A/N: This story is really kind of twisted. It has self-mutilation in it, so
if you're really against that, then maybe this isn't the greatest of
stories for you. I know that my mind can be crazy sometimes but it works...
By the way, this is a one-shot story.
Summary: One girl's life will take a turn for the worse, and there is nothing that her friends, or her love, can do to save her from the outcome she has decided, or so she thinks. Can her friends make it in time to save her from the terrible path she has chosen for herself? Rated R, but not for sex. Format: Starts in Girl's POV, then to "his" POV. At the end, it switches to a general view. POVs change at the stars (*****************************). Music to switch to: "My Immortal" by Evanescence gives an amazing mood for this story.
*Bleed*
So this is what happens when Hogwarts's number one student takes a turn for the worse. I've been sitting in this room for fifteen minutes, contemplating the small paring knife I hold in my hand. As I sit, staring at the answer to all of my problems, I wonder if it's really worth it, to take a life like this. Not that anyone has tried to care about me recently, but maybe I'm just seeing things in a weird point of view.
I think of the shadows of the four most important people in my life: the two siblings with their flaming red hair, the boy-who-lived, and him. He has been such a source of happiness to me, and I can't comprehend why he has suddenly started giving me the cold-shoulder as has been the case lately. Just the thought of his impassive gaze makes me want to curl up and die. Which, ironically, is what I'm about to do, but first I want to sort out some thoughts in my head.
I sent out four notes about five minutes ago. I don't expect them to get them for another five minutes, which gives me some time. The four notes were the same. I explained how I've been feeling- lost, lonely, cold, desperate. I expressed a need to see them as soon as possible, and I enclosed the location that they could find me. Sadly, I will never get to see them again.
I can imagine the responses. Ginny will be the first to question the note. Ron will be confused, and Harry will worry. They'll come to find me together. But him, he will realize what I meant, and will come tearing through the school to find me, that is, if he even cares. If they see him tearing through the halls with a note from the same owl, they will worry even more. They never knew about us, but they will find out in such a terrible way.
I can see their faces, all four of them, and the reactions that I hope that they will have, especially him. I almost feel guilty causing them this much pain, but it's the only way I can solve my own pain, the pain that they caused in the first place. It only seemed right to give them back the pain that they so gratefully had been bestowing on me lately.
I can feel the tears coming down my cheeks as I start to write my note. I explain, once again, how I am feeling, and why I have chosen to take this path. I write notes to certain people, but there is only one important note, and that's the one to him, which says:
"You didn't notice your own cold, indifferent stares,
which are the main reason for this drastic plan. I'm
not sorry for causing you this pain, as you caused
me more pain than I could ever cause you. I'm sure
you'll move on and find somebody new, and I hope
that you keep this in mind as you find her, and treat
her better than you treated me. I love you now, and
I always will. I just hope you can get on with your
Life."
As I finished, I began to sob. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. I had always been a coward about death, and here I was, knife in hand, ready to slit my own wrist. I tested the blade on my left forearm, and gasped at the pain I felt. I watched the dark red liquid drip down my arm, and felt the satisfaction that I knew could come with the pain. That test made me realize that this was the right thing to do, that killing myself was the answer. I watched the blood drip onto the paper, and calmly listened for the sound of him.
I heard the door of the dormitory creak open, and positioned the knife on my wrist. The memories I had with the blond haired, gray-eyed boy flashed before my eyes. I could hear his footsteps rushing towards my room, and memories of everyone that I've held sacred flowed through my mind, causing me to cry once again.
The door of my room opened, and I stared at his beautiful face as he watched the knife gouge into my wrist deeply. The last thing I ever saw was his face contort in agony as he screamed, "Hermione!" ************************************************
I looked around for Hermione at lunch. I felt bad because I hadn't paid her much attention recently. We both knew that NEWTs were right around the corner, and due to this, I hadn't spent any time paying attention to her. I just didn't have the time to take away from the intense amount of studying I had been doing lately. I knew these NEWTs could change my life, and I was ready for the change.
I was discouraged when I saw Ron, Harry and Ginny sitting happily without her. I wondered where she was, if she wasn't with them. I started to worry, but I tried to fight that feeling, since there was no real reason to worry anyway. I watched an owl flutter to the threesome and drop three letters. Both Ginny and I watched as it took flight, with one more note in its grips. Ginny seemed to recognize the handwriting as she watched the bird drop its last note in my lap. I looked at the envelope. My name was written shakily in Hermione's handwriting. Confused, I opened the note and read it through once, twice, three times. I kept reading it until my hands were shaking, and yet I could still barely take the words in. Here, in plain English, was proof that I had hurt her, something that I had never wanted to do. She must've taken everything the wrong way.
I could feel tears well up in my eyes as I read over what she said once more. I looked at Ginny. She was questioning, with her eyes, why I received a note as well. She was slightly paler than a few moments ago. I looked at Hermione's best friend, and a cold realization sunk in my stomach.
She was going to do it.
We had talked about suicide before. She always said the only reason she would ever give it a second thought was if someone she loved had hurt her enough. I read through the note again, and realized that I had hurt her enough through the past weeks. Obviously, her 'friends' had hurt her as well, but now was not the time to judge them.
I look at Ginny, horrorstricken, as I jumped up and tore out of the Great Hall, and headed for the Head dormitory. In the note, it had said that I could find her there. I feared that she set this up and that she'd already be dead by the time anyone reached her. I could hear more footsteps behind me, and a call to wait up, but I was determined to reach her first, before she could take her life away.
I tore through the school, running so hard I felt as if I would collapse. I couldn't believe I had done this to her, I loved her so entirely. I never thought that she, of all people, could change me. If I lost her, I would never be able to move on. She was everything to me. I knew that if I ran fast enough, I could stop her and show her how sorry I was, that I had no real desire to hurt her.
I approached the Head dormitory and opened the door silently. I was hoping that there was still time left, and I could come up quietly and startle her before she did it. I crept slowly towards her bedroom, and opened the door.
Hermione sat on the floor, knife at her wrist. I watched in horror as the knife slid across her wrist, leaving a crimson line of blood in its trail. I watched the blood flow out of her, and cried out, "Hermione!"
I saw her body fall in slow motion. I could do nothing as I watched her die before my eyes. I began to sob as I fell to my knees and crawled towards her lifeless body, sobs racking through my body. I clung to the body of the girl that I loved and I wanted to die right there. I couldn't believe what I had done to her. Without even thinking, I took the knife out of her hand and readied it for my own wrist. If Hermione couldn't live with the pain I caused her, I couldn't live with it, either. I couldn't live without her. I took her note and quill and wrote my own message- "I can't live with what I did to her. I'm sorry" was written below her writing. I signed my name and went back to her, sobs still shaking my ribcage roughly.
I didn't even see the three Gryffindors walk in as I said, "I love you, Hermione. I'm so sorry I ignored you. Maybe you'll understand one day." With my audience watching I took the already bloody knife and slit my own wrist. The last thing I heard was, "Malfoy!" yelled in three different tones by Ginny, Harry and Ron.
As the three Gryffindors watched Malfoy sob over Hermione's body and kill himself, they all cried out, "Malfoy!" Ginny cried out in anguish, Ron in curiosity, and Harry in anger. None understood why such a horrible tragedy had occurred. They would never know how long the two had been together, or how much love they held for each other. All they knew was the pain they all experienced as they watched a bright young student kill himself for fear of living without his love, and wondered just how many people believed the solution to their problems was just to bleed.
Summary: One girl's life will take a turn for the worse, and there is nothing that her friends, or her love, can do to save her from the outcome she has decided, or so she thinks. Can her friends make it in time to save her from the terrible path she has chosen for herself? Rated R, but not for sex. Format: Starts in Girl's POV, then to "his" POV. At the end, it switches to a general view. POVs change at the stars (*****************************). Music to switch to: "My Immortal" by Evanescence gives an amazing mood for this story.
*Bleed*
So this is what happens when Hogwarts's number one student takes a turn for the worse. I've been sitting in this room for fifteen minutes, contemplating the small paring knife I hold in my hand. As I sit, staring at the answer to all of my problems, I wonder if it's really worth it, to take a life like this. Not that anyone has tried to care about me recently, but maybe I'm just seeing things in a weird point of view.
I think of the shadows of the four most important people in my life: the two siblings with their flaming red hair, the boy-who-lived, and him. He has been such a source of happiness to me, and I can't comprehend why he has suddenly started giving me the cold-shoulder as has been the case lately. Just the thought of his impassive gaze makes me want to curl up and die. Which, ironically, is what I'm about to do, but first I want to sort out some thoughts in my head.
I sent out four notes about five minutes ago. I don't expect them to get them for another five minutes, which gives me some time. The four notes were the same. I explained how I've been feeling- lost, lonely, cold, desperate. I expressed a need to see them as soon as possible, and I enclosed the location that they could find me. Sadly, I will never get to see them again.
I can imagine the responses. Ginny will be the first to question the note. Ron will be confused, and Harry will worry. They'll come to find me together. But him, he will realize what I meant, and will come tearing through the school to find me, that is, if he even cares. If they see him tearing through the halls with a note from the same owl, they will worry even more. They never knew about us, but they will find out in such a terrible way.
I can see their faces, all four of them, and the reactions that I hope that they will have, especially him. I almost feel guilty causing them this much pain, but it's the only way I can solve my own pain, the pain that they caused in the first place. It only seemed right to give them back the pain that they so gratefully had been bestowing on me lately.
I can feel the tears coming down my cheeks as I start to write my note. I explain, once again, how I am feeling, and why I have chosen to take this path. I write notes to certain people, but there is only one important note, and that's the one to him, which says:
"You didn't notice your own cold, indifferent stares,
which are the main reason for this drastic plan. I'm
not sorry for causing you this pain, as you caused
me more pain than I could ever cause you. I'm sure
you'll move on and find somebody new, and I hope
that you keep this in mind as you find her, and treat
her better than you treated me. I love you now, and
I always will. I just hope you can get on with your
Life."
As I finished, I began to sob. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. I had always been a coward about death, and here I was, knife in hand, ready to slit my own wrist. I tested the blade on my left forearm, and gasped at the pain I felt. I watched the dark red liquid drip down my arm, and felt the satisfaction that I knew could come with the pain. That test made me realize that this was the right thing to do, that killing myself was the answer. I watched the blood drip onto the paper, and calmly listened for the sound of him.
I heard the door of the dormitory creak open, and positioned the knife on my wrist. The memories I had with the blond haired, gray-eyed boy flashed before my eyes. I could hear his footsteps rushing towards my room, and memories of everyone that I've held sacred flowed through my mind, causing me to cry once again.
The door of my room opened, and I stared at his beautiful face as he watched the knife gouge into my wrist deeply. The last thing I ever saw was his face contort in agony as he screamed, "Hermione!" ************************************************
I looked around for Hermione at lunch. I felt bad because I hadn't paid her much attention recently. We both knew that NEWTs were right around the corner, and due to this, I hadn't spent any time paying attention to her. I just didn't have the time to take away from the intense amount of studying I had been doing lately. I knew these NEWTs could change my life, and I was ready for the change.
I was discouraged when I saw Ron, Harry and Ginny sitting happily without her. I wondered where she was, if she wasn't with them. I started to worry, but I tried to fight that feeling, since there was no real reason to worry anyway. I watched an owl flutter to the threesome and drop three letters. Both Ginny and I watched as it took flight, with one more note in its grips. Ginny seemed to recognize the handwriting as she watched the bird drop its last note in my lap. I looked at the envelope. My name was written shakily in Hermione's handwriting. Confused, I opened the note and read it through once, twice, three times. I kept reading it until my hands were shaking, and yet I could still barely take the words in. Here, in plain English, was proof that I had hurt her, something that I had never wanted to do. She must've taken everything the wrong way.
I could feel tears well up in my eyes as I read over what she said once more. I looked at Ginny. She was questioning, with her eyes, why I received a note as well. She was slightly paler than a few moments ago. I looked at Hermione's best friend, and a cold realization sunk in my stomach.
She was going to do it.
We had talked about suicide before. She always said the only reason she would ever give it a second thought was if someone she loved had hurt her enough. I read through the note again, and realized that I had hurt her enough through the past weeks. Obviously, her 'friends' had hurt her as well, but now was not the time to judge them.
I look at Ginny, horrorstricken, as I jumped up and tore out of the Great Hall, and headed for the Head dormitory. In the note, it had said that I could find her there. I feared that she set this up and that she'd already be dead by the time anyone reached her. I could hear more footsteps behind me, and a call to wait up, but I was determined to reach her first, before she could take her life away.
I tore through the school, running so hard I felt as if I would collapse. I couldn't believe I had done this to her, I loved her so entirely. I never thought that she, of all people, could change me. If I lost her, I would never be able to move on. She was everything to me. I knew that if I ran fast enough, I could stop her and show her how sorry I was, that I had no real desire to hurt her.
I approached the Head dormitory and opened the door silently. I was hoping that there was still time left, and I could come up quietly and startle her before she did it. I crept slowly towards her bedroom, and opened the door.
Hermione sat on the floor, knife at her wrist. I watched in horror as the knife slid across her wrist, leaving a crimson line of blood in its trail. I watched the blood flow out of her, and cried out, "Hermione!"
I saw her body fall in slow motion. I could do nothing as I watched her die before my eyes. I began to sob as I fell to my knees and crawled towards her lifeless body, sobs racking through my body. I clung to the body of the girl that I loved and I wanted to die right there. I couldn't believe what I had done to her. Without even thinking, I took the knife out of her hand and readied it for my own wrist. If Hermione couldn't live with the pain I caused her, I couldn't live with it, either. I couldn't live without her. I took her note and quill and wrote my own message- "I can't live with what I did to her. I'm sorry" was written below her writing. I signed my name and went back to her, sobs still shaking my ribcage roughly.
I didn't even see the three Gryffindors walk in as I said, "I love you, Hermione. I'm so sorry I ignored you. Maybe you'll understand one day." With my audience watching I took the already bloody knife and slit my own wrist. The last thing I heard was, "Malfoy!" yelled in three different tones by Ginny, Harry and Ron.
As the three Gryffindors watched Malfoy sob over Hermione's body and kill himself, they all cried out, "Malfoy!" Ginny cried out in anguish, Ron in curiosity, and Harry in anger. None understood why such a horrible tragedy had occurred. They would never know how long the two had been together, or how much love they held for each other. All they knew was the pain they all experienced as they watched a bright young student kill himself for fear of living without his love, and wondered just how many people believed the solution to their problems was just to bleed.