I can see your smile, so true and caring. And yet, a smile that will never be meant for me. How could you, you despise me for all I did to you. You take his hand from across the table and I can almost see that sparkle in your eyes as you look at Him.
My chest tightens as if my heart had been caught by that thorn filled snare that is your beauty. That same trap dozens have already fallen for, I'm sure. Nor will I be the last one. Just like all the others, I would burn this world to the ground if that could get you closer to me but we all know its not something you would approve of. Yet, its all I know.
As I see you both reach for each other over your table, just for a kiss... If you would call it that. Nothing more than a peck on the lips in my book.
But its enough, enough for me to envy the blind as he will not know what he missed. Envy the deaf for not being enchanted by your voice so pure it would crystal seem dirty. Envy the mute because he can yell at his hearts content without you looking at him.
As I see you two get up to leave, you taking his arm like so many other times, I envy the dead, as they do not feel the sorrow I have for seeing you walk away. They do not feel my anger towards all that has made me what I am today. They haven't have the slightest idea of the jealousy I fell towards the man you are with or even the clothes you wear.
Yes, I admit to myself. Part of me would give anything to be that dress you wear if only for a second. While the other part of me would rather walk away and leave you before I make a mistake. Before I slip and reveal my broken self to you. Unfortunately, that part is now just a voice in the back of my mind. A voice who's constant echoes just makes it harder to keep my sanity.
Or it might just be the last vestiges of it...
Either way, I need to see you more and for you to look at me, even if it is only to give me that look of hatred I see. Need to hear you calling me, even if its to insult me. Need to touch you, even if you have to hurt me to do that.
I get up and leave enough on the table to pay for the meal and leave a large tip.
Time to get back to work. Only there can we be together for each other.