The usual disclaimers apply.

I sat on my couch a week before Christmas, staring at my tree in the corner of the living room. I had Christmas music playing softly in the background while the white lights twinkled on my tree. I'm not known for my decorating sense considering the college dorm look that my apartment sported but I did have taste. My tree had blue and silver glass balls hanging on the branches amid the twinkling white lights. The top of the tree had a silver star. It really was beautiful; too bad no one would see it. It's not like I had many guests in my dilapidated apartment. My grandma came to stay with me for a few days when she was mad at my father and Val stopped by once or twice after moving back. The most frequent visitors were Trenton cop Joe Morelli and my mentor Ranger.

I had a serious physical attraction to Ranger since the day I met him. He's the most gorgeous man I've ever met and eight weeks ago he gave me the most amazing sexual experience of my life. The thing is I was afraid of my attraction to Ranger, it's like I knew deep down he'd break my heart and he did. After making love all night with a few brief cat naps he got up and left without a backwards glance. Later that day he told me to "fix it with Morelli." Honestly I have to wonder if when I said "I can't do this" that he took it to mean I couldn't be with him. That wasn't what I meant; it meant I couldn't worry about where he was without some idea that he would be safe. I realized that I had somehow over the last year and a half fallen in love with Ranger. Too bad I had no idea how he felt about me.

Joe and I have had a complicated relationship since we were kids. The thing is we had a purely physical relationship and that was fine until I had been with Ranger and realized my feelings for him. Joe and I were a couple in the eyes of the Burg and our families. They expected us to get married and start producing grandchildren. After we had ended our sham engagement we were on a time out and that was when I spent the night with Ranger. After Abruzzi committed suicide, at least that's the official version, Ranger went out of town and Joe tried to put the moves on me again. I resisted and told him that we were done for good. I told him I wanted to be friends without the benefits several times. He didn't take me seriously and felt that I had PMS. Well the joke was on him, I have refused to spend any time with him for the last couple of months. I was not going to allow myself to be sucked in again.

I woke up the next morning refreshed and determined. I drove to the bonds office and saw Tank walking out when I pulled up. I called out to him and he smiled at me and said "Bombshell."

I ignored the nickname and asked "When will Ranger be back?"

He shrugged and replied "Not real sure hopefully soon. Is there something wrong? Do I need to watch for some crazy after you?"

"No" I quickly said. Then I decided to go all in "I miss him and well I need to tell him something."

"Why me?" I looked at him surprised "Why do people feel the need to discuss feelings with me? Do I look like the touchy feely type? You and Ranger need some alone time when he gets back." Then I heard him mumble "Dumb ass shoulda just told her he was in love with her instead of sending her back to the cop. Now I gotta deal with this feelings crap while he's gone."

"Huh?"

"Shit, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Is he really in love with me?" I hopefully asked.

Tank shook his head and said "That's what Bobby, Lester and I think. He never said but he keeps asking if you and the cop are back together and mumbles about making a mistake sending you back to him. I won't admit to saying nothin' if you tell him."

I smiled and gave him a hug "Thanks Tank, I'm in love with him. I plan to tell him when he gets back."

The week went by rather slowly as no one was skipping their court dates and Vinnie was dancing around the office singing "I'm in the money…" It really had been a horrible site. I had Christmas Eve dinner at my parents. Albert is Jewish so he doesn't celebrate Christmas but was at dinner with Val and the girls. He wanted to be there for her and they had gone to his mother's home for Hanukah. I'm glad they were respecting each other's religion. The problem was that Mom had candles on the table and as usual Albert knocked one over and the table caught fire. At least he did so before I could get another lecture on how crappy my life was and how I needed to quit my job to work at the personal products plant, get married and produce more grandchildren for her. I dragged myself home and climbed into bed trying to forget dinner again.

I was awakened by the feeling of being watched. I looked over at the doorway and saw Ranger in the moonlight. He was about to turn and walk away when I said "When did you get back?"

He turned and said "On my way home but wanted to see if you were here."

I turned on the lamp by my bed and looked at him. He looked tired but gorgeous in his SWAT black. I patted the bed next to me and said "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"

"I thought you'd be with the cop. I figured you'd spend Christmas together."

"Why would I be with him when I'm in love with you" I whispered.

His head shot up and looked me in the eye, I think he was trying to figure out if I really said that or it was in his head. "Babe, do you mean it?"

"Yes Ranger, I'm in love with you. I haven't been with Joe since we broke up six months ago. Now, lay down and get some sleep tonight and we can talk more in the morning."

He stood up and unbuckled his utility belt and took off his shirt. I watched as he unbuttoned his cargo pants and slid them down his slim, developed hips. I felt my eyes glaze over; he really had a beautiful body and he was commando. Yummy! He sat on the bed and undid his boots and removed his sock and pants. He leaned over and turned the light out and pulled the blanket over us. He pulled me to him and held me close. "I love you Babe" he whispered in my ear.

This was gonna be the best Christmas ever I thought as I drifted to sleep in the arms of the man I loved.