Titania Black was angry. This, unfortunately, was not a rare occurrence. Titania had grown used to the thread of resentment that coiled in her gut, reaching up to her chest and squeezing her heart. In fact, she was so used to it, that sometimes she didn't even notice it was there. Maybe it would even begin to fade.
Until, like clockwork, something would remind her. Or, more accurately, someone. Remind her just how unfair it all was. Remind her that while, from the outside, it might seem that she had everything, what she truly wanted was always just out of her grasp. Titania longed to finally be included when it really counted. She ached with a bone deep pull to have a taste of the power, the control, that always seemed out of reach. Maybe, deep down, she wanted freedom, too, but that wasn't something she ever looked at too closely.
This was one of those times, when Titania was reminded of just how much she resented her twin brother, Sirius, the cause of quite a few of her problems.
The residents of 12 Grimmauld Place - bar Sirius - were standing in the receiving room, a large black marble fireplace at their backs.
Expensive dress robes hung off their frames, fancy, but not too formal. Titania had chosen an emerald robe, hoping to subtly distinguish herself from Sirius's Gryffindor-ish-ness. Her parents and Regulus, however, were all looking rather monochromatic. Just as Titania was beginning to wonder if she had made a poor clothing choice, Sirius finally walked in. Ten minutes late. Because of course he wouldn't deign to grace us with his presence on time, Titania thought bitterly.
He was in vibrant burgundy robes, which looked a bit cheap - by Black family standards, at least. There was no way that their mother, the infamous Walburga, would have allowed him to get robes like that. Meaning he had gone out of his way to buy offensive dress robes, just to spite his family. The family that, despite everything, all of the shame he had brought and continued to bring them, still allowed him to be heir. It was outrageous. Titania wished she was surprised.
Regulus shifted his weight in the corner of Titania's vision, no doubt preparing for a fight to break out, as it so often did. Walburga opened her mouth, likely to do just that, but their father, Orion, cut in, "We best be going now, lest we offend the Malfoys."
He turned and stepped into the fireplace and through the Floo, without waiting for a response.
Evidently deciding that her husband was right, Walburga pushed Sirius into the fireplace. Regulus soon followed, then Titania.
In a wave of green flame, she found stepped out of a fireplace - this one white marble, not black - and into the elegant receiving room of Malfoy Manor. Titania pushed her wavy black hair out of her eyes, regretting having left it down, and went to stand near Regulus and Sirius, where they were behind and to the side of their father.
Orion was about to introduce them to their hosts when Walburga stepped through the fireplace, looking distinctly unruffled. She walked over to them, silver heels clacking on the hardwood floor.
When she arrived, the elder of the two blond men, Abraxas Malfoy, took her hand. He kissed her knuckles, as was customary. "Walburga, a pleasure."
The younger man with the same white-blond hair, Lucius Malfoy, then took Titania's hand and kissed her knuckles, a mirror of their parents. She resisted the urge to shudder. Lucius had always seemed unpleasant to Titania, with the way he seemed to just ooze contempt. She was reminded of how glad she was that at 15, Titania was not the nearest Black to him in age, and so the expected union of the families would not include her. Narcissa was in that position instead, but since her cousin seemed to like Lucius just fine, Titania didn't see any reason not be be thankful.
While arranged marriages where technically a thing of the past, the lines still tended to blur in their circles. Titania suspected she would have been able to get out of it, but it was a theory she would rather not test.
As one, they all took seats on the elegant but uncomfortable velvet furniture, and a house elf bought them drinks.
After a few minutes of mindless conversation between the adults (apparently there was a gala at the Ministry in a few months time, and, no, the Malfoys would not be attending), a house elf in slightly tattier clothes than the one who had served them earlier came and whispered something to Fiona Malfoy.
With a smile she announced to the room, "Dinner is ready, if you would follow me." She then turned and strode through a set of ornate double doors.
Titania stepped into the dining room just behind Regulus, but in front of Sirius, who was once again lagging. The room had a high vaulted ceiling, the table and chairs a dark mahogany.
The parents and Lucius took their seats without direction, something that had always irked Titania. Did they somehow decide ahead of time? Why was she never notified?
Each of the elder Malfoys was at a head, with Lucius to his father's right. Orion was at the Malfoy patriarch's other side, and had already directed Sirius to sit beside him. Walburga was at the other end, beside Fiona.
This left Regulus and Titania to try and guess which one of them was meant to be between Lucius and Walburga, and who was to be between Sirius and Fiona Malfoy.
Regulus caught her eye and subtly lifted a shoulder. He wasn't sure either. Titania was about to take gamble that she was supposed to be within easy hearing of Fiona, when her mother caught her eye and inclined her head towards the seat next to her. Titania quickly sat down in her directed spot, and Regulus in his.
All of this happened in the space of the few moments that were acceptable. Titania always hated the brief moment of uncertainty, but it was a staple of every dinner they attended.
Now that the seating was out of the way, Titania consciously perfected her already impeccable posture, and considered her placement as the soup was brought out, their glasses filled with elf wine.
She was beside Lucius, which could mean something had fallen through with Narcissa and his impending engagement. Or her parents were being prudent, just in case, which was much more likely. Regardless, Titania was now far enough from Fiona that she wouldn't need to participate in conversation with the woman - she sent Regulus a commiserating glance, as he was in that position instead. This meant Titania was instead free to listen to Orion, Abraxas, and Lucius. At the moment, though, they seemed to be discussing the increasing prices to import dragon dung; which, while it could affect some of the other houses' business - and so by extension affecting the Blacks - it was mind numbingly boring.
Keeping half an ear on the conversation, Titania looked at Sirius across the table. He caught her eye and sculpted his expression into a mocking likeness to Lucius Malfoy's sneer. She smirked, and after a glance to see that no one else was looking, pulled her face into Fiona's affected pucker. Sirius only just managed to cover his laugh with a cough.
It was moments like these when Titania remembered how she used to be even closer to Sirius than she was with Regulus, and found she missed it.
Then she realized Sirius was using the wrong spoon - something clearly intended to shun the way they'd been raised - and any warmth she was feeling towards her twin dissolved.
Titania sent the rest of the soup course carefully avoiding Sirius's eyes.
Just as the main course of prime rib with herb sauce was coming to a close, Titania entered the conversation.
"You are to begin your O.W.L. year come September, are you not?" inquired Abraxas.
He was looking more towards Sirius, but the question also applied to Titania, so she answered for the both of them.
"Yes, sir, we are looking forward to it." This was not strictly true, but she knew better than to voice her woes over exams, especially at a dinner.
The elder Malfoy gave Titania an indulgent smile. She felt her cheeks begin to heat with a sort of shame mixed anger, and quickly tried to will the feeling away. Why did they have to treat her like an incompetent child? Incompetence was something Titania detested, both in herself and in others.
"Actually, no." She heard Sirius say, and realized that she'd missed the question he'd been asked. Titania mentally berated herself, and felt a flare of uncertainty. If she couldn't keep a cool head, she would never convince them she could hold her own. But maybe she really couldn't, if petty upsets distracted her. Titania could feel her heart racing, and hated how she doubted herself, couldn't help but feel inadequate. She was a Black, and Blacks were strong.
She was saved from her internal tail spin with the arrival of desert, and focused on eating the dainty tiramisu with perfect manners. When it came to manners, at least, she knew she never faulted.
After a few minutes of this Titania picked up the name Nott, and started listening with renewed purpose. One of her best friends was Vivian Nott. Apparently her father was now under Ministry investigation for tax evasion.
"It truly is a shame," mused Orion, "There was a time when the Ministry feared the sacred houses."
Titania caught some wordless communication between the Malfoys, before Abraxas said, "You do know, Orion, of those who wish to place us back in power." He spoke slowly, each word precise and calculated.
"You believe he has a hope of succeeding?" Orion asked, and everyone knew to whom he was referring. There had been talk of Voldemort, of Death Eaters, but Titania had never heard his name mentioned out right, not in polite society. She had, though, noticed increased rumblings in the common room before break, and was suddenly wished she had payed more attention.
"Remind us to tell you more," Lucius glanced at Sirius, "At a later date."
Recognizing the dismissal of the subject, Orion's expression became a bit forced, but he acquiesced and directed the conversation back to more menial topics, where it remained for the rest of the meal.
It was late when they returned to Grimmauld Place.
Titania was eager to take off her shoes, which had been trying to cut off circulation to her toes for the past hour. Not to mention how exhausted these things made her. She felt like she could collapse.
Regulus nodded to their parents, and began to leave the room the had just Flooed into. Titania and Sirius followed, only to be interrupted by Walburga's shrill voice, "Sirius. A word."
He paused, and Titania saw his shoulders tighten. When they were young, she had felt bad for Sirius when he got in trouble, and would often try to take some of the blame. That hadn't happened for quite some time. If he was going to provoke them, what did he expect? Cookies? And they never took anything of importance, anyways. Titania was confident Sirius could handle it, and would probably get better than he deserved to boot.
She shot him a dirty look for good measure, and hurried from the room to catch up with Regulus.
Titania found him on the stairs, and wordlessly followed him to his room. Once there she kicked off the previously offending shoes and, in a show that would surely have appalled her mother, flopped face down onto the bed, looking remarkably like a corpse.
She heard Regulus scoff, and when she looked up he was lying on the plush carpeted floor, staring at the dark ceiling.
"Where's Sirius?" he asked. It had become a kind of tradition, that after events the three siblings would meet in Regulus's room, and talk until the wee hours of the morning.
"Where do you think?"
A sigh. "I wish he wouldn't provoke them," Regulus said, "He must realise they wouldn't punish him if he would just stop."
Titania considered this, "I think it's selfish, what he always does," She looked off the side of the bed to Regulus, who had raised an eyebrow, "He makes the whole family look bad."
There was such a long pause Titania thought Regulus wasn't going to respond, when he said, "I don't think Sirius thinks of it that way."
"I know, that's the problem. He doesn't think."
Regulus sighed again, "Let's talk about something else. Did you know Fiona Malfoy was just introduced to a new species of rose? It's 'a most darling shade of puce,'" He mimicked Fiona's nasally voice perfectly.
Titania laughed, more than the comment probably warranted, but it felt good to laugh, and soon Regulus joined in too.
They had just settled down when the door opened, and Titania quickly sat up and fixed her posture, in case it was Walburga. But it was just Sirius.
She allowed herself to fall back on the bed, "Hi."
"Hey," Sirius said, and sat down beside Regulus, who was now upright and eyeing them both warily. But neither seemed in the mood for a fight, so he soon relaxed too.
They sat like that, three siblings, each absorbed in their own thoughts.
It was a few minutes before Sirius said, "I don't know how you two stand it." It seemed he was in the mood to fight after all.
Regulus, ever the peacekeeper, groaned, "Do we need to talk about this right now?"
Titania wanted to ignore Regulus's comment, but figured he deserved an answer. "Yes, Reg, if Sirius can't keep his mouth shut I'm going to answer."
Regulus didn't look surprised. Titania sat up, cast a silencing spell on the door, and turned to her twin. They had the same nose, the same cheekbones, the same slate coloured eyes. While on Sirius they usually looked handsome, on Titania they were heavy and sharp. Sharper when she was well and truly mad, which she was now.
"We stand it, Sirius, because it's important. The Ancient and Noble House of Black is who we are. Regulus and I res-"
"Don't bring me into this, please."
"Sorry, Reg.
"I respect our house, respect myself, too much to be the embarrassment you can't seem to stop being."
"That's ridiculous. You've got to see how, how absurd our family is!" Sirius yelled.
"We are not absurd," Titania scoffed, "But even if you think that, you should still be able to see that it doesn't matter. You're heir."
Sirius banged his head back against the bed, "Why does it always come back to my being heir?" he asked, almost to himself.
"Because that's all that matters!" Titania yelled, too angry to have noticed the change in his tone.
Sirius just looked at her for a long moment, before getting up and walking out the door. He had the kind of restrained calm only possible when someone was furious.
There were a few beats of silence, before Regulus said, "It's only a month before Hogwarts. Then you two will have more space."
"Sure," Titania said sarcastically, "Space will sort it right out."
"You know what I mean."
"I do," she waited a moment, "So Fiona found a new kind of rose?"
He chuckled. "Apparently it was a real find, she talked about it like it was her child."
They continued on that vein of conversation for another half hour, before neither could stop yawning.
"Night, Reggie," Titania used his childhood nickname as she padded to the door and slipped into the darkened hall.
"Good night, Ania," followed her out.
"Kreacher, can I have some orange juice and toast?" Titania said as she sat at the heavy kitchen table, a few weeks after the Malfoy dinner. She looked around, and said, "Good morning Mother, Father, Regulus." They each nodded in response.
Sirius was conspicuously absent, having taken to eating all the meals he could get away with in his room.
"Your Hogwarts letters are coming this morning, yes?" Walburga asked.
Before either Titania or Regulus could respond, two large owls swooped in from the open window, each depositing letter.
Titania anxiously grabbed hers, but was sure to open it with dignity under her mother's watchful eye. A quick glance showed Regulus doing the same.
Carefully prying off the red wax seal and slipping out the folded parchment, she read the letter once, twice, three times, before she allowed herself to smile and flip the envelope upside down. A silver prefect badge slid out and onto the table with a thunk.
"I've been made Prefect," she announced.
"Well done, Titania," Walburga said, and her daughter resisted the urge to beam. Orion continued to read The Daily Prophet, but offered a grunt of approval.
"Congratulations, Titania," Regulus said, giving her a smile, "I knew you'd get it."
Titania took a moment to revel in her accomplishment as she sipped her orange juice, which Kreacher had delivered with her toast, soundlessly as always.
"You can get your supplies in Diagon Alley today after breakfast." Walburga then got up, having finished her oatmeal, "Kreacher, clear the plates." And with that she strode from the room.
An hour later found three siblings stepping out of the Floo in The Leaky Cauldron. It was an 'establishment of little class', as Walburga had once said, but the Floo there was the most convenient.
Regulus tapped the bricks with his wand, and together they stepped into Diagon Alley. It was a sunny August day, and Titania could feel the sun beating down on her head. She pulled her hair into a preemptive ponytail, before it could get too hot on her neck.
"Would you like to shop with us, or will you be leaving, Sirius?" was the first thing Titania said once they reached the main strip of shops.
"I'll meet you here in three hours," Sirius answered, in the same tone of forced politeness Titania had used, already striding away.
There had been no apologies, from either of the twins, for their fight the previous month. But that was hardly out of the norm. Every time the two fought they just continued on afterwards, without further mention of the disagreement.
"Well," said Regulus once Sirius was out of sight, "Do you want to get robes or books first?"
"Books," decided Titania, already striding in the direction of Flourish and Blotts, "Before it gets too busy."
The bell on the door tinkled as Regulus pushed it open, and Titania took a deep breath of the papery smell as she stepped in. It had always surprised her how different new books smelled to the old ones at Grimmauld Place.
Together they walked to where the school books were, set out in a display with every year of every subject easy to find.
"Is it okay if you grab my books, Ania?" Regulus asked, "There's a new Quidditch strategy book I've been looking for, it's not in our library."
Titania gave Regulus an unimpressed look.
"Please? For your little brother?" he gave his best puppy dog eyes.
"You're only a year younger than me, Reg," then, with a small smile, "But fine. Just be fast."
"Thank you!" he called, already disappearing between the shelves.
Titania took a moment to grab a basket, then started on finding the fifth and four year books on their supply lists.
She was just turning around from reaching the last set she needed when she saw a familiar head of smooth black hair.
"Maddie!" She called, "Maddie!"
The head turned around and an excited smile broke across her round face, smudged-eyeliner-covered eyes lighting up.
Maddie Tong was one of Titania's closest friends, tied only with Vivian Nott, the third member of their trio.
"Titania!" she squealed and clapped her hands, "I haven't seen you all summer!"
Titania smiled at her friend, long since accustomed to Maddie's antics. She was from one of the less ancient and uptight families (almost but not quite bordering on blood traitor), and saw no need to exercise emotional restraint. In first year it had thrown Titania off, but she was now long since used to it.
"How was your summer?" Maddie asked.
"Oh, you know," answered Titania.
"Asshole brother and boring parties and hanging around your house all day?" Maddie gave Titania a commiserating look, "That sucks."
Titania shrugged. "I did make Prefect, though."
"Aah! Good job!" Maddie grinned.
"Thanks. And how was France? Did you eat escargot?" Titania teased, smiling.
Maddie laughed, "Great, and no. Dad did though, and said it was good. But I didn't believe him." She made a face.
Titania picked up her books and started toward to checkout. "Did you want to go get ice cream? Or do you need to finish your shopping quickly?"
Maddie winced. "Ooh. I wish I could, but it's actually my grandma's birthday, and mum has it in her head that the cake should be handmade. Do you know how much work that is?" Titania shook her head, "I mean, honestly, what are houselves for if we just cook ourselves? But, yeah, so now mum said I need to come straight home and help her figure it out. I'm here to buy a cookbook," Maddie said this all in one breath, as she tended to do.
Titania smiled to let her friend know she wasn't upset, just grateful to have a conversation with someone who wasn't Regulus, even if it was short. "I won't hold you, then."
"Sorry," Maddie started to walk away, in search of a cookbook, "See you at Hogwarts, though!"
"See you!"
Titania picked up her books and headed to the front counter. It was still early, so there was no line, and she strode straight up.
"Welcome to Flourish and Blotts, did you find everything alright?" came a voice under the counter, who then popped up before Titania could respond. The boy had mousy brown hair, and ink on his nose. As soon as he saw who it was, his smile fell. "Black," he greeted tersely.
Titania grimaced. She didn't know who he was, but he looked about her age. She assumed he was a Gryffindor, by his reaction. Titania actually had a surprisingly small number of enemies within Hogwarts; she usually saw no point in hexing her fellow students - as a Black she didn't have anything to prove to them. This boy disliked purely because of her family.
When Titania had first arrived at Hogwarts, she had been shocked by the reactions her name had caused. There was a kind of reverence among some, which she rather enjoyed. But there were also people who didn't even know her, automatically assuming she was prejudiced and elitist, submerged in the Dark Arts (honestly, an eleven-year-old) or just plain bitchy. While Titania realized she probably was a tad bit elitist, she thought it was hardly anyone else's place to assume before they knew her. Not that many people actually knew her, but still.
Well, she thought, if he insists on being rude, I can be worse. "Am I supposed to know you?" she drawled in her haughtiest tone, "I don't usually associate with riffraff."
At school Titania rarely spoke with those from outside of her circle, and when she did she tried to be mature, so others weren't often subjected to her sharp tongue. The boy looked momentarily thrown, and she felt a flash of pleasure. It was then followed by a fear that she had actually just made a fool of herself. Acting like a child, what was I thinking? Blacks were supposed to be strong, and she wasn't sure if she had just been that, or the opposite, and her own inadequacy made her want to crawl out of her skin. Or scream. Maybe both.
Deciding not to further her embarrassment, she paid for the books without further comment, then ordered, "Floo them to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place."
Titania waited to make sure the boy did this correctly - she wouldn't put it past him to mess it up on purpose - before leaving the shop.
She'd taken maybe five steps when she realized Regulus was still inside. Not about to go back in and risk looking even more like an idiot, Titania took a seat on a bench across the street.
Sun in her eyes, she still managed to watch various smiling families and Hogwarts students walk past. She overheard a middle-aged couple debating whether they should buy their daughter a Cleansweep or a Nimbus. There was a group of soon-to-be first years debating where they thought they would be sorted.
Then she saw Sirius, laughing with his friends. He looked confident, not in the least concerned by the fact he was making a fool of himself, consorting with wizards he shouldn't have been giving the time of day.
There was a pain in her palms, and Titania realized she had clenched her fists at the sight.
Then, just as soon as the group had appeared, they were gone; into one of the shops and out of sight. Titania glared at the spot where they had been, for good measure.
Just that moment she felt a hand on her shoulder, and then Regulus was there, wearing a concerned expression.
"Titania? Are you okay?"
She scowled, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You weren't responding. And your face looked like you were going to kill someone."
Titania laughed, "Don't be dramatic, Reggie. I'm just mad at Sirius."
"What did he do this time?"
Titania started walking towards Eeylops Owl Emporium, "What hasn't he done?"
Regulus seemed to have no response to this, and followed wordlessly.
In a few minutes, though, Titania's foul mood was pushed away. They spent the rest of the trip talking about everything from Quidditch to Herbology, not commenting on the missing third sibling.
Author's Note: Wow! Thanks for reading - this is the first time I've managed to work up the courage to actually post what I write, so you reading it really means a lot. Speaking of what would mean a lot, reviews would be much appreciated :) I want to learn, so I would love to hear your input, and I'd be thrilled to answer any questions.