Chapter 1

Hurting you hurts me

SPOV: Dad barged into my room without even knocking in the door first. It was very late, almost midnight, but I wasn't the least bit sleepy. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had a good night's sleep. I sat at my table, writing in my diary when Dad came in. I shut the book and swivelled around in my chair. Dad stopped in the middle of the room. We regarded each other. We hadn't exchanged a word since he slapped me. Dad sat down on the corner of my bed, suddenly looking very weary. "I'm not going to beat about the bush, Persephone," he told me. "Callum Mc Gregor is going to hang for what he did to you."

I swallowed hard but still didn't speak.

"And you're the only one who can stop it," Dad continued.

Every cell in my body was put on full alert at Dad's words. I sat very still and watchful, waiting for him to carry on.

"It's within my power to ensure that he doesn't hang. I'll make sure he only goes to prison. He'll get a long sentence but at least he'll be alive."

And where there's life... there's a price. I kept my mouth shut waiting for the other shoe to drop. "And all you have to do is agree to have an abortion,"

CPOV: I sat on my sad excuse of a bed thinking about Sephy and that nameless, faceless, abstract idea that soon would be part of my own flesh and blood. Except I wouldn't be around to see it. Just being able to say that I'm having a baby with the woman I love should be enough to momentarily make me forget that I was a dead man walking. But, the thought was always there, as if it was a noxious gas that was slowly infecting every room of my mind. I needed to stop this.

It wasn't so much the fact that I was scared of dying, I definitely wasn't LM training had taught me better than that. The reason I didn't want to die was because it would leave Sephy alone, broken and with a child. I rubbed my face roughly at this thought before flopping back onto the wafer thin mattress. The thought of Sephy alone and hurt made me so angry I could barley think straight. Although she might not be left hurting, maybe she hates me just like her dagger father. Maybe she will be glad to see me go. Maybe this is best for everyone.

All I wanted was Sephy to be happy and our child to be happy too. At this point of my life it was hard to tell exactly what I want or need but I know that my child has to live. No matter what.

SPOV: My eyes flew open and immediately sat bolt upright panting. It took a while for the darkened room came into focus but when it did I recognised it as my own. I disentangled myself from the sheets on my bed and walked sleepily over to my desk. I flicked through the past few weeks of entries in my diary and realised how superficial they all seemed now. None of them thought about a world where Callum would not exist. None of them thought about a world where my baby did not exist. Now I realised that the two things that I loved the most could not co-exist. I rested my hurting head in my hands and exhaled. Callum or our child. How did someone make this decision? How do you choose between two things so precious and irreplaceable?

I sat at that desk for hours thinking things through. My decision came so readily to me that I think, subconsciously, I knew that this was my unavoidable destination. Glancing at the clock on the wall I saw that it wouldn't be too early to go and see my father but first I had some things I needed to do. Blessing the fact I had a phone in my room a made a quick, hushed call before dressing quickly and grabbing my bag and walking out of the house.

The walk between my house and Meadowview was not too long and it gave me more time to think about things. The way I had left my father hanging like that last night meant that he would pump me for an answer the moment he saw me. The decision I had made tore me up inside and gave me this sick feeling in my throat every time I thought about it.

Before long I was stood outside a grungy looking block of flats called Skylark Apartments. Looking the place up and down made me want to run all the way back home and never leave there again but that wasn't my home anymore, you couldn't live somewhere where you weren't welcome.

With this thought in my head I somehow made my feet begin to move towards the door of the building. The reception room was a complete disappointment. There was not so well concealed dry rot and damp patches on the walls and an out of order lift next to a flight of rickety stairs. Standing next to the post racks on the wall was a short, fat nought man dressed in a grubby polo shirt and jeans. Knowing this was the man I was looking for I walked towards him trying not to think too hard about what I was about to do.

"Mr Jenks?" I asked tentatively. The man turned towards me and gave me a filthy calculating look.

"Yes, are you here about the apartment?" He asked looking down his squashed nose at me but the effect was somewhat ruined by the distinctive Northern accent.

I nodded trying to mask my disgust at the place.

Giving me another searching look he said "Follow me then"

We reached the eighth floor of the building and Mr Jenks motioned to a battered door about halfway along the landing. I opened it and walked inside. It was just one open plan space that was about the size of bedroom at home. There was a tiny, disgusting kitchenette in the corner of the room with a bed opposite the door. On the left there was a sofa with most of its springs missing and a coffee table. I noticed a light patch on the wall paper where there had once been a TV. There was one small dirty window above the bed and a thin plasterboard partition next to the bed that I guessed held the bathroom.

"So what'd you think" Mr Jenks' gruff voice behind me pulled me out of my thoughts and I turned to face him.

"It's great I'll take it" I said feigning enthusiasm.

He studied the apartment, probably looking for left-over's from the previous tenant before answering "I need the first months rent upfront and from then it will be due on the first of every month. If you want to move out I need a month's notice. Oh and no pets." He added as an afterthought.

I scrambled around in the bag I had hanging on my shoulder until there was a wad of notes in my hand. I counted out one month's rent in to Mr Jenks' hand before making a mental note of everything I would need from home and walking out of the building. Considering it was to be my new home it probably wasn't good that it felt like I hadn't been able to breathe properly the entire time I was in there. Pushing this out of my head I quickly strode off in the direction of my house barely noticing as the grey streets of Meadowview melted into the pastel colours of my old neighbourhood.

I looked around my room one last time and checked that all of the possessions I cared about were in one on the two suitcases at my feet. I surprised me how few of the items in my room actually made the cut. Most of my clothes were in the smaller of the two suitcases and the larger one held most of the contents of the fridge as well as the few possessions I actually cared about. I walked over to my bed and pulled the drawer out of the bedside table. There was the usual collection of useless junk but taped to the back of it was a wad of notes that represented all of my savings form the last three years. Tucking this into me jeans pocket I walked out of my room for the last time.

Seconds later I stood at the heavy oak door of my Dad's study. My bags were in the hall way near the door so I could escape quickly if I needed to. Raising a shaking hand I knocked on the door.

"Come in" My father replied sharply and I obliged, pushing the door open and stepping in the luxurious airy space.

As I closed the door behind me my father looked up from the papers on his desk, his expression hardening as he saw me.

"Ah, Persephone" He said in a cold tone as he put the papers that were on his desk in a drawer before looking back at me. "Have you thought any more about our discussion last night?" He asked following me with his cold eyed as I moved from the door to stand in front of his desk.
"Yes" I said uncertainly "That's what I am here about actually"

"So you have your answer?" He prompted. I took a moment to consider how to phrase what I was about to say. Closing my eyes I imagined Callum; his grey eyes staring into mine, his soft lips caressing my body. Then a mental image of our baby interrupted with a perfect balance between me and Callum, my eyes, his nose and the perfect balance of beige skin that covered their tiny body. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes again and saw that my father was still staring at me expectantly.

"I'm going to have an abortion" I could see I had his full attention now "I have found a flat and I am ready to move in there immediately. But, in return, I don't just want you to let Callum off the death penalty" I had to stop then as the thought of Callum being killed made a physical lump form in my chest and my hands shake. I clenched my shaking fists and looked up at my Father who was still looking expectantly at me. "I want you to drop the charges" as I was still looking at his face I saw the moment's pain this statement caused him before he masked it with his Politian face.