You're Supposed to Hate Me
Ch1- On the Edge
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls. If I did, I wouldn't scream at the TV so often.
Summary: Jess leaves. Rory is upset. An accident. What happens next?
Rating: Just language for now. PG13. May go up later if something happens.
***
Luke: That's it?
Jess: Yeah
Luke: Then you gotta go
***
After his fight with Luke, he couldn't take it. He had to get away. He grabbed his coat and walked out into the night. He didn't know where he was going. Not consciously at least. When he looked up, he wasn't at all surprised. He just plopped himself down on the wood planks and dangled his feet just above the water. Just sat there, staring at the reflection of the moon on the rippling water. He did everything he could to block out his thoughts.
He was supposed to be strong. That was his thing. Thinking about the past few weeks made him upset. Jess Mariano was not allowed to be upset, nothing ever got to him. So he pulled out his latest book. Well, latest wasn't exactly the word- he's read it three times already. He opened up to his marked page, and began to read. "During the following week he confided in Chad King.," Jess' eyes kept moving, back and forth along the page, with none of the words registering in his brain. By the time he had gotten to the bottom of the page, he had already given up. He never thought there would be a time when he couldn't read, especially Jack Kerouac. So he just held the book open in front of him, as more of a calming method than intellectual study. Eventually, his mind began to wander.
To his first day in Stars Hollow
To the picnic with Rory
To the accident
He sees his return to New York, when he walked in to find an unconscious Liz on her bed, syringes lying on the floor as usual. He smiled at the memory of Rory's visit to New York, and their conversations in the park. God that girl was always surprising him. Like at Sookie's wedding, their first kiss. She had really hurt him after that, by ignoring him and heading off to Washington without telling him. When she came back, she stayed with Dean. The thought of that guy made him so mad.
But then he remembered that HE had Rory, that Jess Mariano finally got the girl. He laughed at that. In his old life, he ALWAYS had the girl. There was never any trouble with that. But then again, all of his old girlfriends had meant nothing to him. They were all slutty, blond, and about as intelligent as an ox. Rory-- well Rory was different. Smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous. She saw the real him, she gave him a chance. Despite opposite pasts and completely different personalities, they had everything in common. They loved reading, having intelligent conversations, and could spend hours in each others' company without ever saying a word.
For a long time, Jess had resented his mother, Luke, Stars Hollow, everything and everyone. He felt that they had ruined his life. Screwed everything up. Now he knew how wrong he had been. Those people, they hadn't screwed anything up. In fact, they had made things better for a while. Now he knew that he screwed himself up. Drinking, skipping school, stealing. He was sent here, nothing changed. When he met Rory, he made up for his mistakes for a few months. Until now, that is. Maybe he hadn't really changed. He had to go and ruin everything that was just getting to be perfect in his life. He started dating Rory, he was even sweet for a while. Then the old Jess kicked back in. He had a reputation to uphold. So he didn't always call, made dates that he didn't keep, and just made an ass out of himself in general.
Rory was perfect. She did everything that she could to keep them going. He couldn't believe what he had done. He lied to her- he skipped school to keep some dumbass minimum wage job. He treated her like all the others, she didn't deserve it. She had always told him that he could go far, he was smart, he just needed to apply himself. And he didn't listen, in fact he did just the opposite. Now. well, now what could he do? He didn't want to disappoint her, he would do anything to look good in her eyes. But it was too late. She would find out soon enough. He failed out, in his senior year no less. He couldn't take her to the prom, like he had promised. He would let her down. And now, he had to leave. There was no choice. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to lose everything he had worked hard for. But he had run out of time.
She didn't deserve to have an asshole boyfriend like him anyway. Then he decided. He was going to leave, he would be the biggest ass she had ever met. She would be angry, she would realize that she had been wrong about him the whole time. It would be easier for her to move on and find another Dean, someone who was stable, who would be there for her all the time. He only wished that his would be easier for him too, he wished so badly that he wasn't in love with her. He figured that one broken heart would be better than two. So what if he smothered her, she would be safe, happy again. All he wanted was to see her happy. With that decided, he refolded his page, stuck the book in his back pocket, and headed back to the apartment.
Ch1- On the Edge
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls. If I did, I wouldn't scream at the TV so often.
Summary: Jess leaves. Rory is upset. An accident. What happens next?
Rating: Just language for now. PG13. May go up later if something happens.
***
Luke: That's it?
Jess: Yeah
Luke: Then you gotta go
***
After his fight with Luke, he couldn't take it. He had to get away. He grabbed his coat and walked out into the night. He didn't know where he was going. Not consciously at least. When he looked up, he wasn't at all surprised. He just plopped himself down on the wood planks and dangled his feet just above the water. Just sat there, staring at the reflection of the moon on the rippling water. He did everything he could to block out his thoughts.
He was supposed to be strong. That was his thing. Thinking about the past few weeks made him upset. Jess Mariano was not allowed to be upset, nothing ever got to him. So he pulled out his latest book. Well, latest wasn't exactly the word- he's read it three times already. He opened up to his marked page, and began to read. "During the following week he confided in Chad King.," Jess' eyes kept moving, back and forth along the page, with none of the words registering in his brain. By the time he had gotten to the bottom of the page, he had already given up. He never thought there would be a time when he couldn't read, especially Jack Kerouac. So he just held the book open in front of him, as more of a calming method than intellectual study. Eventually, his mind began to wander.
To his first day in Stars Hollow
To the picnic with Rory
To the accident
He sees his return to New York, when he walked in to find an unconscious Liz on her bed, syringes lying on the floor as usual. He smiled at the memory of Rory's visit to New York, and their conversations in the park. God that girl was always surprising him. Like at Sookie's wedding, their first kiss. She had really hurt him after that, by ignoring him and heading off to Washington without telling him. When she came back, she stayed with Dean. The thought of that guy made him so mad.
But then he remembered that HE had Rory, that Jess Mariano finally got the girl. He laughed at that. In his old life, he ALWAYS had the girl. There was never any trouble with that. But then again, all of his old girlfriends had meant nothing to him. They were all slutty, blond, and about as intelligent as an ox. Rory-- well Rory was different. Smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous. She saw the real him, she gave him a chance. Despite opposite pasts and completely different personalities, they had everything in common. They loved reading, having intelligent conversations, and could spend hours in each others' company without ever saying a word.
For a long time, Jess had resented his mother, Luke, Stars Hollow, everything and everyone. He felt that they had ruined his life. Screwed everything up. Now he knew how wrong he had been. Those people, they hadn't screwed anything up. In fact, they had made things better for a while. Now he knew that he screwed himself up. Drinking, skipping school, stealing. He was sent here, nothing changed. When he met Rory, he made up for his mistakes for a few months. Until now, that is. Maybe he hadn't really changed. He had to go and ruin everything that was just getting to be perfect in his life. He started dating Rory, he was even sweet for a while. Then the old Jess kicked back in. He had a reputation to uphold. So he didn't always call, made dates that he didn't keep, and just made an ass out of himself in general.
Rory was perfect. She did everything that she could to keep them going. He couldn't believe what he had done. He lied to her- he skipped school to keep some dumbass minimum wage job. He treated her like all the others, she didn't deserve it. She had always told him that he could go far, he was smart, he just needed to apply himself. And he didn't listen, in fact he did just the opposite. Now. well, now what could he do? He didn't want to disappoint her, he would do anything to look good in her eyes. But it was too late. She would find out soon enough. He failed out, in his senior year no less. He couldn't take her to the prom, like he had promised. He would let her down. And now, he had to leave. There was no choice. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to lose everything he had worked hard for. But he had run out of time.
She didn't deserve to have an asshole boyfriend like him anyway. Then he decided. He was going to leave, he would be the biggest ass she had ever met. She would be angry, she would realize that she had been wrong about him the whole time. It would be easier for her to move on and find another Dean, someone who was stable, who would be there for her all the time. He only wished that his would be easier for him too, he wished so badly that he wasn't in love with her. He figured that one broken heart would be better than two. So what if he smothered her, she would be safe, happy again. All he wanted was to see her happy. With that decided, he refolded his page, stuck the book in his back pocket, and headed back to the apartment.