. At this point I didn't care what happened to me. I just wanted to awaken from this nightmare and find my adoptive son. This was all a dream. It has to be, goddammit! Blood was pooling out of my mouth as the pinchers pierced my flesh.
"I need to go to the doctor, yeah, I do. I need my vodka. What does a little vodka do that causes harm? After that I'll show the little brat who's boss. Sound like a plan, Saeko? Of course! Hahahahahaha!"
The ground eventually connected with my face, a loud crack emitting from my nose.
"Broken. Oops!"
The pinching in my mouth got stronger, as if the bugs were trying to create a nest in my cheeks. I threw my head back, throwing up blood in large quantities. Cockroaches spilled from my mouth, some still scuffling around in my mouth, continuing to eat me alive from the inside.
"Please, I need my vodka…."
A swift kick was delivered to my head, knocking me into my own pool of blood. I groaned in pain as a single hairy cockroach escaped my jaw.
"Shut up! You don't deserve it you piece of crap! All you think about is when you get your next drink. It's always vodka, beer, or wine. It's not like you bitch and moan about your son, which you have yet to find. What kind of mother are you? I can answer that, not a very good one! Now you shall die by my hand!"
"P-please have me-mercy!"
"Sorry, lady. It's not going to happen."
A cockroach managed to bury its way through my cheek, crawling out onto the boardwalk below. It was coated with blood.
Knowing that this was my last chance of salvation, I grasped the air, the sounds and sights of the carnival almost overpowering my voice.
"At least let me see my son. I need to know if he is okay. Please, I beg of you!"
"Just look up. Then you will see your son."
I craned my neck upward, using the last of my strength to get one last look at my son. I saw him standing next to the shadow which I know as the voice. He looked happy as he sucked on chocolate ice cream, his eyes only showing pure bliss. He was holding the shadow's hand as ice cream was dribbling down his chin and onto his striped shirt. He waved at me, smiling.
"Don't worry, Mommy! This man is going to sober you up right away! You will never ignore me again, the man assured me of that! Afterwards, we can laugh and play and have Captain Crunch together!"
"You don't understand! This man is going to make sure you don't see her again! He is giving her a boo-boo. You don't like it when you get boo-boos! Please, Michael, help me!"
For a moment he looked up, puzzled at my words. He looked from the man, to me, and finally to the man again. He noticed the blood, his eyes widening in horror. He then threw back his head and let out the ugliest scream that I have ever heard in my life. There was only pain and anguish in it, in which a child should never feel those emotions. His gaze burned into mine as he seemed to calm down. He peered at the shadow, anger in his eyes.
"Don't hurt my mommy!," he cried as he leaped onto the man's back, scratching and clawing at various sections of the dark mass. The carnival music got louder and louder, drowning out Michael's words in song. The shadow simply picked Michael up by his shirt collar and tossed him aside, as he began to advance on me.
My jaw dropped in utter terror as he reached down and grasped my head in his hands and squeezed. Pain erupted in my skull as he squeezed with an incredible force that was worse than any hangover I ever had in my entire life. My vision began to blur as blood dripped into my eyes, the scuttling of the cockroaches could still be felt from my mouth and outside the rupture in my cheek.
"Why are you doing this!," I cried as I was completely blinded, red clouding my vision.
"Hard to say. Some say I'm just evil and cruel, while others feel as if I'm a punishment for their mistakes in life. You are free to choose which option most fits your situation. I think the latter works better. All you are is an alcoholic who is willing to do anything for a drink, even if it means neglecting her own son to get one! You made Michael miserable! He would cry every day, knowing that all of the money was wasted on booze. He was never happy, even for a bit! Now it is you who will suffer, with your head being squeezed. Soon your brain will rupture and spill out onto the boardwalk, showing Michael what you deserve! Serves you right to horrify a child!"
With those words, I let myself go. I blacked out.
I awoke to a nurse hovering over me. She was inserting an IV into my arm as Michael looked on from afar. Later I was told the whole left side of my face was destroyed by the bugs. Bite marks were found all over my mouth, some in my small intestine where some of the cockroaches slid down my throat and into my stomach. I lost all vision in my left eye. I was shaved bald, with the exception of the word, "Alcoholic," carved into my skull with my own hair. My skull was severed, I suffered internal bleeding and I lost 2 quarts of blood, which required a blood transfusion in order for me to survive.
It has been two months since the events at Funland, and I am completely sober.
Don't let alcohol get in the way of your life. For hundreds of people around the globe, alcohol has taken control of their lives, leaving some homeless and without a family to love them. Don't fall into the temptations of alcohol. Don't let it win. Don't let alcohol control you.