In all his years death was always a possibility at any given time. It came with the territory. One wrong move, one misstep and boom, boom out go the lights, forever. He fell for it, hook line a sinker. The small sliver of a belief that this time, this one time only, god would be merciful. He cursed god now.
The first time had been terrible, Dean clutching his brother, inconsolable. Bobby should have known. There were no boundaries as far as the Winchesters were concerned. They were willing to go to hell for each other, John was testimony to that fact. He should have realized how far Dean was willing to go for his little brother. He should have realized Dean would be willing to go just as far as John had.
He should have but he didn't.
And now Dean was lost as well.
He knew before he even step foot in the room. The low keening sound, the sound of absolute loss. For a fraction of a second, Bobby was glad he could hear it….it meant one of the boys survived. But then he realized it also meant one of the boys hadn't. That sound meant one thing and one thing only.
They had failed.
He opened the door and his heart stopped. Once again he found one of the boys clutching his dead brother. The loss even greater because this time it was Dean. Not that Sam's dying was any less of a loss but Dean….Dean…
He didn't want to admit it. He held both boys close to his heart but Dean he held just that little bit closer.
He had lost friends before, brothers in arms even, but never a son.
He had left Dean alone to deal with his grief and look where it got him. Who knew what Sam was willing to try and Bobby wasn't about to take that chance.
When Sam turned around, the pain on his face was too terrible to see and for a moment Bobby turned away. When he faced Sam a second time he saw all his worst nightmares come true.
Dean bloodied and lost, damaged and damned. A life time of failures reflected back in Dean's hazel eyes. A life time of hope lost in Sam's. Bobby vowed he wasn't turning his back and walking away this time.
Not this time.