Chapter 1
Once upon a time in the wild, wild west there lay a little town called Hogwarts. And in that small town was a dusty ole saloon named Weasley's Wizard Whiskey. And in that dusty ole saloon lived a wisecracking, wandslinging bartender of the name George Keith Weasley.
"I'll have another firewhiskey over here!" called an angsty, blonde loner sitting at the bar.
"You're running up quite a tab today, Draco," said George.
"I need to drink away my sorrows," he said angstily. Draco had be universally rejected by the upstanding citizens of Hogwarts since he helped the death eaters kill some people and had been universally hated by the roving death eater outlaws since he defected to the side of the lawmen.
"Your sorrows?" snarked Ginny, a bubbleheaded saloon girl, "who on you was killed in the recent standoff? I wish that dashing Sheriff Harry Potter woulda locked you up in the jailhouse where you belong!"
"Don't drive off my loyal customers, Ginny!" said George.
"It's causa him your partner's dead!" said Ginny.
But before anyone could say anything else, a hulking fat man kicked open the saloon doors with his black, evil cowboy boots. "I'm lookin for that filthy traitor, Draco Malfoy!" called Goyle from the doorway.