When Rabid Fans Attack
By mycatsasha
Legolas sat on a hill gazing at the starry night sky. He was journeying back home after visiting Aragorn. He was at the edge of Fangorn. The quest was over. The ring was destroyed. He lay down to rest. As he lay there, he suspected nothing. Before long, he was sleeping peacefully. when they attacked!
They were not orcs. They were not goblins. They were not Balrogs. Oh, no. They were far worse than even the mighty powers of the Eye could imagine, let alone conjure! They were. The Fans!
"Oooooooh! There he is!" one of them said as the charged over the hill. The poor elf woke immediately to find him self surrounded by a massive army. There were literally millions of girls! All of who were wearing incredibly small leg wear, which couldn't even qualify as shorts. It seemed like the only thing they didn't want to show off was their faces which were heavily coated with make-up. Legolas knew he didn't have much time before he would meet his doom. The fans started advancing at a run. Legolas jumped into a tree and started leaping across Fangorn. Many OH's and AH's followed him as he did, but the first thing he noticed was that he had left his gear behind.
"Oh! I got his backpack!"
"I got a leaf he was lying on!"
"Hey! I wanted that!" RIIIIIIIIP!
As the fans fought (literally) over his things, Legolas pressed on toward the Shire. Maybe he could get some help there. Two days later with no food or rest, Legolas stumbled onto the doorstep of Bag End. Dead tired after so many close calls with the fans, he knocked on the door. or rather he fell on it. Sam answered.
"Mr. Legolas?" he said, "Meanin' no disrespect, but are you alright?"
"HIDE ME!" he gasped, dragging himself inside. Sam helped him into the house. He hid him in the cellar where there were no windows. He then went outside to see what he could do about the approaching fans. They sped up the hill to Bag End, stopping in front of Sam.
"Hello." Sam began. But one of the rabid fans spoke up. We'll call her Tiffany.
"That outfit is sooooo last age," she said.
"And he's so short!" said another girl. She can be Nicole. "Tall guys are such hotties!"
"Like Legolas," Tiffany added. At this all of the girls sighed in unison, several of them fainting. "What is your name?" Tiffany continued,
"I am Samwise Gamgee of the Shire," Sam answered.
"Sam? Who's Sam? Nobody's heard of you!" Nicole answered, "you probably never heard of Legolas, judging by your fashion sense."
"Actually, I was part of the fellowship. I helped Frodo destroy the Ring."
"Ring?" Tiffany answered, "What Ring?" "And who's Frodo?"
Nicole seemed to have a good answer; "He must be one of those smaller, less significant characters mentioned once or twice in the books."
"There are books?"
"Yeah," Nicole answered, "But we don't have time to read them. MUST--FIND- LEGOLAS!" All of the girls agreed to this, but Tiffany, who must have been the leader, spoke up.
"Fellow Fans, I understand that we must continue to pursue our love, but first we must deal with one who has broken The Law of the Legolas! Samwise Gamgee!"
"What?!" Sam replied, "Meanin' no disrespect, but what have I done?"
"Not only do you have terrible fashion sense, but you also have an annoying dialect! Such an offense bears the ultimate punishment: You must be sacrificed to our god!"
Drums were beaten as a large, golden statue of Legolas was brought forth. Sam was seized and tied to a large stick and placed on an altar.
Luckily, Frodo arrived just in time! Sneaking through the crowd of excited fans, he got behind one of them and said in the most girly voice he could must, "Legolas is my sweetheart!"
Immediately, all of the attention turned to the unfortunate girl he happened to be standing behind.
"No he's not! He's mine!"
"Uh-uh! Legolas is my dream love!"
Frodo got Sam out of there just before a fist fight broke out. Many girls started to cry, smearing their mascara. It would take them ages to get that sorted out! Legolas escaped out the back door. He headed for the Harbor, hoping to make the ship before the fans caught up with him. He didn't know how, but he had to lose them! One thing was for sure: it wouldn't be easy!
By mycatsasha
Legolas sat on a hill gazing at the starry night sky. He was journeying back home after visiting Aragorn. He was at the edge of Fangorn. The quest was over. The ring was destroyed. He lay down to rest. As he lay there, he suspected nothing. Before long, he was sleeping peacefully. when they attacked!
They were not orcs. They were not goblins. They were not Balrogs. Oh, no. They were far worse than even the mighty powers of the Eye could imagine, let alone conjure! They were. The Fans!
"Oooooooh! There he is!" one of them said as the charged over the hill. The poor elf woke immediately to find him self surrounded by a massive army. There were literally millions of girls! All of who were wearing incredibly small leg wear, which couldn't even qualify as shorts. It seemed like the only thing they didn't want to show off was their faces which were heavily coated with make-up. Legolas knew he didn't have much time before he would meet his doom. The fans started advancing at a run. Legolas jumped into a tree and started leaping across Fangorn. Many OH's and AH's followed him as he did, but the first thing he noticed was that he had left his gear behind.
"Oh! I got his backpack!"
"I got a leaf he was lying on!"
"Hey! I wanted that!" RIIIIIIIIP!
As the fans fought (literally) over his things, Legolas pressed on toward the Shire. Maybe he could get some help there. Two days later with no food or rest, Legolas stumbled onto the doorstep of Bag End. Dead tired after so many close calls with the fans, he knocked on the door. or rather he fell on it. Sam answered.
"Mr. Legolas?" he said, "Meanin' no disrespect, but are you alright?"
"HIDE ME!" he gasped, dragging himself inside. Sam helped him into the house. He hid him in the cellar where there were no windows. He then went outside to see what he could do about the approaching fans. They sped up the hill to Bag End, stopping in front of Sam.
"Hello." Sam began. But one of the rabid fans spoke up. We'll call her Tiffany.
"That outfit is sooooo last age," she said.
"And he's so short!" said another girl. She can be Nicole. "Tall guys are such hotties!"
"Like Legolas," Tiffany added. At this all of the girls sighed in unison, several of them fainting. "What is your name?" Tiffany continued,
"I am Samwise Gamgee of the Shire," Sam answered.
"Sam? Who's Sam? Nobody's heard of you!" Nicole answered, "you probably never heard of Legolas, judging by your fashion sense."
"Actually, I was part of the fellowship. I helped Frodo destroy the Ring."
"Ring?" Tiffany answered, "What Ring?" "And who's Frodo?"
Nicole seemed to have a good answer; "He must be one of those smaller, less significant characters mentioned once or twice in the books."
"There are books?"
"Yeah," Nicole answered, "But we don't have time to read them. MUST--FIND- LEGOLAS!" All of the girls agreed to this, but Tiffany, who must have been the leader, spoke up.
"Fellow Fans, I understand that we must continue to pursue our love, but first we must deal with one who has broken The Law of the Legolas! Samwise Gamgee!"
"What?!" Sam replied, "Meanin' no disrespect, but what have I done?"
"Not only do you have terrible fashion sense, but you also have an annoying dialect! Such an offense bears the ultimate punishment: You must be sacrificed to our god!"
Drums were beaten as a large, golden statue of Legolas was brought forth. Sam was seized and tied to a large stick and placed on an altar.
Luckily, Frodo arrived just in time! Sneaking through the crowd of excited fans, he got behind one of them and said in the most girly voice he could must, "Legolas is my sweetheart!"
Immediately, all of the attention turned to the unfortunate girl he happened to be standing behind.
"No he's not! He's mine!"
"Uh-uh! Legolas is my dream love!"
Frodo got Sam out of there just before a fist fight broke out. Many girls started to cry, smearing their mascara. It would take them ages to get that sorted out! Legolas escaped out the back door. He headed for the Harbor, hoping to make the ship before the fans caught up with him. He didn't know how, but he had to lose them! One thing was for sure: it wouldn't be easy!