Finally my notebook is unleashed! Well, partly. I am struggling greatly with this especially since I've had the worst case of writer's block I have ever had. One that has lasted years. I'm desperately trying to shake this. And Chibi is my inspiration! I had wanted to write a Jr/Shion fic for so long and she did, which I completely fell in love with all of her stories. With my writer's block, I can't hope to have this story compare to your masterpiece, Chibi, but I believe in your ideals to fill this drab world of Xenosaga romance with Jr/Shion-ness so that is precisely what I want to do and why I want to dedicate this to you. Thank you, Chibi! I hope everyone enjoys, especially you Chibi.
Much love to all here and Xenolegacy,
Hallie (Atoli)
Disclaimer: If I owned Xenosaga, Jin wouldn't have died. Shion and Jr. would be together, and KOS-MOS and chaos would still be there with the rest of the party. But since things didn't happen that way, I guess I don't own it, do I?
Lost Ones
Chapter 1:
The Dream
It seemed like hours since she had arrived at the door to the men's cabin. She paced back and forth. She wanted to share her dreams, her thoughts, and her fears; but somehow she couldn't. Shion Uzuki wanted to tell Allen about the dream she'd had of her brother, but it felt like something held her back. What kept her from opening the deepest, most secretive part of her to him? It wasn't Kevin now. She knew that she had moved on the moment she chose her friends over Kevin and his ideals. Of course, it was hard, but she knew she had made the right choice. The thought of him being that selfish drove her to it.
So it wasn't Kevin. Maybe she felt a bit guilty over how she treated Allen. She knew he loved her, and of course she cared. That's why she tired so hard to love him back. But something kept her from totally giving herself over. She felt she'd made leaps and bounds by reaching to hug him or hold his hand. But something kept her form kissing him. Something kept her from confessing to him and truly opening up to him.
Shion was so deeply troubled in her thoughts that she jumped when the door slid open. "Shion! What are you doing?"
"Uh," she stammered. She turned, only to be face to face with a youthful-looking red-head. "Jr.?"
His blue eyes narrowed with a mix of concern and annoyance. "Well?"
"Sorry. I think I was sleep walking," she lightly joked. "Good night, Jr."
"Shion, you're not a very good liar." Jr. chuckled.
Defeated, she stopped her failing act. "I just couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you up."
He grinned boyishly. "Nah, I get up all the time. I was already awake. You, on the other hand, don't get up for midnight strolls like I do. What's up?"
Her haunted look secretly pained him. He wanted to know what bothered her, but didn't want to say anything. He was afraid he'd make her angry or upset. Jr. knew he was good at offending people. Just when he had given up hope of her saying anything, she spoke. "Would you… mind some company?"
"Walk with me, then." Jr. motioned for her to follow, and began walking at a leisurely pace.
"Albedo…" The sound of his brother's name coming from Shion made Jr. do a double take.
"Huh?" He glanced at Shion. "What about Albedo?" He asked.
The brunette swallowed hard. "Do you ever have dreams about him?"
"Sometimes," he answered with a sigh. "Why?"
Shion looked away. "Does he ever talk to you? Or what about Gaignun?"
"It's Jin, isn't it?" It wasn't really a question.
"Do you…miss them?" She asked in a whisper.
He stared hard at the floor. "Every day."
"Oh." Was all she could say for awhile. When she was sure she could speak again without choking on the words, she started again. "Jin is gone." She begged herself to keep a strong face. What would Jr. think?
Jr. shook his head. "What gave you that idea? You'll see him again, Shion. He's waiting in Lost Jerusalem. You know it. I know it."
"He isn't. It's…hard to explain."
Finally, Jr. stopped walking and stood still. "But, gone? You can't say that, Shion. You don't know if he is or not."
"It sounds stupid, but I felt it when we escaped Michtam. I never said anything, but I heard his voice and I felt him there. Right here." She clasped both hands to her chest, almost as if trying to recapture the feeling of her brother one last time.
The red head nodded, placing a comforting hand on her arm. "It's not stupid. I understand completely. You don't have to say anymore, Shion." He wanted to have her open up to him, tell him more. He wanted to do more for her. Yes, he secretly yearned to embrace her, to comfort her. And Jr. secretly despised Allen for being able to be the one Shion ran to. He knew he was also attracted to Shion. He realized it when she came to talk to him about Albedo. But he suspected he felt it back to when he first met her. He thought about it. Why wouldn't someone be attracted to her? She was intelligent, had a beautiful face, and he found her body extremely easy to look at, especially at those times when she donned those sexy bikinis of hers. Jr. forcefully brought his mind back to less dirty thoughts before it got him in trouble. He sincerely hoped Shion hadn't caught him staring her up and down like a dirty old man.
Thankfully, she hadn't seemed to notice. She was nodding slowly, half taking in what he had been saying to her and half lost in her own thoughts and worries. They continued on until they reached the lobby window in the bar. She gazed out at the surrounding stars. "It's so beautiful out there," she breathed.
He shrugged. "It's big. That's for sure." He glanced over at her in alarm when he heard a sniffle. "Shion…?"
"I'm scared, Jr…"
She sounded so helpless; he couldn't resist reaching a comforting hand to her shoulder. "Why, Shion?"
"Something bad is going to happen. Can't you feel it?" She shuddered. "I can."
Jr. shook his head. "Then it's up to us to be careful from here on out. That's all. Don't worry, Shion. I will always protect you."
"Jr…" Shion's beautiful cheeks tinted pink with a blush. "I-"
"Ah, I mean everyone!" Jr. cut her off quickly before she could finish. "No one's going to get hurt. Everyone'll come back safe, okay?" He scratched the back of his head nervously and shuffled his feet, desperately trying to stave off a blush himself.
"Yeah…" Shion trailed off, giving him an odd look. "I'm kind of getting sleepy now," she yawned. And smiled. "Thanks, Jr."
He grinned at her. "For what?"
She shook her head and rolled her eyes, but the smile deepened. "Never mind. But thank you, anyway."
The room was empty for at least a minute before Jr.'s soft reply: "Always, for you, Shion." He stayed in that room for the rest of the night, staring out at the vast scenery of space. Not really watching the stars as much as mulling things over in his head. Finally, at the early morning hour, he turned into bed and fell asleep. Not surprised in the least that he was dreaming of her. But Jr. was sure that it would always be a dream.
Okay that's chapter 1. I'm trying really hard to write it but it may be awhile for me to update. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Maybe I'll try a few one-shots to ease the tension? Dunno. But review if you like and let me know how it is so far. Please be nice to me!! I'm really trying hard and I already feel it sucks, so constructive criticism, please! Thank you so much, guys! Catch ya later-- Hallie (Atoli)