We're All Animals

by yukiislikesnow

Everyone develops animal traits eventually. Kurt just knows that he's going to be a cat, because anything else would just be ridiculous. (drabbles and one-shots within the same hybrid AU verse)

1. We're All Animals

Rating: PG

Words: 6,419

A/N: I had this idea in my head where everyone in the world has animal traits but it wasn't decided by genetics and this is what happens. As a teenager you develop animal characteristics and it's all based on your personality or fate or something. It's all random. I have so many one-shots planned in this verse.

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Kurt's mother was a cat. She had a plush gray tale and matching ears that paired so nicely with her dark red hair. He remembers lying against her on the couch and playing with her tail for hours. He loved the way it gently swayed and flicked around, teasing him and always just barely escaping his eager fingers. Kurt wanted to be just like her. He imagined himself with a pristine white tail and ears, with maybe a little dark brown on the tips to match his hair. He wanted that extra push of flexibility and effortless grace that came with being a cat.

There was no guarantee though. Your animal features had less to do with what your parents were and more to do with your personality, or fate if you liked. Kurt's father for instance was a bear. He had rounded black furry ears and big nubby tail that poked through the holes in his jeans. But his grandparents were both deer. There were kids at school too that showed up with parents that seemed to come out of left field. But Kurt knew he would be a cat. He just knew it. He was admittedly vain and fixated with his appearance. He was meticulously clean, and ever since he was born he'd had a barely there, you have to squint to see it, point to his ears. It was his fate to be a cat.

He was going to get out of this cow town and he was going to do it ears perked and tail swaying so help him God. And with any luck he'd have Blaine by his side when he did it. Blaine was sure to be some sort of dog. The Warblers were banking on him being a pug but Santana had started a convincing campaign on him being a corgi. Kurt was hoping for a Maltese. But Blaine still had some time. He was a few months younger than Kurt and while there wasn't a set time for your traits to come it, it was pretty common for it to be somewhere around seventeen and a half. Kurt was there now and he could feel the change getting ready to happen. There was a slight ache in his joints that no amount of hot baths or naps could ease. And his nose and ears were feeling warm off and on.

The shrill sound of the bell derailed Kurt's thoughts and sent him scurrying out the door. No glee today. He was free to go home and check himself out. Any slight change, a dry patch of skin, a new plot of freckles, even the way his fingernails grew in, could give him a hint about what he'd be and when it was going to happen. He forwent his locker, swerving at the last moment to avoid Mercedes. It was unfortunate, really it was and Kurt felt sorry for her, but there was only so much he was willing to listen to at the moment. Her rounded leathery ears and the wide expanse of leathery charcoal gray skin that grew across her back and up her shoulder and neck caused quite a few people to start calling her a hippo. Understandably this was upsetting but that was four months ago and she wasn't a hippo she was a Tapir and she should honestly be thankful that she hadn't grown some sort of trunk. Kurt felt for her but he just couldn't see that as a viable excuse to give up his every available hour for "girl" time. She needed to learn to live with it and make it fabulous.

Thankfully she didn't see him. As fed up as he was, he wouldn't just turn her away if she caught his eye. He wasn't that selfish. But she didn't see him so Kurt kept on until he reached his Navigator and wasted no time hoping in and pulling out of McKinley. Finn and Sam were getting a ride with Puck after football practice. Oh God, the football team. It was a mess of different animals. Honestly when he'd first started at McKinley he expected it to be full of rottweilers and bulls, but no, the football team was surprisingly diverse so long as your animal could arguably maul something. David Karofsky, who'd made his life hell since middle school, was a Tasmanian devil and his right hand man Azimio was an alligator. The most non-threatening creature on the team was Finn who had shocked the school by turning into a mountain goat. He'd thankfully only grown the horns and his perfectly normal human ears stayed in tact. He had to shave his beard about twice a day though. The alterations to his football helmet were laughable.

There was a chance he'd grow whiskers. Kurt scrunched up his face and bit his lip. He really, really did not want whiskers. He could pluck them or shave them or something but it'd just be easier if his body worked with him just this once. Kurt wasn't too worried about whiskers because his cheeks weren't itchy. That's what happened to Brittany when she'd grown hers in. His thoughts filled up the silence in the car and had him at his house before he knew it. No one was home yet so he was free to preen naked in front of his bedroom mirror in privacy.

So in a rush to get to his examination, Kurt kicked off his shoes and dumped his bag in a heap by his door. He was only slightly more careful with his clothes. Once he was naked he stood in front of his full length mirror and looked. He didn't look all that different from yesterday but that's how it went. The changes started at a pace slower than a snails then there was a night or two of all over body pain and suddenly you were different. It was different for each person, depending on the animal you turned into and how many traits you inherited. If your ears changed or you grew extra limbs it hurt more and took longer than if you just got some new fur. Finn had confined himself to his room with splitting migraines for three days before emerging with tightly coiled horns. Arty had been out of school for a whole week while his legs fused together in a massive snake's tail. But Santana had just woken up one morning with a long black horses tail and thick black toenails.

Kurt was hoping his transformation wouldn't take too long. He had a lot of things going on at school. Not that he wanted to rush things. You can't rush art. And that's what he was hoping for, a beautiful artistic touch to his already glamorous wardrobe in the form of elegant cat features. Kurt turned a little so he could see his butt and lower back in the mirror. The skin there, in the hollow above his butt, was irritated and pink. He was definitely getting a tail. He let a slow breath out and touched it lightly. Before he went to bed he'd have to get out his sewing kit and start on altering his pants and tights.

Satisfied with that, he turned and looked more closely at his chest, bringing his hand up to smooth from his nipples down across his ribs. Extra nipples were a possible hazard with most animals. With cats it was almost guaranteed. It was another thing he didn't want. He was perfectly happy with just two nipples thank you very much. He couldn't imagine getting another four or six. When Jacob Ben Israel, a stunning example of an early bloomer, showed up in the locker room as a possum with with a grand total of three nipples, all gray and equally disgusting, the school didn't shut up about it for months. That probably had more to do with the sheer hatred for Jacob's existence, but still. Kurt moved closer to the mirror and studied his nipples closely. They looked pinker than normal. Certainly not in danger of turning gray then. Kurt nodded to himself and tilted his head to the side to look at his ears.

The points were becoming more defined. He rubbed across the lobes of his ears, pinching them between his thumbs and pointer fingers. Brittany said her earlobes felt like they were thinning out while they were getting pointed. Kurt couldn't feel a difference at all. But there was still time. His nose was pinking up just fine. He was counting himself lucky on that. He didn't think he could rock a black nose. So the soft pink on the bottom of his nose and around his nostrils was a blessing. His mother's nose had been mostly pink. But she'd had a black spot right in the middle that Kurt had been fascinated with as a kid. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly. Then, with a nod to himself, Kurt turned away from the mirror and started pulling on some lounge clothes.

LINEBREAK

Kurt woke up in a daze of pain. He was achy more than anything but his lower back felt like it was on fire whenever he moved. His tail. Kurt groaned and burrowed deeper under his blankets. There was no way he was going to school today. He drifted off not long after that. He didn't hear his dad come in or notice when Carole left a bottle of water on his nightstand. He was so tired. He didn't think he'd ever get enough sleep to make this feeling go away.

It was dark out when Kurt woke up for real. Everything was still a little hazy but Kurt managed to throw his arm out and reach his phone. He had a few texts from everyone in glee wishing him luck, and one from Sue demanding that he come back to the Cheerios if he was something useful. Most of the messages were from Blaine, who'd sent him a text every hour on the hour all day. They were all full of love and encouragement. The last one, the one that woke him up, just said Courage. It made Kurt smile like a loon and press his face into his pillow.

Wasn't that a weird feeling. His nose wasn't round and human anymore. Kurt giggled and rose up on his knees. He tossed the phone to the side and shrugged the comforter away from himself. Then the smile slid away from his face. He could feel the definitive lump of a tail under his pajama pants but it wasn't long enough. There was no way it was the long, luxurious white tale of his dreams. With shaking hands Kurt gripped the hem of his pants and held on. A stub tail did not work into his vision. It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Rabbits had cute stub tails, and deer, and bears. That's it. It was probably because his dad was a bear. He could work with a stub tail.

With shaking hands Kurt tugged down the back of his pajama pants, just enough to let his tail slip free, and let out a shaky breath. Tears gathered in his eyes, fast and hot. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. Kurt scrambled out of the bed and threw himself at his mirror with his eyes closed. It wasn't a stub tail. He could feel it now. There was no way he was a stub tailed cat. Kurt opened his eyes and took in his new face for the first time. He couldn't stop himself, he started sobbing. Kurt curled forward, still on his knees, and cried. He wasn't a cat. He wasn't a bear or a rabbit or a dog. Kurt straightened his spine, still sobbing, and started hitting the mirror. He screamed through his teeth and gripped the edges of the mirror, shaking it like he could wipe the image of his new face away from it if he just worked hard enough.

He was so lost in his fit that he didn't hear his father running up the stairs. He had no time to hide himself once the door flung open so he just dropped. He curled up on his knees and elbows, back hunched and low, hiding his face from his father. He was still crying, thick and loud, but there was no blocking out the sad 'oh' his father let out once he rounded the bed. He hadn't hidden his tail. Even without seeing Kurt's face Burt would know exactly what he was.

Burt crouched down, face somber, and put his hand on Kurt's back. "It's okay Kurt. It's not that bad. It's not that bad." Kurt screamed and twisted away from his father's hand. He could feel snot clinging to his new nose and it felt so disgusting. A fresh wave of sobs broke through his body and ended in a thick, undeniable snort. His dad was wrong. How could it get any worse than being a pig?

LINEBREAK

It took a long time to calm Kurt down. Burt knew he'd had his heart set on being a cat. He honestly hadn't thought any other animal could have been a possibility. His kid acted like a cat. It was just his way. So when Burt heard Kurt screaming and crying up in his room, he assumed something was going on with the tail, or that he was growing nails in weird places. He wasn't prepared to see a curled pink pigs tail coming out of his kids back.

Burt was at a loss. Kurt had always been particular about his appearance. He spent an hour minimum each night on his face alone and God only knows how much time on his clothes. It was rare that people developed traits that really ruined their faces. Not that Kurt's nose was ruined. He hadn't frown a whole freakin' snout. It had just...flattened out a little at the end. It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. But to Kurt it might as well have been an elephant trunk. It had taken him a good twenty minutes of tugging to get his hands away from his face. Burt honestly had been expecting a full on snout. He knew Kurt wouldn't want to hear it but it did look cute. It made him think of Kurt when he was still just a tiny little thing learning to walk and talk, when his nose was just starting to tip up. But no matter how much he said it wasn't ugly Kurt wasn't having it.

And once Kurt stopped agonizing over his nose he started in on his ears. Which honestly weren't bad at all. Pigs had wide, floppy, veiny ears, and Burt could see that being a problem, but Kurt had come out on top. His ears had a definite point, but they hadn't grown out and curled over. He had like, elf ears, or something. It was less noticeable than the change to his nose. What Burt could sort of agree on was the tail. Tails without fur weren't the best tails. They looked weird. That Burt could give him. But Kurt's tail wasn't some limp shiny rat tail, it was a little curled tail. And maybe the light covering of white peach fuzz hair was too much for him to handle, but it could have been worse. It really could have been. The little curl in his tail took him out of gross rat tail territory into cute territory. And maybe it was wrong of him to think about his son as cute, but it was better than thinking his kid looked disgusting. And he didn't, look disgusting. Kurt was a pig, not a naked mole rat, or a komodo dragon. His fingers hadn't fused together in a pseudo-hoof and he didn't sprout all over body hair so he'd come out as best as possible.

With a sigh Burt scratched his head, then pushed his cap back on and looked over at Kurt. Right now he was huddled into the corner of the couch, knees up to his chin, with a thick gray scarf covering his ears and nose. Finn, for once, had the smarts to keep his mouth shut and was quietly watching tv. Carole was puttering around in the kitchen trying to find something Kurt would eat. Being a pig had sent Kurt wallowing about his weight. Which wasn't the kind of problem Burt wanted to deal with. Kurt didn't have any more fat to lose at this point. He was all grown up and what wasn't muscle was thin and lean. If anything Kurt needed to embrace being a pig and eat a little more.

Before he could stop himself Burt let out a chuckle and shook his head. Kurt may be little but he ate like no one's business. How many times had Burt caught Kurt finishing off a whole cheesecake? How many times had they argued over the last slice of pizza? Kurt may eat healthy most of the time, but he ate. And Kurt didn't look like one of those wild hogs that rolled in their own filth all day. He looked like one of those tiny pot bellied pigs kids wanted for pets. His nose had always turned up a little and there was always that small, barely noticeable curve to his stomach that he was always whining about. So yeah, pig was not the first thing that came to mind when he thought about Kurt, but it wasn't a complete shock now that he thought about it.

"Don't laugh at me." Burt looked up to see Kurt staring at him, eyes watery but fierce. "Don't." Burt's face fell and he felt shame settle over him. His little boy was hurting and embarrassed and he was laughing about it. He wanted to apologize but he knew Kurt wouldn't hear it right now. He wouldn't want it. So he kept his mouth shut and tried to focus on Finn's show. When Carole came out and coaxed Kurt into taking a glass of warm honeyed tea he let out a breath. She's great with Kurt, she really is. She'll have him eating something in no time.

It takes a lot of coaxing and a lot of gentle touches and soft shushing noises but Carole does eventually get Kurt to lower his scarf and eat. It's a big bowl of alfredo noodles that Burt is sure is loaded up in fat. And Kurt must know that too because he sniffles the whole time he eats it. Once he's done the sniffles ease up and soon enough they turn into snuffling noises. It was normal for people to sleep on and off all day after the change. When he'd changed he woke up long enough to eat his parents out of house and home then he was down again so deep that a hurricane couldn't have roused him. It lasted for about three days.

Once he was sure Kurt was actually out for good, something he clued into once Kurt let out an actual snort, he decided it was time to get Kurt up to his bed. He wasn't as young as he use to be but Kurt wasn't that heavy. He hoisted him up and carried him up the stairs. He used his foot to nudge open the door. Kurt's blankets were still pushed to the end of the bed so Burt just laid him out as gently as he could and tugged them up. Then he grabbed the edge of Kurt's scarf and started to pull it away. Like a flash Kurt was awake and clutching the scarf to his face, eyes wild. "Come on buddy, you can't sleep with that on you'll choke yourself." Kurt shook his head and held on tighter, his nails biting harshly into the fabric. "Kurt. I ain't asking you. Take it off." Burt pinched a corner and started to tug. He stared Kurt down until his grip slackened and the scarf pulled away. "There. Not the end of the world."

Kurt huffed. His eyes were watering and his lip was wobbling. Burt sighed and sat down on the bed. "I don't want to be a pig."

"When I was a kid I wanted to be a doberman. Life is full of disappointment."

Kurt scowled and curled onto his side, facing away from his dad. "That's different. You're not ugly. You're not a walking synonym for disgusting and filthy and...and...fat." The reedy, desperate way Kurt says it makes Burt's heart clench. He reaches out and rubs his hand up and down Kurt's side, trying to comfort him.

"Well you're not disgusting or filthy or fat so—"

"Exactly! So why am I a pig? Why?" Kurt is crying again. He presses his face into his pillow and tries to ignore the way it makes his nose feel. He doesn't want to be a pig. He wishes he could just go back and change, do things over and make fate or whatever decides this change their mind.

"How about you ride with Mercedes to school tomorrow? She had trouble when she changed didn't she?"

Kurt's whole body tenses. And it's not just over how he dismissed Mercedes yesterday. It's the thought of school. It's the thought of showing up at McKinley with a pig snout and a disgusting pink tail. He'll be a laughing stock. "No."

"Well then maybe you should let Finn drive y—"

"No. No. I'm not going to school. I'm not going back to McKinley. Never. I can't. Not like this."

Burt sighs and squeezes Kurt's shoulder. "You have to. It's going to be hard but you can't stay in your room forever Kurt. Tomorrow—"

Kurt yanks away from Burt's hand and curls up even tighter. "NO! I am not going to school."

Burt stands and faces Kurt's bed, hands on his hips. "You are going to school tomorrow. You don't tell me no. You're my son. Not the other way around and I say you're gonna suck it up and go to school tomorrow. I know you're disappointed that things didn't turn out your way but that's how it is and you can't change it. Staying home tomorrow isn't going to change you being a pig. I'm gonna be up here, in your room, tomorrow at seven and if you aren't up and getting ready I'm gonna drag you to McKinley in your pajamas and walk you to class personally." He watches Kurt's body shake with tears. He can even make out the weird little pig noises that he's trying to smother in his pillow and it makes Burt feel like an ass. But he can't back down on this. Kurt has to face the world eventually and the sooner he does it the better. He leaves the room quickly, before his resolve breaks.

LINEBREAK

In the morning Kurt is no more agreeable. The heartbroken look on his face is enough to have Carole tearing up in the kitchen. Kurt's always faced his problems with a clenched jaw and an upturned nose. It's unsettling to see him looking so devastated. But this isn't some bully that he can leave behind at two o'clock. This is what his life is going to be from now on and there's nothing he can do about it.

Breakfast is quiet, mostly. Finn is chewing like, well like a goat, and that's just loud enough usually have Kurt huffing. But this morning Kurt doesn't say a thing. He's leaning forward, elbows on the table, and methodically eating a bowl of oatmeal. Burt wonders how long it'll take before Kurt is back to his usual chatty self. He tries to start conversations but every time he opens his mouth he doesn't know what to say. So they all stay quiet. It isn't until Kurt gets up to wash his bowl that Burt gets his nerve back. "Change your pants." Finn and Carole look at him like he's crazy. He's never fussed over what Kurt chooses to wear to school, and as far as Kurt goes, those jeans are pretty tame. They're normal. But Kurt knows exactly what Burt's problem is if the rigid line of his back is anything to go by.

"I like these pants."

Burt turned, staring down Kurt's back, and slid his chair back. "Change your pants Kurt. Go put on those black ones." Kurt tosses his bowl in the sink and rounds on Burt, arms crossed over his chest.

"Why? Now that I'm a pig I can't dress how I want?"

Burt furrowed his brow and clenched his hand against the table. "Don't play dumb with me Kurt. Go change your pants. If you keep your tail in all day you'll hurt yourself." Kurt huffed and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. His stomping feet almost covered up Finn's enlightened 'oh'. He didn't have a tail so he hadn't thought about Kurt hiding one. Carole didn't have a tail either. She was a Greater Hornbill and her transformation left her with a line of feathers down her back and talon like nails and toenails. They'd never felt what it was like to trap your tail in your pants all day. The pain snuck up on you. Sometimes it didn't hurt at all until your took off your pants, then it hits you like a busted dam. Burt wasn't going to let Kurt hurt himself over a little embarrassment.

When Kurt comes back downstairs Burt catches a glimpse of his little tail, pink and coiled, poking out of his jeans before he's outside. Finn follows after him with a frown on his face. He drives and tactfully doesn't say anything when Kurt slumps down in the passenger seat and tugs his hood up around his face. Finn even puts in one of Lady Gaga's CD's even though he doesn't really like her that much. But he's driving Kurt's baby and Kurt thinks his face is like ruined forever so it's the least he can do.

As they pull into the parking lot Kurt pulls in on himself even more. He's so low in his seat he's practically sitting on the floorboards. "Um...Burt said that he'd call the school to make sure you're in first period so...you know, don't skip." When Kurt doesn't acknowledge him Finn starts tapping his hands on the steering wheel and bobs his head a few times. He feels really bad. He does. It sucks when you turn out as something you didn't expect. He thought he'd be a dog, like a Labrador or something but then he's got these big horns on his head that make sleeping hard and it sucks. "And Blaine kind of blew up your phone last night. He sent soooo many texts. Then he texted me and I told him," Kurt snaps to attention here, whipping his head to the side with wide, terrified eyes. "That you were still super sleepy. But that you'd be here today so...yeah. He's waiting for you I'm sure." Finn clears his throat and slowly gets out of the car, taking his time in case Kurt has something he wants to say. But he keeps quiet and there's only so long Finn can drag out pulling on his backpack so he ends up leaving him there.

Kurt waits until just before the bell to get out of the car. The way he figures it, if people are rushing to class they have less time to stop and stare at him. Just in case though he keeps his hood up and head down. He rushes through the halls, dodging people left and right, slipping into his first period just as the bell rings. He's not lucky enough to get a seat in the back though. So he slides down into the desk in the front row, farthest from the door, and hopes that the teacher doesn't notice him. He makes it about twenty minutes in before Mr. Hadler is standing in front of his desk, arms crossed. Kurt keeps his head down and tries to look vulnerable. "No hoods in class Mr. Hummel." Kurt wants to snap and ask him why the hell hats are okay and not hoods, but he keeps his mouth shut. It was going to happen. He was stupid to think he'd make it the whole day with his hood.

With shaking hands Kurt pulls down his hood, but keeps his face down. Mr. Hadler is already moving on, satisfied that Kurt is properly chastised. Kurt's ears are burning and he knows he's blushing. Someone's going to say something. Even if the kids behind him can't see his nose there's bound to be someone in his row that can see his ears. And the girl next to him does. She's pretty, black and tall with hyena traits in the form of tattoo like spots across her neck and cheeks. Her finders are pitch black and she has a laugh that gets on everyone's nerves. It's not the first time Kurt's heard it directed at him. And once she starts going it's not long before everyone else is clamoring to find out why. Someone farther down in his row oinks and the rest of the class dissolves into mocking laughter.

While Mr. Hadler struggles to get everyone back in order Kurt packs up his things and runs. His feet naturally carry him to the choir room, which despite what everyone thinks, is not always empty. Right now there's band class. There are a few guys from Jazz Band that nod to him and it's the best feeling Kurt's had all day because they hadn't reacted at all to his face. The band teacher is ancient and on the verge of being completely deaf but he's always been nice to the glee kids so Kurt isn't worried about being shooed away. He tucks himself into the corner on a riser and pulls out some homework.

As the bell rings Kurt debates whether or not he should bother with his next class. His phone vibrating like crazy in his satchel decides for him. His dad probably already knows about first period and Mercedes is in his second so now is as good a time as any to shoulder on. The looks in the hallway are pretty blatant. He's always been gossip fodder but this just seems to be the icing on the cake. He can just feel the jokes trying to work out a mud/poop joke that's going to follow him around until graduation. The only good thing about his walk from the choir room to Trig is that Blaine is nowhere to be seen. This period he has art on the other side of campus. He's sure that by now Blaine knows he's a pig. Blaine who's gorgeous and likeable and a complete and total gay bar superstar knows his boyfriend is a pig.

Mercedes is standing by the door when Kurt gets there. The small curl and purse in her lips tears into his heart. He knows what it was like for her now. Kurt doesn't think she's going to be particularly genuine with her concern but Kurt will take what he can get. They sit together in the back. This teacher couldn't care less what her students wore so Kurt pulled up his hood and tried to make himself as small as possible. "Just own it Kurt. Be fabulous." The advice he'd so freely given Mercedes a few months ago stings. He can't own this. He can't make a pig handsome. Instead of snapping back at Mercedes he keeps quiet. Class seems to drag on forever. Every now and then people look back at him, moving side to side in their seats to get a good look. He considers leaving this class too but he can feel Mercedes' eyes on him and stays put. She never stormed out of class over her traits. Then again people weren't quite so vicious and blatant about mocking her either. She was a girl. She was black. Teachers tended to actually pay attention to that kind of bullying.

When class ends Kurt doesn't bother waiting for Mercedes. He had at least attempted to comfort her in her time of need. It was obvious that she was too happy over the role reversal to even try. The rest of the day drags on. At lunch time Kurt seriously considers making a run for his car. It's only been lunch for three minutes and he already has eight texts from Blaine and two from Finn. He hides in a classroom while he decides on what to do. Because it's not just Blaine seeing him that makes him pause. It's the lunchroom. He doesn't think he can bring himself to actually eat knowing he looks the way he does. His phone rings again, actually rings because he turns it off vibrate instinctively when the lunch bell goes. While he's fumbling with it the door opens and Kurt barely has time to turn before someone is in the classroom with him.

"Kurt?"

Oh God. It's Blaine. Blaine came looking for him and heard his ringtone and now he's there. "Go away." He hears Blaine take a step forward and Kurt matches him, keeping the same distance between them. "Please."

"No. Kurt I..." Blaine sighs and shuffles his feet. "I heard around school that you're a pig and I caught Finn and he said it was true." Kurt's hands fly up to his face. He covers his nose and tries to blink away the tears rushing up. "Kurt."

"No." Kurt shakes his head, like if he denies it enough Blaine will believe him and he can go another day with a boyfriend who loves him and thinks he's handsome.

"I can see your tail."

Kurt gasps and tugs down his hoodie. He wants to yank his tail right off of his body or stuff it deep into his pants where no one will ever be able to see it again. "Go away. Just go away Blaine." Kurt is still holding his hoodie down with one hand. His other clutching the drawstrings of his hood, ready to pull tight if Blaine tries to sneak a peek at his face.

"When I was six Cooper told me I'd be a buzzard because I perched on the furniture and I refused to eat my vegetables." Caught off guard by the confession, Kurt snorts, actually snorts. The humor is gone as quickly as it came because there's no way Blaine could find that attractive or even remotely endearing. He's so distracted by his snort that he didn't notice Blaine coming closer. The fingers curling under his jacket and around his tail surprise him. He jerks away, taking another forward so that his nose is a breath away from touching the wall.

"So?"

"So what if I am a buzzard? What if my hair falls out or I get jowls? What if my toes turn into talons or my nose grows out and hooks? Would you stop loving me?"

Kurt shakes his head, just a little. His nose brushes up against the wall. "No, never. I love you so much Blaine I...I love you so much." He hears Blaine's soft footsteps this time. So he's not shocked when calloused fingers close around the end of his tail. Kurt shudders as Blaine rubs his thumb across it, back and forth in soothing strokes.

"Then why do you think I'd stop loving you?" Blaine waits patiently for Kurt to turn. He doesn't want to rush anything. He wants Kurt to understand that this is just like the rest of their relationship. Kurt needs to be comfortable so he can be comfortable. And they need to talk, about everything. Even the things that hurt or are embarrassing. He hears Kurt snuffle and sees him shifting on his feet so he steps back.

Kurt keeps his head down as he turns and Blaine keeps his eyes on Kurt's chest out of respect. But when he raises his head Blaine does too. And it's the cutest thing he's ever seen. He'd imagined a long thick snout jutting out of Kurt's face but that's not it at all. It's the same nose, all the way down until the very end where it's flattened out and flared just a little. There's a little point to it, like a fat spade, and it's a soft baby pink. When Kurt sniffles his nose wiggles up just slightly and Blaine has to fight the urge to reach out and touch. Blaine smiles at him, honest and sweet until Kurt lowers his hood and shows off his ears. There's a point to them and they're a little longer on the top than they use to be but they're not hanging over and they're not covered in hair. Overall Kurt looks absolutely adorable. And Blaine gets that that's not really what Kurt wants to hear but he's so far from ugly that it's not even funny.

He smiles and steps forward and slides his hands over Kurt's cheeks, back until his fingers touch his ears. "Kurt Hummel, you take my breath away." Then he kisses him. It's like they're back at Dalton again. They normally never get this close at McKinley but it's lunch and they're alone and Kurt needs this so bad that Blaine couldn't stop himself. When they pull apart Kurt's cheeks are flushed the same pink as his nose. It's beautiful. "Lisa Fonssagrives."

Kurt wrinkles up his nose and leans back. "What?"

"Lisa Fonssagrives, Vogue May 1st, 1950. Look her up." Kurt wants to ask why but his phone rings again. It's Finn's ringtone and now that he knows Blaine still loves him there's no real reason for him to wallow in the shadows. Blaine tugs him into the lunchroom, their hands clasped, where their friends have trays waiting for them.

LINEBREAK

On the cover of Vogue, May issue of 1950, is Lisa Fonssagrives. She's Swedish and gorgeous. Credited as the first supermodel. And she's a pig. Her nose turns up just the same way as his and her ears even curl down just a bit. If she can make it work, so can Kurt.

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There's going to be more to this, but not standard chapters. Mostly they'll be related drabbles/one-shots. I have so much headcannon for this it's not even funny. I want to draw some art too but please, please, please feel free to do your own. I know what I want Blaine to be and I know what I want Rachel to be. And I have this thing I want to do later that I've kind of started on involving Kurt and a red ball gag that probably won't be an actual part of this verse but it will be Piggy!Kurt so there's that.

Quick fact: Possums have an uneven number of nipples. Hence Jacobs three nipples. I originally wanted him to be a mole but I wanted to throw that nipple thing in and couldn't think of anyone better.

Also Lisa Fonssagrives is real, gorgeous, Swedish, and entirely non-piggy. But I wanted Kurt to have hope. And of course Blaine just knows all about 1950's fashion icons.