Disclaimer: I sadly don't own these characters. They belong to JKR. If they were mine, I would be in the middle seat! LOL
One line is also from the movie SpiceWorld – the movie. Ten points to your house if you can find it :-)
Fun on a Flane
- Absolutely not!
- But, Severus…
- I said no!
- But I really want to do this!
- Why?
- Because I think it would be fun!
- Fun?
- Yes, Severus, fun! You know, like ha ha ha ha haaaa. It's when you get that great feeling inside you and you walk around smiling and feel really good.
- I don't do fun.
- No kidding…
- Why can't we have "fun" right here?
- Severus, come on. Don't be such a bore!
- You knew what you got into when you chose me. I don't do things like that.
- Obviously…
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- Severus?
- Yes.
- Pleeeeeeease!!!
- Goodnight, wolf!
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- Morning.
- …
- What, no smile?
- …
- No coffee?
- I don't do coffee anymore.
- Oh, so you're talking to me now.
- …
- Why is this so important to you, Remus?
- I've never been on a proper summer holiday before.
- Neither have I, but you don't hear me going on about it.
- I know, but you're… you!
- And what's that suppose to mean?
- Hello, I'm Severus Snape. I like my life boring, without any action or enjoyment.
- I've had enough action in my life, and I didn't exactly hear you complain about lack of action or enjoyment two days ago, Wolfie…
- You know what I mean!
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- Fine, but I'm not doing it the Muggle way!
- But that's the whole point, Severus!
- I thought the point was to go somewhere else.
- Yes, but I've never really travelled before.
- There's a reason us wizards have the Floo, apparition and the Portkeys. It's to not having to spend hours travelling.
- But where's the fun in that? I've never been inside a flane before.
- It's called a plane.
- I've never been in one of those either.
- Merlin.
- Think about it, Severus. To sit in a big Muggle-made machine, flying high above everyone and everything. Like a bird.
- I don't like birds. Birds are for post. Not travelling.
- We're not travelling by bird. We're travelling by flane.
- Plane.
- Yes, whatever. Flying high… up in the sky.
- Well, whoopee!
- What?
- I don't like heights.
- Well, who would've thought? Severus Snape scared of heights.
- I'm not scared. I just don't like it much. I like staying on the ground.
- But I'll be there looking after you, my dear.
- Well, you better be. I'm not going alone.
- Are you… are you saying that we're going?
- Yes, fine. But we're travelling by magic to the airport. I don't do busses and trains as well!
- Ok, honey! Oh… that made me so happy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Severus!
- Calm down, Remus.
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- How do you always manage to get exactly what you want?
- A wolf never tells, Severus…
- Yes, you're a real Mr. Mystery, Remus…
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- I'm not wearing this!
- Why not?
- I look ridiculous!
- You do not!
- I feel cold!
- Well, you look hot!
- Haha, funny. Why can't I wear my normal clothes?
- Because that would look ridiculous.
- Why?
- We're going on a Muggle holiday, Severus. Muggle don't use black buttoned-up robes, remember.
- They should… Couldn't you at least have found something less… colourful?
- It's normal to use some colours, Severus. Especially on holiday. Besides, where we're going you would burn up if you wore our usual outfit.
- Where are we going exactly?
- Hawaii!
- Hawaii?
- Yes, Hawaii! We both could do with some sun. You should definitely work on your tan Severus. You're almost as pale as a ghost.
- Tan? Me? You must be crazy!
- Yes, but that's why you love me…
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- Merlin. What have you packed it here? These things weigh a ton!
- Just the bare necessities.
- Bare necessities?
- Yes, you were the one who insisted on bringing all those books.
- I like to read.
- I know, Severus. But they have books on Hawaii too, you know…
- Whatever. Wingardium Levi….
- NO STOP!
- What?
- We can't use magic.
- Why not?
- This is a Muggle holiday, remember…
- Are you serious?
- Of course. Muggles don't use magic to carry their luggage.
- You have got to be joking.
- No, I'm not. I've already let you get away by using the Floo to get to the airport, but I draw the line here.
- But no one will see us.
- It doesn't matter. I'll know that we cheated. Now come on, honey. Carry those bags, you big strong hunk of mine.
- Er… what about you?
- Me?
- Yes, aren't you going to carry one?
- But Severus, baby. You know it was a full moon yesterday. I don't have the strength to carry anything.
- Of course not… so convenient… It's always that time of the month…
- What did you say, darling?
- Nothing…
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- See, Severus, this isn't so bad.
- That's easy for you to say. My back hurts!
- But look at these comfortable seats? They even have little tables.
- It's too crowded. And the man next to me smells like a compost heap.
- Oh, that's the charm of travelling, Severus.
- Easy for you to say, you're not sitting in the middle seat.
- Now, look. Here's a waitress.
- I think it's called a stewardess, Remus.
- How do you know all these things, Severus? I thought you had never been on a flane before.
- Plane. And I haven't. Remember the books?
- Oh, now the stuart-lady is doing a little dance. Look Severus. Why is she doing that?
- Shut up and listen, Lupin!
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- I thought you said this was going to be perfectly safe, Lupin.
- It is, Severus.
- Then why is she explaining how to jump out of the plane? And this yellow vest isn't going to do much good in mid-air. Stupid Muggles.
- Take it easy, Severus. It's just a precaution. And besides, we have our wands if anything should happen.
- Now, that's comforting…
- Oh, it's moving, Severus. It's moving. Isn't this exciting?
- Shut up, Lupin.
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- Lupin? Remus? Hello? Are you OK?
- I….I…. They didn't tell me about the shaking…
- It's perfectly normal.
- No, Severus. We're going to die!!!
- No, we are not, Remus.
- How do you know? You've never been on a plane before.
- Wow, you actually got it right.
- What?
- Nevermind. It's going to be all right, Remus. Just calm down.
- I can't. This is not fun! I want to go home.
- Well we're stuck here now.
- What?
- We can't leave a plane in the middle of take-off.
- Why not?
- We just can't. Now calm down.
- Hold my hand, Severus.
- Exuse me?
- HOLD MY HAND!
- Ok, ok, ok.
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- Now, isn't this fun, Severus?
- It's a blast…
- That stuart-lady was really nice to bring us those drinks, wasn't she, Severus?
- Yes, if only I've had the chance to drink mine…
- Sorry about that, I was thirsty.
- So was I…
- And these nuts are delicious. Want one?
- No thanks, knock yourself out.
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- Severus? Are you awake?
- I am now…
- Severus, have you ever heard of the Mile-High club?
- The what?
- The Mile-High club. It's a Muggle flane club.
- Plane.
- What?
- Muggle PLANE club.
- Oh, so you've heard of it.
- Lupin, seriously…
- Well, do you want to?
- Want to what?
- Become a member of the Mile-High club.
- How does one become that?
- Follow me to the bathroom, and I'll show you.
- Lupin, you're drunk.
- Yes, sir I am! So are you coming?
- Why in Merlin's name would I go to the bathroom with you, Remus?
- It's fun!
- Stop it with the "fun" part already, wolf. How could sticking two men into a tiny bathroom on a plane be any… Oh…
- Follow me, Severus.
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- I'll admit, Remus. This was fun!
- I told you, Severus.
- My arse is going to hurt for days, though.
- I bet it would…
- From the faucet, Remus. The faucet.
- Did you hear that?
- What?
- Someone knocked.
- Quickly, get dressed!
- Where's my shirt?
- I have no idea.
- Eeeewww.. It's in the toilet.
- Disgusting.
- Oh, snap. Someone's opening the door.
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- I can't believe that stuart-lady refuses us to fly with this airline again. What did we do?
- Are you serious, Lupin?
- What? We only did what the Muggles do on these flanes.
- Planes, Remus. It's called PLANES!!!!
- No need to get so angry, Severus.
- Merlin, you are impossible.
- I know, I can do a Memory Modifying charm on everyone on this plane, so that they forget everything they saw.
- And how are you going to explain that you're sitting here without a shirt?
- Think positive, Severus. Positive!
- Whatever, wolf. But I don't think that magic is going to work in this place.
- Why not?
- First of all, you're to drunk to manage the simplest spell without disaster. And a plane is so isolated and levitated so high, that the magic probably won't work up here.
- Nonsense, Severus. OK EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME AND LISTEN CAREFULLY. OBLIVIATE! …
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- Oh, snap!
- That's it! We're taking the Floo home!